Category: The Writing

Sorry for my lack of updates. I’m trying to do better!

Things are still in turmoil at Samhain. For the foreseeable future, I’ll be self publishing. My current series are tied up through 2022 and while I could self publish them, I don’t know that I want to continue series that are tied up elsewhere and in doubt. Though let me be clear – Samhain has always paid on time and continues to meet its obligations. The whole “we’re closing” but now “we’re not closing” thing has shaken my trust. And I don’t submit books to places I can’t trust. I certainly don’t trust working with a publisher who fired all its editors.

I’m still in a funk and needed a change. Something to keep me going when I’d really rather just play a game or watch a Royals game.  So I took up a prompt again this year in the BDSM GoodReads group challenge “Kink in Ink.” It’s slow going, but I am at least working a little and getting some words. It’s different and a small way I can give back to a group that welcomes authors and readers of BDSM fiction with open arms.  If you’re not a member of the group (where it’ll be offered for free through December), and assuming the story doesn’t suck, I’ll make it more widely available next year.

Alas, I haven’t spent time learning game programming lately.  I have a good direction – I just need to do it.  I still am interested in pursing a romance novel game – but since I haven’t felt much like writing, it’s hard to work on a novel game.

That Man and I are headed to KC this weekend for a Royals game.  My first in probably 30-40 years.  I don’t remember much about the only other game I saw as a kid, other than it was tied 0-0, went into extra innings, and we lost.  The kids are staying at home with Grandma, and we’re spending two nights in a hotel.  Supposedly That Man has agreed that I can and should write on this getaway weekend.  We’ll see if that goodwill continues once we’re actually there!

I also took the next two days off, and will plan to get some work done. Word by word.

Just keep swimming.

 

Not a new interest – because I’ve blogged about loving Big Fish Games before.  I love hidden object and time management games.  I also recently played my first visual novel game:  Regency Love.

And that got me to thinking.  Hard.

I love all kinds of romance.  I love all kinds of games. But how come there aren’t very many good ROMANCE GAMES?!?

A very very long time ago, when Survive My Fire was first published by now defunct Drollerie Press, we talked about making a Keldari game.  At the time, I knew nothing about such games or how that’d work.  Then of course Drollerie went out of business.  But the love for gaming–and story telling, obviously!–is still there.

After playing Regency Love, I even went so far as to buy a new (Objective-C) programming book.  Just in case.

I code all the time for the Evil Day Job – but it’s not in a game-friendly language.  I know a little html and js – but I’ve never been a “developer” in those languages.  It’s just bits I’ve picked up after supporting back-end processes that feed to our websites.  I do know Java, but am far from an expert at it.  FAR.  I’m strongest in a vendor language that is as far away from gaming as we are from the sun.

Or is it?

The way a programmer thinks is the foundation for any code.  I don’t care what the language is.  There’s an inherit understanding of how to tackle a problem, break into pieces, reuse, etc.  Adding polymorphism and inheritance does drive the learning curve higher, but I’ve been taught in several object-oriented languages.

So I know how to think in code.  I know how to write.  I know to how game!

And even in my weakest language – Java – we have a development tool in house that helps as much as possible.  e.g. if you start typing, it tries to be smart and fill in for you. All kinds of built-in look up capabilities and smart help information. Heck, with a push of a button I can make code auto-generate all the getters and setters for an entire class without even thinking about it.  It’s barely even “coding” in that regard.

So what I need is a good tool. I’ve been researching various software development tools for gaming and I may have stumbled across a gem.

I’ve demo’d several that were not for me, though I could see how they could be useful for others.  I walked through an entire HTML5/JavaScript tutorial on how to build a game from scratch.  Learned a lot – but still had too many questions about how to do a story-type game. GameMaker Player wasn’t bad – but crashed on me 15 mins in.  Construct 2 could also work… But it just wasn’t clicking for me. I’ve downloaded and installed Unity, but I’ve read that the learning curve for it is high, and haven’t had time to dig into it yet.  (Plus it’s not cheap!)  For what I want to do, it would be like buying a supercharged Porche for the sole purpose of going to the post office.

Then I found Tyrano Builder.  It’s ONLY a visual novel software tool.  Plug and play – drop in elements you want.  OR you can code in JavaScript or pseudo script for more complicated needs. Pretty quickly, I was able to get a basic scene going in a new Keldari novella/game.

