Category: The Writing

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Guilt and Ulterior Motive

First, I want to get something off my chest.  I hate feeling guilty.  I especially hate making MYSELF feel guilty over something that’s stupid.

I’m talking about Vicki.  I was really making myself feel guilty because I wasn’t getting the progress that I wanted.  Any other month (e.g. look back at May, Nov, and Dec. last year) I could have written 50K no problemo.  Way back in 2007, I wrote 50K in 11 days. 

I used to worry about never finishing a book (I’m glad the 2005 archives are gone!!) but I know that I can and will finish.  I can file something and bring it out again later and finish it (e.g. Conn, Victor). Yet for weeks, I made myself open Vicki’s file, whispering the fear–the lie–that if I filed her, she’d die.  I’d never finish. 

I tortured myself with that fear.  Daily.

Writers write every day, right?  How many times have we heard that?  Typically, I’d even agree.  Write 1K a day and finish 3 books a year, I know I’ve said that many times before.

But there’s no need to flail myself with guilt when a book isn’t going the way I want.  I could have put the book aside in March and moved on, instead of forcing myself to keep stabbing away at its lifeless corpse, because that’s really what it felt like.

Don’t get me wrong – if Vicki had been contracted, I would have been stabbing MYSELF to finish.  But she’s not contracted.  I’ve made no commitments.  It was just a book for me (right now), a personal challenge.  So why beat myself up?

So, note to self and any of you that might flail yourself with guilt about writing:  If it’s not feeling good, don’t do it!  If you’re leaving scars on your Muse, put the @#&%* whip away!  

We pick up enough scars each and every day just by being writers.  Bad reviews, rejections, opening up the dark scary places and peeling back layer after layer to reveal the horror and truth within.  Don’t make that scarring worse by tormenting youself with “shoulds” and “but the rule is….” or “but everyone else…”

There.  I feel better.

Now then, what do I mean about ulterior motive?  I’m declaring April my personal brainstorming month.  I’m not going to set a single goal for writing or finishing a single project.  I’m going to brainstorm.  I’m going to write snippets of dreams and secrets that characters whisper to me.  I’m going to write in my journal.  I’m going to go picture hunting.  I’m going to watch movies and read more books and cross-stitch.  I may even draw pictures!  Gasp!

One thing I’m learning from the harder exercise program I started in March: listen to my body.  Or in this case, listen to my Muse.  Gregar has never failed me before.  I’ve worked him hard and long, for years, with only minimal breaks.  I already have THREE contracted stories coming out this year. 

Yes, but but…  the shrill, annoying voices start.  Keep the pipeline full!  What about next year?  If you stop now, you may never start again.  Quitter!  Failure! 

Now there’s a very good reason my Muse carries a wicked ivory rahke, because I just borrowed it to slit that nasty little demon’s throat.  My greatest strength is my drive and my determination to succeed at all cost.  But that drive can also be my greatest weakness.

I have to learn to listen, both to my body and my Muse, before something tears or simply breaks.

So I hereby declare April to be my fun month.  I’m going to try some new things, build some new ideas, and just generally have a good time.  I will not write hard on any single project — but if I get an idea for a short freebie, I may allow myself to finish it. 

My ulterior motive:  MayNoWriMo.  I’m hoping that with an “enforced” writing restriction this month — and lots of fun idea time — that May will be a huge output month.   I’m being sneaky with my Muse and telling him no writing this month.  Just laugh, tell jokes, be that wicked smirking Blood I love so well.  Because next month, he’d better be the vicious Shadowed Blood again.

May, June, and July will be finishing whatever project I settle on for MayNoWriMo.  Top contenders at this time:  Vicki, Deathright, and Maya#2 using the subplots I axed from the original Bloodgate story.

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Writing Cycles

This is something I’ve been thinking about off and on for years, and the past few weeks have made me think about it again. 

I’ve talked before about the writer’s journey — how each day can begin with a call to adventure, is fraught with peril, and yes, most of the time, requires passage through the Inner Cave. 

But there’s another cycle I’m thinking about now, more like a life cycle, specifically for a computer program (my Evil Day job).  There are stages of coding, just as there are stages of writing.  I might spend weeks on a design, meeting with the business area to hash out the requirements and then building an outline or “synopsis” of the solution I’m going to deliver.  The longer we spend on business requirements and design, the better the final product will be.

Granted, not all projects — or books — require detailed analysis and design.  But for large, complex projects, a solid design is crucial.  Typically, the person writing the design may not even be the final programmer.  Components may get handed off to others to code, and they need to be able to read the design document and understand how their piece fits into the cog.

For some projects, the requirements and design stage goes on and on and on.  Lord, I just want to CODE, I need to go go go!  I’m tired of the endless meetings and reviewing spreadsheets.  Let’s do something.  Anything.  Go!

That’s the stage I was at when I started Vicki, even though I hadn’t done any of the normal “business requirements and design” that I normally do for a book.  After heavy revisions in January, I needed to just sit down and write.  Just go.  Grab the words, write freely, don’t worry about spreadsheets.  Just go!!

