Category: The Blog

Posted on by — 3 Comments

Working Through Recovery

The loss of Pepper has hit me harder than the monsters.  I thought the worst part would be telling them that he was gone, but it’s actually facing my office every single day.  He was my constant companion.  Where I was, there he was too, or at least very close so he could come to me quickly.

So I apologize for taking so long to get moving again — it surprised me how slowly I’ve recovered this week.  Of course lack of sleep, rainy days, and hormones haven’t helped any, but hopefully the end of this gray period is in sight.

I’m not going to make the deadline, so 3Aliens will have to targeted to something else depending on its length.  In the meantime, I started a short story that was inspired by Johnny Cash singing Tennessee Stud mixed with Willie Nelson and Toby Keith’s Beer for Our Horses.  It’s a zombie story, can’t you tell?  hahaha.  Working title:  Brains for Our Horses.  Yes, I’m handling my grief strangely, I know, but the zombie story is helping so I’m going to do it.

I’ve kept up with my workouts and my diet, so that’s good.  The last thing in the world I wanted to do Tuesday was exercise, but I did it.  I haven’t gone off track food wise at all – eating just slightly over my points like I did all February.  Level 3/4 is kicking my ass but I’m loving it.  I managed 15 pushups for the main sets today, and I can do 20 more in the max session, along with 30 max squats (this is in the fourth set after all the other lifting).  In all my life I never expected I’d be able to do so many pushups!

Now I just need to move up to my toes…

Posted on by — 15 Comments

Goodbye, Pepper

About a year ago, our dog Pepper dislocated his hip.  He recovered very well and we’ve had a good year.  His vet did say the muscles on that side had atrophied a bit, but he was still able to get around pretty well, although he does slip a little more than usual, especially on the stairs.

Saturday we took the monsters to Mythos in Joplin to celebrate a successful and fun Upward Basketball season.  We visited with Molly, and after returning to Springfield, we visited with Uncle J and BB.  We got home around 8:30 or so.  The girls took the dogs out and I was trying on some dresses I’d bought at the Dress Barn.

When I heard an awful and unforgettable sound.  The cry of a dog in pain.

The girls had been playing ball with Pepper.  He used to play all the time but in later years, especially since his injury, he’s been perfectly willing to let the younger KC chase the ball.  He’d gone down the stairs after the ball and something happened.  Maybe he slipped.  Maybe a claw caught on the carpet.  Something.  But it was enough to dislocate his hip again.

We grabbed him, made a call to BB (who used to work as a vet tech) and they met us at the ER pet hospital.  The vet at first didn’t think it was dislocated — it wasn’t as obvious as the first time (with his hind leg all catawhomaps).  But the xray showed he’d definitely dislocated it again.  He fixed Pepper up and seemed positive about his recovery.

However, we had a pretty rough night with him.  The first time, he was a zombie for at least 24 hours – and I kept feeling his chest to make sure he was still alive.  This time, he wouldn’t sleep.  He kept moving, getting up, trying to walk.  He hates his kennel and kept whining until in desperation at 4 AM I let Princess put him in her bed surrounded by pillows.  However, he woke her up again and again.

Yesterday, he kept trying to walk when he shouldn’t.  He wasn’t content laying on my lap.  I was encouraged that maybe this injury wasn’t as bad as the first time.  I dosed him up with pain meds at bed time (hoping we’d all get a good night’s sleep with school and work today) and headed to bed.

At 1:50 AM Princess came in to let me know she was taking him outside.  He’d woken her up whining and wanting to go out.  He did his business and she went back to bed.  Not even 15 mins later I heard the dreadful shrill cry of pain again.

I about killed myself jumping out of bed.  Princess met me in the hall sobbing.  He’d been turning around (like dogs do) to lay down in exactly the right spot and whammo.  Agony.  The hip was out again.

Princess stayed home with her sisters and we rushed him back to the ER but it wasn’t good news.  The hip just wasn’t staying in this time and his pain seemed worse than ever.  He even bit me on the chin struggling as I tried to get in the car.  Short of expensive surgery — at his age, 12 — we had no options but to put him to sleep.

We had a wonderful year with him.  He got babied a lot this past year.  What I like to remember the most is that he was playing ball with his girls like the good old days.  If he had to go, that was a good last memory.

