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Virgin Fat Territory

First off, I apologize for the lack of posts this past week.  I’ve been fighting a bad attitude for the last few days as the hits keep coming on in.  Plus I had copyedits to get back on Vicki – but yay, that means she’s almost ready for you!

Memory is a funny thing.  I’m an avoider.  For many years we didn’t even have a scale.  I didn’t want to know how bad it was.  So for me to come up with milestones as I lose weight this time around is kind of hard.  I don’t really know because we didn’t have a scale.  I have to try and piece my memory together from events, like when I had a kid, etc.  And my memory isn’t the greatest.

I’d set my goal months ago to be what I believed to be VFT – the lowest weight I had achieved through dieting in recent memory (10-15 years) and had never been able to attain again.  This was supposed to be the weight I was after a stint of Weight Watchers at work right after Princess (the first) was born.  However, I’m pretty sure my memory is way off – by at least 10 pounds.  Because I’m wearing sizes now that I couldn’t then.

Of course Power 90 has been helping reshape my body tremendously – so that’s part of the difference.  But I’m pretty sure I hit VFT a month or more ago.  That wasn’t the “goal” weight that I’d set for this milestone, so I kept plugging away.

I hit that goal this morning, bringing my total lost to 73.6 pounds. I know for a fact I haven’t been at this weight in at least 13 years, but it’s probably closer to 15 years.

Now I’m getting to the embarassing level of weight loss.  People are like WOW!  And then they say how much more are you going to lose?  It’s hard to admit that I’m only half way there.  It becomes clearer how big I’d let myself get.

However, I’m feeling really really good now.  I’m doing things I never did before.  Whatever I lose from here will just help me feel even better.  The closer I get to my goal, the slower it’s going to go.  If I lose just 25 more, I’d be pretty darned ecstatic.  That’d put me down to a weight that I probably had in Texas between 1992-1994.  25 more from there would put me at my undergrad weight (1988-1992).  Any more than that will put me in the high school range.

Seriously, WW, is it possible to weigh what I did in high school?  At that point, I may have to get a doctor to assign me a new goal weight.  I really don’t see weighing what I did at 18 again.  I’ve had 3 kids since then and I’m just a few years older.  :mrgreen:

My next goal is mini – just to get me down inside the next decade.  From there, I’ll go in 10 pound increments.  If I can hit the 100 lb mark by Christmas, I’d be pretty darned happy!

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Hitting A Wall

This week has been tough in the exercise department.  I haven’t missed a single day in March.  I’ve been sticking to level 3/4 of Power 90, but where I felt pumped up the first week or two, this week I’ve been gutted.  Like I almost can’t get enough strength and energy to finish, even the strength days (which I normally love).

I don’t know if this is a common occurrence in exercise in general or perhaps Power 90 specifically?   I would think that several weeks at this higher level would have me feeling even better than the beginning.

Maybe I’m just in a general funk.  I’ve been stressed out and panicked trying to find enough clothes for RT next month (at this point I don’t even have enough underwear!).  I’ve had some disappointing news and of course losing Pepper put a big hole in my heart.

It’s been a hard, hard week.

My left knee (not the one Middle even kicked) is achy, where my knees haven’t hurt much at all this time around, thanks to already losing 50+ pounds before I started.  My muscles have been sorer, especially my back and obliques.  I haven’t gone up in weight on most of the exercises — although I did switch up to using the 10 lb dumbbells on the military and swimmer’s press lifts.  I don’t think two moves is enough to justify how hard this week has been.

Then it dawned on me.  I’ve been trying to do more of the high impact lately.  10-15 secs of jumping jacks (instead of the whole 30 secs).  Even the cross hops I’ve started doing a little more on the last round than my modified move I’ve been doing all along.  That definitely explains why my knee is achy.  I guess it could explain why everything in general has been harder.

I’m going to keep pushing despite this tiredness.  Today’s my last day this week before my rest day, so I’m going to dial it back down a little on the high impact stuff and take it easy on my knee.

I want to finish strong.  I only have one more week to go to hit 90 days!

