Joely Sue Burkhart

You Know You’ve Got MONSTERS in the House When… I have three GIRL MONSTERS ages 8, 5, and 4. Don’t think they’re monsters? Here are some of our tales.  1. You follow a cookie and Pop-Tart crumb trail to Littlest Monster and Middle Monster sneaking a snack under the bed.  Giggling of course.   2. You find candy wrappers stuffed into the corner of the closet. 3. There are chocolate hand prints on the fridge.  The stove.  The wall.  The couch… 4. Littlest Monster has a haircut that is a cross between a skinhead and a mohawk.  Evidently, Middle Monster aspires to be a hairstylist. 5. The dog has also received Middle Monster’s attentions, receiving a poodle cut with the poofs in all the wrong places. 6. Out of two dozen pairs of shoes, you can only find ONE shoe of each pair.  7. Littlest Monster doesn’t care and wears two different shoes.  One is a dress-up shoe with a heel; the other is a flip flop. 8. You rent a backhoe, dump truck, and a Bobcat to excavate the monsters’ lair. 9. Markers are for face paint and body art.  And especially murals on the wall. 10. GLUE is absolutely forbidden.  That’s why the tape dispenser and stapler are missing from my office. 11. You find little gifts left for you.  Awww, is isn’t that sweet.  Like Barbie shoes and Legos hidden in your shoes.  Ouch! 12. You have to remember to check that a certain monster is wearing PANTS before heading out the door. 13. Same monster thinks nothing of standing outside on the deck nekkid.

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PBW is giving away a signed copy of the 2007 New Writer’s Handbook containing her inspiring article Strange Fruit.  If you don’t win her contest, I plan to give away an unsigned copy next week, so stay tuned!

I still haven’t taken any pictures of my haybale garden.  My apologies.  I must admit that for a few weeks, I really thought it was all going to die. 

My Dad came down and was stunned at how brittle and stunted my tomato plants appeared.  They weren’t dry, because I water them nearly every day and the hay is an excellent insulator.  I finally managed to get the bugs under control (thank you SO MUCH to Maude for Neem oil recommendations, although I had to special order it!).  I had one measely little green tomato on one of four plants after several weeks, and that was it. 

No new growth. 

Plenty of water.  Plenty of sunlight.  Plenty of dirt.  Finally, it came to me (again, thanks in part to Maude).  Food.  The plants weren’t getting enough food.

See, I used “poop dirt” according to the monsters, and in my ignorance, I thought that would be enough.  I bought some Miracle Gro and began feeding the plants regularly.  Immediately, the plants perked up and grew about six inches seemingly over night.  I’ve since picked three zucchini!  Of my very own!  I have two tomatoes ripening on two different plants, with lots of blossoms yet to develop.  The zucchini plants themselves are like bushes.  Truly, I planted too much on my 4 bales.  The basil is nearly buried beneath zucchini.

I was hoping to get a summer’s worth of tomatoes, but I had to learn the proper growing tricks.  Water and light just aren’t enough, no matter how hard you work at it.  No matter how dilligently you chase away the bugs and pull the weeds and nurture those tiny plants.

Is there something in your writing life that’s missing?  Are you working hard, doing everything you can think of, but your story is stunted and brittle?  You might need to feed the well, so to speak.  Take a walk, read a good book, sip some wine, enjoy a good movie, study some art. 

In other words, don’t forget the Miracle Gro for your inspiration!