We’re all staying home from work and school today to mourn and remember our sweet little dog.  We had a wonderful 8 years with him after adopting him.  Our other adopted dog, KC, doesn’t quite know what to do with all these tearful squeezes but she knows something’s wrong and she does what dogs do best.  She snuggles up and gives a good lick or two and she doesn’t mind getting the stuffing squeezed out of her.

Posted on by — 3 Comments

Power 90 Level 3/4

As I said in my update, I decided to move up to level 3/4 as of March 1st, which gave me 60 days on the beginning level 1/2.

Boy am I glad I waited that long.  (Some people start on level 3/4 as early as 30 days into the 90 day program.)

First up, the strength/scupt portion.  Most of the same weight lifting moves I’ve been doing are included in this level; however, there’s an additional fourth round at the end with all new exercises.  There are two main differences:

  • Speed
  • Max sets.

The first obvious difference is the increased speed.  I mean, I was seriously pumping hard to keep up.  I’m glad I had 60 days of concentrating on form before!  The other huge difference are the “max out” sessions.  Instead of sticking to 8-15 reps, you’re supposed to burn through as many as possible.

Believe it or not, I managed 20 (!!) pushups and 25 squats…AFTER doing all the other sets.  I was so stunned that I was able to do that much!

Today I tried the sweat/cardio portion.  Again, with the speed – it was insane.  Thankfully all the exercises were the same.  The power yoga warm up wasn’t any longer than usual (thank God!) but the rest of the mini sessions went from 2 to 3 rounds.  Man, the sweat was just pouring off me, but I made it all the way to the Taebo kicks and punches.  There, again, the speed was… Whew.  I had the form down after 60 days, or I never would have been able to keep up.

Here’s another reason I love Power 90.  I would NEVER push myself that hard alone.  I need someone to make me go harder and faster, and Tony does it without screaming or that annoying jock attitude that some “famous” celebrity trainers have.

I will admit to saying, “Tony you SUCK” when I realized that while there were only two sets of kicks…there were THREE sets of punches.  I’d pushed hard through the second, thinking maybe a new phase would follow (I could see one more bar of exercises – I just didn’t know what it was), only to find out that “last” set wasn’t really the last at all.

I’m sore again and my thighs were tired enough I didn’t try to add any additional walking today.  I might not be able to for awhile until my body adjusts.  For Activity Points (AP) on Weight Watchers, I was counting level 1/2 as “moderate” intensity – but I counted 30 mins of “high” intensity for 3/4 and the rest as stretching.  By how tired I am and how drenched my shirt was, I think I earned those higher APs!

Two months ago, I would have probably had a heart attack.

Now, I made it all the way through without having to pause for breath or stop altogether.  I’m still stunned that I did it.  Amazing!  I really think I’m going to be able to work up to P90X this year!

Posted on by — 2 Comments

Why Power 90?

I was talking to my boss at the Evil Day Job the other day and she sounded surprised that I was doing Power 90.  She said something like, “Isn’t that for men?”

Tony has both a woman and a man (young – he calls them “the kids”!) behind him for the Power 90 routine and she looks darned good.  Firm and toned, yes, but not muscular like a Russian weightlifter or something.  None of them are bulky that way.  Even Tony doesn’t look like a massive weightlifter.  These are not exercises to bulk up.

But it got me to thinking about WHY I choose to do Power 90 and why I like it so much, so I thought, hey, another blog post.  :lol:

When you diet, you inevitably lose muscle along with fat (unless you’re exercising to counteract it).  When you cut the calories significantly, your body will attack muscle first and hoard the fat cells.  When you crash diet a lot without exercise…and then gain it back…this is bad, obviously.

Everything you gain is fat.

I’ve been doing this for years and years and YEARS.  So my number one priority is to regain some muscle — which will improve my overall health as well as my metabolism, which has slowed to a snail’s pace.

I’m over 40 now.  Losing weight is harder than ever.  My metabolism is only going to slow down even more if I do nothing about it.  My flexibility and strength are going to deteriorate.  With That Man’s problems (hip and back plus he’s diabetic), he can barely get around most days even with weekly chiropractor visits and medication, and he’s not even 50 yet.

I don’t want to join him there in pain and constant doctor trips.  I want to be able to play basketball with the girls or horse around with Middle (even if she kicks me in the knee!).

