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Zombie Romance Giveaway

Why am I so fascinated with zombie romance?

The first time I explored the idea of “undead” romance was several years ago in now-defunct Drollerie Press’s chat.  We always had such a blast talking about all things horror, and we got to talking about how hilarious it would be if someone wrote a zombie romance.

I mean think about it.  If someone’s dead, how can you possibly work out a HEA?


The challenge of it fascinated me, and then Deena threw down the gauntlet.  She challenged me to write one.  I accepted.   :mrgreen: That story is still available for free (click on the thumbnail to download a pdf, or other formats are available at Smashwords).

So I guess Zombie Category Romance was only inevitable.  I love the idea of warping traditional tropes.  That’s why I take Regency tropes… and twist them into Jane Austen Soap Operas where ladies rule instead of the men.  Now I’m taking billionaire alphaholes and making them zombies.

But it’s not easy.  I mean, to make it romance, there has to be more romantic elements than horror elements.  So there has to be a REASON for the hero to be a zombie, and it can’t be too disgusting.  e.g. no rotting flesh hanging off the bones while he eats braiiiiiiins.

So how could I come up with a zombie hero that’s not disgusting? That’s where the magical elements come into play.  Instead of a zombie apocalypse caused by a virus, the hero is simply cursed.  It’s not a widespread disaster.  There’s no need to hole up in a farmhouse with every gun you can find.

In fact, most of the time Yiorgos looks perfectly fine.  Only a handful of people know what happens when he takes off the signet ring he won from Emile Remy along with his restaurant.  He wears the ring the entire time he’s with Clare, except for one time she tries to use her powers to help him, searching for a clue to the curse.

He even eats normal food, not brains.  Which is a very bad thing for him, because Clare is a kitchen witch and she makes one mean chocolate cake.

So I came up with a few cheesy tag lines that were more jokes than anything.  My favorite that I didn’t use:

Come for the braiiiins.  Stay for the romance.

*laughs*  I promise.  NO BRAINS!

Remember all procceds in 4th quarter 2012 from The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch will go to Rebuilding Joplin.

To celebrate my first zombie category romance release, I’m giving away a $25 gift card to any online book retailer (AMZ, B&N, etc.)  Simply comment on this post by Oct. 10th midnight (CST) and tell me your favorite zombie movie.  This giveaway is open to anyone on the planet, even if you’ve won something from me before.

And stay tuned – I intend to giveaway several more prizes this month as we get closer to Halloween!

Anyone willing to review or rate The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch – email me at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com with your desired format, and I’ll send you a review copy.  Thank you!

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Start Small

Even when you’ve been doing something for years, sometimes you have to start over at the beginning.

Baby steps.

As a published author with a full-time day job, I’ve been struggling to keep up this year.  Between extensive edits (I took several days off from work so I could complete The Bloodgate Warrior edits) and two releases on the writing side — and massive projects (e.g. a five-year project finally reaching closure) on the Evil Day Job side — I’ve been fighting mental exhaustion.  No, worse, spiritual exhaustion.

The endless blog hops.  Trying to come up with something new and exciting to say for every single guest post.  Diligently replying to every comment without just saying “thanks.”  Searching for reviews, which means I have to read them, good and bad.  And yes, even lukewarm reviews suck at the creativity, draining it dry.  Worrying about numbers.  Self publishing.  More worrying.  More planning.

Mental.  Exhaustion.

Not conducive for the number one thing a writer must do.  You know, produce WORDS.

The only brand new material I’ve managed to turn out this year is Her Grace’s Stable.  Now that’s sad sad sad.  Yes, I’ve been busy.  I went to my first ever conference.  I had a work trip (haven’t been to the home office in five years).  Three releases counting the zombie one.  It’s been a busy, full, crazy year.

But my pipelines are empty.  Worse, my creative well is absymally dry.

It’s so tempting to jump on a new shiny and fill my well with whatever energy that flits by, but I want to be a WORKING writer.  Someday, I’d like to have a contract before I finish the book.  The only way I’m going to be able to do that is if I stick to things I’ve promised, even if not yet contractually obligated.

