It’s been a long road,
Getting from there to here.
It’s been a long time.
But my time is finally near.
I can feel a change in the wind right now.
Nothing’s in my way.
And they’re not going to hold me down no more.
No, they’re not going to hold me down.

Cause I’ve got faith of the heart.
I’m going where my heart will take me.
I’ve got faith to believe,
I can do anything.
I’ve got strength of the soul.
And no one’s going to bend or break me.
I can reach any star.
I’ve got faith, I’ve got faith,
Faith of the heart.

It’s been a long night,
Trying to find my way.
Been through the darkness.
Now I finally have my day.
I will see my dream come alive at last,
I will touch the sky.
And they’re not going to hold me down no more,
They’re not going to change my mind.

I’ve known the wind so cold
And seen the darkest days.
But now the winds I feel
Are only winds of change!
I’ve been through the fire,
And I’ve been through the rain,
But I’ll be fine.

I’ve got faith, I’ve got faith,
faith of the heart.

It’s been a long road.

Today, I went back to the beginning, all the way back to Rose of Shanhasson.  I pulled up the original series theme song, Faith of the Heart, sung by Rod Stewart, and played it on an endless loop.

I brought 300,000+ words full circle.  Back to Dalden Bay, standing on the Sentinel, looking out over the waters.  Only Shannari’s answer was very, very different this time.

And yes, like a complete and utter sap, I bawled. 

This ending has been a long time in coming.  Five years to be exact.  I’ve dreamed and dreamed and dreamed this story.  Gregar haunted me.  Sal mocked me.  Rhaekhar threatened to challenge me a dozen times if I ever once thought about quitting.

I’m ashamed to say, I did, more than once.  But not for long.  I couldn’t.  This story would not let me go, and I’m so thankful that it didn’t.  Five years of growing pains, agony, blood, sweat and tears, have all gone into this story, and even in the darkest night, the moon shone all the brighter.

Today:  3,990

NaNo final count:  105,340

Snippet:  Final line, subject to revision.

Now, my heart, I run to you.

I did it.

No, I haven’t quite hit “the end” yet, but I’m only a few thousand away, at most.  I made it through the grueling second surprise and final climax of the story.  The bad guys are defeated.  The good guys limped away, for the most part.  Now I still have one more scene in mind near the present to wrap up the resolution, and then the epilogue that ends the ENTIRE series.

Bring out the Kleenex, ’cause if you’re not bawling by the last page, then I failed completely.  I’ve seen this ending in my mind for YEARS and it’s been a long time in coming.

Why yes, Virginia, there is an end in sight and I will hit it by Christmas.  Since I have tomorow off from the Evil Day Job, the end will come tomorrow.  I guarantee it, as long as the power’s not off or a natural disaster doesn’t strike.

Today:  4,505

NaNo:  101,350  *dies* 

Snippet:  Sorry, short once again to keep the spoilers to a minimum.  This happens right before the big second surprise is revealed.

Shadows flickered behind her.  If Gregar had her back, then Dharman would be free to assist Sal with the dragon.  He turned away and felt a lurch in her bond, a sudden surge of fear that sent the hair crawling on his scalp and his heart pounding like stampeding na’kindren.  He whirled.

Na’lanna Qwen had vanished.

How much do you want it?

That’s what I kept asking myself this morning.  After a long day of shopping yesterday and feeling like death warmed over for two days, I lay in bed this morning whispering that very question to myself.  How much did I want to finish this book? 

Enough to get up early on a Saturday?  We’re going to be gone all day today, celebrating our wedding anniversary (early) with an afternoon movie and dinner at my favorite restaurant, Mythos, in Joplin.  It’s very likely we won’t be home until 8:00 or later tonight after the hour and 45 minute drive back.

If I wanted to guarantee time to write, I had to get up.  So I did.  Not a creature was stirring, not even the monsters, and I wrote for a good two hours this morning uninterrupted.  I made it through the first big surprise and all hell is breaking loose.  Shannari suddenly finds herself with neither Mykal nor her two nearest Blood at her side for the first time in years.

And surprise number two looms just around the corner.

Today:  2,721

NaNo: 96,845

Snippet:  Certain details removed to keep the secret.

:If I shift, I’ll be a dragon that you’ll still have to put down.:

:Nobody is going to put you down,: she snarled back, letting him have a good taste of the White Dragon.

:I’m ruined, brightheart.: 

His control wavered a moment, long enough to let her see his injuries more clearly.  Laughing, a man tilted a silver flask over Mykal’s lower abdomen.  Howling, bucking, he fought to get away from the acid that smoked and blistered his flesh.  It ate away his body, caving his stomach in, dripping down his legs and ribcage.

:Let me die.:

The creeping crud has attacked.  I only got a little over 100 words this morning before starting work, and every single one was like pulling teeth.  Worse, my energy levels dropped in a death spiral through the afternoon.  I wasn’t even tempted by the Bright Shiny.

Really all I want to do is curl up with a good book, but other than contest reading, I’ve sworn not to read any fiction for pleasure until Return is done.  (Contest reading I still have 2 more to go.)

