Why Dieting is So Hard

I had my first really good, solid week last week.

  • I stayed within my daily points for the most part, only going over a total of 3 points all week.
  • I earned 38 activity points.
  • I completed 5 days of Power 90.
  • I hit the elliptical 3 days.
  • I ate whole foods all week until the weekend, and then limited carbs and processed foods as much as was in my power.

And guess how the scale rewarded me this morning? 

Zero.  Nadda.  Zilch.

I’m exactly the same weight as I was last Monday.

Theoretically, I should have seen a huge loss this week, something like 5-6 pounds.  It’s my first solid week back to tracking and I deliberately ate really good foods all week.  I also worked my butt off.  (Well, I tried.  Literally.)  How can I lose NOTHING?

It happens and it happens a lot.  I really think that’s one of the main reasons I’ve failed to diet in the past.  Disappointing results at the scale that were nowhere close to meeting my expectations.

But I’ve been down this road before.  I remember the last time I did Power 90 really hard that I lost hardly anything from the beginning.  Until I started eating more.

So I’ve had my week of detox.  I’ve gotten back into the habit of tracking food.  Now I need to go one step further and trust myself to eat more than my daily points and still stay in control.

Sadly, that’s easier said than done.  I’ve only just begun getting back into the swing of things.  Now I have to deliberately eat more, and not get off track again?  But I know that if I don’t fuel up a little, I’m not going to lose.  Not with the kind of exercise I’m doing.  I need plenty of protein to recover from the workouts and build lean muscle tissue.  Power 90 isn’t exactly a “weight loss” exercise.  It’s a toning, firming, reshape your body exercise.  Yes, I know I can and will lose weight on it, but it’s more than the number on the scale.

It’s how strong I feel.  How tight my body gets.  I can literally feel my body getting thinner and tighter and harder, no matter what the scale says.  I’ll fit into smaller sizes no matter what the scale says.

But I really think 90% of the battle is mental.  Instead of just throwing a few points in willy nilly, I changed my thinking a little.  I’m doing WW online, so I changed my settings to pull overages from my weekly points instead of exercise points.  (In the past, I felt better going over if I’d “earned” them.)  Everyone gets 49 extra weekly points to use, and honestly, I rarely used them in the past.  That may be part of my struggle for keeping on track though.  We need those extra points, especially once we get down to 26 daily.

This time, I’m going to deliberately and with great forethought dip into those points.  I’ve written up a schedule where I eat an additional 28 points per week, tightening up as much as possible on the weekend (since my WI is Monday morning).  That leaves me some extras if I have a special event, and of course I could always dip into the activity points if I need to.  I’m also varying the number I eat each day, with one larger spike of 10 points on Friday to keep things interesting.  Hopefully.   :lol:

Otherwise, my plan is more of the same this week.  Power 90 (shooting for 6 days this week), plus a few extra elliptical trips, as often as I can drag the monsters to the gym.  Food wise I intend to continue concentrating on whole foods and limiting carbs, especially at dinner.  If I do eat carbs, they’ll be whole grain as much as possible.

I’ll report back in next week with the results!

WW Update: NSV

NSV = Non Scale Victories.

Let’s face it – we can do everything right all week.  Track our food.  Stay in our points.  Exercise.  And the scale doesn’t cooperate.  It’s especially important to have other victories to celebrate that have absolutely nothing to do with the scale.

I admit the NSVs have been pretty few and far between lately.  I’m not losing quickly enough to jet down into a new clothes size.  I’ve been hard at Power 90 for a good 30 days now, but I haven’t seen any huge changes in measurements.  (In the last round, I saw the most changes in the 60-90 day range.)

I’ve been playing the up and down game since RT in April, with very little consistently downward trends.  Today, I’m up a total of 3 pounds.  I’m not sure why.  It could be because I missed a few days of exercise last week.  I hurt my foot a little, so I was scared to work out too hard for fear plantar fasciitis would come back.  (It didn’t.)  We had lots of errands this weekend preparing for school to start, so we ate out more than usual.  Plus I was under the gun at the Evil Day Job on a late project, while I’ve got a business trip next week AND a release.