I don’t want to have to go to a gym and use equipment.  While I do LIKE lifting on fancy machines, it’s much more likely that I won’t go if I have to find time to leave the house.  I can do Power 90 at home over my lunch or after dinner each day with minimal equipment.

I simply like lifting weights and always have.  I was a charter member of my high school’s strength club about a hundred years ago.  I even got up early to be at school by 6:30 3 times a week to lift weights before class, even though we’d lift more in PE during the day.  It got hard to find an exercise I hadn’t already done when it came time to lift in class.  These were free weights too — just bars and weights locked on the ends.  I could out-squat most of the boys in my class, easily squatting more than my body weight.

But when you lift that much…and then stop…where does all that muscle go?  Sigh.

So an exercise routine that involves strength training is perfect for me.  I used to hate to work out – especially cardio.  So I didn’t want that to be the ONLY thing I was doing, for fear I wouldn’t stick with it.

Plus, I just like how I feel doing Power 90.  I feel STRONG and dammit I need to feel strong in my life.  In my workout, I can punch and kick and pretend like I’ve got one badass right cross and left upper hook.  (In reality I’d probably suck in a real fight but while I’m working out, it feels great!)  I’d probably love a boxing or taebo class but I don’t know of any around here.

There is a deep tiredness I get from the strength days that’s hard to explain.  I always wonder if I’m going to be able to finish.  I’m lifting to the point of muscle failure, and that’s not always a comfortable feeling.  But it’s also exhilarating in a way.  To push myself that hard and work out until my arms are shaky and my knees don’t want to carry me up the stairs.  For someone who’s been so overweight most of my life, it makes me feel GOOD to do something I know I couldn’t do before, and conquer it.  Every single day.  I need that too.

I need it bad.

I need to feel strong and invincible at least for awhile.  That’s what Power 90 does for me.

I can only imagine how P90X would make me feel.  Maybe I’ll tackle it later in 2012.

As Tony says, “Do your best and forget the rest.”

Posted on by — 3 Comments

Power 90 Update: Day 60

(Power 90 Update: 30 Days)
I can’t believe I’ve made it 60 days!  I’ve never EVER worked out so consistently in my entire adult life.  If you check out my calendar in the picture, I only missed two days in February (Sat is usually my rest day).  One I made up by walking almost 3 miles on a Sat.  The other I took off because I was afraid I’d hurt my knee.  Otherwise, I earned all my stars!

(sorry, some of them are wobbly because my arms were shaky!)

 

 

I’m stunned at how far I’ve come.  When I started Power 90, I:

  • couldn’t do a plank from my toes.
  • couldn’t do more than 4 pushups (on my knees) for each set.
  • couldn’t do the jumping jacks or any of the high impact moves.
  • couldn’t do dips.
  • couldn’t do 10 full reps of most of the ab exercises.
  • could only lift 5 lbs.
  • couldn’t do the quad stretch (grabbing ankle behind me)
  • couldn’t wear my “drawer” jeans.

After 60 days, I’m now:

  • Able to do all the power yoga from my toes. The only move I still need to cheat on a little is the downward dog to runner’s move, but I don’t have to go down to the floor or my knees to make it.
  • Able to do 10 pushups for the first 2 sets (still on my knees but I’m getting there). This week I was able to do the “7-7-7” reps of wide, close, and regular pushups for the first time ever.
  • I’ve started doing some of the jumping jacks (I’ve had 3 kids, if you know what I mean!).
  • I’ve moved up to 10 lb dumbbells for most of the exercises except over the head (e.g. military press) and tricep extensions.
  • When I do the sets with lunges (the first two), I hold the 5 lb dumbbells on my shoulders.
  • Started doing the “easy” version of dips (with my legs under me to help, instead of stretched out straight in front of me).
  • Started wearing those drawer jeans!
  • Added additional leg exercises for toning.
  • Added additional walking sessions of 30 mins at least 2-3 times a week.
  • I can do 10+ reps for all the ab moves except the full-body crunch, but I’m very close there!
  • I can grab my ankle easily for the quad stretch.
  • My oldest daughter didn’t recognize me as I walked across the street the other night. (That Man and I were in separate cars on kid pick-up duty and we met up at Subway for a quick dinner before Upward awards.)
  • I’ve ordered dresses in sizes smaller than I’ve worn in about 15 years — and returned one because it was too big!
  • I’m wearing sizes smaller now than I did at my all-time low weight, even though I’m about 4 pounds away…