And it was fun — while it lasted.

That’s really the point I originally started with.  Like moon phases and hormones, I think there can be cycles for a writer too where we just naturally do one stage of the process better than others.  Sometimes, I can write 1K, 2K a day, for weeks, and feel energized at the end of each day.  Other times — even though I love the story as much as any of them — I can’t get but a paragraph, and it’s agonizing.  I can’t concentrate.  I don’t WANT to concentrate.  I’d rather clean toilets or fold laundry — anything! — than write, even though I love to write, I need to write.

But if I’m paying attention, a different cycle of the writing process is usually sparking.  e.g. if I don’t feel the words coming fast and strong, maybe it’s a good time to plot.  Or brainstorm. 

Or maybe I just need a break before all circuits melt.  🙂

I’m still sitting in a pretty good position for this year.  I have three contracted works in various stages of production.  That kind of work takes very different muscles from simply wallowing in a lovely draft, where the words are mine and mine alone.  When I get the editor’s file, it’ll be a drop everything and MOVE sort of push to get that work done and returned as quickly as possible.

Not a good time to be writing deep in the zone on a new book.  That’s what really started the sputtering on Vicki–I received revisions on The Bloodgate Guardian, and I just never got my flow back.

As much as I want to be writing new words right now and finishing Vicki, it’s just not happening.  Because I didn’t do a thorough design (plot) at the beginning, I don’t have much story left, and the book hasn’t broken 30K yet.  I’ve discovered some wonderful things, but they need work.  Lots of work. 

So last night, I sat down, opened Vicki’s file (the first time in days, honestly), and typed out every note and dream I’ve had in synopsis (telling) form.  It was a brain dump.  Even writing about the scenes I envisioned, I did not get the burn to write.  I didn’t slip into story (showing) mode once.  That tells me more than anything that it’s time to set Vicki aside for awhile.

Don’t worry – that seems to be my process for writing contemporary erotic.  I did the exact same thing for Conn and even Victor’s books.  I had about 15K written in loose chunks for Victor long before I sat down last year to write his complete draft.  I have a good start for Vicki in a few months, after I let her story stew just a bit longer on the back burner.

So what’s on the writing plate this month?  Honestly, I’m not sure.  I seem to be in an idea-generating cycle.  I’m hearing voices of characters, very very clearly, who have no business talking right now. 

e.g. Shannari was really blaring in my head yesterday.  I’m like, hey, your story is DONE.  Why are you bothering me?  But she just kept talking about the dream, how real it was, how easy it would be to slip there and never come out, because HE’S there.  Of course, I thought she was talking about Gregar, but then…

I got the chills on my arms that told me maybe she wasn’t talking about herself after all.  Maybe she’s trying to help me understand someone else.  *shivers*

Anyway, if I seem disjointed this month and jumping around like a duck after a June bug, that’s why.  The ideas are coming hard and fast — so I’ll be jotting them, brainstorming, while I wait for the editor revisions to come.

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Easter Egg Hunt & Vicki Snippet

Welcome to all the Long & Short of It Scavengers!  My egg should be easy to find (look in the right sidebar) but I hope you stick around awhile and at least check out the Free Reads.

And since I missed the Friday Snippet last week (we were on vacation), and I was generally missing Vicki and the gang something fierce, I decided to post a bit more of Vicki’s story.  This scene is after the last one posted at VCONN Tower and occurs in Victor’s penthouse suite.  Hopefully you remember Mal — e.g. Malindre Kannes, the Mistress of Dallas — from Victor’s book.  She’s not just a side character, because she’s been clamoring for her own book lately.   *headdesk*

Warning:  first draft, subject to heavy revision later.  Genre:  Contemporary erotic (BDSM) romance. 

Mal, on the other hand, took one look at the man hovering at Vicki’s back and a huge smile broke across her face. “I knew it.” She hugged Vicki and gave him a slap on the shoulder. “Good for you, hon. If you need help housebreaking him, you give me a call.”

“I’m not a dog,” Jesse muttered.

With a low, wicked laugh, Mal stepped around Vicki and leaned in close to him. “If I tell you to heel, you will.”

He tipped his chin up and broadened his stance, but he didn’t take his hand off Vicki’s back. “No, I’m won’t. Not for you.”

A sharp thrust of emotion tore through her. Rage, jealousy, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she didn’t want Mal touching him, or Jesse doing anything for her. “He’s mine.”

“Of course he is, hon.” Mal drawled, not at all fazed by the sharpness in Vicki’s voice. “But do you know what he likes? Can you take care of his needs, whatever they are?”

She started to open her mouth, but Mal cut her off.

“If he needs you to put a collar on him, strip him naked, and force him to sleep on the floor at your bedside, can you do it? If he needs you to pick up a paddle and whip him until he can’t sit down, will you do it?”