When I’m stressed out, I don’t typically see good numbers on the scale, even if I’m within my points.

Plus I’m having a problem sticking to my new daily points.  I typically eat 4-6 points over each day.  I have weeklies and activity points to use, so I’m still technically “within my points”, but I don’t always lose well when I eat over, especially when I’m missing a few days of exercise.

But in the end, the whys don’t really matter.  It is what it is.  I’m in this for the long haul, and I can’t lose every week.  I can’t concentrate on the number.  It’s just a number, after all.

Instead, I’m going to celebrate a victory that I’m still pretty pumped up about.  Many years ago when I was on Atkins for the first time (about 8 years ago I’m guessing), I was working out fairly regularly (for me) at a local fitness place.  I got tired of the treadmill, so I tried an elliptical machine.  Imagine my shame when I could only make it 5 minutes.

Yep.  5 minutes.  I thought, wow, how sad that I’m THAT out of shape!

Because it was so physically hard, I only rarely did it.  Much better to plod on that hateful treadmill than face my inability daily.  Then of course I quit going all together.

A few weeks ago, That Man started a workout routine at our local community center.  The kids swim, while he works out.  Now usually I’d leap at the chance to stay home and get some writing done, but I need to keep working out and I was curious.  I wanted to see if my fitness level was any better now that I’ve been doing Power 90, not to mention that I’m down 80+ pounds.

The ellipticals were all taken, so I tried a cross trainer machine that was more like a stair climber.  I was shocked at how hard it was.  My legs were burning in 5 minutes.  The intensity was much harder than I anticipated, and I was like, uh oh.  No good.  I haven’t improved at all.  Sigh.  Pretty bummed, it took me a few more days to decide to go back.

This time, an elliptical was free.  Filled with trepidation, I hopped on.  I took it easy the first 5 minutes, afraid the intensity would get too much too quickly, but hey, I made it.  Then I made it 10.  15.  I was sweating and definitely feeling the workout, but it wasn’t the same killer thigh intensity that the other machine had been.  That first time, I made it 25 minutes.  I was pretty proud of that!

Yesterday, we went again and I jumped on that elliptical.  I’m getting the hang of it, trusting my body and the rhythm.  I pushed a little harder this time.  And I realized I LOVED IT.

It feels like I’m running like I always wished I could, but couldn’t.  I’ve never been a runner, even in high school at much lower weights.  I tried.  But the pounding was too hard on my knees even then.  I hated that sick feeling I’d get from pushing too hard.  (I once threatened to throw up on the coach’s shoes.)

The elliptical gives me that flying freedom of a fast run that my body can’t really physically pull off.  It cushions my knees wonderfully.  My calves and achilles do begin to tighten up, but even after two times, the tightness is much better/bearable (plus I concentrated on arching my foot more, stretching that area out when it starts to ache).

Last night, I made it 40 minutes.  AFTER I’d already done Power 90 strength over my lunch.  I was dripping sweat but the closest to “pumped up” I’ve ever been from exercising.  Now THAT is a NSV!  Me, Queen Couch Potato, pumped up from exercise!

Starting next month, I’m participating in an exercise competition at the Evil Day Job, where my team gets points for exercising.  I figured I’d need the help to stay on track with the business trip next week.  Now I have no excuse whatsoever not to take my Power 90 cd.  I just hope the hotel also has an elliptical!

Who knows.  I might even look at buying one for the house.  I liked it that much.

Weight Watcher Update

I had a HUGE weigh in today:  -4.6!  On paper that looks great.  In reality, I’m only down .4 from my last low.  I’m hugely thankful though — those two weeks of gains are off much quicker than I expected.