So Lord Regret’s Price is on the docket.  Note: he’s been on my list all year.

How to start.  How to get over the hump when there’s nothing in the tank.  How to convince Sig to open up and give me something, anything, other than plot.  Because I need the emotion, whether it’s jealousy or rage, hatred or love, I have to get to the heart of what’s bothering him.

So I started small.  Using Scrivener’s goal tracking stats, I set my daily count to 250 words.  *wince*  Yes, I know that’s ridiculously small.  I gave myself permission to get those words on anything, no matter how bad and ugly they were, as long as it fit in Sig’s folder.  That was the catch.  I could brainstorm plot.  I could write up background.  I even wrote a first-person piece in Gil’s POV and decided he needed a POV in this story (I couldn’t give him a POV in Lady Doctor Wyre because he had too many secrets).  ANYTHING was okay, no matter how bad it was…. As long as it was for Sig’s book.

It felt good to see that bar go green.  And then I could stop, satisfied that I’d finally started.  250 words.  Done.  Goal reached.

Then the next day I got another 250 words.

And the next.

And suddenly I was writing again.  Really writing.  Not editing, not marketing, not tracking stats, not angsting over sales.  WRITING.  I bumped the daily goal to 500.  A pittance of what I can get when the muse is singing and the words are flying in the air, crystal clear and just waiting for me to reach out and grab them.

I’m not there yet, but I can do 500 words in one sitting again.

It’s like a muscle that’s stiff and sore and reluctant, but it is moving.  The muse is warming up.  Since I had Monday and Tuesday off from the EDJ this week, I reset that daily goal a couple of times.  I didn’t get anywhere near the wordage I wanted with errands etc. (Mom has a day off and I magically transform into a personal taxi) but it was a start.

I even set up a spreadsheet just for Oct with several “Sprint” columns across the top with daily and monthly totals.  Even if I can only get 250 words at a time, if I do that a few times each day, the words will start to add up.

I even managed to get up Dark and Early this morning — probably the first time all year.  I only had about 45 minutes, but I managed over 700 words.  Sprint 1 down for the day.

Even better, Lord Regret’s Price has somehow managed to break 5K.

Momentum is everything.  Start small.  Be consistent.  Build momentum.

Who knows.  Maybe Sig will be finished by NaNoWriMo as I originally hoped, and I’ll be in shape to start something new in November.

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Rebuilding Joplin

It’s been well over a year since Joplin was devastated by a massive tornado.  Clean-up crews worked hard for months just to clear streets and remove debris.  Many of the commercial sites (like Wal-Mart and Home Depot) have been rebuilt, but some residential areas are still empty.

Lot after lot stretching out in the distance with just some concrete pads.

Why?  Because many areas of Joplin just weren’t that affluent.  When people lost everything, they simply packed up and left instead of rebuilding.  Many lower-income apartments were completely leveled.  The good news:  many new apartments and duplexes have been built.  The bad news:  most of them are no longer low income housing.

They might look great, but the people who used to live there can’t afford it.

We took a trip last month to take new pictures of the area.  All procceds in 4th quarter 2012 from The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch will go to Rebuilding Joplin.

When we lived in Joplin 1990-1992, we lived in an apartment on this once BUSY street.  I wouldn’t even recognize this area now if I didn’t have the street signs for reference.  The entire apartment complex and exercise facility behind it are gone.

This is where our favorite grocery store used to be.  It’s still just an empty parking lot.

This is where the high school used to be.  It’s an enormous hole in the ground now, and the students are using a large department store at the mall in the meantime.

This is all that’s left of the original high school.

This tree manages to break my heart and yet sing with hope at the same time.  You can tell from the broken branches that the tornado killed it and nearly twisted it completely out of the ground, yet it managed to hold firm.  Now painted in vibrant designs, it stands in a completely empty lot and promises that the heart of Joplin still beats strong and sure, despite the broken branches.

