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Unfair

I can remember as a kid just SOBBING, heartbroken, because I felt that something unfair had been done to me.  It’s a childish complaint that the monsters shout at each other (and me) all the time.  That’s so UNFAIR!!

And even though I’ve got a few years on me ::cough:: sometimes unfairness – and my childish demands – crop back up.  Especially at my weigh in today.

I’ve been sooooo good.  On program, tracking all food, no slips, no late-night binges on Lays, no coconut pie, no homemade bread…  I’ve exercised more this month than I probably did all last year.  I’ve earned 75 activity points this month – insane for me!  And yet I only lost .2 today – after having an unearned gain of 2.6 pounds all week!

For the entire month (the past 4 weeks, not just January), I’ve only lost 2.5 pounds.

While rationally I know a). any loss is to be cheered and b). an average loss of .5 pounds per week is a healthy rate…  I’m not satisifed.  I want results, dammit, and I want them now!  ::stomps foot::  If I work out that hard…I *deserve* a loss.  It’s so unfair.

::rolls eyes at how childish that sounds::

Yet it’s the truth.  And I’ve always said the truth here.

This feeling of unfairness isn’t limited to just weight loss either.  We can feel it’s unfair that someone at work got promoted and we didn’t, even though we work harder or have more seniority.  Someone got a break and we didn’t, whatever that break was.  We do everything right…and sometimes it just doesn’t happen when we expect it to happen.

What do you do then?  How do you reframe your expectations?  How do you handle the disappointment and sense of entitlement?  Maturity helps, of course — I would expect to handle disappointment better myself than Middle Monster because she didn’t get that iPad for Christmas she wanted, for example.  But even maturity begins to wear thin week after week, month after month, when you’re working so hard, doing everything right, and don’t get what you want, when you want it.

So I thought I’d try on my too-small jeans, on the barest hope that maybe I’d lost inches even if the scale wasn’t cooperating, but that was only another disappointment.  They still don’t fit.

However, I have to listen to how I feel, really feel.  I did Walk It Out today because my normal workout schedule was messed up, and I felt GREAT.  I walked and jogged for 45 minutes, sweat my tush off, and ended up walking just under 3 miles.

My foot felt great even walking that far and long.

My schedule was messed up because I took the day off from the Evil Day Job and got my hair done, and Apryl did a TERRIFIC job.  It looks great and I felt really good about how I looked.  She also commented on how much thinner I look (she only sees me once a month).

My watch is sagging so much on my wrist that I need to go in and have a link taken out.

My “skinny” jeans (ironically, the same size and brand as the ones that stubbornly won’t fit, although they’re a slightly different style) are sagging around the waist again.

And I started to feel better.  Am I still disappointed?  Sure.  But I know I’m doing what’s right.  Sometimes that has to be enough reward.  Oh, and I bought myself some new workout shorts – yes SHORTS – I haven’t owned shorts in like fifteen years!!! – and a sports bra.

I figured a little retail therapy couldn’t hurt.  :mrgreen:

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Good News Monday

It’s been dreary and chilly here (but thankfully no snow or ice) and I feel like I’m running on half empty thanks to our busy schedule lately…so I need some good news!!

  • I’ve completed three full weeks of Power 90 and started week 4 yesterday.  I haven’t been rewarded on the scale (yet) but I can definitely feel muscles!
  • I can do more pushups now than when I started.
  • I can hold a plank from my toes, though I still do the pushups from my knees, and I can’t do that one downward dog to runner’s stretch move yet.
  • We’re loving the Vitamix and have used it at least once every single day since we got it.  The only thing that was a complete fail so far – homemade V8.  Ugh it was terrible.  I couldn’t even save it by using it in soup.  Back to the drawing board on that one!
  • Steady stretching has been helping my plantar fasciitis considerably.  As long as I sit on the edge of the bed in the morning and give my foot a good stretch (pulling on my toes, really stretching the calf and arch), then I can walk into the bathroom without pain.  Keeping my good shoes on all day, every day, is also helping.  I can exercise without any pain.
  • The Horse Master of Shanhasson finally went to $0 on Amazon (to match Smashwords pricing) and WHOA, I was stunned to see how many “sales” I had as soon as that happened.  Hopefully my pricing strategy will be effective.  I deliberately want a free read, and then one cheaper at $2.99 to hopefully hook readers into the rest of the series, which is priced slightly higher (but all under $5).  The first book is 20K shorter, and the other 2 are over 100K so I think the slightly higher price is justified.  We shall see!
  • Still slowly working my way through “3Aliens.”  The dam has not yet busted free yet but I’m still making headway.
  • I have Tuesday off this week from the Evil Day Job to get my hair spiffed up again and hopefully get some nice wordage!