The key has been Power 90.  I made it 4 times the first week, 5 times last week, and I’m on track to make it 6 times this week (assuming I make it every weekday).  Power 90 saved my sanity on Friday.  I was stressed out to the max and I had a KILLER workout.  I think it was the hardest, most exhilerating workout to date.

I’m also trying a new protein mix (Syntha 6) that I’m finding very satisfying, recommended to me on Twitter by Isabelle.  I’m not 100% happy with the ingredients (it contains Splenda) but it tastes great and I don’t feel ravenous an hour after drinking it like with BioChem + Weight Watcher Smoothie (my concoction before).  It’s pointy – 6 if I make it with 1 c. of unsweetened almond milk – but it really does a nice job of making me feel like my gas tank is pleasantly replenished after a hard workout.

What I learned this time around is to keep trying things until I find what works for me.  That Man ordered a drink mix a few months ago.  I tried it one time and felt shaky afterward, like I was having a sugar crash.  BioChem didn’t make me feel bad, but it tasted so terrible that I had to mix it with WW smoothie mixes to gag it down.  Then I still needed to eat a small meal within an hour.

No gagging at all with Syntha.  Mixed with 1 c. fresh spinach and 1 c. frozen fruit, it makes an incredibly rich and tasty drink that sticks with me for 2-3 hours.

Princess has decided she wants to be a vegetarian, so we’ve been trying a few new dishes.  I’m happy to eat the same dishes with her, and then add a chicken breast, etc. if I need a little more protein.  If you have a favorite vegetarian recipe, we’d love to have it!  She’s going to get real tired of Boca burgers pretty fast.

She did Power 90 Sweat with me today and it was so much fun.  She kept saying there was something wrong with Tony for making us work so hard, and then swore there was no way he could be 42 (at the time Power 90 was taped).  He definitely worked us both out hard today!  I had to take some pauses and catch my breath.  I think I was working out harder with company.  Or maybe that was just from laughing as she tried to pick up all the moves with her hilarious commentary.  Anyway, I was pretty darned proud that I was able to hang with my 13 year old daughter and even out-do her at times (I ought to, I’ve been doing Power 90 a lot longer!).  A year ago, I would have keeled over dead at the thought of working out that hard!

Three Days Down

I’ve made it three days in a row for Power 90.  Man I’m soooooore.  I even took it easy on the weight lifting day (yesterday) and skipped round 4 with all the max sets.  And I can hardly make it up and down the stairs tonight.  My left quad and achilles and my right butt cheek are killing me.  I guess I’m uneven.

I’m still having a hard time sticking to my daily points, but I’m only going over 3-6 or so, and I have the activity points to cover it now.  I’m still up 2 pounds, but I know it’ll come off in a few days when the soreness is better.

Plus we had really good news on the homefront today.  That Man has a shiny new CDL license!  Now he’s going through his options, but he should have a job in the next week or two.  That will take some of my stress off and I can hopefully settle into some kind of routine for the rest of the summer.

Sig still isn’t cooperating yet, but I’ve been so tired and stressed with That Man’s test (this morning) that I haven’t really been in the right frame of mind to write at night (and too tired to get up early).  I also have a few scenes I want to add to Lady Blackmyre so I can kick her to the curb and get her submitted.

July should be a busy month!

Taking Care of ME

I came to an important realization this week.

I wrote earlier that I was going to forgive myself for not making the second round of Power 90 happen with our summer schedule.  I was all proud of myself that I wasn’t beating myself up about that “failure” and just moving on.  Which is good and progress -in a way.

I also said I was going to do an old Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout with Princess.  I finally did, yesterday.  I know a lot of people love Billy Blanks, and I do personally connect with him while he’s instructing.  But he confuses the HELL out of me.  He doesn’t mirror, and I’m so mixed up between doing what he’s doing (which is backwards) and listening to what he says (argh, right not left) and getting my weight shifted to the other leg, etc. etc. that I’m totally lost and confused.  Princess was worse off because at least I had Power 90’s modest tae bo to build on.  We were only trying the foundation – beginning – too, so it wasn’t like a workout or anything.  I didn’t even break a sweat.

