Maya Blurb Retake

I hereby declare that May the Queen of Blurbs! 

Last night she patiently helped me tear and paste and scribble until we came up with a revised blurb for the Maya fantasy.  My beloved Sis also made a few important tweaks that I think help a lot — which Soleil also agreed with.  So it *does* take a village!

What do you think of this one?

Called “Ruin” because he destroyed his entire civilization, the Gatekeeper is sworn to kill anyone who tampers with the Bloodgates — portals to the mystical realms of the Maya gods.  When Dr. Jaid Merritt’s partial translation of a codex accidentally sends her father to Xibalba through one of these Gates and releases demons from the Maya hell, the “Un-Indiana Jones” is forced to face her fears and travel to Guatemala on her first dig in twenty years.  Together, Jaid and Ruin must reclaim – and relock – the Bloodgates before the bowels of Xibalba empty into our world.

A huge thank you to everyone who’s already commented.  Keep up the feedback – I greatly appreciate it!

12 thoughts on “Maya Blurb Retake

  1. *cheers and jigs* Awesome blurb, Joely! Good stuff, love it. Still amazed that so much of the story sings off of those three little sentences. Veeeereeeh Nice. :mrgreen:

    May -I don’t know, from the amount of insight you’ve provided, I’d say you deserve a crown. :smile:

  2. Hum, hum, hum… *G*My first question is (naturally) do you have the actual language she translated said codex from? It could lend a little something to the blurb (like Dr.Reynolds could have sworn _word/s X_ meant _this_, but ohh was she ever wrong. Now her partial translation’s sent her father to another world!…)

    Something like that; it’s a suggestion:)

    Jess

  3. I like this but….
    “Called “Ruin” because he destroyed his entire civilization, the Gatekeeper is sworn to kill anyone who tampers with the Bloodgates – portals to the mystical realms of the Maya gods” is a good opening sentence, however, your blurb ends with “Together, Jaid and Ruin must reclaim – and relock – the Bloodgates before the bowels of Xibalba empty into our world.” Why isn’t he killing her right off the bat? Maybe in the last sentence you could say something like “despite his vow, he must work with Jaid…” something that ties in with the first sentence. I like the tone and voice in the pitch, so I think you are almost there.

  4. May, you’re definitely the Queen! But if you need help on yours, you know you can call on me. I owe you!

    Good point, Rene. I’ll think about that last part and see if I can come up with a short phrase. It’s his major conflict *not* to kill her, but he isn’t the protagonist and I don’t have the space to delve much into his reasons.

    Kait, “Mayan” only refers to the language itself. Otherwise, it should be Maya. I always think that looks incomplete myself, but that’s what my ref books say!

  5. Okay, take 5001:

    Called “Ruin” because he destroyed his entire civilization, the Gatekeeper is sworn to kill anyone who tampers with the Bloodgates – portals to the mystical realms of the Maya gods. When Dr. Jaid Merritt’s partial translation of a codex accidentally sends her father to Xibalba through one of these Gates and releases demons from the Maya hell, the “Un-Indiana Jones” is forced to face her fears and travel to Guatemala on her first dig in twenty years. To save her father, she must survive the Gatekeeper’s wrath and help him reclaim — and relock — the Bloodgates before the bowels of Xibalba empty into our world.

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