Vicki felt him hovering at her back, nervous, yes, but terribly eager, his muscles tight, his heat rising.

Her stomach churned with anxiety. Her mind felt jammed full of images: Jesse naked, Jesse bound, Jesse begging, helpless, crying, screaming…for me.

A shudder wracked her shoulders and he pressed closer, dropping his forehead against her neck, burying his nose in her hair. “Do you need stuff like that?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered raggedly, but she felt his erection like a steel rod against her ass.

She lifted her gaze to Mal’s face, thoroughly prepared for a smug I-told-you-so look, but the other woman only nodded solemnly. “People think it’s all fun and games being a Dominant, but it’s not. We have a huge responsibility not only to keep the submissive safe but to also learn what they need and then, we have to provide it, no matter what that need requires. It’s your job to help him find out what he needs. You have to push his limits, explore his fears and his desires, and those desires will not always coincide with yours. If you care about him, you’ll make sure he gets those needs met. Your boy claims he doesn’t know what he wants, but I guarantee he’s got a few things in mind that will knock you reeling, and you haven’t even gotten started yet.”

Shaken, Vicki turned her attention to her brother, checking to see his reaction. He nodded as solemnly as his friend, his eyes dark and grim. “When I first met Shiloh, she scared me shitless.”

“Aw, poor baby,” Shiloh purred, turning away from her glowering Master and offering a hand to Jesse. “Let’s all get comfy before we scare the big bad Dominants too much.”

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Sore Muscles

I’ve been battling two kinds of soreness the past month. 

I started a new rigorous workout plan about three weeks ago that’s really kicking my fanny, and boy, have I been sore!  I expected to be sore the first few days, maybe a week, but three weeks?  I’m getting better at the exercises, definitely, and I’m able to do more each day.  The same muscles aren’t sore each time.  Last week my left triceps cried every time I did a pushup.  Today, it’s my left butt check.  Not both, just my left! 

But I’m hanging in there, kicking myself because I was in better shape last year than this year.  I’ve regressed.  I let the writing dominate my time and my mind, and my fitness levels suffered dreadfully.  I’m paying that price now.  In my head, I know that I’ll write better long term if I’m fit and healthy — I’ll certainly suffer less back and shoulder pain. 

Yet the Muse doth protest, because the past several weeks, it’s been a struggle to get anywhere in Vicki’s story.  You know I love her.  Jesse tugs on my heartstrings every time I open the file.  Elias’s bite is a scary as his bark, but he’s really a good guy.  I know what happens.  I’m not blocked.  I’m not dissatisfied with the way the story is going, not at all.

I just can’t get more than a page at a time, and even that’s a struggle.

Literally, I write a sentence, and then I’m distracted.  I work all night to get a handful of paragraphs.  I’m still dreaming the book, but it’s mostly replay of the key scenes I need to write, refining them in my mind.  Which is good.  Great!  if I could just make my mind sit still long enough to write them.

Granted, I’ve lost my lunch period to working out, but that’s not enough to justify my lack of progress.  It’s truly a mental distraction.  My mental facilities are planning the next workout, wondering if I ate too much of this or not enough of that, instead of wallowing in story.

That’s really the difference right now.  Even though I’m touching Vicki’s book every single day, when I don’t have her file open, I’m not thinking about it.  So when I sit down to write, those muscles feel…stiff.  By the time they’re warmed up, I’m tired (workouts right now are draining my energy, not increasing it, but I’m hoping that will change eventually) and I need to go to bed.  I haven’t been able to get up Dark & Early (see the tired comment), so I’m running out of writing time.

Now usually I’d probably be in a panic.  I’m driven to finish, finish, finish.  But it’s really a pretty good time for me to slow down just a bit.  I finished three major revisions in January.  February/first part of March has been more specific revisions for Carina.  I’m doing a lot of promo work.  I still need to do our taxes (groans!!!). 

While I’m not happy with Vicki’s progress (still haven’t broken 30K, but I am pretty close), I’m not stuck. 

So, I’m not going to push right now in the writing arena.  Vicki has her pace and so far she’s not complaining.  When she does, I’m sure my writing muscles will protest just a bit, but soon enough, they’ll be rearing to go.

If only my BODY was rearing to go for all this exercise!

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The Best Kind Promo

This is something you can’t buy or plan for.  You can only hope that it spreads.  It may start gradual and move so slowly that you have no idea that anything is happening at all.  You may catch a whisper every now and then, but that’s it. 

I’m talking about word of mouth.  Nicole referred to herself as my “book pimp friend.”  Of her own volition, she has blogged about my books and offered giveaways at her expense.  Sharon has nominated Dear Sir, I’m Yours for best erotic romance of 2009 on Beth Kery’s blog.  Pearl, Marissa, and Susi regularly chat with me on Twitter (watch for an interview with Susi, coming up early April, too), often retweet my posts, and have all reviewed at least one book of mine.  Nadia kindly tweeted that Dear Sir is available for pre-order.  Soleil and Sherri and so many others have reviewed my books on their blogs or rated them on Goodreads and Amazon.  Larissa Ione took the time to read Rose while on deadline and gave me a fabulous cover quote.  *sobs and hugs her gratefully*

That kind of promo you can’t buy and it’s INVALUABLE.  Word of mouth is the best kind of promo of all.