All is not lost.  I pushed to get at least notes down for how these next scenes play out.  A few things clarified in my mind.  I’m technically off from the Evil Day Job until 12/26, but will likely be checking in quite frequently at least through Monday.  Hopefully I can get caught up on my rest, drink a lot of OJ, and grind through the rest of this book before Christmas.

Today:  459

NaNo Total:  94,124

Snippet:  Everything I wrote was crap today, but that’s okay.  It’s progress toward “the end.”  To prove that I leave [notes to myself] this is the “fight scene” I wrote today that will need to be entirely rewritten. 

As she watched, the two fighters reminded her more and more of dragons.  The wicked curved blade was a claw, perfect for eviscerating the dragon’s prey or slicing open its throat.  The shorter blade was a tooth, perfect for puncturing a vein and spraying blood, or slipping beneath armor to sever a joint or spine.

[there’s telling here but I’m not inspired to write a fight scene right now.  Watch Mummy 3 for inspiration.  Showcase Mykal’s skill.  They don’t fight for blood like the Sha’Kae al’Dan do — they fight to kill.  So lots of graceful flow, strike, but then a hesitation, drawing back of a blade that would have beheaded the opponent.]

Breathing only slightly more rapidly than usual, Mykal crossed his arms over his chest, weapons held aloft, and bowed to her.

 

Not as much progress as I hoped today.  I admit, the new shiny pretty has arrived, begging and singing sweetly of all the wondrous story to be discovered, if only I will abandon the hard drudgery of the current story that doesn’t want to end.

And oh, what a shiny, pretty story this new idea will be. 

I did spend some time this evening browsing Deviant Art for inspiration and found the menfolk of the story.  The ladies are proving a bit more challenging, which is typical for me.  (I never did fully settle on an image for the heroine in Given in Fire, either.)  To give you a sampling, I’m thinking this and this would be nice.

I could flap about this new idea for hundreds of words if you got me started.  It’s actually TWO ideas I’ve had for a while that suddenly morphed and melded into something else.  If I told you the premise, either you’d think oooooh, cool, or you’d scratch your head, because it’s a very strange combination to say the least, but it’s giving me that feeling, the one that says GO FORTH AND WRITE THIS ASAP because it’s big and meaty and strange.  I don’t think I’ve seen anything even close to this.  *knocks on wood*  *so I said about my Mayan story in 2005*

Speaking of which, I must finish the second serious pass on the Mayan story before I write the new shiny.  That’s my project for January, while I plot and worldbuild the new one.  It needs a lot of worldbuilding, which is one of my favorite things to do.

Now, back to NaNo and the Big Book That Wouldn’t End.  I finished the phase 2 nagging with serious change ahead.  But then Sal stuck his pesky self into my plans and demanded a little attention.  I always thought Dharman would struggle the most with Mykal, but (as usual), I was wrong.

Today: 789

NaNo: 91,493

Snippet:

Sal smiled at her Keldari so hard his face must hurt and his fingers stroked the rahke on his hip.  Irritated, she shoved into him, using her whole body to push his back against the stone wall.  Before he could react, she unsheathed his rahke and pressed the tip to his throat.

“Na’lanna Qwen…”

“Enough, Sal.  Do you need me to remind you how much I love you?  How much I need you in particular?”  She twisted her wrist, deliberately breaking his skin, and leaned in to brush her lips against his.  “What do you give me that no one else does?”

“I need you to hurt me.”  His eyes darkened, his breathing quickened, and he nodded rapidly.  “Please remind me, na’lanna.”

She sheathed the rahke back on his hip and settled her hands on his waist.  “What do you need me to do, Sal?”

He tried not to show his anticipation, but a rather smug little smile curved his lips.  Tossing his head in that flirtatious way that sent his heavy blood auburn hair tumbling about her, he replied, “I need you to bite me.”

“How hard?”

“As hard as you wish.”

Of course, it wouldn’t be any fun if she didn’t give him exactly what he wanted — only not quite what he expected.   

Slow going for many reasons, but I refused to go to bed tonight until I finished this scene.  I expected “phase 2 nagging” but I didn’t get there yet.  This is that fun scene where the afterglow has faded and everybody sits back and says, “Oh, crap, what have I done?”

At least Shannari did.  *giggles*  I believe strongly that a good sex scene typically makes things WORSE for the characters.

Combined yesterday and today total:  1,862

NaNo Total:  88,244

Snippet:  Tons of spoilers inherent in this section, so I can’t share much. 

The skin of her face flushed, tight as a drum, while her hands felt dipped in ice water.  Her scalp crawled, and her heart tried to explode out of her chest.  Dharman hissed beneath his breath and shifted closer so he could pin the dragon-clawed hand and hold her against his thigh at the same time.

:What is it?:  He demanded.  :Why are you so afraid?:

She couldn’t find the words, so she let him have the memory.

[huge revelation removed]

Face masked in murderous fury, Dharman whipped out his rahke and struck at the Keldari’s throat.