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Power 90: Habit Building

Nothing to report on the Weight Watcher front this week.  I’ve been up slightly for over a week despite being fully on plan.  I haven’t missed any workout days in March yet.  However, the scale might not be cooperating, but I managed to get into a size smaller in jeans!  Still “women’s” size but another smaller size makes me very happy.  I’m still wearing several of the higher size too – especially my Old Navy drawer pair.  Which honestly are fitting me a little better since I first started wearing them.  Less junk in the trunk!

Another reason I committed to Power 90:  a concrete time frame.  I told myself I could do anything for 90 days.  At the end of the first round, I’m hoping that the habits I’ve formed will continue — which is why I’m not quitting this round exactly at 90 days but continuing until I leave for RT in April.  When I return, I’ll have to decide what my next workout goal will be and what time commitment I’ll make.  Most likely I’ll do another 30-60 days of Power 90 with increased weights, and then see if I’m ready to make the jump to P90X.

After 75 days of Power 90, I think I’ve almost got the habit of exercise engrained in my head.  My preferred time to work out is over my lunch, but I’ve worked out as late as 8 PM to fit it in.  I’ve also gotten up early on the weekend to fit in my routine before the family was up.  Yes, I gave up my only day to sleep in to work out!  Shocking I know.

But I keep waiting for it to get easier.  When there’s no question in my mind that I’m going to do it, even if I don’t feel like it.  Oh, I still do the routine, but I wish I didn’t have that moment of dread.  Especially on cardio days.  Ugh, they really wipe me out.  I keep waiting for the day when my legs don’t feel wobbly.  When I don’t have to bring my arms down and rest a little bit.  Or when I don’t lose my balance in the taebo portion (because I’m so tired) and nearly fall over.  Or when I’m not slow to roll out of bed because I’m a little sore.

Then I realize:  it’s NEVER going to get easier in that regard.  Why?  Because I’m always pushing harder.

If I can do 15 pushups now for each set, then in another 30 days I ought to be able to do 20.  (And I started doing a few from my toes this week, which are really killing me.)  If I’m using 10 lb dumbbells for most everything now and can get all 15 reps in, then I should go up slightly and make it hard again.  When the squats and lunges became easier on my knees, what did I do?  Throw some weight on my shoulders to make it harder.

And yes, on those cardio days when I’m gasping for air and dripping sweat, Tony says push harder, don’t give up, this is it, you’re almost done…  and so I push through even though I can’t see and my legs are burning.

It’s never going to get easier because I’m constantly raising the bar higher.  That’s a good thing, even if it doesn’t always feel like it as I crawl up the stairs.

I dream about being LIGHT on my feet.  Agile.  Strong.  Where I can walk/run a 5K and still have gas in the tank or hang with Middle on the basketball court.

Someday.

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Good News Monday – Spring Break Edition

I can’t believe the monsters are already on spring break!  Yesterday, we drove them up to Papa’s farm and they’re spending a few days with him riding horses and generally turning his life upside down.  They’ve spent days at the farm before but I’m having a little more anxiety than usual this time around.  I dreamed last night that I dropped them off at a huge movie theater and then followed them, trying to find them in the crowd, but they were lost.  *sheepish Mom*  Here’s to a fun — and safe — time riding horses.  They’ll be home Wednesday.

Of course driving into the country made me want to LIVE in the country again.  If we’re going to make the move, we want to do it before Princess starts high school.  That doesn’t give us much time to save for the dream farm on top of all our other bills and commitments.  Car repairs keep taking a bite out of crime every time I turn around and I have a feeling I’m going to owe Uncle Sam big time this year.  (No I still haven’t finished our taxes.)

We may consider other options, like temporary housing until we save enough to build or buy, but we’re limited to what’s actually available.  It’s not like that area has a booming rental business, you know?  Sigh.  At least we’re looking and keeping an ear to the ground.  If I stumble across a rental or owner finance type set up in the area, we’re definitely going to investigate, even if it’s too small for long term.  (With three kids, one already a teenaged girl, and two home offices, we need space!)

As for writing, all I’ve been able to work on is another couple hundred words on a short story.  Hopefully this week I can get back up to full speed.

I’m getting more and more anxious about RT next month.  I don’t have enough clothes or shoes yet, but I’m having a harder time finding things.  I did go down another size in jeans — even bought one pair two sizes down that were on sale this weekend.  I love buying lower sizes!  However, I’m constantly losing things in my wardrobe.  I mean, I’m replacing as quickly as I can, but since I’m still losing, I only have 2-3 pairs of jeans that work at any one time.  I only have a few shirts that I keep cycling through – the rest make me look like a tent.

