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Revision Xibalba: Theading the Plot

First the good news:  I finished the revisions to The Bloodgate Warrior and shipped them off to Alissa this morning.  Even BETTER news – she likes what she’s read so far!  Woot!  That’s always such a relief.  Did I interpret her revision letter correctly, thoroughly, and then most importantly, did I carry those revisions through the ms in a logical way?

Which brings me to today’s revision topic.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about the last few days and decided I should blog about it in case it might help anyone else working through a rough patch of revisions.

As I told Raelyn earlier this week, I was so deep into the forest that it was hard to see the trees.  All the threads (changes) I was juggling began to get muddled and tangled, and I was starting to lose my grip on what to pull forward when.

What am I talking about?  It’s that chaos theory I’ve joked about before:  A butterfly flaps its wings on page one and you suddenly find yourself revising every single chapter until it’s an entirely different book.

This is why revisions are hard.

I’m not talking about minor line-edit type revisions, but something more challenging.  For instance, Alissa wrote that she’d like to see more of a contrast between Cassie’s driven focus for her job and what happens when Tecun climbs into her bed.  *winks*  I already had some bits of character traits that I really liked for her — her static trait involves her nightly ritual before getting into bed, for instance — but I didn’t go far enough.  (In fact, I realized as I got into the revisions for this element, that I’d gotten a few things terribly wrong that didn’t jive with her character at all.)

Now you might think this was an easy change.  I’ll just throw in a new trait – like maybe she’s OCD about her schedule and has every minute of this “vacation” mapped out down to the minute.  Easy peasy right?

Wrong.  Because if you’re going to ADD something to a finished manuscript, it has to have impact.  If the butterfly flaps its wings, there’s wind, no matter how faint, that must spread and ripple throughout the story.  Otherwise why even bother with the change in the first place?

So if I’m going to add a character trait, I have to SHOW it again and again.  It has to affect the plot in some way, no matter how small, or it’s just noise.  Like a random hair color or scar that I mention without ever explaining where the scar came from or how it changed the character’s life.  Why even bother if it’s not important and crucial to the story?  I couldn’t just mention this trait once and let it drop – that would be doing a lazy injustice to my character.

Everything has to matter.  It has to have impact.  WHY is she doing this?  HOW can I show it?  WHEN does this affect the plot?

And that, my friends, is where the real bite of Revision Xibalba comes into play.  Once you start affecting plot, um… news alert… your plot changes.  Scenes change.  Actions mean something else entirely.  If you change one turning point, then all the others are affected too.

See that trickle down effect?  More than shit begins to roll down hill at this point.  And oh, all those pesky trees.  I had several items I was changing at the same time, not just this one character trait, each one like a colored thread that had to be pulled all the way through to the end in a logical manner.

For example, Alissa mentioned in passing that she liked the idea of the family journal that Cassie brought with her to Guatemala and wondered if there was any way to make that more important.  Well sure.  I could — and did — write several thousand words of journal entries, which became a cool way for me to resolve several items in the revision letter at once.

But which events should the entries cover (I ended up spanning over 500 years!!)?  It couldn’t just be backstory or it’d slow the plot too much.  It couldn’t be all emo whining or moaning about the past.  They had to have real, measurable impact.  Things had to change because of these entries.

What clues could I drop in the journal that would make the reader go OOOOOOOHHHHHH when I finally laid out the live-action scene before them?

Notice that if I’m changing the plot or character…that’s more than just copying and pasting a new journal entry into place.  That means I’m changing significant elements of the plot itself.  Alllllll the way through the ms.

So then it becomes a balancing act requiring a delicate touch and a sharp eye.  If I’m going to drop in this little tidbit here, and make it really really matter, then I have to do it again over here.  I can’t drop a bunch of bright red paint in chapter two and never ever paint with red again.  I also have to remember the green and blue I’m adding and balance that with what’s already there and the new red.  It has to be consistent from start to finish.  All of these new colors are important now so I have to drop some over here, and again here, and then yeah, it’d better become crucial and important before the ending again, or…

Again, why bother?

Threading the plot — carrying these changes through in meaningful and consistent ways — building momentum page after page, THIS is the difference between making your editor happy when she opens up your revised document and making her groan and pull out her red pen again.  I truly believe this is where you can really learn to shine as a hardworking professional.

