Category: The Blog

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Slow Progress

But it is progress!

I’ve returned to Dark and Early, even if it’s only about 45 mins.  Since I start work at 6:30, and I have to help the monsters get ready for school between 6-6:30, I have to get up at 5 AM to get any kind of progress.  Needless to say, it’s haaaaaard to get up that early.  In 45 mins, I’m usually able to get 500 words.  That’s a start.

It’s netted me 7400 words in Oct. so far.  Not huge, but I’m getting there.  Even better – I’ve just about completed Act 1 of Lord Regret’s Price.  And even having it all plotted out, Lady Wyre still managed to surprise me — and her men — by dragging us into a sex shop in Zijin.

I’ve also rededicated myself to Weight Watchers, getting back into tracking.  (I was getting lazy.)  I also restarted Power 90 yesterday.  I’m hoping to stick with it until Christmas, and then move up to P90X in January.  *knocks on wood*  We’ll see, barring injury and Coyote Con and NaNoWriMo and the creek don’t rise.  I’m currently up 4 lbs from my all-time low.  Sigh.  But I know it’s going to go in the right direction now.

I have good news to share soon too.  Watch the Coming Soon page for details!

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Zombie Prize Updates

The $25 gift certificate winner has been notified.

Since I only had two entries on the Make Me Write the Book post, I’m going to keep that giveaway open awhile longer.  You’re making it too easy on me!  NaNoWriMo is just around the corner, you know.  I need to know the title, so I can decide so many other things about the book.

Like what’s the gorgeous red-head witch’s special gift?  Clare was a kitchen witch.  I need something unique and fun for the new book.  Any ideas?  Go over and comment on the giveaway for an extra entry!

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Make Me Write the Book – Part 1

Great minds think alike – I see that Lynn Viehl is planning a similar blog event with Tell Me What To Write 10.

As part of The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch release this month (all proceeds in 4th quarter 2012 are going to Joplin Recovery), I thought it’d be fun if you guys get to help me decide what the next Zombie Category Romance should be.  (Caveat:  I have to finish Lord Regret’s Price before I can write this, but I’ll be using NaNoWriMo to work on both if need be!)  There are soooooo may fun titles to warp.  I mean, play with.

While I was searching for stockphotos for Yiorgos’s cover, I stumbled across an image that really spoke to me.  I knew I could do something fun with it in the ZCR world, but I wasn’t sure what.  The possibilities were endless.  So I decided to bring you guys in on the fun and let you help me define which story I would write.

The first step was to commission Silviya to create another incredible cover.

Oh, all that red hair.  That flirtatous attitude.  She’s planning something very, very wicked, don’t you agree?

No Greek tycoon zombie for her.  No, I decided she was involved with an Egyptian (or some made up Middle Eastern) mummy.

She’s even wearing a large ring.  I’m sure she’s the head of her family.  That means she’s a very powerful witch.

But again, the possibilities are endless.  What are her powers?  Is she cursing the hero… or is she going to break a centuries old curse and free him?  Is the revenge hers… or his?

You decide! 

First up, we’ll work on the title.  I have several possibilities in mind that I’ll list below.  Vote for your favorite by making a comment on this post before Oct. 15th (or feel free to write in your best suggestion in the comments).  The title with the most votes wins!

Prizes:  in two parts.

1. Anyone who comments will be entered to win a Hope for Joplin T-shirt I’m having printed by BigfishTees.  They raised over $170,000 for Joplin by selling these shirts!  I’ll ship this shirt anywhere in the world.

2. For the commenters who voted for the winning title, I’ll draw one name out of the hat.  You’ll be listed in the acknowledgements of this currently untitled book.

Here are the possible titles we can play with.  Again, if you have a better idea, throw it out in comments.  To vote, comment on this post with your favorite title!

1. The Merciless Mummy’s Revenge

2. To Love and Curse

3. A Passionate Curse

4. Beauty and the Mummy

5. The Vengeful Mummy’s Secret Baby

6. The Mummy’s Captive Witch

(Don’t forget, you can still enter to win a $25 gift certifcate too.)

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Zombie Romance Giveaway

Why am I so fascinated with zombie romance?

The first time I explored the idea of “undead” romance was several years ago in now-defunct Drollerie Press’s chat.  We always had such a blast talking about all things horror, and we got to talking about how hilarious it would be if someone wrote a zombie romance.

I mean think about it.  If someone’s dead, how can you possibly work out a HEA?


The challenge of it fascinated me, and then Deena threw down the gauntlet.  She challenged me to write one.  I accepted.   :mrgreen: That story is still available for free (click on the thumbnail to download a pdf, or other formats are available at Smashwords).