I need a spring dress shoe that matches the other dresses I bought at Dress Barn (more like church dresses than cocktail dresses) but I don’t do sandals (hate open or bare toes) and most flats are too uncomfortable.  Argh.  Who knew shopping would be this hard!?!  I’m actually tempted to take a few of the Dress Barn dresses back – simply because I can’t find shoes!  Oh and I bought them a week ago – so I’m terrified they won’t fit by the time I need them anyway.  I’ll be trying them on again next week to see if they’re already too big.  One of them I accidentally bought too small, so I’m sure it’ll be okay, but the others fit me when I tried them on.  We’ll see.  It’s a great problem to have, definitely, but I need clothes!

What’s your good news this week?

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Working Through Recovery

The loss of Pepper has hit me harder than the monsters.  I thought the worst part would be telling them that he was gone, but it’s actually facing my office every single day.  He was my constant companion.  Where I was, there he was too, or at least very close so he could come to me quickly.

So I apologize for taking so long to get moving again — it surprised me how slowly I’ve recovered this week.  Of course lack of sleep, rainy days, and hormones haven’t helped any, but hopefully the end of this gray period is in sight.

I’m not going to make the deadline, so 3Aliens will have to targeted to something else depending on its length.  In the meantime, I started a short story that was inspired by Johnny Cash singing Tennessee Stud mixed with Willie Nelson and Toby Keith’s Beer for Our Horses.  It’s a zombie story, can’t you tell?  hahaha.  Working title:  Brains for Our Horses.  Yes, I’m handling my grief strangely, I know, but the zombie story is helping so I’m going to do it.

I’ve kept up with my workouts and my diet, so that’s good.  The last thing in the world I wanted to do Tuesday was exercise, but I did it.  I haven’t gone off track food wise at all – eating just slightly over my points like I did all February.  Level 3/4 is kicking my ass but I’m loving it.  I managed 15 pushups for the main sets today, and I can do 20 more in the max session, along with 30 max squats (this is in the fourth set after all the other lifting).  In all my life I never expected I’d be able to do so many pushups!

Now I just need to move up to my toes…

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Goodbye, Pepper

About a year ago, our dog Pepper dislocated his hip.  He recovered very well and we’ve had a good year.  His vet did say the muscles on that side had atrophied a bit, but he was still able to get around pretty well, although he does slip a little more than usual, especially on the stairs.

Saturday we took the monsters to Mythos in Joplin to celebrate a successful and fun Upward Basketball season.  We visited with Molly, and after returning to Springfield, we visited with Uncle J and BB.  We got home around 8:30 or so.  The girls took the dogs out and I was trying on some dresses I’d bought at the Dress Barn.

When I heard an awful and unforgettable sound.  The cry of a dog in pain.

The girls had been playing ball with Pepper.  He used to play all the time but in later years, especially since his injury, he’s been perfectly willing to let the younger KC chase the ball.  He’d gone down the stairs after the ball and something happened.  Maybe he slipped.  Maybe a claw caught on the carpet.  Something.  But it was enough to dislocate his hip again.

We grabbed him, made a call to BB (who used to work as a vet tech) and they met us at the ER pet hospital.  The vet at first didn’t think it was dislocated — it wasn’t as obvious as the first time (with his hind leg all catawhomaps).  But the xray showed he’d definitely dislocated it again.  He fixed Pepper up and seemed positive about his recovery.

However, we had a pretty rough night with him.  The first time, he was a zombie for at least 24 hours – and I kept feeling his chest to make sure he was still alive.  This time, he wouldn’t sleep.  He kept moving, getting up, trying to walk.  He hates his kennel and kept whining until in desperation at 4 AM I let Princess put him in her bed surrounded by pillows.  However, he woke her up again and again.

Yesterday, he kept trying to walk when he shouldn’t.  He wasn’t content laying on my lap.  I was encouraged that maybe this injury wasn’t as bad as the first time.  I dosed him up with pain meds at bed time (hoping we’d all get a good night’s sleep with school and work today) and headed to bed.