No, I don’t mean you have to blindly accept every change proposed by your editor.  But when you dig in and begin to make those changes, carry them through.  Don’t just plop a few things in and send it back.  Really think and dig.  Yes, it’s more work.  Yes, it’s painfully hard to come up with new ideas once the story’s already done.  Trust me, I know.  I added over 5K to this story (net – I added way more new words but deleted other passages that didn’t work any longer), and wrote another couple of thousand words of journal entries that I didn’t end up using at all.

But you know what?  I loved Tecun and Cassie before I sent The Bloodgate Warrior to Alissa (or I wouldn’t have submitted it, obviously).  But now?

Well.  I always say this but I think with her help, it’s become the next best thing I’ve written.

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Good News Monday – Revision Xibalba Edition

I’m still hard at work on the revisions Alissa requested to The Bloodgate Warrior but I need a break and so I thought I’d get a post up so you didn’t think I’d dropped off the face of the planet!  I took Friday and today off from the Evil Day Job so I’d have plenty of time to wrap things up before the due date (2/15) and guess what?

The monsters got their first snow day today.  *headdesk*

For the first time in my life, I’m grateful for the Twilight movies.  That’s what they’re watching now to keep themselves occupied.  They’re watching them all from the beginning through Breaking Dawn part 1 that I just bought for them this weekend.

Saturday I feared Middle Monster had done serious damage to my knee.  We were playing around and she kicked me square on the knee, forcing it backwards toward hyperextension.  Oh and I also had my rocking Sketchers on, which probably let my leg bend even more unnaturally.  Something did pop and I hobbled over to the couch, terrified I’d torn something.  I’ve never had a serious injury before and I wasn’t sure if this was bad or just a close call.  It didn’t hurt exactly (just ached), which I’ve been told can be a bad thing.

I applied ice and Motrin right away, and the next morning I didn’t have any swelling at all.  The tendons down the side of my calf are a little sore, but my legs have been sore ever since I started Power 90, so I don’t know if that was general muscle soreness or injury soreness.  I took the day off from exercise yesterday to be sure but I plan to do Power 90 Sweat later today and see how the knee holds up.  (Aside:  of course this is my right leg, so now I have a bad foot AND a bad knee on that side.)

The best news:  I’m not sick (despite Littlest missing two days of school last week) and I haven’t given myself any canker sores in my mouth yet.  Usually that’s the first thing that happens when I’m stressed out.  Last week, I knew I’d need help to get through this week and so I reordered Borax pellets and started taking them immediately.  No fever blisters in my mouth, yay!  I’m also alternating the coffee with green tea and lots of water, so I’m getting plenty of fluids.  No Diet Coke or Dr. Pepper — I don’t want any chemicals in my system.  I also haven’t given in to stress eating or used late-night eating to stay awake so I can work.  Of course that means I’ve had to go to bed and get more rest than usual, but hopefully the hours I spent on revisions are higher quality that way.

The end is in sight.  I have two more major events that need revision, and then one or two smaller things to tweak.  Then I’ll apply all the changes in a safe copy and re-read to see how badly I’ve messed things up and what I’ve dropped or forgotten along the way.

Happy Monday!

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Eating to Lose

Or why being anal about counting points or calories is not necessarily a good thing.

In my Power 90 update I admitted I was getting pretty frustrated with the scale.  After all this exercise, why was I gaining?!?  I was eating within my points.  I’d cut out this and that.  I’d buckled down really hard.  I was controlling everything in my mouth.

What’s that beginning to sound like?  A diet.  A diet that becomes impossible to stay on because it’s not liveable, because it’s becoming deprivation.

In a way, I was punishing my body for failing to lose when I expected it to.  My first instinct was to cut back even more.  I should eat less cheese.  I should cut out even more whole grains.  I even tried cutting out my half and half to replace with almond milk in my coffee.  (Gag, it made for a nasty chunky sludge.  I love almond milk but NOT in coffee, not even at 40 cals a cup.)

