My Old Enemy

I’ve been battling the beast again.

It’s an old enemy that has haunted me most of my adult life.  I can conquer it for awhile but it’s more than happy to sit back and wait, allowing me to think I’ve got the upper hand.  But as soon as I falter just a little, it’s back.

Weighing me down.

I’ve struggled to get back on track with Weight Watchers and Power 90 since before Thanksgiving.  I just can’t seem to get it all together.  I have a great breakfast most days.  Most of the time I can even put together a good lunch — unless it’s the weekend.  But then other days I stand in front of the fridge and think to myself, “What did I used to eat?  I can’t remember.  I don’t know what to eat.”

Most of it’s a mental game.  It’s keeping my head in the right place when we eat out.  The more I try to limit how much we eat out, the more resistance I get.  I can put food in the crockpot before we leave for church…and we’ll still eat out.  Either no one wants what I’ve made, or it won’t be done in time (this is true sometimes — especially on a Sunday lunch), or…  There’s always an excuse.

I have to pick my battles.  Some battles are easier than others and sometimes I just get tired of battling all the time.

Weeknights are easiest.  As long as I have dinner done before That Man gets home at 5:30, we’re eating at home.  There are the nights when I’m stuck at the Evil Day Job for an urgent production issue, or I spent a solid hour with Middle Monster doing homework, and the evening just gets away from me.  But most of the time, weeknight dinners are in my control.

That doesn’t mean the after dinner snack monster won’t bite me though.

Mental fatigue.  That’s all it is.  Most of the time I can easily resist the snacking.  Even if everyone else is craving Taco Bell, I can stick to my guns and eat a sandwich on my homemade freshly ground wheat bread.  But more often than not lately, I’m too mentally tired to stand strong.

So I’m up 14 pounds.  That’s what happens when I lose the mental battle and surrender too often to bad habits.

Enough is enough.  I have to find a way to sharpen my mental game.  I have to keep doing the things that set me up the best for success.  That means I *must* exercise.  I’m more likely to track my foods if I exercise.  I’m more likely to eat healthy the rest of the day, and if I don’t, it won’t hurt me as badly if I’ve already burned some calories.  I’ll feel better all around.  It’ll help me deal with the Evil Day Job stress better.

(You know stress is doing a number on your body when you lie in bed at night and your back muscles are sore to the touch and you’ve done nothing but sit and work all day.)

It just so happens that Littlest Monster wants to sign up for two 5Ks in the next few months.  I’ve never done one before and I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot *run* 5K.  But with a little practice, I can walk it.

So.  I restarted Power 90 today, and I’m going to attempt my first 5K in March.  With some hard work, those 14 pounds will come off and I’ll get headed in the right direction again.  And my old enemy will be beaten back for another time.