At 1:50 AM Princess came in to let me know she was taking him outside.  He’d woken her up whining and wanting to go out.  He did his business and she went back to bed.  Not even 15 mins later I heard the dreadful shrill cry of pain again.

I about killed myself jumping out of bed.  Princess met me in the hall sobbing.  He’d been turning around (like dogs do) to lay down in exactly the right spot and whammo.  Agony.  The hip was out again.

Princess stayed home with her sisters and we rushed him back to the ER but it wasn’t good news.  The hip just wasn’t staying in this time and his pain seemed worse than ever.  He even bit me on the chin struggling as I tried to get in the car.  Short of expensive surgery — at his age, 12 — we had no options but to put him to sleep.

We had a wonderful year with him.  He got babied a lot this past year.  What I like to remember the most is that he was playing ball with his girls like the good old days.  If he had to go, that was a good last memory.

We’re all staying home from work and school today to mourn and remember our sweet little dog.  We had a wonderful 8 years with him after adopting him.  Our other adopted dog, KC, doesn’t quite know what to do with all these tearful squeezes but she knows something’s wrong and she does what dogs do best.  She snuggles up and gives a good lick or two and she doesn’t mind getting the stuffing squeezed out of her.

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Power 90 Level 3/4

As I said in my update, I decided to move up to level 3/4 as of March 1st, which gave me 60 days on the beginning level 1/2.

Boy am I glad I waited that long.  (Some people start on level 3/4 as early as 30 days into the 90 day program.)

First up, the strength/scupt portion.  Most of the same weight lifting moves I’ve been doing are included in this level; however, there’s an additional fourth round at the end with all new exercises.  There are two main differences:

  • Speed
  • Max sets.

The first obvious difference is the increased speed.  I mean, I was seriously pumping hard to keep up.  I’m glad I had 60 days of concentrating on form before!  The other huge difference are the “max out” sessions.  Instead of sticking to 8-15 reps, you’re supposed to burn through as many as possible.

Believe it or not, I managed 20 (!!) pushups and 25 squats…AFTER doing all the other sets.  I was so stunned that I was able to do that much!

Today I tried the sweat/cardio portion.  Again, with the speed – it was insane.  Thankfully all the exercises were the same.  The power yoga warm up wasn’t any longer than usual (thank God!) but the rest of the mini sessions went from 2 to 3 rounds.  Man, the sweat was just pouring off me, but I made it all the way to the Taebo kicks and punches.  There, again, the speed was… Whew.  I had the form down after 60 days, or I never would have been able to keep up.

Here’s another reason I love Power 90.  I would NEVER push myself that hard alone.  I need someone to make me go harder and faster, and Tony does it without screaming or that annoying jock attitude that some “famous” celebrity trainers have.

I will admit to saying, “Tony you SUCK” when I realized that while there were only two sets of kicks…there were THREE sets of punches.  I’d pushed hard through the second, thinking maybe a new phase would follow (I could see one more bar of exercises – I just didn’t know what it was), only to find out that “last” set wasn’t really the last at all.

I’m sore again and my thighs were tired enough I didn’t try to add any additional walking today.  I might not be able to for awhile until my body adjusts.  For Activity Points (AP) on Weight Watchers, I was counting level 1/2 as “moderate” intensity – but I counted 30 mins of “high” intensity for 3/4 and the rest as stretching.  By how tired I am and how drenched my shirt was, I think I earned those higher APs!

Two months ago, I would have probably had a heart attack.

Now, I made it all the way through without having to pause for breath or stop altogether.  I’m still stunned that I did it.  Amazing!  I really think I’m going to be able to work up to P90X this year!

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Why Power 90?

I was talking to my boss at the Evil Day Job the other day and she sounded surprised that I was doing Power 90.  She said something like, “Isn’t that for men?”

Tony has both a woman and a man (young – he calls them “the kids”!) behind him for the Power 90 routine and she looks darned good.  Firm and toned, yes, but not muscular like a Russian weightlifter or something.  None of them are bulky that way.  Even Tony doesn’t look like a massive weightlifter.  These are not exercises to bulk up.

But it got me to thinking about WHY I choose to do Power 90 and why I like it so much, so I thought, hey, another blog post.  :lol:

When you diet, you inevitably lose muscle along with fat (unless you’re exercising to counteract it).  When you cut the calories significantly, your body will attack muscle first and hoard the fat cells.  When you crash diet a lot without exercise…and then gain it back…this is bad, obviously.