What’s your good news?

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Friday Snippet: Lady Wyre’s Regret

Continuing from last week, the free read prequel to Lady Doctor Wyre:

“So you’re a pilot as well as an assassin.”  Lady Wyre had traded in the slightly scorched gown for a high-waisted spotlessly delicate linen that made Sig shake his head.  “What other talents do you possess?”

The linen was so fine and thin he could see the darker hint of her thighs despite the petticoats she wore.  The hem and bodice were thickly covered with silver embroidery and pearls.  On Britannia, she’d be the perfect picture of a genteel lady heading to her country house.  She’s got a lot to learn about living on the run.

They slipped through the heavily armed Britannia shields using a tiny backdoor loophole he’d paid a small fortune to open.  Breathing a little easier, he initiated the illegal contraband engine he’d acquired from a desperate Razari.  It’d need a bit to warm up, but once charged, they’d hit Kali Kata in a matter of hours.

If one of Her Majesty’s ships happened to board him, they’d take one glance at that tiny crystal powering the ship to unheard-of speeds and throw him into the Tower before finding his female partner aboard.  Luckily they won’t be able to catch us once we hit Razari speed.  “Do you have any gowns a little less conspicuous?”

Up went her nose and she gave him that delightfully regal stare that somehow made him appear shorter than her slight five foot height.  “A Duchess has a duty to always look her absolute best.”

As gently as possible, he pointed out the obvious.  “You can’t be the Duchess of Wyre any longer, sweetheart.”

She sniffed and a sudden bolt of terror struck his heart at the thought that she might burst into tears.  He hated crying.  He’d actually botched a few marks in the past because he hurried up to silence all the moaning and messy sobbing.  If she was a crier, it’d be damned tempting to slit her pretty throat and toss her into deep space.

“I hope you stocked tea on this miserable little boat.  I need a cup.  Badly.”

Suspicious, he risked a glance at her and thankfully found her eyes completely dry.  “I’ve got a nice black from Zijin.  Just whirl your chair around one eighty degrees and hit the replicator.”

She didn’t fuss about having to make her own tea or complain that a replicator’s brew wasn’t as good as the real thing, a pleasant surprise.  After leading a life of privilege, she couldn’t be faulted for snobbish ways, as long as she wasn’t a bloody prig at the same time.  That he couldn’t abide.

She surprised him yet again by handing him a cup, too and also asking—instead of ordering.  “Where are we going?”

“It’s going to be hard to disappear off the grid, unless you leave Britannian space entirely.  We’ll have to fuel up somewhere, so I planned to stop at the Colony.  Then beyond, wherever you want to go.”

“Britannia space grows wider day by day.  The Razari certainly didn’t expect a warship to show up on their front door.”  She sipped her tea in silence for a few moments.  “I’m not afraid of correcting my mistakes, Sig.  As long as you’re not afraid to point them out to me.”  She chuckled at whatever she saw on his face.  “Besides, now I have a reason to go shopping again.  What do you recommend?”

“Dark colors, simple utilitarian materials.  No embellishments.”

When she pouted, he couldn’t help but laugh.  “No silk?”

“Absolutely not.  Only a woman of a blooded House would wear silk outside of Britannia.  If you look like a lady, there will be questions.”

She blew out a long breath.  “This is going to be harder than I imagined.  I expected to live without servants, high fashion, and the tedium of Society.  In fact, I relished the opportunity to live on my own for once in my life.  But no silk?  Oh dear.  That might…”  She sniffed and damned if her bottom lip didn’t quiver.  “Break me.”