Now pause there.  I didn’t break a sweat.  I said that like a bad thing, didn’t I?

I kept thinking and thinking and today when it got close to my lunch, I said to myself, “Self, you really need to try and do Power 90 again.  You feel better.  Remember?”

I do remember.  I love how I feel when I’m working out consistently.  I loooove muscles in my arms.  I love seeing the shape of my abs in my tummy instead of just flubber.  I’ve still got sooo much to lose, and while I haven’t been exercising, it’s the same old story.  Up 2 pounds, down 2.4, up 3, down 1.6, etc.  Today I was up 2.  Not bad after a lazy weekend that led to pizza.  The real deal – pepperoni, my favorite.

I got to thinking about other things too.  How when I workout, I take better care of myself.  It’s the small things.  Like taking a shower.  This might be TMI, but I don’t always take a shower every single day.  Why bother?  I work from home for the Evil Day Job.  No one’s going to know if I washed my hair today or if I threw it in a pony tail.  No one’s going to care if I’m in sweats or jeans or a suit for that matter.

But I know.  I know how I feel when my hair is grungy and I’m wearing my “fat” pants.  I sure don’t feel good about myself.

Not getting in a daily shower is the first sign I’m not taking care of myself.  I don’t wear my cute (tight) clothes as much.  Maybe I don’t wear my favorite Clarks, settling for tennis shoes instead.  Not even my workout tennis shoes…  I don’t lotion up my feet that tend to get dry and rough.  Maybe one day I’m just so tired and stressed out that I don’t feel like cooking.  The kids want pizza anyway…

And that lack of care continues to spread like a cancer in my life, making me feel more depressed and tired.  The more depressed I am, the less care I take.  The less care I take, the less likely it is that I’ll eat healthy and exercise, continuing the vicious circle.  When someone needs to lose well over 100 pounds to get to a healthy weight, then it should be pretty obvious that I haven’t taken very good care of myself for years.

The countless arguments I might throw at myself don’t matter in the end.  It doesn’t matter if we’re busy, if I have to do xyz for the EDJ before this date, or if Lady Blackmyre is beating me up, or Sig won’t cooperate, or I got a bad review, or I have a release out, or…  The list will always be a mile long about why I don’t have time to exercise.

Do I really not have time to take care of myself?

No one else is going to do it for me.  I have too many other people depending on me to take care of them.  I can’t push my own care to the wayside, because someday, it will catch up to me.

I feel better when I exercise.  I eat better.  I sleep better.  I’m more productive in general.  I can solve half the (story)world’s problems in the shower, so why wouldn’t I make sure I get a shower each day?  It seems pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?

So I am going to try Power 90 again.  Starting today.  And if I miss a day here and there, that’s okay.  I have to keep trying.  I have to keep finding little ways to take care of myself.  Getting in my exercise is the first step.

And who knows, maybe I’ll finally figure out Sig’s problems in the shower.

Power 90 Round 2

I decided I’d better post this and make it public before I wimp out.

I’m going to do another round of Power 90, this time all at level 3/4.  Today was day 4 for me.  I only managed a handful of exercise days in May, so I decided I’d better get my fanny in gear and make a commitment.  This gives me a deadline of about the time the monsters head back to school this fall.

I’m a little behind where I was before RT but not bad at all.  I can still get through the cardio portion without having to stop, but I can’t quite do as many pushups.  Hopefully that’ll come back after a week or two.  I’ll probably need to move up in weights sometime in the first 30 days, but I’m not sure when.  I guess I’ll play it by ear.