And it is so freaking cool!  I haven’t been able to play in this world for a long time.  Too long, actually.  The game is based on what I’d planned to include in Given In Fire.  The only problem: it’s been so long since I had that idea, I can’t even remember the characters’ names, let alone what the story was going to be.

So it’s going to take me some time to a). learn the tool and b). learn how to write a visual novel game and c). write a meaningful story (several, actually, to accommodate multiple story lines through interaction).  But I have started it and it’s been a lot of fun.

I’m going to do a little more due diligence and check out Ren’Py – though at first glance, it’s too heavy on the Python scripting for me, after seeing how easy TB is to drag and drop the elements I want into play – and probably Novelty too.  The slight advantage with it might be the ability to get and develop game assets (like characters and backgrounds) easily.

I haven’t had a problem uploading images to TB – the problem is I don’t have very many images to play with.  I’ve got a couple of backgrounds I bought for Keldari novellas that are appropriately grim deserts.  I even managed to make a very easy/rudimentary text box tonight with Gimp to give a slight customization to the game.  I also downloaded a small dragon sprite to use – but I couldn’t use it for a game I plan/hope to sell someday.  It’s enough for now to let me see how the game develops.

Graphics are my biggest weak point in this area and I can’t compensate for it.  I’ve tried to learn PhotoShop and it’s just not my thing.  The graphics just look cheap and lazy and take me way longer than they should to cobble together.  I’ll have to hire that out.  Luckily, Raelyn’s son has an interest in graphic design and is helping me with a few secret things.  And I’ve been scoping out several artists in various forums to get an idea of what the going rates are.

I even bought a domain! So that’s my FUN thing I’m doing.

I also completed a short novella in April, but it’s a secret.  You’ll have to use your detective skills if you want to find it sometime this month.  It’s off the wall and crazy – my stress reliever project.

I also bought a cover for Three Cuts Deader.  I’d *like* to write it this year yet, but I need to get my mind around what I want to do.  I have a direction a little further along than before.

Oh and I still have a Celtic-inspired fantasy romance I’m working on.  I stepped away from it temporarily to work on the secret project, but should be returning to it in the next month or so.

I’m still plugging along on my new fantasy romance.  I wrote about 5K words in April.  Not much at all – but it is progress.

I’ve been following along with #ListifyLife and posting to Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. It’s been fun – and I’m practicing my handwriting!  I still mess up in my journal and have to skip a few pages, but I’m getting less uptight about making it look “perfect.”

The news from Samhain is… no news.  Just some possible news she can’t talk about yet.  It’s making me twitchy and of course my writer brain is going off on all KINDS of scenarios.  All of which end up screwing over my books.  I hope not.  I’d rather start over on these covers and re-release myself than let someone else (that I don’t know, and never actually submitted to voluntarily) control them.  I’ll keep you posted.  As of now, all Samhain titles are still available everywhere, but I did notice some of the print editions getting pulled from Amazon Prime.  If you want a print tradesize, you’d better order one sooner than later.

And disappointing news for A Killer Need series too.  Carina won’t be pursuing a third book.  Sales don’t justify it at this time.  That doesn’t mean there won’t be one – it just means I’ll have to self-pub it.  That’s a possibility and I already have the title and suspense plot.  I do *not* have the romantic/erotic plot figured out yet.  So that’s on the back burner for now.

This all got me pretty depressed today and I was whining/bitching to my Beloved Sis.  We got to joking around and… I might have a really hilarious story idea in progress.  It’s campy, tongue-in-cheek, and completely, totally over the top.  But it was FUN and I need some fun right now.  So I’m jotting all my notes.

I’m trying to get my mojo back. I’ve been taking more time for me, like playing some of my old favorite time management games. I’ve also started taking baths.  I’ve been a shower girl for decades, but when we started making bath bombs, it was fun to take a bath again.  I’ve gotten addicted to Epsom salts, some nice essential oils, a glass of wine, and a book on my Kindle app.  I’ve found that I’m reading much more – which is a good thing.

I need to keep filling that Well.

It’s a weird feeling. I’m completely free. Uncontracted.  No promised works anywhere. It’s disconcerting to say the least, and yes, at times, paralyzing. There are too many choices and decisions.  But I’m working through my stages of frustration, fury, terror, despair, giddy relief, shaky hope, and back to frustration.