Dread chilled Sig’s stomach.  Don’t cry.  Please don’t cry.  “Don’t make me toss you out the airlock, Charlie.”

She burst into laughter.  “You should see the look on your face.  Why, Lord Regret, I do believe you’re queasy.  Are you by chance air sick?”

An alarm blared, cutting through her teasing.  Instantly calm and alert, she set the cup of tea aside and took up position beside him.

He scanned the readings.  “Unknown ship.”

“Her Majesty’s?”

Sig shook his head.  “Not a warship.  I’m also not detecting a merchant signal.  Not good, not good at all.  Someone was waiting for us to lift out of port, probably a bounty hunter.  I need another five minutes before the Razari crystal is fully powered.”

“What kind of cannon do we have?”

He flashed a smile of appreciation at her.  No questions, no panic.  She leaped straight to the heart of the issue and prepared to blow them out of the sky.  “Henry might be little, but our ship is loaded for bear.”  He reached over and pulled up the armament program on her display.  “Fire at will.  We have plenty of ammunition.”

Concentrating on the controls, she still managed to quip.  “You named your ship Henry?”

“Be nice to him,” Sig warned as he programmed in a zig-zag flight pattern with a little more zig than zag to hopefully buy them time.  “He’s your ticket out of the Tower of Londonium.”

“Good boy.”  She patted the dashboard and winked at Sig.  “Fly faster, dear Henry.”

Taking return fire as quickly as she managed to get off a shot, the ship shimmied.  Sig kept a wary eye on the shields, which were dropping at an alarming rate.  Another hit and they might lose their port engine.  Come on, Henry.  Fire up that blasted engine so we can get out of here!

Lady Wyre whirled her seat around.  “Where are my trunks?”

“You don’t have time to change your gown,” he gritted out.  “I’m pushing the engines as hard as I dare to get us some breathing room, but I need you to keep them off my tail as long as possible!”

“Oh for goodness sakes.”  She left her chair, stumbling against the panel when they took another shot that rocked the ship sideways.  Fortunately, the panel she accidentally knocked open contained her precious trunk.  She rummaged in it and quickly returned to her seat.  “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve, so to speak, Lord Regret.  I can help with the shields and possibly…”

She plugged a slim stick into the panel and her dainty hands flew over the keyboard.  “There.  I can’t wait to get my hands on Henry’s nether regions to fully explore that Razari engine.  All they brought to me to study was the crystal.”

Amazingly, the shields increased back to eighty percent capacity.

“You should have a bit more horses under the hood, too.”

Shaking his head, he increased the throttle and Henry leaped ahead like a charger taking the next fence.  “My dear Lady Wyre, if we weren’t getting chased by a bounty hunter, I’m afraid I might have to kiss you.”

“Bloody hell,” she muttered, slamming her fist down on the panel.

Taken aback, Sig kept his gaze straight ahead.  Stupid tongue.  Too familiar by half and me out of Society for years.  No wonder she’s offended.

“Oh don’t be a mamby-pamby.  If you dare to steal a kiss, give me your very best effort and I may reward you with a bedding you’ll not soon forget.  I’m frustrated because evidently I’m a wretched shot.  If we survive, I want your solemn word of honor that you’ll see to it that I receive proper training on marksmanship.”

“Done and done.”  Another blast rocked the ship, and this time poor Henry didn’t recover.  He wallowed to the port side.  Cursing beneath his breath, Sig hauled on the controls but the ship was sluggish to respond.  “Damnation, we’re sitting ducks here.  Don’t do this to me, Henry!”

“Incoming.”  Her voice was tight and low but not panicked.  “I’m trying to intercept.  Hold on…”

The explosion sent the ship rolling back to starboard.  Shrapnel splintered off the hull, jabbing into his left side and chest.  He fought to bring the ship out of the roll, but pain choked him.

No.  That was blood.