So I guess Zombie Category Romance was only inevitable.  I love the idea of warping traditional tropes.  That’s why I take Regency tropes… and twist them into Jane Austen Soap Operas where ladies rule instead of the men.  Now I’m taking billionaire alphaholes and making them zombies.

But it’s not easy.  I mean, to make it romance, there has to be more romantic elements than horror elements.  So there has to be a REASON for the hero to be a zombie, and it can’t be too disgusting.  e.g. no rotting flesh hanging off the bones while he eats braiiiiiiins.

So how could I come up with a zombie hero that’s not disgusting? That’s where the magical elements come into play.  Instead of a zombie apocalypse caused by a virus, the hero is simply cursed.  It’s not a widespread disaster.  There’s no need to hole up in a farmhouse with every gun you can find.

In fact, most of the time Yiorgos looks perfectly fine.  Only a handful of people know what happens when he takes off the signet ring he won from Emile Remy along with his restaurant.  He wears the ring the entire time he’s with Clare, except for one time she tries to use her powers to help him, searching for a clue to the curse.

He even eats normal food, not brains.  Which is a very bad thing for him, because Clare is a kitchen witch and she makes one mean chocolate cake.

So I came up with a few cheesy tag lines that were more jokes than anything.  My favorite that I didn’t use:

Come for the braiiiins.  Stay for the romance.

*laughs*  I promise.  NO BRAINS!

Remember all procceds in 4th quarter 2012 from The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch will go to Rebuilding Joplin.

To celebrate my first zombie category romance release, I’m giving away a $25 gift card to any online book retailer (AMZ, B&N, etc.)  Simply comment on this post by Oct. 10th midnight (CST) and tell me your favorite zombie movie.  This giveaway is open to anyone on the planet, even if you’ve won something from me before.

And stay tuned – I intend to giveaway several more prizes this month as we get closer to Halloween!

Anyone willing to review or rate The Zombie Billionaire’s Virgin Witch – email me at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com with your desired format, and I’ll send you a review copy.  Thank you!

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Feeding My Addiction

If you’ve been reading here long, you know that I love coffee.  I’ve had all kinds of coffee pots over the years.  I’ve tried cheap ones.  I’ve tried expensive ones (to me, any coffee pot that costs over $100 is expensive).  I’ve bought green coffee beans and had them roasted to order.  I jumped up and down when Caribou Coffee opened, only to become…disillusioned.

Over time, my taste has changed.  I used to love Gevalia, for example.  I bought Kenya by the box.  Then I got sick of it and I can’t stand how it tastes now, even from other companies.  There’s a honey-cured bean (with some of the coffee fruit still on the bean) that we adored from Costa Rica, but we haven’t been able to order it for over a year.  Nothing else compares.  Even my old standby – Mahogany from Caribou – loses its taste if that’s all I drink.  It helps if I trade in other coffees, like Living After Midnight from Classic Rock, a local roastery, but…

Now I’m having problems with my coffee pot.

I’m hard on pots, I know that.  I make 2-4 pots a day.  By “pot” I don’t mean a full pot.  I make just enough at once to fill my favorite white mug, which takes about 4 cups of water on the measuring line.  I use a ridiculous amount of beans to get it as strong as I like, even with the 1-4 cup/Bold setting on this pot.  Yet it still doesn’t have that TASTE I want.

It’s hard to describe.  It’s like when you steal the first 1/2 cup or so out of the pot, when it’s really really strong and rich.  That’s what I like.  I’ve been making my coffee stronger and stronger over time, and cutting back on how much I make as a result, but this pot just isn’t making the coffee as strong as I like, even when I only make 1 cup at a time.  Plus it’s ridiculously expensive to waste so many beans.

Then this pot started leaking.  And it’s less than 6 months old!  I thought a KitchenAid would last longer than that.

Anyway, I’ve been eying an espresso machine as a result.  I wanted that rich strong taste that I crave, even if I get a much smaller cup at once.  (If I drank my white mug full of espresso I think I’d have a heart attack.)

We went to Everything Kitchen to try out some different pots (they were nice enough to demo them for me, which makes shopping so much easier).  I tasted espresso both from a Nepresso Pixie and a gorgeous stainless steel Saeco, fully automated.  I admit, I loved that Saeco.  The coffee was incredible.

So was the sticker price at over $1200.  Gulp!!!

Needless to say, I didn’t spend that much.  But I did spend more than I’ve ever spent on a coffee pot before and bought the Pixie.  I was reluctant because I don’t want to chain myself to a pod-only system, but since I’m fairly tired of the beans I typically buy, it’s a risk I was willing to take.  Plus my other pot still works — it just leaks.  When I need to change things up, I can always make a traditional pot of coffee.