So that’s why I’m going for the fun idea right now.  It makes me laugh out loud and I really need that right now!  Branding/sales/publishing be damned.

 

 

Two-three weeks ago, I was seriously wondering if I was “all wrote out.”  I haven’t written significant words all year and that sly little voice started whispering deep in the back of my mind that maybe I was broken. I’d pushed too hard in 2015 and I was burnt out.  Done. Finiti.

Then the Samhain news hit.

And yeah, that did take some wind out of my sails.  But when that happens, it’s easier to change directions than when you’re full steam ahead.  I’ve known for a long time that I could probably be making more if I’d self published, but my sense of loyalty is strong.  Plus I had/have a great relationship with my editor, Tera, and it’s nice not to have to foot the expenses up front for cover art, editing, and formatting.  The lure of 70% royalties is strong though.  And now with Samhain closing their doors sometime this year, I have to make the jump.

I’m still going to pursue traditional/small press publications, e.g. with Carina, with the right books.  I love my editor, Alissa, there too, and they can do way more with distribution than I know how to take care of myself right now.  But it is harder to get certain books published there because they’re picky, which is a good thing.  They’re only going to take on books that meet their needs, that they know they can sell.  Doesn’t mean a book is bad or shouldn’t be published — it just doesn’t meet their niche they’re targeting.  So not everything I write will be right for them, but look for future Carina releases as I can.

I’m building some brand new ideas right now with the hope of getting some new things released, that can be making some money before I start getting Samhain titles back.  That way I’ll hopefully have enough in the tank to pay for new covers.  As those rights come back to me, I’ll be hopefully writing the last book in the series and repackaging everything for hopefully new/better sales.

I’m expecting the Lady Wyre series to come back to me first because it earns the poorest sales.  If so, I’ll be writing the last Lady Wyre book.  I have a short story/prequel I wrote for that series, so I’ll either get it packaged and out on sites separately as a permanent freebie, or I’ll include that material into Lady Doctor Wyre.  I’ll have to make that decision once I get everything back.

When I get the Connaghers back, I’ll write Mal’s story and finish that series.

I don’t have any further planned Billionaire books.  But if I get an idea for it, I’ll consider adding another.  However, I’m expecting these to be the last books I get back, since they’re the newest.

I had to use this time for some soul searching.  I’ve been writing so hard, concentrating on my brand and sales and business – that my artist withered a bit.  That’s why I’ve had a hard time getting back into just writing new words.  So the next new project is going to be all for ME.  Things that make me smile.  That make me happy.  That feed my artist.  If it ends up BDSM, fine, but I’m not going to force it.

I need something a bit lighter right now to bring back some of the magic.  So I’m returning to my first love:

Fantasy Romance!

I’ve been down this path before when Drollerie closed, but this hurts way more. Endings are sad so I’ll concentrate on the possibilities ahead.

News broke this weekend that Samhain Publishing has decided to slowly wind down and close this year. The good news is that they’re doing this smartly–up front, above board, everybody paid, rights returned.  This isn’t going to be long silences, worry, and wondering if I’ve lost my books for good.  So don’t be afraid that your favorite authors won’t get their money if you buy books, even knowing Samhain is closing.  They’ve always treated me very well, and I’ve always been paid on time.

All my Samhain titles are still available and will continue to be for sale, until my rights revert to me.  I don’t know when that will be, but likely not for many months yet.  Unfortunately, they might be unavailable for awhile after that because I’ll have to pay for new covers and formatting.  That will take time.  Possibly a long time.  But I’ll cross that bridge when I must.

In the meantime, I’ll be re-evaluating my plan for the year.  I’d already been facing some tough decisions based on sales. It makes me feel a little better that low sales weren’t just troubling me, but across the board at Samhain.  I couldn’t see investing months into the third Lady Wyre book when Lord Regret’s Price hasn’t even sold 200 copies after being published in Dec. 2013. Yeah. Pretty depressing.  Crawl under the bed and die depressing. The numbers in the Connaghers series haven’t been much better.  I’d already decided not to write another Billionaire book.  The numbers just haven’t been there.

I worked really hard in 2015 but felt further behind than ever.  I’ve been bogged down in numbers, branding, stressing, trying to figure out what I could do to turn things around.  Now…  I need to come up with a new plan.