“The hull is compromised.”  If anything, Lady Wyre’s voice became even more measured and calm as their situation worsened.  “Redirecting shields with my device.  Hold on, Henry…”

Sig glanced down.  A long piece of twisted metal protruded from his chest.  Once he pulled it out, he’d probably die in minutes.  I have to find a place to land and fast.  A place where we won’t fall into Britannian hands as soon as we try to dock.

There was only one blip on the radar that was settled but not firmly in Britannian control.  Whatever she’d done with the shields had settled the ship’s roll, but the controls were still sluggish.  He tried to plot the new course, but his fingers were numb.  His hands felt like blocks of ice.

“Tell me what to do.”

“New course.”  He tried to breathe shallowly to ease the pain.  “Americus.”  She said something, but pain blanketed him in a gray daze that words couldn’t penetrate.  He couldn’t help but laugh, even though it sent shards of agony through his heart.  I never thought I’d die in a shipwreck at the hands of a bounty hunter.

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Dark and Early Update

Since I updated you on how the exercise goals for January (and beyond) are going, I thought I should update on the writing front too.

I’m still getting up “Dark & Early” at 5 AM.  By the time I get downstairs and start the laptop up, I have about 35 minutes before I get Princess up for school.  I can sometimes get another 15 minutes or so in before starting the Evil Day Job.  I’ve lost my lunches to working out.  So if I don’t manage to find time in the evening (in between cooking dinner, monster homework, and basketball practices), then my morning words are the ONLY words I get.

I admit, it’s been pretty meager.  I want my 2K days back!  Waaaaah! 

Sorry, that’s my inner two-year-old child writer who doesn’t get what I’m trying to do.  I’ve GOT to make exercise a priority until I get in the habit without thinking about it.  It’s something I’ve always struggled with.  In the past, I couldn’t diet and exercise at the same time.  I couldn’t write and exercise at the same time.  I used the excuse of my obsessive brain that would latch on to a story idea so I “couldn’t” exercise.  Well, that’s a load of hooey.

I’m building the daily discipline of exercise and a morning writing session WHILE I diet.  No matter how tired I am, physically or otherwise.  No late night writing fueled by a diet Coke and chips.  No skipping my workout because I want to write instead.

I’m not getting to bed early enough to even think about getting up any earlier at this point.  I’m physically more tired because I *am* working out and I need the rest.  6-7 hours of sleep is all I’m getting already.  If I can get to bed earlier, then I’ll consider moving that clock back, but Mom and Dad need at least a little time to unwind after Princess (the oldest) goes to bed, so I don’t see how I’m going to get to bed much earlier unless I go to bed when she does!

Since 1/1/2012, my daily word count average is 552.  Yep.  That’s it.  However, that’s all coming from that first 1/2 hour or so in the morning.  There have been a few days that I’ve managed to get a little more done in the evenings but only 100-200 words.  I haven’t made a 1K day all month.

However, I’ve managed to total 8200 words despite these little bitty mornings.  It’s all on one story, not cobbled together from other things because my brain isn’t wanting to cooperate.  I’ve had a few 0 days – mostly Saturdays because of basketball and errands, plus it’s my “rest” day for Power 90 – but overall, I’ve managed to do SOMETHING every single day.

So the same way I’m making my core stronger with Power 90, doing all these pushups and planks and squats…  I’m also making my story muscle stronger by working it out every day, on the same story, pushing forward no matter how much I don’t wanna.  It’s a solid story.  It fits my brand.  It has all the elements that thrill my writer.  I just have to stick with it and give my brain and body time to adjust.

Those 1K days aren’t far away.  I feel that muscle getting stronger every day.  Pretty soon this story’s going to bust open like a flood, and then I’m really going to be challenged to keep my promises to myself on the workout front.

Especially since this story has a deadline.  Sigh.  And it’s not very far away…

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Power 90 Update

So I’m into my third week of Power 90 and I had a funny moment I wanted to share.