So how do you get that kind of momentum going?  You write the best darned book you can.  You write a book that people enjoy — and then want to talk about.  You write a book that is unafraid to deal with politically incorrect elements or harsh realities.  You write characters that people talk about like they’re real people.

As authors, we sometimes have little control over our books once contracted.  We hope the editor likes it, but if she says change the hero’s name or delete this subplot, or how about this instead?  Then you do it, or find a better way to address her concerns.  You hope you get a great cover.  You hope that your book gets loaded to Fictionwise (ridiculously slow and stubborn sometimes) and that it actually keeps its cover on Amazon.  You hope that the big review sites will review it, good or bad, but obviously you’re praying that everyone will love it, even though you know that’s impossible.

In the end, the number one thing we can control, that has the most impact on word of mouth, is the book.  Write a damned good book, and then hope that people start talking about it.

I’m so grateful to everyone, readers and other writers, who have helped me spread the word about my books!   THANK YOU!

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Promo For Print Books

As I said last week, I’m a relative newbie in this arena.  The first point I’d like to make is that everything builds.  All the promo I’ve done for e-books, like blogging, free reads, etc. will help the print promotion, too.  

Some readers of the e-book may want the print copy too.  However, there’s a whole other market of readers that opens as soon as the book is in print, that have no idea the book has been released over a year in electronic format.  Those are the specific readers I’m trying to target with my print promotion efforts.

The most helpful article I’ve found was an interview Sherry Thomas did (here).  My books are coming from the electronic world to print, and so I don’t have an advance to use for my promo budget.  However, I do have my royalties.  So as money comes in each month or quarter, I decide what I can spend on promo.  Since I work full time, pretty much all my royalties are going back into the business as promo.  The more I earn electronically, the more I can afford to do for print, and eventually, I’m hoping those royalties will help fund the electronic release of future books.  It’s a cyclical process that I’m trying to build.

So here are a few things I’ve done specifically for print releases.

  1. Ordered extra copies at my author discount, as many as I could afford.  I ordered two full boxes of Rose (I had to take my own copies to the library signing back in Dec.) and I have a full box coming for Dear Sir any day, because my 10 author copies are long gone. 
  2. Lots of giveaways.  I’m still a new author and I’m published by small presses compared to the NY big guns.  One of the ways I’m trying to reach new people is to simply give away my book.  I know, that sounds crazy, but I’m banking on the hope that they’ll love it so much, that they’ll tell at least one friend about it.  If I give away a copy and at least one person buys a copy because of that, then I’m breaking even, and I’m reaching a person I never would have found otherwise.
  3. I bought Pat Rouse’s romance list mentioned in Sherry’s interview.
  4. For Rose, I ordered a butt load of flyers (cover flats) from VistaPrint.  I still have a ton of them if you’d like one (ordered waaaaaay too many — Vista Print does a “but wait, double your order for only $10 more!!” thing which I totally succumbed to!).
  5. For Rose, I used those flyers to participate in the RT Booksellers who care program.  At this time, I can’t say how effective it was, and it was rather pricy.  I have not gone this route for Dear Sir.  I had planned to participate in the bookmark RT mailing, but money got tight and I chose to buy another box of Roses instead.
  6. I used Pat’s list and sent out at least 20 copies of Rose to her high-interest ARC list, including flyers and a few bookmarks I had left over from when Rose first came out electronically.  I can see a payoff from this effort:  several reviews on Amazon and Goodreads are directly attributable to that mailing, and another club added my Free Reads page to their listing.  This is something I will definitely always do as funds allow.
  7. For both Rose and Dear Sir this year, I ordered a box of bookmarks from PrintPlace.  Deena created some lovely bookmarks for me that look way more professional than anything I ever did myself through VistaPrint.  As I run out, I’ll just order more.
  8. For Dear Sir, I’m participating in a Samhain RT ad (July), hoping, of course, that it is reviewed (I sent the review copy last week).  It was extremely pricy.

As soon as my box of Dear Sir arrives, I’ve selected my top priority list from Pat’s of places to send ARCs.  I’ll also do a broader mailing of just bookmarks using her list.  And of course, I’ll continue to giveaway copies, here, on Twitter, and in person.

Of course, I’ll continue to write free reads, too, especially as Victor’s release nears.  I’ve promised Thanksgiving at Beulah Land, after all.  I just have to decide who’s there.  I’m pretty sure Victor and Shiloh will be together, but Vicki will be alone.  I also have to decide on POV.  It’s a hard one, because technically, Thanksgiving will be a sequel to Victor’s book, not a prequel like Letters for Conn (so I can’t spoil Victor’s book!!).   But I will write something this spring/summer once it all falls into place.  Maybe I can come up with a different idea that happens prior to Victor’s book, use it as a prequel, and then write the sequel too for later in the year.  We’ll see.

