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Guest Blogger Giveaway: Heather Massey

I Blame Ted Danson For My Erotic Sci-Fi Romance ONCE UPON A TIME IN SPACE

Quite a few years ago, I watched an interview with Ted Danson, the actor best known for his stint as Sam Malone on the 1982 sitcom Cheers. The interview was on some kind of celebrity-oriented show, possibly Entertainment Tonight (back in the day when it was helmed by Mary Hart and John Tesh). Anyway, this interview is when I first learned that the actor was also an environmental advocate.

At one point during the interview, Ted Danson remarked something along the lines of (and I’m paraphrasing here) “whenever we flush the toilet, it becomes somebody else’s problem.”

Well. Well. Talk about a massive guilt trip! I hopped right on that one, let me tell you. I don’t know if it was my upbringing or Ted Danson’s rebuking tone or the way he seemed to look right into the camera—right at me—but that moment was the first time I developed real insight regarding the monumental task of keeping Earth healthy.

Unfortunately, I was too naïve at the time to make a connection between my thoughts about his statement and my behavior—meaning that my behavior could change. But his words stayed with me, replaying in my mind even decades later. Naturally, this tended to occur most often when I had to use the toilet. Ugh! I kept agonizing over whatever harm I was causing the environment every time I had to pee or poop.

Eventually, I got wise about the fact that the only way to relieve my sense of unrelenting guilt was to start doing my part to help Earth. I began with easy things, like shutting off lights when leaving the room. Reusing items whenever I could. Keeping the water off while brushing my teeth. Recycling. Composting. I’m not as consistent as I could be, but I’m actively working on retraining myself and ditching maladaptive environmental habits.

Ted Danson’s words were so powerful that they had a particularly unexpected repercussion. When I decided to write my erotic sci-fi romance Once Upon a Time in Space (Red Sage Publishing), I channeled my experience with his message into the narrative. On one level, my book is about a hawt futuristic explorer who tangles with a sexy, ruthless space pirate during his quest to find a new world. But on another level, the story explores the consequences (albeit in a very fantastical way) of pollution allowed to continue unchecked on planet Earth.

Don’t get me wrong: my story is pure unabashed entertainment all the way. I intentionally avoided pulling a “Ted Danson” during the course of the story—no preaching allowed. But, given my encounter with his interview and its subsequent impact, I couldn’t help but speculate about the relationship between flushing toilets and a dying Earth. Are we really heading toward a time when we’ll be flushing our planet away for good? I shudder to think so.

Since writing the story, I’ve been working even harder on flushing away my harmful habits. In fact, as I write this, I’m awaiting delivery of a Fiskars 6201 18-Inch 5-Blade Momentum Push Reel Lawn Mower. Even though I’m hardly a lawn mower expert, I can’t wait to start using this baby. The exercise ain’t exactly gonna hurt me, either—take that, Ted Danson!

And now for a giveaway!  To help celebrate Earth Day, I’m giving away a $10.00 Red Sage gift certificate to one winner (because going digital with books is another way I’ve gone green, and I’d love for you to join me, even if it’s just for one book). To enter, leave a comment telling me one way you’ve gone green or plan to do so.

Bio:
Heather Massey is a lifelong fan of science fiction romance. She searches for sci-fi romance adventures aboard her blog, The Galaxy Express.

Heather’s debut erotic sci-fi romance novel, Once Upon a Time in Space (Red Sage Publishing), features the last living descendant of Christopher Columbus on a desperate quest to find a new world. Standing in his way is Raquel, the deadliest space pirate in the galaxy.

For more information, visit her Web site at www.heathermassey.com.

Story blurb:

In the sea of stars, an epic love story is about to begin…

Earth is dying. Nick Venture, the last living descendant of Christopher Columbus, embarks on a dangerous mission to find a new planet and save humanity. This places him on a collision course with Raquel Donovan, the deadliest space pirate in the galaxy.
Raquel lives for one purpose: revenge against a horrible demon from her past. When an attempt to hijack Nick’s starship backfires, Raquel becomes his protector in order to avoid capture by the tyrannical Space Defense Corps. Nick and Raquel are irresistibly drawn to one another despite the forbidden nature of their attraction. But the conflicted pirate’s deepest secret could tear the couple apart even as humanity’s time runs out….

Addition:  I’m going to match Heather’s giveaway!  So we’re offering TWO $10 Red Sage gift certificates!

