I don’t mean the plot point, Approaching the Inner Cave (although that’s not too far away). I mean the dark moment of the writer’s journey when doubts begin to assault from all sides. I nearly always stumble somewhere between 180-300 pages, sometimes multiple times. *50K = approx 200 pages = nods*
Despite writing a story I LOVE. Despite “winning” NaNo last night. Despite wallowing in Mykal’s wickedness, Dharman’s unswerving loyalty, and Sal’s tasteless–but hilarious–humor, I have begun to quail in the Valley of the Shadow of Death. I have come to the place in the story where I begin to doubt the choices I’ve made.
I begin to worry about what PEOPLE will think, the true kiss of death.
The Evil Voice whispers in my head:
EV: Your heroine is nagging every man in sight. Talk about a Mary Sue.
Me: She loves them. Love is the greatest gift of all, the story’s theme.
EV: *snorts* What a load of crap. When every man wants to nag her, she’s a Mary Sue.
Me: Not every man wants to nag her.
EV: Then they want to kill her, which is worse.
Me: Some want to do both.
EV: Quick, bring the holy water, pitchforks, and torches!!! Get thee behind me, writer!
Me: Even the darkest shadow can be redeemed–that’s the whole point of the series! If I can bring the scariest, most obviously evil character around…
EV: Oooh, so your heroine has a magic hooha, too. Great. Nag Shannari and all evil is forgiven!
Me: That’s not what I meant. It’s special, wonderful, a message of forgiveness, not…er…
EV: Nagging?
Me: Er…yeah, they do that too. Well, they might. I don’t know if I can pull it off. I don’t know…
EV *kindly*: I think you need to go back, honey. Retrace your steps. Or better yet, isn’t there a more appropriate story you could write? Something without all this revolting nagging? Not to mention the violence. I mean, honestly, how many characters have you killed now?
Me: *blubbers*
EV: That’s what I thought. *pats me on the head* I think you made a wrong turn at Albequerque. *mutters* What a maroon.
Me: *glares* *thinks of Gregar waiting at the bottom of the Well* *flips the bird at EV and opens file*
And that’s all you can do, folks. Keep on writing on. Don’t listen to that deceitful, jealous, nasty bitch who doesn’t want you to finish another story. No matter how much she screams and wails in your ear, keep going. Finish.
Live to revise another day.