Realizations

It dawned on me tonight as I cooked dinner, though I’m sure it won’t come as any surprise to those who know me.

I’m stressed.  I knew that…but I didn’t realize how much it’d been affecting me.

I’ve just been out of it.  I haven’t wanted to cook.  I haven’t wanted to write.  The words won’t come.  I haven’t wanted to exercise.  I’m tired all the time.  Not sleeping the best.  Yet I don’t have anything to show for it.

I have been reading…but not fiction.  Lots of parenting books.  I have a teenage daughter.  Need I say more?

But as I spent nearly two hours in the kitchen tonight trying a new recipe and then experimenting some more, I realized it’d been a long time since I actually felt like cooking something that wasn’t fast and easy.  It’s like I didn’t have the mental capacity to try something new, let alone the energy to expend on a lengthy meal.

The light bulb went on.  For the first time in weeks I actually got off work almost on time.  I didn’t have to immediately jump in the car and drive somewhere to pick up someone.  I had the time to make ham and alfredo lasagna from scratch–and also a homemade cream soup using up the tidbits of wild mushrooms leftover from my Dad’s trip.

Both turned out delicious by the way.

So I have to be patient with myself.  My tank is nearly empty.  So that’s why I haven’t been writing much lately, not even the blog.  The big Evil Day Job project is winding down (hopefully).  RT is only two weeks away, so I’ll be frantic for that, but that’s at least FUN.  We’re hoping to close on the house in June so we’re already in yard sale, donate, throw away mode so we don’t have to move anything but the necessities.

I’ve got a lot going on right now other than writing.  That’s okay.  I just have to give myself time and baby my creative muse.  I’ve been stitching more and have been having a blast making all my book marks.  I’ve lost count – I need to box them up and ship them to the hotel soon.

Who knows – maybe I’ll even get my incredibly delayed Christmas gift finished and mailed.  So I don’t have to move it!!

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