Readers, is there anything else you love authors to do for promo?  Anything you especially hate?  Authors, is there anything additional you can share about promo you’ve done?

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Promo Don’ts

The great Paperback Writer has a fabulous post on promotion:  Lady RaRa

These are things that annoy me personally and so I refuse to do them.

  • E-mail spammer.  I once e-mailed an author about coffee, of all things, and later I got an invite to her newsletter.  I guess I should be thankful I wasn’t automatically added to her newsletter, right?  Never send an uninvited e-mail to a reader solely for promotion.  It’s like getting a telemarketer call in the middle of dinner!
  • Self nomination.  If there’s an award and I’m eligible, I just can’t nominate myself.  Ugh.  Even the Predators & Editors annual poll — I just can’t put my own books in there.  I’m certainly not going to go on every list and public venue I know and beg for votes.  It doesn’t mean anything if I do it!
  • Review Infomercial.  “Review my book favorably on Amazon or Goodreads and I’ll send you a second book for FREE!  *fine print: as long as you’ll favorably review it too!!!*”  This reminds me of the “but wait, there’s more!” annoying sales infomercials on TV.  If you loved my book enough to review it, THANK YOU.  If you bothered to give it a few stars somewhere, THANK YOU.  The best, most priceless reviews are the honest word-of-mouth ones.  Those are the ones people are going to pay attention to and respond to favorably, not the “this book was great, 5++ stars!” in exchange for freebies. 
  • Blog rapist.  Go to another blog or site and post “buy my books” links all over everywhere on a totally unrelated post, forcing myself upon an innocent blogger.  Comment, sure.  If people are asking for recommendations, that’s different. 
  • List hijacker.  Join reader lists only to post “hello, I’m new, buy my books!”
  • Blatant flamer.  In other words, “negative attention is just as effective as positive attention.”  I swear some authors start a blogwar just for the attention, and it drives me nuts.  I abhor that kind of attention and would die if I suddenly found myself in the middle of a nasty blogwar.  *shudder* 
  • Anonymous Fangirl Disguise.  For all that’s good and holy in this world, PLEASE do not rave about your own books in the guise of an anonymous fan!  Yes, I know people who have done this.  Equally repulsive to me is an author encouraging fans to gang attack a reviewer or other site where less than glowing information has been posted.  Hey, we all get bad reviews.  We all say something stupid and regret it.  It’s much easier to wad up a scathing retort and throw it in the trash than live down a blogwar started in the heat of the moment.
  • Reader Basher:  this one I just totally do not get.  I know bestselling lists are important, timing is crucial, etc. but it’s so disrespectful and ungrateful to berate a reader for buying your book: a). too early b). at the wrong store c). in the wrong format.  Hello, did you catch the part that you SOLD a BOOK?  If a reader bothers to buy my book, THANK YOU.  I don’t care where, how, what format, if you found a copy early or you’re reading at home in the bathtub with a plastic baggie to protect your device!

I’m sure over the years I’ve done stupid things out of ignorance.  I’ve said too much about a book I didn’t like.  I’ve complained about slow response times or whined about rejections.  Just remember that once you post something online, it’s out there and available for a very, very long time.  In especially juicy blogosphere showdowns, people are going to capture screen prints of your comments or rants. 

Remember, too, that “anonymous” will only protect you so far.  People can figure out who you are if they’re so inclined.  If I’m afraid to put my own name on a comment, then I’m going to think really really hard about whether I should post as anonymous.

What else do authors do as online promotion that drives you nuts?

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Winner, Vicki, and Victor

The winner of the St. Patrick’s Day giveaway is:  Sheila of Bookjourney!  Sheila, please send me an e-mail at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com with your snail mail address and I’ll send the book your way.

Now for the Vicki snippet.

This snippet was a long-awaited one, for me at least.  I couldn’t WAIT to get Victor on page, but once I got here, I ended up unsure if I pulled it off.  This scene is mostly dialogue back and forth, so in revision, I’ll probably have to bulk up emotions, non-verbals, etc. but it was still fun.  Longer than usual, but there really wasn’t a great place to stop.

Vicki wasn’t one to beat around the bush once she’d made up her mind. “I need your help.”

“So I see.” Victor sat down behind his desk. “Where’d you meet Jesse?”

“It’s a long story.”

Victor kicked back in his chair and propped his ridiculously ostentatious cowboy boots on his desk. “I’m all ears.”

She filled him on Jesse’s background, how she knew him, and the snowstorm that had brought him into her house. “Honestly, I had no intentions of letting him stay with me for more than the night. I wasn’t thinking about taking him in permanently, not at all. It just…happened. I couldn’t leave him on the streets, and now that he’s safe, I can’t stand the thought of letting him go back.”