But a friend from Romance Biggest Winner said hey, maybe you’re not eating enough.  I’d already thought that in passing once or twice – especially in regards to protein – but her words made me really stop to think.  The WW point calculation is based on a complex algorithm (that only they know) but a good rough estimate is 40 cals per point.  So by staying religiously under my 33 point – 1320 cal – limit, and exercising 30-60 mins a day, 6 days a week….

Yeah.  I wasn’t eating enough.

Now I could have kept buckled down that low and eventually I probably would have started losing again, but I decided to shake things up.  I’ve been earning those extra exercise points for a reason.  Why not try eating them?  Not in junk food, obviously, but 3-5 extra points a day might just be the ticket to wake up my metabolism and get me losing again.

I even let myself have a few things that I’d cut out – deprivation – because I had the points now.  Like I enjoyed one of Princess’s homemade oatmeal cookies.  Just one.  One night I also carefully measured out 1 oz of Fritos for taco salad.  Oh, my, it was so good.  So wicked and indulgent.  I was afraid, sure.  That opened bag of chips in the pantry was dangerous.  But I kept to my one serving and put the bag out of sight out of mind back in the pantry.

And I lost.  Not just a .2 or .4 loss, but immediately a pound.  The next day, another .6.  The next, .8.  It was crazy.  I was losing my weekly averages (on a good week!) each day, just by eating a little extra.  Enjoying a few things I didn’t think I could have.

Living a normal life.  And isn’t that what this is all about?  I don’t want to have to eat a plain salad the rest of my life when the family is eating taco salad.  I don’t want to miss out on my daughter’s baking experiences (Granny, watch out, I’m teaching her all your old favorites!).  And I don’t have to.

In one week, I lost 2.6 pounds, something I haven’t seen from the beginning of this journey over a year ago.

Obviously, I don’t expect to lose that much each week.  I don’t expect to be able to eat 5 extra points every single day and still lose.  I’ll still have ups and downs.  I should still eat around my daily point limit a few days.  And then “splurge” a few days to go over.  In this case, change is definitely a good thing and keeps my body guessing.

The lesson I took away from this for myself:  sometimes cutting back is NOT the best way to see results.  Sometimes you just need to let loose a little!

65 pounds gone forever.  When I lose 8 more, I’ll be at my lowest weight in 12 years since Princess was born.  After that, VFT (virgin fat territory)!

[This entry typed while wearing that pair of jeans that was too small at Christmas.]

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Good News Monday

I’m on a deadline to get the editor revisions made to The Bloodgate Warrior so I might be a little scarce until 2/15.  I’ll try to post at least every couple of days though.  If anyone would like a guest spot to help me keep the blog active, feel free to send me a post and I’ll get it up!

Some good news this week:

  • I have a PLAN for the revisions.  (Sometimes coming up with the plan or the angle is half the battle.)
  • I’ve been playing with my WW points, eating a little more, and strangely enough, I’m losing better.  More later after my official weigh in.
  • Still on track for completing the next 30 days of Power 90.
  • Moved up to 10 lbs on some of the strength exercises.
  • I’ve seen a preview of the new Survive My Fire cover and it’s totally AWESOME!  I can’t wait to share it with you!
  • We have a design plan for the other two covers for The Fire Within and Given In Fire.  Yes, I realize I haven’t written Given yet – but having the cover in hand will certainly give me some incentive to finish it this year.  It’s been on my wish list for years.

What’s your good news?

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Friday Snippet: Lady Wyre’s Regret

Continuing the free read prequel to Lady Doctor Wyre:

Sig was awake enough to know that he shouldn’t be alive, but he couldn’t seem to make his body work.  His eyes refused to cooperate and his head weighed like a ton of bricks.  He fought harder, swimming laboriously through layers of gray fog.

“Shhh.”  A gentle hand touched his face, but that only made him struggle harder.

Charlie.  I have to get her to safety.

It took all his strength, but he finally worked his eyes open.  She hovered over him, her dark hair smooth and tidy.  How could she look so elegant after crashing on a barely-populated colony?  He tried to sit up, or at least lift his head, but nothing responded.  He couldn’t feel his fingers or toes, couldn’t sense whether he was cold or hot, dressed or nude, on a bed of feathers…or nails.