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Fast Draft Day 002

I got bogged down in a few details this morning so I was afraid I wouldn’t get my words.  I wanted a couple of variations of Kukulkan — all the names he’s been known as across the various Mesoamerican peoples.  Then I needed Tecun’s real name — and I couldn’t find it.  I knew I’d seen it somewhere, but it wasn’t in my notes.  I finally remembered that it was at the end of the Popol Vuh (and since I have a copy with tons of post-it notes sticking out of it, I didn’t bother writing it down).  Tecun Uman K’iqab, Black Butterfly Grandson of K’iqab, who was one of the rulers of the K’iche. 

The scene I was working on was trying to introduce him — and I had to get it right. 

Of course I had to look up how to spell some words too.  Quetzalcoatl I got right, but not Teotihuacan.  (I truly feel sorry for whoever gets to voice these names if the story is a). accepted and b). ever goes to Audible.)  And yes, I know that in a real Fast Draft I shouldn’t have bothered spelling them correctly — that’s what Revision Xibalba is for.  However, I want this draft to be as solid and readable as possible and misspellings of major things drives me nuts.  Of course some of these details might get edited out in revisions too.  I don’t want it to read like a history book.

Anyway, despite my hang ups this morning, I still made good progress, bringing my total wordage to 2,865.  As always when I start a hard round of true Dark & Early — and drink too much coffee — I get an upset stomach.  So only one cup this morning, along with toast.  I’m also ravenous (because I’ve been up since BEFORE the butt crack of dawn) which makes my diet challenging.  So I’m having smaller meals more often.  I’m really craving scones, so I might try to make some healthy ones tonight.  That’ll be my treat D&E tomorrow morning.

I’ll continue a bit from yesterday’s first line, but remember this is only first draft.  I’m not sure that I’ve nailed the voice yet (which is CRUCIAL in first person).  Openings usually go through several iterations before I get it right — but I’m pretty sure that first line has to stay.  🙂

I heard a quetzal calling outside my window again last night.

A few months ago—before I nearly drowned—I’d never even heard of the strange bird.  Now it seemed to roost outside my window every damned night.

Glaring up at the invisible watcher hidden in the tree limbs, I muttered beneath my breath. “I thought queztals were extinct.”

“Some say they are, because the bird we know today surely isn’t the magnificent bird of legend,” our guide said in an agreeable voice.  I don’t think anything would rattle Jose’s calm, leathery exterior.  At least my constant American questions hadn’t upset him.  “We still revere them.”

“I think that one has a red breast.”  Natalie peered up into the shadowed growth like Sherlock Holmes.  My best friend was determined to prove all this mumbo-jumbo shit was all in my head.  I couldn’t fault her for trying.  In fact, I wished she could.  I didn’t want some strange holy bird howling outside my window every night.  Let alone the other dreams.

Despite the sauna-like air filling my lungs and frizzing my hair, I shivered.

“Oh, very lucky, then,” Jose replied.  “Let me tell you our legend of how the quetzal came to bear its red breast.

“Many say that when the great Tecun Uman went to fight the demon conquistador Pedro de Alvarado not far from here, that his quetzal nahual, or spirit guide, went with him.  Some say Tecun even transformed into the mighty bird during the battle, his massive wings buffeting the Spaniards and shielding his people from their terrible weapons.”

Jose paused his tale as we reached the end of a long avenue of overgrown trees.  Ahead, a sprawling house stretched across the countryside, beautiful despite the jungle trying to overtake it.  Perched on the knees of a verdant volcano, the house commanded an incredible view of Lake Atitlan below. 

Cradled between three massive volcanoes, Lake Atitlan claimed to be the most beautiful—and possibly the deepest—lake in the world.  I couldn’t bear to look at it.

Water closing over my head.  Cold.  So cold.  Blood on the water.

Shuddering at the memory, I shielded my eyes and scanned the house again.  Rows of coffee fields curved up the side of the volcano.  So green.  I’d never known such an incredible, lush green before coming to Guatemala.  Birds sang in the trees, not the annoying call of the quetzal that kept me up all night.  With the huge bushes and trees trying to swallow the house, I could almost picture what Eden had been like.  Lush, riotous growth everywhere I looked.

“Are you sure this is it?”  I asked our guide.

“I checked the papers this morning.  The house is still deeded to Carla Gonzales.”

My grandmother, Nana, who’d set my feet on this adventure.

No, I whispered to myself.  Drowning started this little nightmare.

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Winner: Steampunk Necklace

First off, a huge thank you to everyone who’s bought Lady Doctor Wyre since her release!  Thank you for everyone’s comments on the giveaway post – I can see I have a lot of etsy shopping in my future.  Of course, a HUGE thank you to 19Moons for creating such an incredible prize in the first place!