But first, let me tell you what Power 90 is all about.  Tony Horton & BeachBody put out this “In-Home Bootcamp” series around 10 years ago.  Since then, he’s come out with several variations and improvements, which you might know as P90X, P90X2, etc.  That Man had his eye on P90X after catching a late-night infomercial, but I *knew* it would kill us.  I decided to start at the beginning with Power 90, which is a good starting point for people who aren’t really at any sort of decent fitness level.

Power 90 has two levels:  1/2 and 3/4.  I plan to stick with level 1/2 as long as it takes, even if that’s all I do the full 90 days.  I exercise 6 days a week, alternating “sweat” and “sculpt.”  Even the sweat portion involves power yoga and taebo, so it’s still very strength-inducing not “dancing”.  The sculpt days I use 5-lb dumbbells and my own body weight to complete three sets of weight/strength exercises, including pushups, squats, lunges, biceps curls, etc.  Basic moves, no special equipment, and all something that I can do, or modify slightly to do.

(E.g. I can’t do dips yet, so I just do an extra set of triceps kick backs)

So after I completed the sweat portion today, I jumped in the shower.  I reached down to scrub my feet and felt this hard…thing… in my leg.  It was weird, hard as a rock.  In my lower leg.  I ran my hand over it and then laughed.

It was muscle.  My calf muscle.  Haha.  So that’s what a muscle is!

Okay, it might have actually been cramping a little because it’s still aching, but I definitely felt that nice hard ridge in the side of my leg!!

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Emergency Meals

When the kids have after school activities, with barely time in between to eat before rushing off to basketball practice, while That Man’s working late…  It’s “Emergency Meals” to the rescue.  I need to expand my list of quick, easy, and healthy things to make and I’m hoping you have some ideas.

For the family, one of our go-to meals is jarred spaghetti sauce (I like Bertoli’s), with a little lean browned hamburger and whole wheat pasta.  A quick salad or some frozen veggies and dinner’s ready in about 30 minutes, if I have the hamburger thawed.

Another dish the monsters love but isn’t so healthy:  leftover ham (usually the last of the deli ham before it goes bad), browned a little in a pan, with a jar of Bertoli’s alfredo sauce, a can of peas, a can of sliced mushrooms, and whole wheat pasta.  Like I said, not the healthiest with that creamy sauce, but man it’s pretty good and FAST.

One of the monsters’ favorite dishes is “Sloppy Joes” – only made with BBQ sauce instead of Manwich sauce (it’s too “spicy” for them).  I don’t like all that meat and I sure don’t need the buns, but this is a good option if I have something easy to throw together for myself.

And of course, the monsters loooove tacos, if I remember to keep tortillas on hand (they prefer soft instead of crunchy).  I typically have a taco salad that night or toast some corn tortillas in the oven.  If I have chicken breasts in the fridge, I just throw them in the crock pot at lunch (still frozen) with taco seasoning and salsa.  They’ll be ready to shred by dinner and I’ll have enough leftovers for lunch for several days.

Now the real go-to ER meal — when people are SICK — isn’t quick but I always make it as soon as feasible.  Homemade chicken soup with homemade egg noodles.  That Man and Middle have been sick all weekend, so tonight I brought out the big guns.  Three jars of delicious rich chicken broth made with the bones of chickens I roasted in the oven with lemons and rosemary, super nutritious with all those bone nutrients and gelatin.  I wasn’t planning on a big batch of chicken soup, so I didn’t have celery or potatoes on hand, so I had to punt a little.  I had 3 scrawny little potatoes that I diced real small, plus lots of carrots, a whole onion sauteed in olive oil, and chicken breast.  I was out of fresh garlic, unfortunately – we could have really used its powerful healing ability.  Princess made quad batch of egg noodles for me.

The five of us cleaned up the entire batch.  Middle had 4 bowls.  Considering she hadn’t eaten anything else all day, I hope that’s a good sign.  The broth was sooooo good.

This weekend I’ll be roasting more chickens to restock my broth!

Can you recommend any quick and easy and HEALTHY emergency meals?

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Fighting Blue Monday with Good News

The next two weeks are supposedly some of the bluest times of the year for people.  So let’s fight that with some good news!  I’ll start.