She leaned down and pressed her mouth to his ear.  He felt that much at least.  “We’re safe, for now.  A colonist named Gage has taken us in.  As best as I can tell, he’s living in the wilderness between Bostonia and York.”

“Henry.”

She sat back up and raised her voice slightly.  “Yes, your name is Henry, and my name is Charlotte Wilder.  Do you remember now?”

A man loomed into Sig’s vision, a large, broad shadow that dwarfed her.  Danger sent shards of ice through his body.  No, that was his heart pounding harder.  His heart.  Hadn’t it been cut all to hell?  What did she do to me?

“Well, I’ll be, he’s awake,” Gage said with a huge smile.  “I didn’t think he was going to make it.”

“He’s not out of the woods yet.”  Charlie pulled at something on his chest.  From the sting and tug, it must be a bio-bandage.  He welcomed any sensation, even pulled chest hairs.  “But he’s doing much better.  How do you feel, Henry?”

“Danger.”  His lips fumbled the word, but he was sure she understood.

Humming as though they hadn’t crashed, he wasn’t on death’s door, and a huge wild man didn’t loom behind her with God only knew what kind of weapon, she prodded his chest with gentle but sure fingers.  “Yes, you’re still in danger, but the wound is healing nicely.”

He gritted his teeth, silently screaming at the stranger to go away so he could talk to her.  There’s so much we need to do.  If the bounty hunter tracks us down, while I’m sick and weak…

“Everything’s taken care of.”  She leaned down, her gaze heavy with significance as though she knew he was desperate to gain information.  “All you need to do is heal.  Right, Gage?”

“Aye, Miss Wilder.  I wiped away our tracks and fetched the other things you asked for.  Not much I could do about the debris other than toss some branches on the hull to disguise it.  The winter snows have even York piled up to their ears.  No one’s going to be coming out here any time soon to look for you.”

He knows too much.  Sig tried to convey the urgency with only his eyes.  Don’t trust him.  Don’t trust anyone.

Maybe all this concentrating was doing his frozen limbs some good, because he managed to shift his head enough to look down at himself.  Pale pink skin covered his chest, not a gruesome gaping wound.  Dread tightened like a fist in the pit of his stomach.  How long have I been unconscious to heal like this?

Terror pounded in his skull and he struggled harder, thrashing his entire body.  We have to get away from here!

Charlie pressed against him, using her slender body to try and still his struggles.  His strength ran out quickly, leaving him shaking and so sick with worry he wanted to weep.  I’ve failed her.  Snows or no, the Queen’s Ravens won’t be far behind.

“Trust me, Henry.”  She kissed his cheek and rubbed her palms on his shoulder in a soothing circular motion.  Bare skin.  He felt that much.  “I’ve got everything in hand.”

“I can’t move,” he whispered, his voice more broken than he cared to admit.  “I don’t even feel my arms.”

“I’m so sorry, but I had to tie you down.  You thrashed too much with fever and I was afraid you were going to harm yourself even worse.  Let me loosen the ties and see if you feel better.”

Tied.  Thank God his eyes were closed, so she wouldn’t see the horrible darkness that knowledge must be spreading in his eyes.  He hadn’t been tied up in a very long time.

Dark memories threatened from his childhood.  Memories he’d killed a long time ago.  He’d always thought those feelings of helplessness would stir him into a murderous rage, but all he felt…

Whatever bound his wrists loosened.  His fingers tingled, cramped muscles stretched, and a surge of enormous relief washed over him.  Peace.  That’s what this feeling was.  After all the suffering he’d survived as a child and the countless executions he’d committed in effort to blot out those memories, he’d never felt this completely at peace.

He flexed his fingers and turned his head to see his arm stretched out on a pillow.  A strip of white cotton still tied his left wrist to the simple wooden headboard.  His other arm sagged, too, still bound but looser and more comfortable.

Sensation coursed through his body, tingling like fire ants nibbling his extremities.  Charlie finished loosening the tie and turned back, leaning down over his chest.  “Better?”

He closed his eyes and nodded.  So much better.  Impossibly better.  He’d hated the last woman who made him helpless.  Every time he accepted a contract on a female mark, it was her face he saw when he terminated the target.  He often made wry jokes about all his regrets, but in truth, his only true regret was that he hadn’t killed her himself.

