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Happy October: Zombies are Here!

The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch is live at Smashwords and should be up at B&N and Amazon shortly (I’ve submitted them, at least).  If you click either on the link or the cover in the sidebar, you can read an excerpt and the first review.

Since this is a self-pub venture, I need reviews even more than usual.  If you’re willing to post a rating/review online, please drop me a note with your desired format and I’ll get you a review copy.

ALL PROCEEDS (I mean all – I’ve paid for the cover and editing out of my other royalties) in 4th quarter, 2012 will go to Rebuild Joplin.  (Remember the tornado?)

Why?  I have a personal connection to Joplin.  Early in our marriage, That Man and I lived there for nearly 3 years while I finished my undergraduate degree at Missouri Southern.  My beloved sister has lived in Joplin for more than ten years and also graduated from Missouri Southern.  I praise God every day that she wasn’t anywhere near the devastation area when the tornado hit, but her place of employment was completely wiped out.  She’s had to drive down familiar streets that look like a bomb went off and leveled the entire area.

Yes it’s been more than a year, but some parts of Joplin still look empty and broken.  Tomorrow, I’ll post some pictures we took just last month.  Along with some pictures of Mythos, our favorite restaurant that inspired Remy’s.

In the meantime, please help spread the word any way you can.  Thank you!

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Preparing My Zombie Story

I’ve been working on final updates to The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch, including formatting and a blurb.  I’m on track to release next week!

If you beta-read this book for me, can you drop me a note so I’m sure to include you in the acknowledgements?  Sometimes I lose track book to book and I don’t want to forget anyone who might have read it back in Nov. 2011 when I first finished it.

Does this blurb make you want to read the book? (It’s too long, so I’ll be trimming…)

The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch
A Zombie Category Romance
Because even zombies deserve a happily ever after.

Rich, gorgeous and powerful, renowned world-wide restaurateur Yiorgos Michelopoulos has it all. Except for the Midwestern ma-and-pa diner that somehow keeps winning the coveted fifth star over his own top-notch restaurants. The stubborn owner refuses to sell and beats him year after year. Infuriated, Yiorgos accepts the man’s risky bet, never knowing the secret to Remy’s success. Until it’s too late.

When he slips on the ring he won along with the diner, Yiorgos activates a curse that begins to turn him into a zombie.  Only someone of Remy’s blood can lift the curse, but the man died soon after losing his restaurant.  Luckily, he did have one lone daughter. The plump, frumpy kitchen witch ought to be easy pickings for a playboy like Yiorgos Michelopoulos. But one taste of her Death By Chocolate cake might just be the death of him.

Devastated by the loss of her father, their family signet ring and their restaurant, Claire Remy’s only hope for supporting her mother is to earn a teaching spot at the Wizard Council’s Academy.  Without the family signet ring, she must retain her virginity or lose her power entirely.

Which makes the gorgeous Greek a very, very dangerous man.

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Feeding My Addiction

If you’ve been reading here long, you know that I love coffee.  I’ve had all kinds of coffee pots over the years.  I’ve tried cheap ones.  I’ve tried expensive ones (to me, any coffee pot that costs over $100 is expensive).  I’ve bought green coffee beans and had them roasted to order.  I jumped up and down when Caribou Coffee opened, only to become…disillusioned.

Over time, my taste has changed.  I used to love Gevalia, for example.  I bought Kenya by the box.  Then I got sick of it and I can’t stand how it tastes now, even from other companies.  There’s a honey-cured bean (with some of the coffee fruit still on the bean) that we adored from Costa Rica, but we haven’t been able to order it for over a year.  Nothing else compares.  Even my old standby – Mahogany from Caribou – loses its taste if that’s all I drink.  It helps if I trade in other coffees, like Living After Midnight from Classic Rock, a local roastery, but…

Now I’m having problems with my coffee pot.

I’m hard on pots, I know that.  I make 2-4 pots a day.  By “pot” I don’t mean a full pot.  I make just enough at once to fill my favorite white mug, which takes about 4 cups of water on the measuring line.  I use a ridiculous amount of beans to get it as strong as I like, even with the 1-4 cup/Bold setting on this pot.  Yet it still doesn’t have that TASTE I want.

It’s hard to describe.  It’s like when you steal the first 1/2 cup or so out of the pot, when it’s really really strong and rich.  That’s what I like.  I’ve been making my coffee stronger and stronger over time, and cutting back on how much I make as a result, but this pot just isn’t making the coffee as strong as I like, even when I only make 1 cup at a time.  Plus it’s ridiculously expensive to waste so many beans.

Then this pot started leaking.  And it’s less than 6 months old!  I thought a KitchenAid would last longer than that.