  • I’ve finished two full weeks of Power 90 and started week 3 last night.  There are still certain moves I can’t do exactly right, but I’m definitely getting stronger.  Last night was tough – I was *dripping* sweat.  Man was my fat crying!  But I made it all the way through the cardio portion despite my…
  • I’m pretty sure I’ve got plantar fasciitis in my right foot.  I had issues before Power 90 – I actually think the exercise, especially the regular stretching, is helping.  It’s only bad in the morning when I first get up and if I forget to stretch after sitting for awhile at the computer.  I’m wearing my Sketchers *constantly* which have helped tremendously.  (That’s how I injured it in the first place – wearing nothing but slippers on the tile floor while doing the holiday baking.)  It’s not so bad where I feel the need to see a doctor.  Yet.
  • I’ve been tracking my daily word counts, averaging 531 words a day for about 6,400 words so far this month.  Definitely not NaNoWriMo pace, but I’ve made words day except on Saturdays.  That’s also my “rest” day for Power 90 and the monsters have basketball, so we’re busy that day.
  • Speaking of which, the two youngest monsters are playing Upward Basketball this year, and each have won a game.  Middle had a particularly great game Saturday, even though she was feeling under the weather.
  • I found a new shop where I can get local and organic meats and other goodies.  I got a nice-sized baggie of bay leaves for only $1.  Last night we had home-grown brats.  I cut mine up with peppers and zucchini so I could enjoy the taste without the high carbs of the bun and it was delish.
  • I read an excellent fantasy romance this weekend – Master of Crows by Grace Draven.  I really enjoyed it.  The slow development of romance between Silhara and Martise is very well done, and while I wished for even more magic and fantasy elements, it was NOT fantasy lite.  A nice balance.
  • I splurged on a very expensive kitchen appliance this weekend, too.  A Vitamix.  However, I can’t wait to make shakes, soups, fruit “ice cream” etc. and I especially want to try grinding my own wheat for flour.  I looked at a NutriMill a few weeks ago and couldn’t make myself bite the bullet to spend that much on something that *only* grinds grains.  I’m hoping the VitaMix will become an essential part of our more healthy kitchen.

What’s your good news today?

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Friday Snippet: Lady Wyre’s Regret

As promised, I need to share the rest of what I’ve done for the free prequel to Lady Doctor Wyre — Lady Wyre’s Regret — and see what you think about the ending.  Of course as I give each snippet another light editing before I post it here, I’ll probably think of something else I want to add anyway.  *rolls eyes at self*  We’ll see how it goes.

I posted some bits of this during NaNoWriMo but I’ll back up a bit to the last “formal” posting here, continuing forward into the “assassination.”  It might be a re-read for some of you that were following along through NaNoWriMo, but I think the continuity and revisit will help me decide!

Waving regally, Charlotte paused on the front steps of Wyreton and awaited her public assassination.  Her heartbeat ramped to supersonic speeds, but she managed to smile for the millions of Britannians watching the Solstice Eclipse festivities.  Cameras flashed, broadcasting her departure for the royal ball.  As the Duchess of Wyre, she’d be fashionably late.

Eternally late, if Lord Regret manages to pull off this charade.

She heard the shocked whispers and gasps before the assassin’s blade dug into her neck.  This time he didn’t spare any pressure, deliberately drawing enough blood to leave DNA evidence on her spotless white marble.

It must look authentic beyond any reasonable doubt.

Drawing in a deep breath, she let a shrill scream echo across the plaza.  She clawed at his arm locked about her throat so tightly she couldn’t breathe.  Combined with the rigid corset, she was afraid she might actually pass out.

Pain burned across her throat and she tried to scream again, but she didn’t have enough air.  She hadn’t counted on being so terrified.  Her orders had been explicit.  He must rough her up enough to make it look real.  He must draw her blood, obviously wounding her severely enough that the general public would believe her dead.

Yet she couldn’t help that niggling doubt.  What if Majel had gotten to him?  What if someone had upped her price, making the amount on her head too attractive for the famous assassin to resist?  Every man has a price.  What is Lord Regret’s?

