NaNoWriMo 2014 Day 5

My two oldest monsters both needed my laptop last night for school.  Of course they couldn’t use my old/backup laptop That Man uses.  It had to be mine.  So I didn’t get much done after 8 PM, when I can usually scrounge out a few more words and set the next scene.

Luckily/unluckily the scene I’m in is a MAJOR BDSM/sex scene that will take days to get through.  It’s so brutal.  Physically.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  I’m exhausted just thinking about it. But it’s the major candybar/midpoint scene.  Everything from here is a whirlwind of reveals and secrets and spiraling doubts/fears.  Hopefully I can pull it all together.  And no, as much as it kills me, I can’t share any of that scene here.  It will spoil everything if you know too quickly.  :-)

Still managed 2238 words yesterday for a total of 8850.

“You’ve been hiding, denying what you are.  Denying what you need.  So I have to ask, who hurt you, Ranay?”

My fingers convulsed tightly around his but he didn’t complain at how hard I squeezed.  He lifted my hand and lightly kissed my knuckles, and then he placed my hand on his chest over his heart. I fisted my hand in his shirt, but I didn’t try to jerk away from him.  I knew what he was going to do.  I wanted it.  Even though I feared it.

His fingers settled beneath my chin and he tipped my face up to his.

I didn’t even close my eyes, although the intensity of his searching gaze made my chest seize up so hard I was afraid my heart would burst with effort.  It felt like my blood had turned to concrete in my veins, cold and hard and heavy.

“Talk to me,” he whispered, his voice achingly gentle despite the command.  “Tell me what happened.  I need to know so I don’t make the same mistakes.”

I could feel his will reaching into me, stretching out like seeking fingers through my mind.  I blinked rapidly, not fighting the feeling but trying to adjust.  It was like my body temporarily forgot how to function on its own.

“When you give yourself, you give all the way.  You don’t hold anything back.”

I managed to nod a little, still not able to find my voice.  He pulled away enough to get my glass and gently lifted it to my lips so I could take a drink and at last I was able to speak.  “Some men can’t handle that.  It’s too much responsibility.  Too… creepy.”

He narrowed his eyes at my word choice, the first time he’d ever let me see displeasure.  It wasn’t a look I cared to earn again.  “It’s not creepy.  It’s not too much responsibility, either, if the man is dominant enough.”  He lowered his voice and leaned in close enough his nose almost touched mine.  His eyes were searing dark pits, sucking me under.  “And I promise you, Ranay, I’m dominant enough to handle you.”

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