In February, I lost  6.6 pounds, bringing my total since Jan 2011 to 69.4.  Still on Weight Watchers, the most significant food change I made this past month was eating more.  I eat anywhere from 3-7 points over most days and still lose.  I also lost the following inches (totals since Jan 2012):

  • Waist:  -1 (-3)
  • Bust:  -1 (-3)
  • Hips:  -2 (-4)
  • Arms:  0 (-.5 each)
  • Thighs: 1 (-3 each)

Today I’ve decided to move up to Level 3/4 for the rest of my 90 days+ (I’m going to continue doing Power 90 up until I leave for RT in April).  I hope it doesn’t kill me!  I have no idea how much harder it is – I’ve never even watched the routine.  Wish me luck!

Posted on by — 5 Comments

Good News Monday: The Shopping Edition

We had a crazy long weekend of shopping!  This used to be a necessary evil, but I’m enjoying it more and more as I work down to new low sizes.  Maybe TOO much.  ;-)  I mean, these clothes are only going to fit for a few months and then I’m going to need new ones again…  But it’s such a relief to find things that fit and look nice!

I bought a pair of shorts and capris on sale/clearance at Kohls thinking they’d be my drawer goal to work down to because they’re TWO sizes down from my current jean size.  However, the capris fit!  They’re even a little big in the waist (but most pants are that way for me right now until my butt and thighs catch up).  The shorts also fit – they’re just a little too tight to wear comfortably.  I’ll be wearing them sooner than later.

I also bought two new bras, down another size AND a cup size.  That Man wasn’t too happy about that one. :mrgreen:

I also hit a thrift store and bought another pair of capris and two more shorts one size down from my jeans.  Funny enough, none of them fit yet — but they’re not “W” sizes, so they’re cut differently.  I’ll save them in my goal drawer and hope they fit by summer.

RT shopping update:  I ordered two dresses from Kiyonna last week.  Crossing fingers they fit.  If they do, I need to order 2 more.  After hitting dozens of shoe stores, I finally found a pair of heels that I think won’t cripple me too badly (plantar fasciitis).  I also found two casual pairs that are super comfy.  All from the Clarks outlet store in Branson.  I wasn’t going to buy so many shoes, but oddly enough, I’ve gone down a size there too.  None of my old shoes fit any longer, and even my tennis shoes are a little big.  If I wear slippery socks, my foot definitely slides around a little, even in my new Nikes.  I don’t know if I was holding fluid in my feet/ankles or maybe I just had fat feet too!  I have gone up several sizes in shoes in the last 13 years – but I blamed it on pregnancy.  After each kid, I had to go up in shoes.  Maybe that was related to weight instead because I never completely lost the pregnancy weight gains in between kids and then continued to gain after the fact.

Other good news:

  • Turned in Vicki edits this morning (early!)
  • Started working on Tecun edits this morning, due 2/29.
  • Lost just enough to finally hit a new decade on the scale.  Not a huge loss but significant!
  • This is my last week of Power 90 level 1/2.  On March 1st I’ve decided to move up to level 3/4 for the last 30+ days.  I’m going to continue doing Power 90 right up until I need to leave for RT in April.  Then I’ll decide if I’m going to do another round of Power 90 or possibly move up to P90X.  *gulp*

I’ll update on Power 90 at 60 days later this week with final measurements and pounds lost!

What’s your good news today?

Posted on by — 7 Comments

The $3 Victory

Some time last year — probably early fall as we were school shopping — I bought several pair of jeans at our local thrift store for $3 a pair in a range of sizes.  They didn’t even come close to fitting, and one pair was worse than the others.  They were Old Navy jeans and I’ve never worn anything from that store.

When I was younger (and thinner) we never had one around us, and in later years when I could have ordered online, I knew nothing would fit me.  So these Old Navy jeans became a talisman of sort.  Sure, they’re still technically “plus” sized, but if I could get into them – even if it took months – it would be a huge turning point for me.  I could walk into an Old Navy store and find something that would fit (at least in tops – I know most stores don’t carry plus sizes).