He picked her up, manhandling her down the impressive stairs to her gleaming carriage.  Her shoe fell off and she had the inane urge to laugh.  Cinderella would be late to the ball.  Would Prince Charming find her shoe and come to her rescue?

Lord Regret slung her inside the carriage so hard she fell face first against the floor.  Her head rebounded off the wall and for a moment, everything went black.  Outside, screams and chaos did nothing to help her regain her senses.  She tasted blood and her head throbbed.

The flash of heat stirred her numb limbs to life.  Fire exploded about the carriage, created by the Razari crystal she’d studied.  A deliberate message to Majel, as well as a plausible source for the execution to which she could claim ignorance.  Someone had to want Charlotte dead other than the Queen, enough to make her doubt Charlotte’s hand in her own execution.

Of anyone, the Razari would most want her dead for what she’d accidentally done to their planet.

Smoke choked her, making it impossible to see.  She ran her hands over the floor of the carriage, trying to find the escape hatch.  I have to get out before it starts moving.  Damnation, where’s the latch?

Panic made her hands tremble.  Sweat trickled down her face, the heat scalding her skin.  The stench of scorched silk and melting metal burned her throat.  Finally, she found the latch, hefted the small door open, and jumped through to blissfully cool darkness.  She pulled the hatch shut after her and nearly collapsed into a heap of smoldering skirts.

Too close.  Too real.  Her mind shrilled, her nerves raw with fear, but she forced her body to move.  She had to get off Wyreton lands as soon as possible.  Majel wouldn’t delay the search long, even if they managed to extinguish the blaze.

Her greatest fear was that someone would put out the fire before it managed to destroy the carriage.  The Razari crystals were powerful, flashing so hot that metal began melting almost immediately.  Definitely hot enough to combust a body into nothing but ashes, indistinguishable from the remains of the carriage.

I hope.

No one outside of Wyreton knew there were extensive tunnels beneath the estate, and her own people would never betray her House, not even to the Queen.  Yet she daren’t leave any trace behind, just in case.

From her reticule, she pulled out a thin canister of bio-bandage to seal shut the assassin’s wound.  She yearned for a mirror to see how badly she’d scar, resisting her vanity that insisted she cover the ugly cut with a scarf.  She didn’t feel much damage.  Sig knew very well what he was about.

She had no lady’s maid to help her strip off the gown, so she heaved her skirts up about her waist, picked up her remaining slipper, and ran down the corridor in her stockings with nothing but a hand on the wall to guide her.  No light, in case someone was watching.  No sound.  No trail for Majel to follow.

Once well away from the house, she exited the tunnel in a dim, empty stable.  No horses lived in these stalls, but Charlotte—and her mother before her—had always been careful and suspicious with private caches and safehouses throughout Londonium.  With ruthless House Krowe in control of Britannia, a lady never knew when she’d have to make a run for it, and a Wyre always went in style.

Donning a full-length cape, she hopped on a motorized scooter—her own invention, of course—and headed for their meeting place at the Thames dock.  She checked her timepiece and pressed the accelerator.  Regret had been adamant about the time.  Once the accident happened, the docks would close down within minutes just to make sure no one escaped.  Majel would claim she wanted to capture the assassin who’d dared harm her physician, but she’d also want to ensure Charlotte wasn’t escaping the net at the same time.  Five to ten minutes would be all they had to get out of the Britannian airlocks.

She skidded to a halt at the dock, Pier 371 as he’d ordered.  The motor started in a rumbling roar of smoke.  Oh, dear, the Captain could surely use my assistance in fine-tuning his engines.  Perhaps he’ll allow me to make a few modifications as we sail…

The ship lifted off and she stared at it a moment, dumbfounded.  She opened her mouth to shout, but it would do no good.  No one would hear over the engines, and she daren’t draw attention to herself.  How ironic that she’d been betrayed by her own assassin.  “Dead” wouldn’t matter if she couldn’t get off Britannia.  There was only so long she could hide, so many favors she could claim, so many bribes…before the Queen’s Ravens found her.