Anyway, I’ve been eying an espresso machine as a result.  I wanted that rich strong taste that I crave, even if I get a much smaller cup at once.  (If I drank my white mug full of espresso I think I’d have a heart attack.)

We went to Everything Kitchen to try out some different pots (they were nice enough to demo them for me, which makes shopping so much easier).  I tasted espresso both from a Nepresso Pixie and a gorgeous stainless steel Saeco, fully automated.  I admit, I loved that Saeco.  The coffee was incredible.

So was the sticker price at over $1200.  Gulp!!!

Needless to say, I didn’t spend that much.  But I did spend more than I’ve ever spent on a coffee pot before and bought the Pixie.  I was reluctant because I don’t want to chain myself to a pod-only system, but since I’m fairly tired of the beans I typically buy, it’s a risk I was willing to take.  Plus my other pot still works — it just leaks.  When I need to change things up, I can always make a traditional pot of coffee.

So here’s my cute little lime-green Pixie.  (My colors are black or red, but this was a demo model and I got a really good price on it.)  My only complaint so far:  I ran out of the sample pods way too quickly!  I was desperate enough that I drank the decaf ones today until my order arrived.

I’m not addicted or anything….

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Ennui

Sorry, I know I haven’t been posting very often.  I’m busy with Coyote Con and a five-year project at the Evil Day Job is coming to a close (please, dear God, let us finish this month).  But that’s not really an excuse for my lack of production lately.

I open my file every day.  I just don’t actually find myself doing anything.

Oh, I tinker around in Scrivener.  I load my class file each day and play around in my project.  I’m learning a lot.  But I still can’t get any headway on Lord Regret.  It’s not him.  It’s me.

I’ve been struggling to stay on track with Weight Watchers too.  Not tracking faithfully.  Not exercising.  I’m still up and down the same 2 lbs since April.  Which is actually GOOD considering I haven’t been trying very hard.

Grrr.  I’m annoyed with myself.

I just have to keep trying.  I start out each day tracking, even if I don’t finish.  I did get back to Power 90 this week…once.  That’s a start.  I planned to work out today over lunch but I didn’t feel the greatest.  Hopefully I won’t get the fall cold going around and I can kick myself in the tail.

As for Lord Regret, I’m giving up on him for awhile.  I’m going to talk to Gil instead.  He didn’t have a voice in Lady Doctor Wyre and I have a feeling he might have a lot to say.

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Crocheting Fool

I need to get my act together and start working on some Christmas gifts.  This year, I think I’m going to crochet a few things.

Just a few.  Ok, ok, who am I kidding.

You see, the problem is that if I make something for myself… I have to make 3 more just like it for the monsters.  So I made myself a pair of fingerless gloves… and 3 more pairs over the weekend.  I also completed a scarf and started another.  You know, for GIFTS!

Then I started working on a matching headband (without the big flower – I’ve never made one of those before), but I had to rip it out.  I messed up really bad.  I restarted it last night, and so far I’m okay.  I don’t *think* I’ve messed it up yet.  The first time I make something from a new-to-me pattern is always risky.  I’m a terrible pattern reader.  I usually end up taking it to my mom and have her decipher the directions for me, but I want to make something for her this year, so I can’t have her help me!

Here’s a terrible picture of my gloves, made with LionBrand yarn.  It’s a little itchy (a wool blend) but so incredibly warm!

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The Hair-Smelling Zombies

I had a WHOPPER of a dream last night.

It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, but I woke up with an elevated heartrate and had a hard time getting back to sleep.  You know how sometimes you have a really GOOD dream and you want to slip back into that dream world but it’s too late?  You’re too awake?  Well it was the opposite of that last night.  I woke up, heart pounding, but started to slip right back into the dream.  So I got up, hit the bathroom, got a drink, crawled back into bed…

And had to fight the hair-smelling zombies again.

Let me ‘splain.

I was in a group of people that I did not know, standing in line.  Some guy was talking but I don’t remember what he looked like, only that he was in control and he was changing the people (US) in the room.  We were becoming zombies.  He lectured about how this was good and right and scientifically miraculous, blah blah blah but what it really came down to….

He didn’t like the way human hair smelled.

Yeah, what a freak!  Anyway, he’s giving all of us medicine that eliminates body hair, everywhere, and the side effect unfortunately is that we turn into zombies.

Evidently I’m okay with this.  (?)  I’m his favorite.  Even as the other people begin to react violently — more like zombies! — I’m completely normal and calm.  Until the zombies start smelling me.

Because I still have my hair.

I can’t figure out why the medicine isn’t affecting me, and all I can think about is what HE will do when he realizes that his favorite hasn’t lost her foul-smelling human hair.  I’m really getting anxious about this.  He’s willing to turn people into zombies just to get rid of their hair.  So what’s he going to do if his science fails on me?