One by one, I got into those second hand jeans.  Wore them a month or two.  Then donated them again, because they didn’t fit any longer.  I bought other cheap pairs at Wal-Mart in the same size, but that last pair I’d bought from the thrift store STILL wouldn’t fit.  My other jeans are getting loose in the waist, signaling it’s almost time to go down again…

Yet the Old Navy ones still didn’t fit.

I refused to give up on that pair of jeans.  Eventually, they WOULD fit.  It became a weekly game on my WI day to try that stubborn pair on.  Eventually (this past month) I could button and zip them all the way up, but they were still too tight to be comfortable.  Close, so close…

Then this last week I had to return a dress in a size I could barely imagine wearing again because it was too big.  A full size smaller than those stubborn jeans.  I ordered two dresses from Kiyonna TWO SIZES down from those jeans after taking my measurements twice, in shock, that this new size might work.

I decided it was time to put those Old Navy jeans on again even though WI isn’t until Tuesday.

I’m wearing them now.

Yes they’re still tight in the thighs… but they’re big in the waist.  In all honesty, if I were trying these on brand new at the store, I wouldn’t buy them.  They’re too low waisted for me and I feel like I’m in dangerous plumber butt territory every time I have to bend over.  They’re snug but I can sit and walk comfortably.  I even wore them while trying on shoes last night (with a really long shirt so I didn’t moon the entire store).

I can’t even find words to say how thrilled and also bone-deep humbled and shocked I am.  I’ve been so heavy most of my adult life.  My kids have only known me as extremely heavy, and even now, I still need to lose at least another 80 pounds to hit WW’s upper range for my height.

So yes I still have a long ways to go, but I’m edging into “normal” sizes.  If these Kiyonna dresses fit, I might even find the courage to snap a few pictures and post them online.  (Another victory, because you’d have to search high and low to find a current online picture of me that’s not just my head.)

The journey has only just begun in many ways.  But this $3 victory was priceless.

Posted on by — 4 Comments

Weight Watcher Update

I’m coming up on 60 days of consistent exercise using Power 90 on Feb. 29th.  I can’t *wait* to take my measurements and see where I am.  Okay, okay, I cheated a little and measured last week and I’ve seen another inch gone in several places (waist and bust!).  I haven’t seen any big losses on the scale lately, but I’ve been happily surprised and unfortunately frustrated in the shopping department.  (more below)

I’m down 66.2 pounds.  Thanks to Power 90, I’m wearing a size smaller than I did even at my low weight 12 years ago (even though I’m still 8 pounds away) and on the verge of going down again.  I held a plank for 30 secs the other day — after doing my full workout.  Two years ago, I didn’t even know what a plank was – I sure couldn’t do one!  This week, I’m adding more leg, hip, and butt exercises to my Power 90 Strength days to hopefully increase toning on my bottom half which has been the slowest to respond to weight loss.  I’m still reaaaaallly bottom heavy.  :oops:

I’ve begun the RT shopping!  I need several dresses for the evening events and plenty of cute things to wear during the day to the panels and workshops.  An excellent excuse to shop!  However, I’m right on the cusp of moving out of “Women’s” sizes down into regular sizes.  Woot!  Grrrr!

I mean, that’s great and all, but finding things that FIT is a problem.  (And of course I can’t shop too much too early – because I’m still losing.  I would be so annoyed if I spent a fortune on new stuff and it doesn’t fit by April.  Not kidding – my Dec. gift card items are already getting too big in places, especially around the waist.)

I tried on several things at Fashion Bug over the weekend and was thrilled to get into a 1X dress easily.  However, the style and color didn’t really suit me (according to my fashion critic, Littlest Monster).  The skirt I tried on was ridiculously big in the waist.  Nothing else attracted my eye on the plus side of the store, and I don’t think I’m quite ready for the other regular side.  Not yet.

I ordered a dress online in a size I haven’t seen in… Gah.  I can’t remember when.  It’s still a W but down another size from where I am now.  I have no idea if it’ll fit but at least it’s a start.  I have a feeling I’ll be ordering several dresses from Kiyonna (I adore this dress but I don’t know that I’m brave enough to wear something so form fitting), but I was hoping to save a little $$ and find some other alternatives…but I may not have a choice.  I love their styles and they have the sizes I think I need while still looking fabulous.