Everything you gain is fat.

I’ve been doing this for years and years and YEARS.  So my number one priority is to regain some muscle — which will improve my overall health as well as my metabolism, which has slowed to a snail’s pace.

I’m over 40 now.  Losing weight is harder than ever.  My metabolism is only going to slow down even more if I do nothing about it.  My flexibility and strength are going to deteriorate.  With That Man’s problems (hip and back plus he’s diabetic), he can barely get around most days even with weekly chiropractor visits and medication, and he’s not even 50 yet.

I don’t want to join him there in pain and constant doctor trips.  I want to be able to play basketball with the girls or horse around with Middle (even if she kicks me in the knee!).

I don’t want to have to go to a gym and use equipment.  While I do LIKE lifting on fancy machines, it’s much more likely that I won’t go if I have to find time to leave the house.  I can do Power 90 at home over my lunch or after dinner each day with minimal equipment.

I simply like lifting weights and always have.  I was a charter member of my high school’s strength club about a hundred years ago.  I even got up early to be at school by 6:30 3 times a week to lift weights before class, even though we’d lift more in PE during the day.  It got hard to find an exercise I hadn’t already done when it came time to lift in class.  These were free weights too — just bars and weights locked on the ends.  I could out-squat most of the boys in my class, easily squatting more than my body weight.

But when you lift that much…and then stop…where does all that muscle go?  Sigh.

So an exercise routine that involves strength training is perfect for me.  I used to hate to work out – especially cardio.  So I didn’t want that to be the ONLY thing I was doing, for fear I wouldn’t stick with it.

Plus, I just like how I feel doing Power 90.  I feel STRONG and dammit I need to feel strong in my life.  In my workout, I can punch and kick and pretend like I’ve got one badass right cross and left upper hook.  (In reality I’d probably suck in a real fight but while I’m working out, it feels great!)  I’d probably love a boxing or taebo class but I don’t know of any around here.

There is a deep tiredness I get from the strength days that’s hard to explain.  I always wonder if I’m going to be able to finish.  I’m lifting to the point of muscle failure, and that’s not always a comfortable feeling.  But it’s also exhilarating in a way.  To push myself that hard and work out until my arms are shaky and my knees don’t want to carry me up the stairs.  For someone who’s been so overweight most of my life, it makes me feel GOOD to do something I know I couldn’t do before, and conquer it.  Every single day.  I need that too.

I need it bad.

I need to feel strong and invincible at least for awhile.  That’s what Power 90 does for me.

I can only imagine how P90X would make me feel.  Maybe I’ll tackle it later in 2012.

As Tony says, “Do your best and forget the rest.”

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Power 90 Update: Day 60

(Power 90 Update: 30 Days)
I can’t believe I’ve made it 60 days!  I’ve never EVER worked out so consistently in my entire adult life.  If you check out my calendar in the picture, I only missed two days in February (Sat is usually my rest day).  One I made up by walking almost 3 miles on a Sat.  The other I took off because I was afraid I’d hurt my knee.  Otherwise, I earned all my stars!

(sorry, some of them are wobbly because my arms were shaky!)

 

 

I’m stunned at how far I’ve come.  When I started Power 90, I:

  • couldn’t do a plank from my toes.
  • couldn’t do more than 4 pushups (on my knees) for each set.
  • couldn’t do the jumping jacks or any of the high impact moves.
  • couldn’t do dips.
  • couldn’t do 10 full reps of most of the ab exercises.
  • could only lift 5 lbs.
  • couldn’t do the quad stretch (grabbing ankle behind me)
  • couldn’t wear my “drawer” jeans.