I’m not traditionally very prolific in the dog days of summer, so I’m hoping the exercise commitment won’t interfere with heavy-duty writing.  I’m nearly finished with the first draft of Lady Blackmyre – just one more scene.  I could have finished it this evening after work, but we had two neighbor kids over and it was raining.  Five kids in the house.  Yeah, wasn’t happening.

Then I’ll have some edits I want to do on another story so I can decide what to do with it, and then I’ll grind through a second draft of Blackmyre so I can get it submitted in the next month or so.  I need to finish plotting Lord Regret’s story too.  Hopefully I can continue exercise while managing all my To-Dos.

I only need to lose a little over 16 pounds to hit my next major milestone.  Maybe this round of Power 90 will get me there!

Practicing Maintenance

I have good news and bad news on the Weight Watcher front.  Since RT in April, I’ve pretty much been hovering up and down 2 pounds.

The bad news:  I’ve been gaining and losing the same 2 pounds.  Only this past week did I edge slightly deeper into VFT (virgin fat territory).  I’ve been *this close* to losing 80 pounds for weeks now.

The good news:  that’s well over a month of maintenance.

See, one of the huge reasons I’ve bailed on diets before is this exact phase.  I get tired of the ups and downs without a steady downward trend.  I start feeling sorry for myself.  “Gee, I’m working so hard.  It’s not fair.  Whines.  I didn’t eat this or that and the scale is stilllllll up, so I should definitely polish off that bag of chips in the pantry.”

I get in a rut.  I’m tired of tracking.  For seemingly “valid” reasons (RT travel, Lady Blackmyre’s whip), I can’t get my normal exercise routine in.  I’m stressed out (That Man’s job situation).  Maybe we eat out a little more because of traveling (Mother’s Day trips).  I might overeat a little at birthday celebrations (mine in May, Littlest in June, That Man’s in July).

I’m sick.  I’m tired.  I’m sick AND tired.  I’ve got a release out.  The kids are out of school.  That Man’s out of a job.  Ahhhhhh!  *runs away tearing out my hair*

Once you’re derailed, it’s really really hard to get back on track.  Danger, Will Robinson!  Here be Dragons!

The good news this time around is that I’ve basically been practicing maintnenance.  I haven’t gained more than 2 pounds, which I immediately lost over the next two weeks.  I’ve not blackslid into poor eating.  While I did indulge at Mythos for my birthday and a patty melt and fries (my all-time favorite) once at Smith’s, I’ve always gotten back on track the very next meal.

My usual breakfast.  My normal veggie side dishes and homemade dressings.  My faithful snacks of fruit and protein and healthy oils.

My smallest jeans still fit.  My favorite jeans are still too big.  I keep putting them in the sell pile and then pulling them on “one last time” even though I know they’ll stretch out and drive me nuts because I’ll be hauling them up all day.

Maybe it’s wisdom in my old age :mrgreen: but I’ve come to realize these periods are not failures.  In some ways, they’re necessities.  This is time for my body to adjust to a new weight.  Maybe it’s all in my head, but I really think it gives my skin time to shrink in and adjust to my smaller body.  I feel tighter and smaller, even if the scale doesn’t budge…ESPECIALLY if I get my Power 90 routine in.  (I’m working on it – I’m hoping to log a steady 5 weeks while That Man is training for his new job.)

If I’m bored with food, then that gives me a reason to research new menu options.  I pulled out my old WW cookbooks.

If I’m bored with my clothes, then I try on my drawer things for new inspiration.  By the way, I wore my first pair of shorts in at least ten years last weekend on a family trip to Silver Dollar City.  Small children did not run in horror at my deathly white cellulite that still lingers.

It’s just like writing (or any other Hero’s Journey).  Some days the traveling is joyous and easy and exhilarating.  I can’t wait to get up in the morning to see what new low the scale has given me.

Other days it’s a struggle to even get out of bed and trudge in there to see what that lying cheating box of metal is going to shovel on me today.  I don’t wanna exercise.  I can’t gag down one more bowl of yogurt for breakfast.  I want chips, damn it.  Or homemade bread!