At this point, I don’t even own a pair of pumps.  Nope, not kidding.  One of the joys of working from home for over ten years – I rarely go anywhere that requires something nicer than tennis shoes.  (We even wear jeans to church.)  I’ve had feet problems for the past few months, too, so I’m going to have to invest in some really nice shoes that support and protect my feet while still looking cute.

I only own two dresses today:  one from over a decade ago that is really outdated and not something I’d wear to RT; the other I wore to a funeral and is 2 sizes too big.  I was holding on to them for emergencies until I get a new dress.

As you can see, my wardrobe is in dire straits.

So lots of shopping in my future!

*crossing fingers for next week’s WI – I’m .2 from hitting a new decade on the scale!*

Posted on by — 3 Comments

Good News Monday – Plotting Edition

Happy Monday!  Okay, I’m totally trying to fool myself here.  That Man and I are both working today but the monsters are out of school, which complicates things significantly.  Add to that the fact that Littlest Monster set her alarm (note:  she does NOT do this for school days….) and got up at 6:00 AM….  Grrrr!  That’s earlier than they get up for school!  Needless to say, it’s going to be a long day.

Since I completed Revision Xibalba last week (cheers, definitely GOOD NEWS!), I’ve been trying to get back into 3Aliens.  First up was a read through of everything I have so far (about 15K I think) to see where I went wrong.  Because when the story isn’t quite sparking, there’s usually something wrong.  This premise is too cool not to be working.

Bad news:  the very first opening scene falls short.  So naturally everything that comes after suffers a little from that lack.

Fixing it hasn’t proven as easy as I hoped though.  My original premise – the idea that sparked the entire story – was a line:  “Three aliens walked into a bar, and all hell broke loose.”  So of course the first scene was at a bar.

However, I couldn’t get that bar scene to work the way I wanted, not as the FIRST scene.  I kept falling into cliche territory in trying to set up the characters and story.  I couldn’t get the tone right and I was having a hard time establishing the story goal (although the immediate goal was there) and theme.  Thinking of Blake Snyder’s beats, I couldn’t find a way to mirror the opening scene from a bar into the ending, which I already have in my mind.

Which leads to the crux of the problem:  I was writing from the original spark… the premise…not a plot.  Which is a totally fine way to write and has worked for me before, but in this case, with breaks to work on other projects…  it just wasn’t working for me.  I kept losing the vision.

I have to SEE the story to write it.  It rises in my mind like a 3-D map, full of rises and falls, dark moments, and final victory.  I don’t always have to see the entire story at once.  Sometimes I can fumble around in the dark until I find the next illuminated path, but when I’m short on time (and sleep!) and busy with multiple projects, I just can’t dedicate that much mental harddrive to holding a story in my mind.  There are huge gaps where I’ve overwritten the story with other things.  Gee, don’t even get me started on the memory leaks…

So although I’m tight on time and I might not be able to meet the deadline as a result, I decided to STOP.  Right here.  And plot this story the way it deserves.

Since I’m using Scrivener now and trying to get a working process down in new software, naturally that means I need a plotting template that works for me in this new tool.  I really wish I could use Larissa Ione’s romance template, but she says it won’t work in the Windows version of Scrivener.  *pouts*

So that’s my plan for the next day or two.  Get my plotting template all set up.  Complete the plot for 3Aliens (working title).  And figure out what needs to happen to take what I’ve already written and make it work.

Cue Tim Gunn’s voice.  “Make it work, people!”

What’s your good news for this week?

Posted on by — 4 Comments

Revision Xibalba: Theading the Plot

First the good news:  I finished the revisions to The Bloodgate Warrior and shipped them off to Alissa this morning.  Even BETTER news – she likes what she’s read so far!  Woot!  That’s always such a relief.  Did I interpret her revision letter correctly, thoroughly, and then most importantly, did I carry those revisions through the ms in a logical way?

Which brings me to today’s revision topic.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about the last few days and decided I should blog about it in case it might help anyone else working through a rough patch of revisions.

As I told Raelyn earlier this week, I was so deep into the forest that it was hard to see the trees.  All the threads (changes) I was juggling began to get muddled and tangled, and I was starting to lose my grip on what to pull forward when.