“Wait a minute. You just said permanently. Are you thinking about keeping him?”

“You make him sound like a pet,” she grumbled. “All I meant to do was get him a job, help him get on his feet, and then go on my merry way.”

“And now?”

“He’s only been at my house two nights, and I can’t…” She dropped her gaze to her hands. Her knuckles were white, her fingers turning red from the fierce grip she kept on her emotions.

“You can’t what, sis?”

Her cheeks burned. “You’re my brother, V. The last thing I want to do is tell you all the things running around in my mind every single time I look at him. You’ll probably beat him up or something.”

“Nah,” he drawled. “That’s Conn’s department, not mine. Mama might horsewhip him though.”

Vicki jerked her head up and glared at him. “Nobody’s going to lay a finger on him, do you hear me?”

“Protective, aren’t we?” He gave her a sardonic, knowing smirk that made her grind her teeth. “What do you want me to do, sis? Give him a job? It’s done.”

She blew out her breath in a loud huff. He knew damned well what was eating her, and he was going to enjoy every minute of it. He was playing games with her, just like he’d done when they were kids. Part of the fun would always be making her ask. “I thought that’s all I wanted you to do, but things changed. Now that he’s in my house, I want him.” When her brother’s eyebrow shot up higher, she quickly added, “to stay. I want him to be safe.”

“And you want him.” She opened her mouth to deny it, but he put his feet down and leaned forward, all teasing gone. “You came to me for help because I’m a Master, not because I’m your brother.”

Miserably, she nodded. Tears burned her eyes. “It’s so complicated, V. I didn’t know it would be this hard. Once I saw him, I couldn’t leave him, and now…I don’t want him to leave. Elias is wavering between pissed and somewhat understanding. I’m afraid I’m going to lose him, but I want to take care of Jesse, and I’m afraid I’ll end up taking advantage of the situation. I’m scared.”

Victor came around before his desk, sat on the edge, and took her hands. “I suspected for a long time, sis, but I didn’t know for sure. Is Jesse the first man that made you feel this way?”

Nodding, she whispered. “He’s been abused and he’s had a terribly hard life. He came to me for help, and I don’t want to make it worse for him, but I can’t stop touching him. The last thing I want to do is screw him up even more.”

“Don’t make the mistake of thinking Jesse is submissive because of his life on the streets. I’m not a sadist because I was tortured or because Mama and Daddy had a private version of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre at the ranch. That’s a load of crap and it always pisses me off when people assume we must have been abused or ‘ruined.’ I was born this way. You were born this way. Jesse is a born, natural submissive, and he proved himself to be a survivor. He can certainly survive you. In fact, he’d like nothing better than to survive whatever you can do to him.”

“Who’ll protect him from me?”

“You will,” Victor said softly, giving her an encouraging squeeze. “You’ve already protected him by seeking help. I’ve been waiting all these years, afraid to push you, afraid to ask too many questions, but I knew when it was time, you’d know where to go.”

“Did you have this talk with Conn?”

“Sure did. And he had this talk with me when I first met Shiloh.” He hesitated, his eyes narrowing on her face. “I had this talk with Mama, too. You really ought to be talking to her and not me.”

But Vicki was already shaking her head. “Are you insane? I can’t get Mama to agree with me that the sky is blue. What am I going to do, call her and say, ‘Oh, Mama, by the way, I took in a homeless man who keeps begging me to take him any way I want.’”

“Sure.”

The thought made her stomach churn. “Never in a million years. I’d rather talk to you. And why not Mal?”

His producer and friend, Malindra Kannes, had created several risque shows for VCONN, and as a result, was known as the Mistress of Dallas.

Victor nodded. “Mal would be glad to help you, especially if you think you might be into punishment.”

Pulling her hands back, Vicki covered her eyes and tried to calm the fire blazing across her cheeks. “I have no idea. I don’t know why it’s happening. Why now and not years ago?”

“Because you found him. All his life, he’s been searching for the place where he’d belong, exactly as he is. He wants to belong to you.”

“You could tell that just from meeting him?”

Victor ticked the signs off one by one. “He couldn’t meet my gaze until you took his hand.”

“He was nervous–”

“He stepped as close to you as he dared,” Victor continued, ignoring her interruption, “silently begging for your protection and sending a sign to me that he was taken. You told him to wait for you, and he sat where indicated without a single hesitation, eyes only for you, his body tuned to you. I bet that when you touch him, however innocently, he sinks immediately into submissive invitation. Eyes down, shoulders and body relaxed, eager and willing to do whatever you tell him, and I mean anything.”

“How did you know?” Her voice sounded hoarse to her ears. “Is it that obvious?”

He laughed softly. “Yes, to me, to anyone who knows how to read the signals. What does Elias have to say about this?”

“He’s tolerant, but also jealous. I don’t know how we’re going to work things out. We’d sort of broke up, but he’s back in my life now that Jesse is with me. I called him to run a background check the first night, and he went ballistic.”