The winner of the steampunk heart necklace is Junegirl63!  Please e-mail me at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com with your snail mail addy so I can ship your prize!

Thank you to everyone who entered!

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Giveaway: Molly Burkhart’s My Gigolo (signed)

I’m so excited for my Beloved Sis – her first print book is shipping NOW!  To help her celebrate, I’m offering two signed copies of her book.  Just comment here through April 4th and tell me your favorite zombie movie or story.  Why zombies?  You need to check out Molly’s Undead Christmas Lyrics.  I’ll have the monsters pick two names out of the hat on April 5th.

P.S. It might take me a couple of weeks to get the copies signed – we live almost two hours apart and both work full time.  But I’ll ship as soon as I have them signed and in my greedy hands!

You can also still enter the Steampunk Necklace Giveaway.

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Winners: Larissa Ione’s Eternal Rider

The monsters helped me pick two names out of the hat:

Holly Wright

Kelli Houptley

Congratulations!  Please drop me a note at joelysueburkhart AT gmail DOT com with your snail mail addy and I’ll get your prize shipped to you! 

Thank you to everyone who entered – you made me want to sit down and reread all of the Demonica series!

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Giveaway: Eternal Rider by Larissa Ione

When I mentioned to Larissa on Twitter that I was planning to give away two copies of Eternal Rider this week, she sent me some awesome swag including signed bookplates! 

I can’t wait to dig into this spin-off series – I totally gobbled the Demonica books!

If you’d like to win a signed (via bookplate) copy of Eternal Rider with official Larissa Ione bookmarks, simply comment on this post and tell me your favorite character that Larissa created.  (Or throw your name in the hat)  I’ll keep this giveaway open through March 31st and announce the winners on April 1st here on the blog.  This contest is open to anyone on the planet, even if you’ve won something from me before.

P.S. Don’t forget that the steampunk heart necklace giveaway is still open!

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Giveaway: Steampunk Heart Necklace by @19moons

As soon as I saw this necklace, I knew I had to buy it for some lucky winner.

If you take a close look at the cover for LADY DOCTOR WYRE, you’ll see that she’s wearing a necklace.  That necklace is the key to keeping Sig alive.

As her creations returned to their origin, the locket seemed to catch fire between them, molten metal searing her breast. Too tiny for her human eyes to see, her assemblers crawled out of his pores and cells. All year long, she wore the locket against her skin, allowing her body heat and life energy to infuse the battery cells within, so that if he ever needed a jolt, all he had to do was reach her. She’d also programmed her assemblers to emit alarms if his life energy ever ran too low, so even if he were too injured or weakened, she’d always be able to find him.

While she would mourn his death, she had an ulterior motive for such a detail—the tiny nanobots could never be allowed to fall into enemy hands.

If you’d like to win this necklace, simply comment on this post and tell me your favorite etsy or other hand-crafted shop (preferrably online so I can shop!) or simply throw your name in the hat. 

For extra entries, you can rate or review Lady Doctor Wyre.  I’ll automatically pull in all rates/reviews from GoodReads, Amazon, or B&N (existing ARC reviews do count).  If you rate/review it anywhere else (your personal blog, etc.), please comment with the links — or drop me an email so your extra entries are counted.  Twitter counts too — just use @joelysue so I can see your tweet.  Note that I can’t easily keep track of the “new” RT feature, so the old classic style is best to ensure your tweets get you the extra entries.

This giveaway is open to anyone on the planet, even if you’ve won something before, and will remain open until April 8th.  The winner will be announced April 9th on the blog.  If the winner hasn’t responded by April 11th, I’ll draw another name.

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Giveaway: Early Copy of Lady Doctor Wyre

Tomorrow’s the day!

If you want a copy early, then this is the place.  I want to know about Regency tropes that you absolutely love. 

The kooky spinister trying to save her brother from ruin.

The young debutante “ruined” by some ridiculous scandal years ago that was a misunderstanding.

The “beast” or “black duke” who might have murdered his wife….  (He usually has a name like the Devil of Blackmore.)

I think I just summarized several Amanda Quick plots!  I’m pretty sure I have a whole bookshelf of her delightful Regencies somewhere.  Or maybe you like the traditional Regencies.  Our hometown library had a huge shelf of them and I’m pretty sure I read them all.

Tell me about your favorite Regency trope or book — or simply throw your name in the hat — in comments.  At 5 PM CST  *** today *** I’ll pick a winner so you can have the book to read before its official release tomorrow.