I’ve blogged about Mythos many times, and after I was assured my beloved sister was okay, my next thought was for Mythos and all the people we know there.  It’s almost like God drew His finger along Rangeline and jumped across the street…. to spare Mythos.  The tornado managed to veer just enough, destroying everything (including large Wal-Mart and Home Depot buildings) across the street.  There was some minor damage to the pillars outside, but the restaurant and the people we know there were spared (although the owner was INSIDE Wal-Mart when the tornado hit).

The monsters love Mythos as much as we do.  And yes, in my mind, Remy’s in The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch might look just a little like Mythos.  I hope I captured the same delicious food and warm, welcoming atmosphere of our favorite restaurant!

(Yes, they DO have Death By Chocolate Cake on the menu!)

 

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Happy October: Zombies are Here!

The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch is live at Smashwords and should be up at B&N and Amazon shortly (I’ve submitted them, at least).  If you click either on the link or the cover in the sidebar, you can read an excerpt and the first review.

Since this is a self-pub venture, I need reviews even more than usual.  If you’re willing to post a rating/review online, please drop me a note with your desired format and I’ll get you a review copy.

ALL PROCEEDS (I mean all – I’ve paid for the cover and editing out of my other royalties) in 4th quarter, 2012 will go to Rebuild Joplin.  (Remember the tornado?)

Why?  I have a personal connection to Joplin.  Early in our marriage, That Man and I lived there for nearly 3 years while I finished my undergraduate degree at Missouri Southern.  My beloved sister has lived in Joplin for more than ten years and also graduated from Missouri Southern.  I praise God every day that she wasn’t anywhere near the devastation area when the tornado hit, but her place of employment was completely wiped out.  She’s had to drive down familiar streets that look like a bomb went off and leveled the entire area.

Yes it’s been more than a year, but some parts of Joplin still look empty and broken.  Tomorrow, I’ll post some pictures we took just last month.  Along with some pictures of Mythos, our favorite restaurant that inspired Remy’s.

In the meantime, please help spread the word any way you can.  Thank you!

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Preparing My Zombie Story

I’ve been working on final updates to The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch, including formatting and a blurb.  I’m on track to release next week!

If you beta-read this book for me, can you drop me a note so I’m sure to include you in the acknowledgements?  Sometimes I lose track book to book and I don’t want to forget anyone who might have read it back in Nov. 2011 when I first finished it.

Does this blurb make you want to read the book? (It’s too long, so I’ll be trimming…)

The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch
A Zombie Category Romance
Because even zombies deserve a happily ever after.

Rich, gorgeous and powerful, renowned world-wide restaurateur Yiorgos Michelopoulos has it all. Except for the Midwestern ma-and-pa diner that somehow keeps winning the coveted fifth star over his own top-notch restaurants. The stubborn owner refuses to sell and beats him year after year. Infuriated, Yiorgos accepts the man’s risky bet, never knowing the secret to Remy’s success. Until it’s too late.

When he slips on the ring he won along with the diner, Yiorgos activates a curse that begins to turn him into a zombie.  Only someone of Remy’s blood can lift the curse, but the man died soon after losing his restaurant.  Luckily, he did have one lone daughter. The plump, frumpy kitchen witch ought to be easy pickings for a playboy like Yiorgos Michelopoulos. But one taste of her Death By Chocolate cake might just be the death of him.

Devastated by the loss of her father, their family signet ring and their restaurant, Claire Remy’s only hope for supporting her mother is to earn a teaching spot at the Wizard Council’s Academy.  Without the family signet ring, she must retain her virginity or lose her power entirely.

Which makes the gorgeous Greek a very, very dangerous man.

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Feeding My Addiction

If you’ve been reading here long, you know that I love coffee.  I’ve had all kinds of coffee pots over the years.  I’ve tried cheap ones.  I’ve tried expensive ones (to me, any coffee pot that costs over $100 is expensive).  I’ve bought green coffee beans and had them roasted to order.  I jumped up and down when Caribou Coffee opened, only to become…disillusioned.