“I imagine so. Look, sis, I’m the last person who’ll ever judge you. If you want to keep both of them, you’ll figure out a way. You said yourself that bringing Jesse home brought Elias back. Maybe it’s meant to be.”

Mentally, she had to pick her jaw up off the floor. “I never thought you’d tell me to just… just… I mean…It’s two men, V. Two. I can’t get my own mind around the logistics. Elias and I talked every once in a while about marriage, but he’s a cop. You know how dangerous his job is and the shitty hours he puts in. He’s already been through one divorce. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I don’t know that we could actually get married and not kill each other, even if the drug dealers don’t shoot him down on the street.”

“I will never say a word against Elias or Jesse or both. However, I will admit that I was worried about you each time I saw you and Elias together. You’re both so hard and fierce, so Dominant, whether you play any sort of games in the bedroom or not. You’re too much alike, and neither one of you will back down from the challenge. I suppose that’s why you two broke up?”

She nodded, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. “You don’t think I’ll ever be able to work out a long-term relationship with him?”

“I never said that. In fact, you may have the answer sitting outside in my waiting room, if you can get Elias to accept him. First, though, you need to take care of Jesse. In his mind, he’s already given himself to you. It’s up to you to protect him, even from Elias and especially from yourself.”

“That’s what scares me to death.” She blew out a shaky breath. “I don’t want him to feel like he has to get a job and leave, but I don’t want him to feel beholden to me, either. I don’t want him to stay and put up with me and Elias’s shit because we helped him.”

“I can recommend a therapist who specializes in complicated BDSM relationships. You should both see her, immediately, before you get involved in an intimate relationship. Elias, too, and if he’s serious about you, committed to working out a life with you, then he will go.”

Vicki nodded. “Definitely. I’ll do whatever I need to do to make sure I don’t mess this up. Elias…” She shrugged. “I don’t know. When I feel better myself, I’ll have a talk with him and we’ll go from there.”

Smiling, her brother leaned down and hugged her. “You’re quite a woman, Beulah Virginia Connagher.”

“Geez, why’d you have to go and call me that? Here I thought you were going to help me!”

Victor laughed. “You can always call me, Vicki. You can call Conn, too, although his advice usually involves a poetry quotation. I hope you paid more attention in English than I did.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t use any football metaphors.”

“Ah, I’ve been remiss. Let’s see, Jesse is on your team. You have to call the plays and lead the team. The entire team depends on you to tell them what to do, but Jesse will run anywhere on the field, just because you told him to go. Your whole season is on the line, and if you call the wrong play, somebody might get hurt. Jesse will run for you until he drops, and if you can get the ball to him, he’ll sacrifice his own body to the defenders in order to catch it. He’d rather die than let you down.”

She groaned. “Is Elias on the field, too?”

“Of course. He’s the linebacker trying to sack you.”

“I’ve been tackled once—even though we were playing flag football—and it sure wasn’t pretty. I don’t think I like this game, V.”

“Yeah, I remember when that punk slammed you to the ground, even though the ball wasn’t anywhere near you. What happened to him on the next play, sis?”

“You and Conn both smoked his ass.”

Victor smiled and goose bumps raced down her arms. She suddenly wondered if that’s the smile Elias and Jesse saw on her face. “If you ever need help tackling Elias, call me. I’ll leave Jesse up to you.”

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E-Book Promo

A friend asked me about what promo I’ve done online, so I thought, yay, a blog topic!

These are only my observations.  Other people are going to be better at different things and have entirely different experiences.   Plus there are so many factors involved, like the size of your backlist, your comfort zone with things like Twitter and Facebook, whether you have print books involved, etc.

My number one rule:  never spam anybody.  That means:

  • I never keep the e-mails from my giveaways.  I’ve had a few people e-mail me and ask if I had a newsletter, and since I don’t, I promised to let them know when I had new releases.  Otherwise, I don’t keep contacting people, never without their permission!
  • I never bomb people on Facebook with “become my fan!” or “Join my group!”  Honestly, I really don’t use Facebook much (other than connecting my blog to Twitter and Facebook).  My oldest monster likes to play FarmTown sometimes, and both she and my husband “manage” the account for me.  I’ve given them instructions to ignore causes, pages, fan groups, etc.  Sometimes I do pop over to say hello to high school friends, and I do try to respond to people who comment on my status.

My second rule:  only do things I enjoy.  Big chats intimidate me, so I usually only participate when I know several or most of the participants.  I participate on very few reader yahoo groups, mostly because I don’t know which ones to visit.  I don’t like to come onto a new list and say “Hello, buy my books!”  Argh, I hate that!

I love to write.  I hate to sell myself.  So if anything, I’m not as aggressive as I maybe should be, but I’d rather my work speak for itself.