So why don’t I hate Charlie?

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Never Going Back

I’ve dieted a hundred times before.  A thousand.  I’ve probably lost hundreds of pounds over the years, only to gain it back and then some.  I was doing Weight Watchers before high school.  My freshman year, we ordered the wrong size in my cheerleading skirt and the absolute only way I squeezed into it all season was my mom giving me THE LOOK every time I even thought about eating something not strictly on my plan.

I still have that skirt.  And it fits Middle Monster, who’s only in the 4th grade!  When I think about struggling with that damned skirt every day, I’m still amazed that I was ever that small.  I was not exactly fat in school – nor was I especially thin.  I struggled constantly to keep my weight down, even though I was active and healthy.

I’ve kept a few things over the years that I “outgrew,” like that ancient cheerleading skirt.  No, I have absolutely no expectations of ever fitting into it again.  But I held on to some of those things, I guess trying to remind myself of how thin I’d once been.  This continued into my marriage, having kids, etc. where the pounds slowly packed on.  I moved a dress from Texas to Minnesota to Missouri that I never once wore because it was too small – in the barest slimmest hope that *someday* it would fit.

I finally donated it a few years ago because it was so sadly outdated.  It never did fit.

But what I realized this time around is that I’ve never donated my “fat” clothes.  Why do I let the ugly memories hang around and remind me of how large and unhealthy I’ve been?  So instead, I choose to CELEBRATE every single time I move down to a new size.  As soon as I’m comfortably into a new size, I clean out my closet and donate it all.

Every single pair of pants in my largest size are long gone.  Then the cheaper ones I bought second hand months ago.  Gone.  The things I’ve been holding on to for ten years and more when I worked in the office each day.  They fit now, but they’re so outdated after all these years that most of them are gone.

GONE.  It’s such a wonderful feeling.  It’s truly liberating.  I don’t have to waste precious storage space on crap that makes me feel bad.  That reminds me of depression, hurt, regret, and guilt.  GONE.

I will never go back.  I refuse to buy a single thing in a larger size.  If I stall out, fine, I’ve got clothes that fit now.  If I start to gain, I have absolutely nothing to wear.  There is no safety net.  No cushion.  I’ll HAVE to start losing again.

For the first time in my life, I’m deliberately buying things when I find a good deal, even if I know they’re too small.  Because one day, they WILL fit.  For a while.  And then I’ll donate them too and pull out the even smaller things I’ve been dreaming about.

Remember those two pair of jeans I’ve been holding on to?  They’re in the same size as my others, but the style/brand is just enough different that they didn’t fit.  I’ve been trying them on once a month or so, then more often this past month as I’ve been working out.  I’m proud to say that this week, I got both pairs on, pulled up, buttoned AND zipped!!!  Ha!!

But then I couldn’t actually MOVE let alone sit down.  ;-)  Soon, though, those jeans are going to be comfortable, and these baggy ones I have on right now will be in the donate pile.

I can’t wait.  Then I’ll go shopping again and find a new goal.  Summer is just around the corner and I have absolutely NOTHING to wear.  No short sleeved shirts, tanks, shorts, nothing.  I haven’t worn shorts in at least ten years, probably more like 15.  Who knows, maybe this time around…

I might even buy a swim suit.

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February Goals

But first, a quick recap of January.

My goal in January was to set a Dark & Early writing schedule before the Evil Day Job starts at 6:30 AM.  Since I have a hard time getting to bed before 10 PM, the earliest I felt comfortable (and able!) to get up is 5 AM.  By the time I get dressed, grab coffee (set up the night before), etc. I have about 35 mins before I have to get Princess up for school.  She’s been conning me into getting her breakfast and making her sandwich for lunch, so I haven’t been getting any more writing done before I start work.  (But she gets up a little easier that way, and it’s worth the cost in my time to help her out if that puts her in a better mood!  Age 13 oh the drama!)

I made it every work day in January except the one day I took a vacation day.  Woot!  I averaged 556 words a morning, not counting some plotting and general notes I wrote up the last week or so, for a total just shy of 14K.  Not the best month by far, but steady.  I’m behind of where I need to be if I’m going to submit this story by the deadline, and looking at what I have to get done in Feb, I may have to keep this story and submit it at another date.  We’ll see.