But if I stick to the path, eventually these periods of Inner Cave and Dark Moments will pass.  I will only contine my journey by passing through these moments of boredom and fear and laziness.  There is light at the end of the tunnel.  If I do the right things and eat the right foods, the hateful lying scale will eventually be forced to cooperate.

I can’t use the cave as an excuse to leave the journey entirely.  In some ways, this phase is more MENTAL than physical.  I have to let my mind adjust as much as my thinner body.

So the journey continues.

Power 90 Update: After 90 Days

I made it!  I didn’t miss a single day in March (although I did miss starting April out perfectly – this was a very busy weekend and I was just too exhausted to workout last night).  The entire month of March I worked out at level 3/4.  It was tough, sometimes so tough I was afraid I wouldn’t make it, but I did.

I’ve never completed such an exercise program before.  I’ve never worked out 90 days consistently before.  Even if I didn’t have very good results on the scale or in measurements, that alone would be a victory.

However, I saw pretty awesome results!

March 1- 31 results, followed by (totals) since Jan 1st:

  • Lost 5.4 pounds (12.6 pounds)
  • Bust 0  (-3)
  • Waist  -1 inch (-4)
  • Arms  0  (-.5) each (doesn’t even come close to showing how rock-hard my arms are getting!)
  • Hips  -1  (-5)
  • Thighs -1 inch (-4) each

Amazing – I lost a total of 21 inches in 90 days!

I am so much stronger.  In one routine of sculpt/strength, I’m able to do a total of 71 pushups (from my knees).  Compare that to when I started Power 90 – I could only do 15-20 total.  I’m doing the dips now (with my legs under me to help, but I couldn’t do them at all before).  In the cardio portion, I’m able to make it all the way through level 3/4 without having to pause to catch my breath (I do bring my arms down to rest occasionally, but I keep going!).  I occasionally do more of the high impact jumping jacks and cross hops, versus absolutely none at the beginning.  I can do almost all 200 ab crunches — the last two sets of 20 are touch and go but I can almost do it.

Since starting Weight Watchers over one year ago, I’ve gone down from a 24W or 26W to 14W-16W/XL in dresses.  From that first pair of 24W jeans I bought (which were probably at least 2 sizes smaller than I would have worn — if I’d even tried to wear jeans), I’ve gone down to 18W and I have a pair of 16W that I can zip (I just can’t sit in comfortably!)  In tops I’ve gone down from 2x or even 3x to an XL.

Here’s the funniest measurement:  I’ve gone from a 10/11W (wide) shoe to a 9W.  Who thought my feet would lose weight too?  I’ve even returned a pair of 9W that were too big!

My exercise goals for April are mixed.  Since I’m going to Chicago for RT, I think I’ll take that week off except for walking.  I am going to take my exercise clothes and tennis shoes, and if I get the opportunity to do some cardio, I’ll be prepared.  I’ve never been to this kind of conference before so I’m not sure if I’ll actually have time to work out or not.  At the worst, I’ll take the week off since completing Power 90 and I’ll start up from scratch Monday, April 16 (I’m taking that day off from the Evil Day Job to recover).

I plan to do Power 90 through April 10th, the day I leave for Chicago.  That’ll get me another full 6 days of training in, even though I missed yesterday.  However, I might switch things up a bit and do some Walk It Out or other cardio routines just to keep things exciting.  Since my workouts will be interrupted (or at least not “routine”) thanks to the trip, I’m going to use the opportunity to try some new things.

Once I’m back, I plan to get right back on the Power 90 horse through the end of the month.  At this point, I’m going to stick with Power 90 through May and then see if I think I’m ready for P90X.  Who knows – I might ask for it for my birthday!

Virgin Fat Territory

First off, I apologize for the lack of posts this past week.  I’ve been fighting a bad attitude for the last few days as the hits keep coming on in.  Plus I had copyedits to get back on Vicki – but yay, that means she’s almost ready for you!

