The $3 Victory

Some time last year — probably early fall as we were school shopping — I bought several pair of jeans at our local thrift store for $3 a pair in a range of sizes.  They didn’t even come close to fitting, and one pair was worse than the others.  They were Old Navy jeans and I’ve never worn anything from that store.

When I was younger (and thinner) we never had one around us, and in later years when I could have ordered online, I knew nothing would fit me.  So these Old Navy jeans became a talisman of sort.  Sure, they’re still technically “plus” sized, but if I could get into them – even if it took months – it would be a huge turning point for me.  I could walk into an Old Navy store and find something that would fit (at least in tops – I know most stores don’t carry plus sizes).

One by one, I got into those second hand jeans.  Wore them a month or two.  Then donated them again, because they didn’t fit any longer.  I bought other cheap pairs at Wal-Mart in the same size, but that last pair I’d bought from the thrift store STILL wouldn’t fit.  My other jeans are getting loose in the waist, signaling it’s almost time to go down again…

Yet the Old Navy ones still didn’t fit.

I refused to give up on that pair of jeans.  Eventually, they WOULD fit.  It became a weekly game on my WI day to try that stubborn pair on.  Eventually (this past month) I could button and zip them all the way up, but they were still too tight to be comfortable.  Close, so close…

Then this last week I had to return a dress in a size I could barely imagine wearing again because it was too big.  A full size smaller than those stubborn jeans.  I ordered two dresses from Kiyonna TWO SIZES down from those jeans after taking my measurements twice, in shock, that this new size might work.

I decided it was time to put those Old Navy jeans on again even though WI isn’t until Tuesday.

I’m wearing them now.

Yes they’re still tight in the thighs… but they’re big in the waist.  In all honesty, if I were trying these on brand new at the store, I wouldn’t buy them.  They’re too low waisted for me and I feel like I’m in dangerous plumber butt territory every time I have to bend over.  They’re snug but I can sit and walk comfortably.  I even wore them while trying on shoes last night (with a really long shirt so I didn’t moon the entire store).

I can’t even find words to say how thrilled and also bone-deep humbled and shocked I am.  I’ve been so heavy most of my adult life.  My kids have only known me as extremely heavy, and even now, I still need to lose at least another 80 pounds to hit WW’s upper range for my height.

So yes I still have a long ways to go, but I’m edging into “normal” sizes.  If these Kiyonna dresses fit, I might even find the courage to snap a few pictures and post them online.  (Another victory, because you’d have to search high and low to find a current online picture of me that’s not just my head.)

The journey has only just begun in many ways.  But this $3 victory was priceless.