Because dun dun DUN….  Edits for The Bloodgate Warrior have popped into my inbox and they need to be turned back in by Feb. 15th.  Edits on a contracted work ALWAYS take priority over uncontracted drafts.  Always.  These are not minor little tweaks, either.  BGW fans will probably be thrilled to know I’m adding some fairly significant new material.  If I get away adding less than 10K to the story through revisions, I’ll be lucky.  (Yes, I know that’s almost my entire Jan total and I only have two weeks.  Please don’t remind me.)

So my goals for Feb are short and sweet.

  1. The Bloodgate Warrior edits, due by 2/15.
  2. Pick up “3Aliens” again afterward and see where I am.  Even if I don’t feel like there’s any way I’m going to hit the deadline (my word count is probably way off too so there’s several things to consider), I’d still like to finish this one.  It fits my brand nicely and I’m having a really fun time writing it.  It’s the first erotic SFR I’ve done that’s entirely in the hero’s POV.
  3. When I need a little break, continue scouting for stockphotos so I can get Survive My Fire and The Fire Within re-released.  I’ve created a Keldari storyboard of the ideas I’ve found so far, but if you have any recs, I’d love to see them!
  4. Continue posting Lady Wyre’s Regret each Friday and decide if I’m satisfied with the ending.

What are your goals this month?

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Power 90 – After 30 Days

Today’s the 30-day mark for my Power 90 commitment started 1/1/2012.  Just a reminder about where I was before starting:

  • I lost 62 pounds last year on Weight Watchers.
  • I was only exercising minimally – an occasional walk, etc.
  • I tried Power 90 two years ago but quit when I’d only lost 3 pounds in 45 days.
  • I’m still on Weight Watchers.
  • I’m doing Phase 1/2 of Power 90 and probably will do so for another 30 days before trying to move up to level 3/4.
  • I’m using 5 lb dumbbells.

So I admit I was pretty discouraged by the scales news this morning.  I’m beginning to suspect I’m the only person who has this much to lose, exercises, and GAINS weight.

I’m up again for absolutely no reason.  Yesterday I was up 3 pounds (TMI, it’s not related to my monthly cycle).  Today I’m only up 1.6 pounds.  But that wipes out this entire month’s loss to only .4 according to my WW tracker (although my official WI day isn’t until tomorow).

Woo.  See me losing like a turtle.

(That’s the bad thing about only losing .4 a week – it gets wiped out really quickly.)

Trying to think positively here, I know it’s not a “real” gain.  I’ve eaten on plan the entire month.  By that, I mean I’ve eaten within my Daily Points (DPs) or only gone over slightly into Activity Points (APs) or Weekly Points (WPs), all there for me to eat if I need to.  A few days I did dip into my APs but not significantly.  I only rarely ever eat my WPs (anniversary dinner at Mythos, for example) anyway.  I tracked every single day.

Other than an occasional Dove dark chocolate and Princess’s homemade oatmeal cookies yesterday, I haven’t had ANY sugar.  I’ve also been cutting artifical sugars out and switching to either honey, pure maple syrup, or none at all.  (Except my WW smoothies – they’re artifically sweetened.  I’m still looking for a natural protein/meal replacement.)  I haven’t had a Diet Coke or Cherry Dr. Pepper in over a week.  I’ve been drinking my hot green tea plain.

Last week, I even started adding a bit more cardio (via Walk It Out on the Wii) to my strength-only days.

I went from earning 0 APs to 104 this month (not counting today!).

While I’ve still got two pairs of jeans in this size that stubbornly refuse to fit, I’ve lost the following inches:

  • Waist:  -2
  • Bust:  -2
  • Hips:  -2
  • Arms: -.5 each
  • Thighs: -2 each

So I *am* losing, even if the scale is lying to me.  I won’t let the unreasonable increase in poundage derail me this time.  Here’s to another 30 days of Power 90 and I’ll hope for better news next month!

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Friday Snippet: Lady Wyre’s Regret

Continuing the free read prequel for Lady Doctor Wyre:

As Queen’s Physician, Charlotte had enjoyed every luxury Londonium had to offer as well as full backing for every scientific exploration she’d ever wanted to undertake.  Yet she’d never crashed a ship on an unknown planet before.