After 60 days, I’m now:

  • Able to do all the power yoga from my toes. The only move I still need to cheat on a little is the downward dog to runner’s move, but I don’t have to go down to the floor or my knees to make it.
  • Able to do 10 pushups for the first 2 sets (still on my knees but I’m getting there). This week I was able to do the “7-7-7” reps of wide, close, and regular pushups for the first time ever.
  • I’ve started doing some of the jumping jacks (I’ve had 3 kids, if you know what I mean!).
  • I’ve moved up to 10 lb dumbbells for most of the exercises except over the head (e.g. military press) and tricep extensions.
  • When I do the sets with lunges (the first two), I hold the 5 lb dumbbells on my shoulders.
  • Started doing the “easy” version of dips (with my legs under me to help, instead of stretched out straight in front of me).
  • Started wearing those drawer jeans!
  • Added additional leg exercises for toning.
  • Added additional walking sessions of 30 mins at least 2-3 times a week.
  • I can do 10+ reps for all the ab moves except the full-body crunch, but I’m very close there!
  • I can grab my ankle easily for the quad stretch.
  • My oldest daughter didn’t recognize me as I walked across the street the other night. (That Man and I were in separate cars on kid pick-up duty and we met up at Subway for a quick dinner before Upward awards.)
  • I’ve ordered dresses in sizes smaller than I’ve worn in about 15 years — and returned one because it was too big!
  • I’m wearing sizes smaller now than I did at my all-time low weight, even though I’m about 4 pounds away…

In February, I lost  6.6 pounds, bringing my total since Jan 2011 to 69.4.  Still on Weight Watchers, the most significant food change I made this past month was eating more.  I eat anywhere from 3-7 points over most days and still lose.  I also lost the following inches (totals since Jan 2012):

  • Waist:  -1 (-3)
  • Bust:  -1 (-3)
  • Hips:  -2 (-4)
  • Arms:  0 (-.5 each)
  • Thighs: 1 (-3 each)

Today I’ve decided to move up to Level 3/4 for the rest of my 90 days+ (I’m going to continue doing Power 90 up until I leave for RT in April).  I hope it doesn’t kill me!  I have no idea how much harder it is – I’ve never even watched the routine.  Wish me luck!

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The $3 Victory

Some time last year — probably early fall as we were school shopping — I bought several pair of jeans at our local thrift store for $3 a pair in a range of sizes.  They didn’t even come close to fitting, and one pair was worse than the others.  They were Old Navy jeans and I’ve never worn anything from that store.

When I was younger (and thinner) we never had one around us, and in later years when I could have ordered online, I knew nothing would fit me.  So these Old Navy jeans became a talisman of sort.  Sure, they’re still technically “plus” sized, but if I could get into them – even if it took months – it would be a huge turning point for me.  I could walk into an Old Navy store and find something that would fit (at least in tops – I know most stores don’t carry plus sizes).

One by one, I got into those second hand jeans.  Wore them a month or two.  Then donated them again, because they didn’t fit any longer.  I bought other cheap pairs at Wal-Mart in the same size, but that last pair I’d bought from the thrift store STILL wouldn’t fit.  My other jeans are getting loose in the waist, signaling it’s almost time to go down again…

Yet the Old Navy ones still didn’t fit.

I refused to give up on that pair of jeans.  Eventually, they WOULD fit.  It became a weekly game on my WI day to try that stubborn pair on.  Eventually (this past month) I could button and zip them all the way up, but they were still too tight to be comfortable.  Close, so close…

Then this last week I had to return a dress in a size I could barely imagine wearing again because it was too big.  A full size smaller than those stubborn jeans.  I ordered two dresses from Kiyonna TWO SIZES down from those jeans after taking my measurements twice, in shock, that this new size might work.

I decided it was time to put those Old Navy jeans on again even though WI isn’t until Tuesday.

I’m wearing them now.

Yes they’re still tight in the thighs… but they’re big in the waist.  In all honesty, if I were trying these on brand new at the store, I wouldn’t buy them.  They’re too low waisted for me and I feel like I’m in dangerous plumber butt territory every time I have to bend over.  They’re snug but I can sit and walk comfortably.  I even wore them while trying on shoes last night (with a really long shirt so I didn’t moon the entire store).

I can’t even find words to say how thrilled and also bone-deep humbled and shocked I am.  I’ve been so heavy most of my adult life.  My kids have only known me as extremely heavy, and even now, I still need to lose at least another 80 pounds to hit WW’s upper range for my height.

So yes I still have a long ways to go, but I’m edging into “normal” sizes.  If these Kiyonna dresses fit, I might even find the courage to snap a few pictures and post them online.  (Another victory, because you’d have to search high and low to find a current online picture of me that’s not just my head.)

The journey has only just begun in many ways.  But this $3 victory was priceless.