Over time, my taste has changed.  I used to love Gevalia, for example.  I bought Kenya by the box.  Then I got sick of it and I can’t stand how it tastes now, even from other companies.  There’s a honey-cured bean (with some of the coffee fruit still on the bean) that we adored from Costa Rica, but we haven’t been able to order it for over a year.  Nothing else compares.  Even my old standby – Mahogany from Caribou – loses its taste if that’s all I drink.  It helps if I trade in other coffees, like Living After Midnight from Classic Rock, a local roastery, but…

Now I’m having problems with my coffee pot.

I’m hard on pots, I know that.  I make 2-4 pots a day.  By “pot” I don’t mean a full pot.  I make just enough at once to fill my favorite white mug, which takes about 4 cups of water on the measuring line.  I use a ridiculous amount of beans to get it as strong as I like, even with the 1-4 cup/Bold setting on this pot.  Yet it still doesn’t have that TASTE I want.

It’s hard to describe.  It’s like when you steal the first 1/2 cup or so out of the pot, when it’s really really strong and rich.  That’s what I like.  I’ve been making my coffee stronger and stronger over time, and cutting back on how much I make as a result, but this pot just isn’t making the coffee as strong as I like, even when I only make 1 cup at a time.  Plus it’s ridiculously expensive to waste so many beans.

Then this pot started leaking.  And it’s less than 6 months old!  I thought a KitchenAid would last longer than that.

Anyway, I’ve been eying an espresso machine as a result.  I wanted that rich strong taste that I crave, even if I get a much smaller cup at once.  (If I drank my white mug full of espresso I think I’d have a heart attack.)

We went to Everything Kitchen to try out some different pots (they were nice enough to demo them for me, which makes shopping so much easier).  I tasted espresso both from a Nepresso Pixie and a gorgeous stainless steel Saeco, fully automated.  I admit, I loved that Saeco.  The coffee was incredible.

So was the sticker price at over $1200.  Gulp!!!

Needless to say, I didn’t spend that much.  But I did spend more than I’ve ever spent on a coffee pot before and bought the Pixie.  I was reluctant because I don’t want to chain myself to a pod-only system, but since I’m fairly tired of the beans I typically buy, it’s a risk I was willing to take.  Plus my other pot still works — it just leaks.  When I need to change things up, I can always make a traditional pot of coffee.

So here’s my cute little lime-green Pixie.  (My colors are black or red, but this was a demo model and I got a really good price on it.)  My only complaint so far:  I ran out of the sample pods way too quickly!  I was desperate enough that I drank the decaf ones today until my order arrived.

I’m not addicted or anything….

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Ennui

Sorry, I know I haven’t been posting very often.  I’m busy with Coyote Con and a five-year project at the Evil Day Job is coming to a close (please, dear God, let us finish this month).  But that’s not really an excuse for my lack of production lately.

I open my file every day.  I just don’t actually find myself doing anything.

Oh, I tinker around in Scrivener.  I load my class file each day and play around in my project.  I’m learning a lot.  But I still can’t get any headway on Lord Regret.  It’s not him.  It’s me.

I’ve been struggling to stay on track with Weight Watchers too.  Not tracking faithfully.  Not exercising.  I’m still up and down the same 2 lbs since April.  Which is actually GOOD considering I haven’t been trying very hard.

Grrr.  I’m annoyed with myself.

I just have to keep trying.  I start out each day tracking, even if I don’t finish.  I did get back to Power 90 this week…once.  That’s a start.  I planned to work out today over lunch but I didn’t feel the greatest.  Hopefully I won’t get the fall cold going around and I can kick myself in the tail.

As for Lord Regret, I’m giving up on him for awhile.  I’m going to talk to Gil instead.  He didn’t have a voice in Lady Doctor Wyre and I have a feeling he might have a lot to say.

