Author: Joely

It’s been a very slow few weeks. I don’t have a lot to report. I’ll do a quick rundown here, and then give more details below if you like the wordier version. Queen Takes Sunfires 2 is delayed. I just haven’t been able to get into the flow yet. I am very slowly working on Queen Takes Venom, part of the Queen Collection. Unfortunately we’re delaying the print anthology as well. We had planned to have it available at Literary Love Savannah in July, but with Covid-19 and all the implications–specifically, Middle Monster’s graduation was rescheduled to July 31st–I can no longer attend. Many others are in the same boat.

So it’s been a bit of a bummer all around. I’m sorry to disappoint those of you waiting for more Karmen! I’m especially bummed that I can’t attend LLS again this year after planning so many fun things. I miss seeing all the people I met in 2018.

This is a stressful month for me. We’re supposed to be in court in just under two weeks. I had hoped we could come to an agreement out of court, but it doesn’t appear to be in the cards. That was a mental adjustment for me. It’s scary and expensive AF but I don’t have a choice. I’m just focusing on the positive. In a few weeks, this will all be behind me. The uncertainty will be over. I’ll know what I need to do. I just have to stay calm and positive. My blood pressure will thank me!

Littlest Monster turns 17 tomorrow. How is that possible? Remember when I was posting about her going to school just seconds ago it seems? She’ll be a senior this fall and wants to go to medical school. Middle was robbed of her prom and expected graduation event like so many other seniors this year. We’re hopeful that she can walk across a stage in July, but we’ll just have to see what happens over the next few weeks. She hasn’t decided what she wants to do with her future, and I told her that’s PERFECTLY OKAY. No pressure. We have plenty of pressure about everything else. If she wants to take a year off and work, fine. If she wants to go to college in the fall, fine. We have time to decide.

Princess Monster will graduate from college next year with her early childhood teaching degree. Also extremely exciting: she wrote her first book for publication! Meet her pen name: Bobbie Jo Hart. Bobbie from Papa (Bobby), Jo is her real middle name, and Hart from Burkhart. Wolf Point Academy is an idea I had last year. I purchased the covers and had a few notes, but I just couldn’t make it happen. When she saw the wolf covers, she said, “Mom, I’ll write it.” And she did such an awesome job! She took just a few notes I had and the first chapter… and ran with it. She’s already completed the first draft of the second book too!

I, however, am not anywhere near that fast. I am trying to be patient with myself. Intellection is one of my top strengths, which means I need to think a lot. It’s not wasting time – even if it feels like it. I have to get the knot of ideas straightened out in my head before I can make much progress. Unfortunately, stress and upheaval makes all that harder to do. My thoughts are consumed with the divorce and all the what ifs. All my brain cells are firing up frantic with all these crazy scenarios — but when it comes time to write, I get nada. Zilch. Some days I can’t even open the file. Other days, I get 100 words. I count it a victory each time.

I’m going back to my tried and true methods. I’m not blocked, exactly. I just don’t have the energy and fire right now. I am mediating again (Headspace). I am lighting incense and a candle each evening when I start to work. I got more distilled water for my fountain (it had run out while we were under lock down and I was scared to go buy more until I got a mask). I put my headphones on with different binaural programs. Zen music. Deep breathing. Affirmations. I’m trying to get at least 7 hours of sleep a night.

Under two weeks to go. Deep breaths. Shara and the Great One Who Is and Was and Always Will Be have my back.

Ack, I’m sorry! I’ve been so behind this year between travel, the Evil Day Job, and now this crazy COVID-19 upheaval. If anyone wants a refund, please contact me. I’m happy to do so.

I finally made it to the dungeon tonight and made up a ton of shirts for the orders. I’ll start packaging everything tomorrow with the goal of getting everything out as quickly as possible.

Thank you for your patience!

One thing I’m trying to do better this year is two-fold. I’m trying to control how much I put on my plate–but I’m also watching the size of my plate.

I don’t want to get into the red zone as in the picture above. Actually, I think it’s too late. I’m in the red-zone, eating on a little saucer, and wondering why there’s no room for anything else.