At the same time, the other zombies keep smelling my hair and getting increasingly aggressive.  One in particular keeps bumping me and getting in my face.  Oddly, he’s shorter than me (NO ONE IS SHORTER THAN ME, especially grown men, but whatever) and very stocky, like a wrestler.  In the dream, I wondered if he was a friend of That Man’s family that I met one time about a hundred years ago.  It was hard to tell because he had no hair, no eyebrows, etc. and he was so stinking short!  I couldn’t get over it.

Anyway, he keeps bumping me, growling at me about my hair, and I’m so nervous.  I’m afraid he’s making too much noise and HE will notice that I still have all my hair.  I’m trying to stay quiet, but the bald short zombie starts poking me.  He’s hitting me in the back, that bump at the base of my neck where it meets my shoulders.  What is that thing called?  (In the dream, it was a mandela, I have no idea if that’s really what it’s called or not.)  It hurts, but there’s no blood or guts or anything, and I’m trying to stay quiet.

I still have my hair.

Whew, I know that doesn’t sound scary at all, but it was really disturbing.  And then the dream kept trying to suck me back.  That really worried me.  I so did not want to go back and find out what hair-smelling zombies would do to me.

Oh, did I mention that I got my hair colored today?  :mrgreen:  I joked with Apryll that I was having an axiety attack about what she’d do to my hair and came up with hair-smelling zombies the night before.  But what really made me burst out laughing was when I sat down in the chair (before she knew about the dream)…

And she smelled my hair.

*dies*  I always wear Moroccan Oil which smells divine.  Maybe that’s what the zombies were after!

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Save An Ent Winner

Thank you for all your lovely comments this past month to help me celebrate Tecun’s release!  I gathered all the comments from all the guest posts this past month, put them in a spreadsheet, and then used random.org to pick comment #136.

Betty Hamilton for her comment at Books N Kisses.

Betty, drop me a note at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com and we’ll work out which eReader you’d like.  If I don’t hear from you in 3 days, I’ll pick a new winner.

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Freshly Ground Wheat Success

I’ve been interested in grinding my own whole wheat fresh (especially for bread) for months now.  I wasn’t willing to invest in a NutriMill that *only* grinds wheat — because I just wasn’t sure how likely I’d actually stick with it.  I mean, I adore adore adore homemade bread.  Dangerously adore.

I could eat the whole loaf right out of the pan. No joke.

But after reading about all the nutrients in freshly ground wheat I was determined to try.  That’s one of the reasons I settled on investing in a VitaMix.  With the dry blade, I’m supposed to be able to grind any grain.

Yet after several disappointing attempts (tortillas that were more like frisbees, a brick loaf) I’d kind of given up.  It didn’t taste all that great.  I wasn’t able to get the flour fine enough.  I was sick of wasting all those ingredients!

My SIL gave me a recipe months ago that she swore would make the best whole wheat bread.  She’d taken a class through her church (which I plan to take too, next class!!) and learned all the tricks to getting whole wheat to rise.

Then of course I lost the recipe.

I finally found it last week and set out to try again.  I dragged out the dry blade container and my wheat berries.  This time, I refused to be afraid of burning the VitaMix up.  I’ve watched youtube videos of people grinding for minutes on high without any issue.  So I ground my wheat up really good, going longer than I ever had before.  (Deep down, I think I was afraid of making flour paste or something.)  One small batch was maybe a little too coarse but the rest was fine.

And the bread.  *dies*  It’s soooo good.  Lots of honey make it sweet.  The grains are incredible.  I used coconut oil too, along with an egg to help make it smooth.  It’s not only the best whole wheat bread I’ve ever made…it’s the best BREAD.  Period.  And so healthy!  (Sorry, I don’t have permission to share the recipe online or I would!)

Of course I overate the first loaf (Middle loved it so much she also ate 3 pieces the first day), but I’ve still got half of the second loaf in the fridge.

With that victory, I ground more flour over the weekend and used up all the ripe bananas to make a batch of banana bread and 2 dozen banana chocolate chip muffins for the kids’ lunches.  There’s only 2 left… so I think they went over okay.

Of course it’s a little tricky to count all these whole grains on WW.  I can do the math, sure, but it’s crazy to see the number of points.  Honey is more points than artificial sweetener.  I didn’t want to cut the coconut oil out — but it is pointy.  However I know it’s healthy all the way.  Could I find “cheaper” (less points) diet bread at the store?  Sure.  But I’m not eating that crap with all the preservatives and fillers when I can have freshly ground wheat at my fingertips.

I just have to figure out how to only eat one small piece…

Do you have a favorite whole wheat recipe that I can add to my list?