Memory is a funny thing.  I’m an avoider.  For many years we didn’t even have a scale.  I didn’t want to know how bad it was.  So for me to come up with milestones as I lose weight this time around is kind of hard.  I don’t really know because we didn’t have a scale.  I have to try and piece my memory together from events, like when I had a kid, etc.  And my memory isn’t the greatest.

I’d set my goal months ago to be what I believed to be VFT – the lowest weight I had achieved through dieting in recent memory (10-15 years) and had never been able to attain again.  This was supposed to be the weight I was after a stint of Weight Watchers at work right after Princess (the first) was born.  However, I’m pretty sure my memory is way off – by at least 10 pounds.  Because I’m wearing sizes now that I couldn’t then.

Of course Power 90 has been helping reshape my body tremendously – so that’s part of the difference.  But I’m pretty sure I hit VFT a month or more ago.  That wasn’t the “goal” weight that I’d set for this milestone, so I kept plugging away.

I hit that goal this morning, bringing my total lost to 73.6 pounds. I know for a fact I haven’t been at this weight in at least 13 years, but it’s probably closer to 15 years.

Now I’m getting to the embarassing level of weight loss.  People are like WOW!  And then they say how much more are you going to lose?  It’s hard to admit that I’m only half way there.  It becomes clearer how big I’d let myself get.

However, I’m feeling really really good now.  I’m doing things I never did before.  Whatever I lose from here will just help me feel even better.  The closer I get to my goal, the slower it’s going to go.  If I lose just 25 more, I’d be pretty darned ecstatic.  That’d put me down to a weight that I probably had in Texas between 1992-1994.  25 more from there would put me at my undergrad weight (1988-1992).  Any more than that will put me in the high school range.

Seriously, WW, is it possible to weigh what I did in high school?  At that point, I may have to get a doctor to assign me a new goal weight.  I really don’t see weighing what I did at 18 again.  I’ve had 3 kids since then and I’m just a few years older.  :mrgreen:

My next goal is mini – just to get me down inside the next decade.  From there, I’ll go in 10 pound increments.  If I can hit the 100 lb mark by Christmas, I’d be pretty darned happy!

Hitting A Wall

This week has been tough in the exercise department.  I haven’t missed a single day in March.  I’ve been sticking to level 3/4 of Power 90, but where I felt pumped up the first week or two, this week I’ve been gutted.  Like I almost can’t get enough strength and energy to finish, even the strength days (which I normally love).

I don’t know if this is a common occurrence in exercise in general or perhaps Power 90 specifically?   I would think that several weeks at this higher level would have me feeling even better than the beginning.

Maybe I’m just in a general funk.  I’ve been stressed out and panicked trying to find enough clothes for RT next month (at this point I don’t even have enough underwear!).  I’ve had some disappointing news and of course losing Pepper put a big hole in my heart.

It’s been a hard, hard week.

My left knee (not the one Middle even kicked) is achy, where my knees haven’t hurt much at all this time around, thanks to already losing 50+ pounds before I started.  My muscles have been sorer, especially my back and obliques.  I haven’t gone up in weight on most of the exercises — although I did switch up to using the 10 lb dumbbells on the military and swimmer’s press lifts.  I don’t think two moves is enough to justify how hard this week has been.

Then it dawned on me.  I’ve been trying to do more of the high impact lately.  10-15 secs of jumping jacks (instead of the whole 30 secs).  Even the cross hops I’ve started doing a little more on the last round than my modified move I’ve been doing all along.  That definitely explains why my knee is achy.  I guess it could explain why everything in general has been harder.

I’m going to keep pushing despite this tiredness.  Today’s my last day this week before my rest day, so I’m going to dial it back down a little on the high impact stuff and take it easy on my knee.

I want to finish strong.  I only have one more week to go to hit 90 days!