See, what I didn’t realize for a long time is that the size of your plate can change over time. When you’re going through stressful situations, a health issue, family trouble, etc. the size of your plate can actually decrease. Suddenly all the things you can normally handle and do without second thought keep slipping off the sides, no matter how hard you try to hold on.

It’s like plopping a huge spoon of Granny’s heavy mashed potatoes (she makes them with sour cream and butter) in the middle of the Thanksgiving plate, and all the stuffing, gravy, and green bean casserole drips off the side and stains the tablecloth. A travesty all around!

For me, that’s when something ridiculously minor would send me into a tailspin. Something I could normally take onto my plate without issue was suddenly too much. Everything starts falling apart.

So how do you move from the red plate to the bigger ones?

Some things are completely out of our control. You can’t change a health situation and make it magically better. You can’t resolve family issues overnight. But there are other self-care things you can do to make sure at least the plate doesn’t keep shrinking – or to take some of the tasks off the smaller plate with grace and knowledge that you’re doing the absolute smartest thing to take care of yourself.

For me, that means I’m super behind with NaNoWriMo. This week has been rough. I had TWO after-hour Evil Day Job support issues that affected my three-day weekend. Nothing messes me up like a 2-3 AM work call. Stress PLUS loss of sleep! I had a hard time getting back to sleep, and then I overslept, so I felt like I was behind all weekend. Though I still didn’t feel rested.

Maybe that’s not a big deal for most people, but I typically run all week on 5 hours of sleep each night. I rely on the weekends to catch up. So when I lost my weekend sleep, I started out this week run down. Weepy for no reason. Mentally exhausted.

So much for my grand plans for writing like crazy this week until I leave on another trip next week.

But, again, there’s nothing I can do about that now. I can’t control when a work issue arises. But I can control my mind frame this week and take steps to ensure my plate size doesn’t slip down another notch, or too much starts falling off the sides.

For one thing, I kept saying over and over, “I’m so tired. UGH.” Which of course made me feel even more tired. Every time I caught myself saying that, I changed it to “I’m getting the rest I need.”

Now saying that is a start – but I also have to follow up on that with smart action. Am I getting the rest I need? Not if I’m staying up until 11PM-12AM trying to write when I’m already mentally worn out. Rather than fight to stay awake, I’ve been going to bed 10-10:30 PM. That means I’m only getting a little writing done, but I have to let my sleep catch up a bit or I’m going to get so worn down that I’ll be sick. I’m traveling next week to Houston for RAM (Romance Author Mastermind) and I don’t want to come back with nasty con-crud that goes into something worse because I didn’t take care of myself.

So, fewer words than I’d hoped, but hopefully nothing else is going to fall off my plate and make a mess. It’s not the end of the world to be behind on NaNoWriMo or even to not “win” the 50,000 words. It’s not a YOU LOSE situation. I’d rather keep a steady pace and survive to write next month and next year than win NaNo and suddenly find myself blocked and unable to write for months because I’m burned out.

If you’re behind on NaNoWriMo, you’re not alone! Let’s keep plodding together.

For personal reasons I can’t yet divulge entirely, I’ve been forced to cut back on my production this summer.

At first, I was angry. I had so much to do. So many plans that had to be put on the back burner. This was going to set me back months, maybe longer. Would hot trends even be hot in 3 months? 6? A year?

If you’ve been in publishing long, you know the answer to that.

I told myself it didn’t matter. I could still write ahead and have a whole bunch of stories ready to go. But the reality of all the stress I was (and still am) under slapped me in the face so hard it took my breath away, as well as my words. It was hard to be productive when I knew I couldn’t do anything with it. It was hard to focus when I was under so much stress. It was hard to be motivated when my personal life was in complete upheaval.

I need stability. But I also need deadlines. These are elements of my personality that I have been trying to embrace.

I had neither.