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Crocheting Fool

I need to get my act together and start working on some Christmas gifts.  This year, I think I’m going to crochet a few things.

Just a few.  Ok, ok, who am I kidding.

You see, the problem is that if I make something for myself… I have to make 3 more just like it for the monsters.  So I made myself a pair of fingerless gloves… and 3 more pairs over the weekend.  I also completed a scarf and started another.  You know, for GIFTS!

Then I started working on a matching headband (without the big flower – I’ve never made one of those before), but I had to rip it out.  I messed up really bad.  I restarted it last night, and so far I’m okay.  I don’t *think* I’ve messed it up yet.  The first time I make something from a new-to-me pattern is always risky.  I’m a terrible pattern reader.  I usually end up taking it to my mom and have her decipher the directions for me, but I want to make something for her this year, so I can’t have her help me!

Here’s a terrible picture of my gloves, made with LionBrand yarn.  It’s a little itchy (a wool blend) but so incredibly warm!

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The Hair-Smelling Zombies

I had a WHOPPER of a dream last night.

It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, but I woke up with an elevated heartrate and had a hard time getting back to sleep.  You know how sometimes you have a really GOOD dream and you want to slip back into that dream world but it’s too late?  You’re too awake?  Well it was the opposite of that last night.  I woke up, heart pounding, but started to slip right back into the dream.  So I got up, hit the bathroom, got a drink, crawled back into bed…

And had to fight the hair-smelling zombies again.

Let me ‘splain.

I was in a group of people that I did not know, standing in line.  Some guy was talking but I don’t remember what he looked like, only that he was in control and he was changing the people (US) in the room.  We were becoming zombies.  He lectured about how this was good and right and scientifically miraculous, blah blah blah but what it really came down to….

He didn’t like the way human hair smelled.

Yeah, what a freak!  Anyway, he’s giving all of us medicine that eliminates body hair, everywhere, and the side effect unfortunately is that we turn into zombies.

Evidently I’m okay with this.  (?)  I’m his favorite.  Even as the other people begin to react violently — more like zombies! — I’m completely normal and calm.  Until the zombies start smelling me.

Because I still have my hair.

I can’t figure out why the medicine isn’t affecting me, and all I can think about is what HE will do when he realizes that his favorite hasn’t lost her foul-smelling human hair.  I’m really getting anxious about this.  He’s willing to turn people into zombies just to get rid of their hair.  So what’s he going to do if his science fails on me?

At the same time, the other zombies keep smelling my hair and getting increasingly aggressive.  One in particular keeps bumping me and getting in my face.  Oddly, he’s shorter than me (NO ONE IS SHORTER THAN ME, especially grown men, but whatever) and very stocky, like a wrestler.  In the dream, I wondered if he was a friend of That Man’s family that I met one time about a hundred years ago.  It was hard to tell because he had no hair, no eyebrows, etc. and he was so stinking short!  I couldn’t get over it.

Anyway, he keeps bumping me, growling at me about my hair, and I’m so nervous.  I’m afraid he’s making too much noise and HE will notice that I still have all my hair.  I’m trying to stay quiet, but the bald short zombie starts poking me.  He’s hitting me in the back, that bump at the base of my neck where it meets my shoulders.  What is that thing called?  (In the dream, it was a mandela, I have no idea if that’s really what it’s called or not.)  It hurts, but there’s no blood or guts or anything, and I’m trying to stay quiet.

I still have my hair.

Whew, I know that doesn’t sound scary at all, but it was really disturbing.  And then the dream kept trying to suck me back.  That really worried me.  I so did not want to go back and find out what hair-smelling zombies would do to me.

Oh, did I mention that I got my hair colored today?  :mrgreen:  I joked with Apryll that I was having an axiety attack about what she’d do to my hair and came up with hair-smelling zombies the night before.  But what really made me burst out laughing was when I sat down in the chair (before she knew about the dream)…

And she smelled my hair.

*dies*  I always wear Moroccan Oil which smells divine.  Maybe that’s what the zombies were after!