So here’s my cute little lime-green Pixie.  (My colors are black or red, but this was a demo model and I got a really good price on it.)  My only complaint so far:  I ran out of the sample pods way too quickly!  I was desperate enough that I drank the decaf ones today until my order arrived.

I’m not addicted or anything….

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Crocheting Fool

I need to get my act together and start working on some Christmas gifts.  This year, I think I’m going to crochet a few things.

Just a few.  Ok, ok, who am I kidding.

You see, the problem is that if I make something for myself… I have to make 3 more just like it for the monsters.  So I made myself a pair of fingerless gloves… and 3 more pairs over the weekend.  I also completed a scarf and started another.  You know, for GIFTS!

Then I started working on a matching headband (without the big flower – I’ve never made one of those before), but I had to rip it out.  I messed up really bad.  I restarted it last night, and so far I’m okay.  I don’t *think* I’ve messed it up yet.  The first time I make something from a new-to-me pattern is always risky.  I’m a terrible pattern reader.  I usually end up taking it to my mom and have her decipher the directions for me, but I want to make something for her this year, so I can’t have her help me!

Here’s a terrible picture of my gloves, made with LionBrand yarn.  It’s a little itchy (a wool blend) but so incredibly warm!

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The Hair-Smelling Zombies

I had a WHOPPER of a dream last night.

It wasn’t exactly a nightmare, but I woke up with an elevated heartrate and had a hard time getting back to sleep.  You know how sometimes you have a really GOOD dream and you want to slip back into that dream world but it’s too late?  You’re too awake?  Well it was the opposite of that last night.  I woke up, heart pounding, but started to slip right back into the dream.  So I got up, hit the bathroom, got a drink, crawled back into bed…

And had to fight the hair-smelling zombies again.

Let me ‘splain.

I was in a group of people that I did not know, standing in line.  Some guy was talking but I don’t remember what he looked like, only that he was in control and he was changing the people (US) in the room.  We were becoming zombies.  He lectured about how this was good and right and scientifically miraculous, blah blah blah but what it really came down to….

He didn’t like the way human hair smelled.

Yeah, what a freak!  Anyway, he’s giving all of us medicine that eliminates body hair, everywhere, and the side effect unfortunately is that we turn into zombies.

Evidently I’m okay with this.  (?)  I’m his favorite.  Even as the other people begin to react violently — more like zombies! — I’m completely normal and calm.  Until the zombies start smelling me.

Because I still have my hair.

I can’t figure out why the medicine isn’t affecting me, and all I can think about is what HE will do when he realizes that his favorite hasn’t lost her foul-smelling human hair.  I’m really getting anxious about this.  He’s willing to turn people into zombies just to get rid of their hair.  So what’s he going to do if his science fails on me?

At the same time, the other zombies keep smelling my hair and getting increasingly aggressive.  One in particular keeps bumping me and getting in my face.  Oddly, he’s shorter than me (NO ONE IS SHORTER THAN ME, especially grown men, but whatever) and very stocky, like a wrestler.  In the dream, I wondered if he was a friend of That Man’s family that I met one time about a hundred years ago.  It was hard to tell because he had no hair, no eyebrows, etc. and he was so stinking short!  I couldn’t get over it.

Anyway, he keeps bumping me, growling at me about my hair, and I’m so nervous.  I’m afraid he’s making too much noise and HE will notice that I still have all my hair.  I’m trying to stay quiet, but the bald short zombie starts poking me.  He’s hitting me in the back, that bump at the base of my neck where it meets my shoulders.  What is that thing called?  (In the dream, it was a mandela, I have no idea if that’s really what it’s called or not.)  It hurts, but there’s no blood or guts or anything, and I’m trying to stay quiet.

I still have my hair.

Whew, I know that doesn’t sound scary at all, but it was really disturbing.  And then the dream kept trying to suck me back.  That really worried me.  I so did not want to go back and find out what hair-smelling zombies would do to me.

Oh, did I mention that I got my hair colored today?  :mrgreen:  I joked with Apryll that I was having an axiety attack about what she’d do to my hair and came up with hair-smelling zombies the night before.  But what really made me burst out laughing was when I sat down in the chair (before she knew about the dream)…

And she smelled my hair.

*dies*  I always wear Moroccan Oil which smells divine.  Maybe that’s what the zombies were after!

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Save An Ent Winner

Thank you for all your lovely comments this past month to help me celebrate Tecun’s release!  I gathered all the comments from all the guest posts this past month, put them in a spreadsheet, and then used random.org to pick comment #136.

Betty Hamilton for her comment at Books N Kisses.

Betty, drop me a note at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com and we’ll work out which eReader you’d like.  If I don’t hear from you in 3 days, I’ll pick a new winner.