The writing’s on the wall. When one door shuts, another opens. Etc. Etc. Etc. The answer was no thanks.
So it’s up to me alone to keep myself focused this year. I was talking with my beloved sister and admitted that I only keep submitting to external sources because I want someone to tell me what to do and when. When my editor says, “Turn this in on this date,” then my response is “Ma’am, yes, ma’am!”
The latent subbie living inside me, I guess.
But it’s true. If I have a contract, I know exactly what to work on next, and even if it’s a miserable grind and the edits are bewilderingly hard, I find a way to do it. Because that’s what a professional does.
If it’s just me… I’m afraid I won’t push through the tough spots. It’s always easier to start a new project than to finish a difficult one.
I can write anything I want! New shinies! No one’s going to tell me to cut this or add that. It’s all my decision!
It’s all my decision. What if I get stuck and I don’t have anyone to make suggestions on how to get out? What if I choose a really unmarketable project? What if I can’t finish the project?
I’ve been in this place before and didn’t finish a project for a year. I think that was 2005 but I’m not going back through the archives to verify. I have finished something this year, so all is not lost. I just have to find a way to put my horse into the harness and start the journey, before she busts the traces, tangles the reins, and charges off into the hills bucking for freedom.
Of course, I have some medical things going on right now that are messing with my emotions and increasing my stress. Hoping to come up with a plan of action soon. In the meantime, my concentration will be on The Prince’s Beast. I’m behind of where I need to be.
There is an open door. Somewhere. Even if it’s just a mouse’s hole.