“Another thing I need to learn,” she muttered, pushing up out of the cupboard into which she’d tumbled.

Sig was sprawled on the floor and half buried by rubble.  From the brief look she’d gotten at his chest before the crash, she didn’t hesitate to grab the small black case containing her most prized research.  Tossing the broken panel and twisted hull aside, she called out to him.  “Sig?  Are you still with me?”

“Charlie.”  He tried to laugh but his chest wheezed like a ghastly broken pipe organ.  “Did we make it?”

She dug into her case and pulled out a pair of sharp scissors to cut open his lawn shirt.  A pity, because the fine linen and delicate hand-woven lace looked like it’d come straight from Parisii.  “A bit worse for wear, I’m afraid.  I hope you weren’t terribly fond of Henry for I’ve broken him beyond repair.”  She kept her voice light and cheerful, despite the severity of his wound.  Any other physician would merely make him comfortable until his final moments.  But not I.  “What manner of planet have you sent me to, Lord Regret?”

“A colony.”

“A rebellious colony.”  Not good.  The shard had pierced his heart, possibly beyond even her repair.  “It won’t surprise me if Majel simply blows the entire planet out of the sky for their audacity.”

“Safest I could find on such short notice.”  His voice weakened, breathy with pain.  His pulse fluttered in his throat, frantic and uneven.  “Don’t bother, Charlie.  I know it’s bad.”

As if to illustrate his words, he wrapped his hand around the shard and yanked it out of his chest.  Blood spurted immediately, his life draining away in an alarming fountain.

Planting her right hand over the wound, she laid the precious glass tube out on his heaving chest.  Inside, tiny bits of silver metal glinted in the emergency lights.  She leaned down over him so he could see her face despite his weakened senses.  “I can save you, if you want to live.”

“Too many regrets,” he whispered, his words stumbling together until she could barely understand him.  “Let me die.”

She hesitated, searching his face.  The lines of pain eased about his eyes, smoothing into acceptance.  He’d risked his reputation as the galaxy’s most famous assassin to help her.  He could have left her at Pier 371.  He could have tossed her to the bounty hunter and escaped unscathed.

But he didn’t.

How can I stand by and watch him die without at least trying?

She flipped the cork out of the tube.  She removed her hand from his chest, braced for spraying blood, but he’d already lost too much.  In the open wound, she could see the torn remains of his heart and the white of broken bone.  Into that cavity, she sprinkled the metal bits from the tube.

All of them.  The more assemblers in his body, the more likely they can repair the damage before he dies.

She pulled out the datapad and typed in simple commands.  Heart. Infection.  Blood loss.  Her assemblers weren’t sentient, so without programming, they’d simply be bits of debris in his wound.  While they worked their magic, she gave him a shot for pain.  At least he’d be comfortable if they failed.  Then she spilled a bio-bandage over the wound and hoped for the best.

Settling back on her heels, she closed her eyes and allowed emotion to wash through her for one brief, luxurious moment.  Relief, joy, terror, heart-pumping adrenaline.  Her hands trembled, and with no one to see her moment of weakness, she even allowed a few tears to fall.  She was so close to freedom!  So close to losing the man who’d helped make it all possible.  So close to death herself.  But at least I’ll die fighting for my freedom, not trapped in the Tower while Majel scribbles down every secret her torturers yank out of me.

With that out of her system, she forced herself up and moving.  She couldn’t assume the bounty hunter had given up on them so quickly.  They were down in strange territory, helpless, unable to flee, and one of their party severely wounded.  If they had to make a run for it, she needed to gather the most crucial supplies.  There was nothing else she could do for Sig at the moment, although she couldn’t help stealing glances at him to see if he were still breathing.

Packets of food.  Every weapon she could find.  Anything she might be able to sell or trade for information or protection.  She had a tidy pile by Sig when she heard the first rustling and cracks of undergrowth outside the ship.  Arming herself with a lazor he’d thoughtfully installed beneath Henry’s main dash, she wiped all emotion from her face, hit the button to open the hatch, and walked outside with all the regal confidence of the Duchess of Wyre.