At the heart of my promotion efforts (for both e-book and print) is this blog.  I’ve been blogging in some form since 2004, although the early years were lost when I moved my domain off yahell.  I’ve made some great internet friends through blogging, and I love keeping in touch with them.  I do sometimes begin to run out of interesting things to blog about, but I try to be myself all the time, to be honest, and not make it all about “buy my books” because yeah, I already said I hate that, right? 

I’m an amiable personality, so I avoid conflict, especially on my blog, so I don’t blog about politics or the latest blogwar.  I have small children, so I try to protect them as much as possible online by never using their names or giving away key information.  I’m probably the most easy-going person around, so I don’t rant.  Gee, why are you people still reading?  I’m starting to sound really boring.

But I do appreciate all of you who read my feed or take the time to comment.  I do try to respond to commenters as often as possible, but I do get behind.  *hangs head in shame*  I always respond to e-mail.  I always respond to mentions on Twitter unless TweetDeck just flips out and doesn’t notify me.

Using this blog as a foundation, the other things I have found success with:

  • Giveaways.  I love books and I choose to support my favorite authors like Larissa Ione and Lynn Viehl by giving their books away.  Sure, I give away my own sometimes too.  I’ve given away e-books and print, mine and others, and sometimes just gift certificates.  I made a personal choice to always keep mailings open to the planet, and since I’ve made some great Twitter buddies in Germany and the Netherlands, I’m glad to always include overseas contestants!  When the promo funds are running low and I can’t swing the postage costs, then a simple gift certificate to any online retailer is always a nice prize.
  • Free reads.  Lynn Viehl inspired me to give away short stories, and I’ve been doing it since 2007 or so.  I use Scribd and also have pdf downloads on the Free Reads page (note to self: still need to get epub formatted).  I have no idea how many have been downloaded over the years–I’ve had to reload some of the older ones on Scribd and my blog analytics aren’t the greatest –but from what I can tell, thousands of downloads have been made, which is stunning.  I’ve also given freebies to Samhellion and All Romance E-Books.  Talk about free promo–those stories are still there, didn’t cost me a dime, and I’m sure they’re continuing to help readers find me. 

Those are the two biggest things.  I happily do guest blogs and interviews when asked, but I don’t aggressively go out searching for them (I did say I hate selling myself, right??)  I’ve met some incredible book people on Twitter, which I use more than Facebook.

I’ve purchased small ad spots on a few review sites and did get a few clicks, but there’s no way to tell how much those affect sales.  It does help with name recognition, but personally, I’d rather give away a book or two than spend $20 for a tiny corner on a site already crammed with ads.

If money is tight, you can always give away an old story.  Have one sitting on your harddrive that didn’t work out for an anthology?  Run it through a quick edit pass, reformat it (I like to use larger font,  1 1/2 spacing), and let Word save it as pdf for you.  Make sure you include a backlist page detailing all your current releases, your website link, and a brief bio.  If you have the Photoshop skilz, create a cover for it — I think they do attract more notice on Scribd when the stories have attractive cover art.  Alas, my Photoshop ability is laughable.

On Monday, I’ll blog about some of the things I’m doing for print promo, but I’m a newbie in this arena.

Do you have any online promo recommendations that have worked for you, or that you’d love to see authors do more of?  Please let us know!

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Can’t Take My Eyes Off You

Vicki is still a slow slog.  I’m too tired to dream, which does tend to complicate “dream writing.”  However, I know the next few scenes already.  It’s just a matter of getting through them. 

Mostly, I’m just tired, with the time change and Evil Day Job fun and edits and spring break just around the corner for the monsters.  We’re taking a few days to spend a long weekend in Branson like we did last year, which means getting the dog to the vet.  Pepper needs a few shots or the kennel won’t take him.  Crazy details like that are trying to fill up my brain.

However, I did get a new theme song for this book (which explains the title of this post, a song by Lady Antebellum).  Vicki definitely can’t take her eyes off Jesse, even though he’s complicating everything.  That song led to Need You Now, which explains more of Elias and Vicki’s relationship.

So I’m getting tons of ideas.  Just not having enough brain power left to see significant gains when I finally sit down to write.  I’ve been hoping to break 30K for two weeks and I’m still nowhere close.

All of you waiting on packages:  sorry, I haven’t made it to the post office yet.  The good news is I have a BOX of Dear Sir, I’m Yours coming, so I’ll be able to give away and mail many more than I originally planned.  Hopefully I’ll make it in the next day or two.

Oh, and I’ve had TWO new ideas in the past two days.  *groans*  Last thing in the world I need right now.  That’s what the little black book is for, I guess.  I jotted a few notes and I’m hoping they leave me the hell alone for awhile. 

Stay tuned for MayNoWriMo details.  I’m thinking around mid-to-late April I’ll open the yahoo group so people can have plenty of time to join and refine their goals.  I will be giving away at least a writing craft book (winner’s choice up to reasonable $) and Deena is sponsoring a critique.  I’m also thinking about some other goodies, but I’ll have to see how everything unfolds.

I need to finish Vicki first, though, so I’d better get cracking!