Unfair

I can remember as a kid just SOBBING, heartbroken, because I felt that something unfair had been done to me.  It’s a childish complaint that the monsters shout at each other (and me) all the time.  That’s so UNFAIR!!

And even though I’ve got a few years on me ::cough:: sometimes unfairness – and my childish demands – crop back up.  Especially at my weigh in today.

I’ve been sooooo good.  On program, tracking all food, no slips, no late-night binges on Lays, no coconut pie, no homemade bread…  I’ve exercised more this month than I probably did all last year.  I’ve earned 75 activity points this month – insane for me!  And yet I only lost .2 today – after having an unearned gain of 2.6 pounds all week!

For the entire month (the past 4 weeks, not just January), I’ve only lost 2.5 pounds.

While rationally I know a). any loss is to be cheered and b). an average loss of .5 pounds per week is a healthy rate…  I’m not satisifed.  I want results, dammit, and I want them now!  ::stomps foot::  If I work out that hard…I *deserve* a loss.  It’s so unfair.

::rolls eyes at how childish that sounds::

Yet it’s the truth.  And I’ve always said the truth here.

This feeling of unfairness isn’t limited to just weight loss either.  We can feel it’s unfair that someone at work got promoted and we didn’t, even though we work harder or have more seniority.  Someone got a break and we didn’t, whatever that break was.  We do everything right…and sometimes it just doesn’t happen when we expect it to happen.

What do you do then?  How do you reframe your expectations?  How do you handle the disappointment and sense of entitlement?  Maturity helps, of course — I would expect to handle disappointment better myself than Middle Monster because she didn’t get that iPad for Christmas she wanted, for example.  But even maturity begins to wear thin week after week, month after month, when you’re working so hard, doing everything right, and don’t get what you want, when you want it.

So I thought I’d try on my too-small jeans, on the barest hope that maybe I’d lost inches even if the scale wasn’t cooperating, but that was only another disappointment.  They still don’t fit.

However, I have to listen to how I feel, really feel.  I did Walk It Out today because my normal workout schedule was messed up, and I felt GREAT.  I walked and jogged for 45 minutes, sweat my tush off, and ended up walking just under 3 miles.

My foot felt great even walking that far and long.

My schedule was messed up because I took the day off from the Evil Day Job and got my hair done, and Apryl did a TERRIFIC job.  It looks great and I felt really good about how I looked.  She also commented on how much thinner I look (she only sees me once a month).

My watch is sagging so much on my wrist that I need to go in and have a link taken out.

My “skinny” jeans (ironically, the same size and brand as the ones that stubbornly won’t fit, although they’re a slightly different style) are sagging around the waist again.

And I started to feel better.  Am I still disappointed?  Sure.  But I know I’m doing what’s right.  Sometimes that has to be enough reward.  Oh, and I bought myself some new workout shorts – yes SHORTS – I haven’t owned shorts in like fifteen years!!! – and a sports bra.

I figured a little retail therapy couldn’t hurt.  :mrgreen:

8 thoughts on “Unfair

  1. If you continue at that rate, in 4 months, you will have lost 10 pounds. In 8 months, you will have lost 20, for a total of 83 +. Man, Joely Sue. That’s amazing and wonderful. This can’t be about what the scale said this week, right? This has to be about lifestyle changes that last a lifetime. You’re right. You gotta listen to how you feel, and even when you don’t lose pounds, it’s probably because your body is busy losing inches.

    • Absolutely, and thanks, Barbara. Where I get into trouble – and why I’m so impatient – is I still have sooo much to lose to reach my goal. So if I only lose .5 a week, I’m not going to see goal for years (because it will get even slower as I get closer). Yet I have to this forever anyway. I can’t stop once I hit goal or it’ll all come back anyway. There is a sort of finish line, but the journey can’t ever end unless I want to start climbing that Mountain of Fat again and I. Won’t. Ever. Go. Back. Period.

      So I’ve got to suck it up and keep going. Keep working. Keep hitting play just one more day.

  2. Congrats on the battle! When you get frustrated, I find it helpful to remember that it took a long time to gain the weight, so it will take more time to get rid of it than you’ll want to admit. But the upside of that is the time it gives you to rebuild new, better, habits when it comes to your relationship with food.

    You’re probably at a plateau in terms of the downward trend you’re trying for. I also found that my Monthly always skewed things, but only for the one week.

    Writers without Monstrous motivators are prone to getting stuck in our sedentary ways, which is yet another reason to congratulate yourself on taking these steps. You go, Girl!

    • Thanks, Kate! I was watching FatChef last night and one of the contestants said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. And neither was my ass.” It totally cracked me up, and it’s so true. I didn’t gain this overnight so I’ve just got to be patient.

  3. Plus, you’ve mentioned that you can actually feel muscle now, and muscle does weigh more than fat and does take up space. It’s good space, but it does feel like a bummer when you haven’t lost pounds or inches and thus have nothing tangible to report. *sigh*

    However, I have no doubt you’ll keep plugging away. You manage to write reams of material when you have absolutely no time to yourself or are stuck on a part or have to much distraction around you, so I know you’ll treat this the same way.

    • Hugs, thanks, Sis. I broke down and took some measurements today, and I am losing inches. I’ll update at the end of the month when it’s official. Power 90 is definitely making me stronger!

  4. Listen to your sister. She’s right. Muscle weighs more than fat. It also has one more delicious side benefit—muscle burns more calories even when you’re at rest. So it becomes easier to keep fat off. Don’t look at the numbers. Look at the mirror, girl!

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