She squeezed her eyes shut and fought for calm.  Think, Wyre.  Think!

A hand closed around her arm and she nearly shrieked like a fishmonger in Cheapside.  Her eyes flew open and met Regret’s knowing smirk.

“Doubting the trustworthiness of your assassin, Lady Wyre?  Surely not.”

He guided her further down the dock to a much smaller ship.  Fighting back shock and relief, she stared doubtfully at the tiny boat.  Would it even be large enough for the two of them?  Then an overwhelming sense of loss washed over her, weakening her knees.  My research.  Lost.  What if it falls into hands worse than Majel’s?  Her voice trembled as badly as her hands.  “My trunks?”

Inclining his head, he waved her aboard, smiling at her torn stockings and slightly scorched silk.  “Already aboard, Your Grace.  I thought it best to have my own red herrings.  Lord Regret would make almost as an attractive lure as Lady Wyre for the footpads and pirates lurking about the docks.  Shall we be away?”

Charlotte spared one last glance at the glorious city stretched out along the Thames.  The Tower of Londonium rose like a gloomy dark sentinel against the brightly-lit night.  Even at this late hour, crows flew about the tower, their eerie caws echoing like ghosts in the nearly silent city.  Britannians everywhere were pausing in their chores and celebrations to watch with awe and not a little dread as the small distant planet, Americus, began to slide in front of the silvered moon.  For almost an hour, the moon would be completely hidden in the dark of that planet.

While I slip far, far away.

“I’ll not regret it if I never see Londonium again.”

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The Itch I Can’t Scratch

Yet.

I have a story itch.  I know it’s there, teasing me just beyond my reach.  It smells like fantasy.  I would love to write some more fantasy.  It’s *right there*, just beyond my sight.  I can see it hovering there, and I keep straining to make out its shape.  It’s annoying.  It flickers, singing a sweet shiny melody, but I don’t even know what it IS so I can’t ignore my other to-dos to satisfy it.

I tried doodling on scrap paper the other day to see if my subconscious knew what my wicked muse was trying to tell me.  But you know how he is.  He just winks and smirks with a little swish of his memsha and goes sneaking off into the Shadows.

I scanned my research shelf to see if any lightbulbs went off.  Was he wanting me to do a little research?  Maya?  Nope.  The Mound Builders?  Nope.  China?  Japan?  Celts?  Nadda.

Egypt?  Greek?  Fairytales? Regency?  Victorian England? American Civil War?!?

I’m getting desperate here.

The smug bastard.  I think this calls for a new moleskin notebook and the magic purple pen.

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Incentives

Do you play mental games with yourself in order to meet your goals?  I do, but sometimes my mental dialogue gets a bit hilarious.

I’ve made a bargain with myself in the Dark & Early hours that I can’t read my blog feeds until I get my first writing stint done.  That means I can’t read Suzanne’s Chickens in the Road, which is my MUST READ every single day.  Or Paperback Writer.  That’s incentive!

I’ve decided that I can’t eat lunch until I’ve completed my workout.  If I’m really really hungry, then I can have a snack, but that’s it.  I know myself too well.  If I make my lunch, then I’ll decide I need to wait awhile before working out…and pretty soon the day will be gone.  My chances of getting anything done at night once the monsters are home are slim to none.

Yesterday, I had a long (about 30 min) argument – I mean discussion – with myself about whether or not I was going to do the Ab Ripper at the end of the cardio workout.  I really didn’t wanna.  Oh, I soooo did not wanna.  I was super hungry.  I didn’t want to use my whole lunch working out.  I wanted some time to veg before getting back to work.  Back and forth.  But I decided I would feel GUILTY [OMG why didn’t someone tell me I had “quilty” not “guilty”?  I don’t even quilt!]  if I didn’t do the full workout routine that I’d committed to doing.

It’s *only* 3 minutes or so of additional activity.  It’s not like 3 mins is going to make me late.  Or I’m going to starve to death.  Even though my fat was really crying and protesting that I *would* starve to death.

So I did it.  But man was it tough.

Do you bargain with yourself – or make deals with your inner demons?