“Hello, there!”  She called in her most imperious voice as though summoning the butler for her afternoon tea.  “We need assistance immediately.”

A man stepped out of the shadows, crossing the torn earth and smoldering tracks of their crashing descent.  He approached with hands palm up and empty, his manner hesitant despite his lumbering giant-like size.  She kept the lazor hidden against her skirts, ready to slice his head off if he even thought about attacking them.  His much larger bulk wouldn’t matter one iota against the razor-sharp weapon.  Dressed in a strange mishmash of furs and leathers with the skin of some small rodent wrapped around his head, he appeared to be a colonist, not the bounty hunter who’d shot them down.

“Are you hurt, my lady?”

English, at least.  She could thank her lucky stars a Britannian colony had been close, although she hoped the colonists weren’t too sympathetic to Her Majesty’s command.  Americus had been the first colony to attempt to cast off Majel’s yoke.  If she hadn’t been busy wiping out the Razari, she might have already destroyed Americus’s pitiful little rebellion.

“No, but my companion is.  Do you have shelter nearby?”

“Only my cabin, my lady.  I’m afraid we’re several klicks from any real civilization.”

Perfect.  She stepped aside to allow him to peek inside the ship at Sig.  “That’ll do.  What’s your name, sir?”

“Gage, my lady.  I’m no bloodletter, but your friend doesn’t look well at all.”

Briskly, she gathered up her research equipment and as much of their provisions as she could carry.  “Bloodletting is for ignorant fools who know nothing better.  Now make yourself useful and help me get my friend to safety.”

The man easily scooped Sig into his arms like a child, emphasizing his bear-like size.  I have no contacts in this place.  My title and House cannot help me here.  All I have are my research—which I daren’t use too openly else Majel will catch wind of it—my feminine wiles, and my wits.

Putting as much seductive sway as possible into her hips, she stepped out of the wreck and cast a flirtatious glance back at Gage.  The poor bumbling man gaped at her like she’d sprouted another head and almost dropped Sig.

It’s a damned good thing I’ve been blessed with a brain.

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Dressing For Success

I’ve always believed in the power of dress and appearance to influence my thinking.  I can remember getting dressed up for exams in college, because I felt like I’d be more successful showered and dressed nicely instead of showing up haggard in sweat pants, even if I studied all night before the exam.

Did it help?  I don’t know.  I did get great grades – but how much of that was work and how much of “dressing for success” was just a mental exercise I did before the exam?

I have realized on this diet journey that I tend to eat better if I “dress for dieting success.”  What does that mean?  If I’m wearing baggy “fat” pants and my big shapeless sleep shirts to lounge around at night, then I’m more likely to snack and graze on chips or popcorn.  Maybe it’s all in my head, but if I keep my tight jeans on, I’m far less likely to overeat.

This works for dining out, too, especially buffets.  I wear my tightest jeans, my “skinny” shirts that are form-fitting and it helps remind me to stay in control and listen to my hunger instead of just grazing because food is there.

I’m even putting on make up more often.  I mean, I work from HOME.  No one’s going to see me, even if I talk with co-workers all day in back-to-back meetings.  They couldn’t care less if I’m wearing sweats or jeans, with my hair in a pony tail or make up on.  But I FEEL BETTER if I’m “fixed up.”  I don’t put make up on for work each day, but I am making a conscious effort to do so more often, especially if we’re going out.

I just feel better about my appearance.  And if I feel better about how I look, then I take more care in how I treat myself, especially food.  Maybe it’s all in my head, but so much of the journey is a mental test.  Am I going to stay on plan today?  Am I going to exercise today?  Or will I find a dozen excuses….?

This leads me to a question that I’m still thinking about.  Is there a way I can dress for WRITING success?

I honestly don’t think clothing will help, but there are certain things that can make me more productive, more “professional” and ready to write.  Like shutting down all my web browsers, especially Twitter.  Always having a caffeine drink handy.  Playing the right song for each story in the background.  One of the things I’m going to try to do better this week is hand write a few notes to myself each day about what I want the next section to do.  I hope this will be especially helpful in 3Aliens since I don’t have a formal plot.  I know the ending, but I don’t know how I’m going to get them there yet!

What do you think – is dressing for success all in my head?