So I stewed for awhile. I cursed. I tried to come up with a plan and motivate myself. I created a new bujo and used a bunch of Washi tape to make it pretty. It was better than nothing — but I still wasn’t getting a lot of words. If I was lucky, I could get about 250-500 words — if I succeeded in even opening the file! — on the Princess Takes Unicorns prequel I’ve been working on for like a year. It’s only a short story. Why couldn’t I finish it?

Sigh.

I didn’t want to give myself a heart attack or stroke from the stress — or even cancer or other illnesses. (I watched Heal on Netflix.) So I was forced to slowly begin to work on ME not a story. My first efforts were to begin meditation again. Not everyday, but more frequently. I ordered an “I AM” journal and worked on my gratitude and affirmations. I came up with a mantra that I repeated when I was stressed or upset. Over and over and over, because yeah, it’s been a rough few months. I started writing down affirmations in a spare journal as often as I could remember to do it. Just free-writing a whole page as often as possible.

I started listening to that still voice inside me. I started trusting in my gut. I went through a forgiveness process and actually burned the paper where I’d written my hurt down. Not once but several times lol.

I took more long baths with candles and bath bombs. I read more. I indulged in Netflix horror movies. I bought some incense and started a little ritual when I went to my computer to help me relax, even if I didn’t manage any words.

And I started doing the things I *knew* I should do to help with productivity. I just had resistance to them. Mainly, low-key sprints and setting a timer.

A lot of writers use sprints and are very successful with them – but I have to be careful. I have just enough achiever in my strengths that I want to be the best. I want to do well. I want to be the fastest. And if I’m not, I avoid it. I put immense pressure on myself to type like a mad person when that timer goes off – and if I’m mentally not in the place to achieve a lot of words, I don’t want to do it. I avoid it. Because I know I’ll be disappointed in myself.

This took a mind shift, but I think I’m finally in a better place. I don’t use the timer so much to “sprint” but to focus. The word count doesn’t matter. It only matters that I’m working on ONLY my story during that time. If I’m reading and editing, that’s okay. If I’m just adding a few lines, that’s okay. If I’m writing slowly and relaxed… THAT’S OKAY! I just need to dedicate the TIME to do the work.

The words started to come. Slowly, yes, but the words are flowing again. It’s more of a gentle trickle than the rushing Amazon River, but I’ll take it. I’m learning to embrace that ebb and flow better.

In all of this, I finally realized exactly how close to burnout I probably was. Forcing myself to write while under this major stress would have probably pushed me over the brink. I don’t know how long my muse would have been incapacitated if I’d kept pushing and forcing the words over the summer. I had all the classic signs of burnout:

• difficulty focusing
• tired all the time
• no motivation
• no creativity
• irritability
• wanting to veg and binge Netflix

Granted, the Homelife stress has been extremely high for years and was certainly contributing to the approach of burnout. But I also wasn’t taking good care of my muse. That’s why Checkmate and Triune took me soooooo long. I struggled to focus. I had a lot of “I don’t wanna” and I didn’t know why or how to get over it.

Usually for me, the more pressure I apply and the tighter the deadlines, the better I perform. Usually. So it was hard for me to admit that I was probably not in a good place. My mind kept insisting that I should just push harder. My “feelings” were just feelings and I should be able to write just as much even with my Homelife exploding around me.

Not.

So while it has been a frustrating summer… I can also look back and admit that I was exactly where I needed to be. I needed to spend these months forming some new self-care habits. I needed the down time. While the Homelife stress isn’t any better yet (though things are in progress and I hope it can resolve in the next few months), I have found my stride with writing. Yes, it’s slower. But that’s okay. The flow is there. I’ve almost finished the short prequel and I plan to spend the first 3 weeks of October expanding Queen Takes Camelot.

Yes, I know. After all my talk above about stress, I set a fairly tight pre-order date! But I need the pressure to make sure I actually focus and work, and I have other pressing reasons for that deadline.

It’ll be a good test to see if my new habits will continue to help me keep moving forward, manage the stress, and still find space in my head to be creative. I’ve got a checklist I’m trying to do every single day, both for sprints and for self care. I may post more often in Oct just as an accountability.

Let the words FLOW!