What am I talking about?  It’s that chaos theory I’ve joked about before:  A butterfly flaps its wings on page one and you suddenly find yourself revising every single chapter until it’s an entirely different book.

This is why revisions are hard.

I’m not talking about minor line-edit type revisions, but something more challenging.  For instance, Alissa wrote that she’d like to see more of a contrast between Cassie’s driven focus for her job and what happens when Tecun climbs into her bed.  *winks*  I already had some bits of character traits that I really liked for her — her static trait involves her nightly ritual before getting into bed, for instance — but I didn’t go far enough.  (In fact, I realized as I got into the revisions for this element, that I’d gotten a few things terribly wrong that didn’t jive with her character at all.)

Now you might think this was an easy change.  I’ll just throw in a new trait – like maybe she’s OCD about her schedule and has every minute of this “vacation” mapped out down to the minute.  Easy peasy right?

Wrong.  Because if you’re going to ADD something to a finished manuscript, it has to have impact.  If the butterfly flaps its wings, there’s wind, no matter how faint, that must spread and ripple throughout the story.  Otherwise why even bother with the change in the first place?

So if I’m going to add a character trait, I have to SHOW it again and again.  It has to affect the plot in some way, no matter how small, or it’s just noise.  Like a random hair color or scar that I mention without ever explaining where the scar came from or how it changed the character’s life.  Why even bother if it’s not important and crucial to the story?  I couldn’t just mention this trait once and let it drop – that would be doing a lazy injustice to my character.

Everything has to matter.  It has to have impact.  WHY is she doing this?  HOW can I show it?  WHEN does this affect the plot?

And that, my friends, is where the real bite of Revision Xibalba comes into play.  Once you start affecting plot, um… news alert… your plot changes.  Scenes change.  Actions mean something else entirely.  If you change one turning point, then all the others are affected too.

See that trickle down effect?  More than shit begins to roll down hill at this point.  And oh, all those pesky trees.  I had several items I was changing at the same time, not just this one character trait, each one like a colored thread that had to be pulled all the way through to the end in a logical manner.

For example, Alissa mentioned in passing that she liked the idea of the family journal that Cassie brought with her to Guatemala and wondered if there was any way to make that more important.  Well sure.  I could — and did — write several thousand words of journal entries, which became a cool way for me to resolve several items in the revision letter at once.

But which events should the entries cover (I ended up spanning over 500 years!!)?  It couldn’t just be backstory or it’d slow the plot too much.  It couldn’t be all emo whining or moaning about the past.  They had to have real, measurable impact.  Things had to change because of these entries.

What clues could I drop in the journal that would make the reader go OOOOOOOHHHHHH when I finally laid out the live-action scene before them?

Notice that if I’m changing the plot or character…that’s more than just copying and pasting a new journal entry into place.  That means I’m changing significant elements of the plot itself.  Alllllll the way through the ms.

So then it becomes a balancing act requiring a delicate touch and a sharp eye.  If I’m going to drop in this little tidbit here, and make it really really matter, then I have to do it again over here.  I can’t drop a bunch of bright red paint in chapter two and never ever paint with red again.  I also have to remember the green and blue I’m adding and balance that with what’s already there and the new red.  It has to be consistent from start to finish.  All of these new colors are important now so I have to drop some over here, and again here, and then yeah, it’d better become crucial and important before the ending again, or…

Again, why bother?

Threading the plot — carrying these changes through in meaningful and consistent ways — building momentum page after page, THIS is the difference between making your editor happy when she opens up your revised document and making her groan and pull out her red pen again.  I truly believe this is where you can really learn to shine as a hardworking professional.

No, I don’t mean you have to blindly accept every change proposed by your editor.  But when you dig in and begin to make those changes, carry them through.  Don’t just plop a few things in and send it back.  Really think and dig.  Yes, it’s more work.  Yes, it’s painfully hard to come up with new ideas once the story’s already done.  Trust me, I know.  I added over 5K to this story (net – I added way more new words but deleted other passages that didn’t work any longer), and wrote another couple of thousand words of journal entries that I didn’t end up using at all.

But you know what?  I loved Tecun and Cassie before I sent The Bloodgate Warrior to Alissa (or I wouldn’t have submitted it, obviously).  But now?

Well.  I always say this but I think with her help, it’s become the next best thing I’ve written.