I’ve barely written since November.  I’d already decided to take off through the holidays, but it’s been hard to get back into it this year.  Here it is almost March and I’ve barely written a few thousand words on a story that just isn’t working.

So, it’s back to the drawing board.  I’m going to use this opportunity to really think about what I want to write for the foreseeable future.

I’m sure Gregar, Charlie, and Vincent will have some interesting ideas.

I try to do this once a year, especially when my faith in what I’m doing feels strained and tattered. When the words are hard and I second guess everything. When the family is oblivious to how much I do. How little time I have to write. How little sleep I get as a result.

I do this… and it’s all worth it.

What’s my secret to refilling the Well? I take a little walk with Gregar, Shannari, and Rhaekhar.

The Rose of Shanhasson was the first book I ever finished. If you’re new around here, you may not know the whole saga. Those blog posts are long gone, lost in a domain transfer many years ago. But Rose is more than my first book. It’s my first love. It’s the first book that taught me to dream in rhyme. Where I learned to dream in words, rather than letting the movie play in my head.

It’s far from the first draft (I have sworn to permanently silence my sister if she even thinks about ever bringing that first awful draft out in public). It went through major revisions over several years.  Both my personal revisions after years of RWA contest circuits — and then my first editor’s revisions (that publisher long ago shut their doors). I was so thrilled when Dorchester requested a full, and agonized for YEARS waiting on an answer that never came. Another publisher closed their doors.

I still remember some of the things I had to change over the years with bittersweet fondness.  Like the sur’ami aspect (hello, budding bondage slave/Master writer) which I hacked out long before I submitted it to Drollerie. My editor at the time didn’t like me calling Varne “the Closest Blood” because she read it as Closet.  Though we changed it to Nearest, he’ll always be Closest in my head.

I know the characters so thoroughly that I could pick it up and write any of them today without having to refresh my memory on their voices or their backstory. They live in my dreams. They always will. There’s some indescribable magic that I find woven in those words. Maybe it’s the blood, sweat, and buckets of tears I shed on that story over the years, but I love it. So much.

The Shanhasson series is as close to my deepest darkest heart you’ll ever see without meeting me in person and getting me drunk. Laughs.

You might be surprised at the violence and darkness – mixed with the hope and love. There’s pain and death and agonizing loss. And the greatest love of all. Each book is not Romance (spoiler: characters die) but the trilogy ends on a huge happy ending reunion high note that I hope makes up for the hell I put you through to get there.

So much love. So much blood.

The only story that even comes close….

Charlie’s One Cut Deeper. And maybe that’s why I love him and Ranay so much too. Yes, there’s a Master/slave relationship too. Maybe my muse was trying to get back to that original vision of long long ago. Ranay reminds me of my early Shannari, before I wounded her heart. Literally. Before she had to learn to kill to protect herself. I don’t think Ranay will ever have to go that far. Charlie is more than eager to do any killing needed to keep his heart safe.

I thought of Gregar often while working on Two Cuts Darker. He’s still the first, the most honored, the deadliest of all. But his gift lives on in Charlie and his brother, Vince. The Shadowed Blood will always ride in my dreams, and when I’m especially lucky, he shows up in my stories too.

She pointed her sword at Gregar. “Back off.”

The Blood took a step closer, pressing the sword tip into his body. Her jaw tightened with determination and she pushed a little harder, puncturing his chest. Smiling with anticipation, Gregar pushed back. A little closer, a little more steel pressing into his body.

She shifted her grip on the hilt, fully prepared to skewer him. A coldness settled on her features that told Rhaekhar she’d killed before and often. Very impressive. He liked a hint of danger in a woman. Evidently, so did Gregar.

“Go ahead,” he taunted, his low voice echoing with amusement and his trademark wickedness. Shannari shivered and her eyes widened. “Run me through. I shall greatly enjoy it.”

Her gaze flickered to the smaller wound she dealt to Rhaekhar’s neck earlier. “Are you all crazy?”

“Gregar is… special. He used to be a Death Rider.” At the blank look on her face, Rhaekhar added, “An assassin. Death Riders delight in sacrificing blood to the Great Wind Stallion. Blood sacrifice is a very great honor among us.”

She jerked her sword away. Gregar wiped his hand across his chest and licked the blood from his fingers. “Would you like a taste?”