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Free Read Take Me: The Finale

I hope you’ve enjoyed Rae’s first Halloween at Beulah Land.  Here’s the final snippet of “Take Me.”  I’ll get a pdf up on the Free Reads page in a few days.   Warning:  explicit sex, spanking, and a sappy sweet ending!

How could she be lost?  Rae had made the five-minute trek from his cottage on the edge of Miss Belle’s property to her house every day for weeks.  At night with ghostly fog blanketing the trees and hills into an unrecognizable landscape, nothing looked familiar.

Wheezing for breath, she stumbled and slipped through the darkness.  Trees crowded the endless path, branches snagging at her hair that had long ago tumbled loose.   Her headdress was tangled up in a thorny patch at least a hundred yards back. The air was so damp and heavy she couldn’t pull it into her compressed lungs.  Light-headed, she didn’t dare slow, not with the heavy crashing thuds behind her.  He didn’t have to run to keep up with her panicked flight hampered by the unfamiliar clothing. 

The steady thwack of the sheath against the tree trunks directly behind her sent a fresh flood of delicious anxiety flooding through her veins. The leather sheath bit much deeper than his hand ever did.  She could still feel the burning marks he’d managed to land: White-hot fire spread to a melting heat that threatened to liquefy her bones.  If she slowed, she knew what she’d get.

So why do I want him to catch me?

Rae searched for a place to hide, some wall or door she could fling up to block his path.  Nothing would stop him for long, but she needed a minute to gather her wits, calm her knotted stomach, and catch her breath before she passed out.

Her ankle turned on a stone.  The plain leather shoe slipped off, tripping her even worse.  She felt herself falling and flung out her bound hands, flailing for something to catch. Nothing would break her fall into the jagged stones and mud. 

The chemise, she sobbed silently.  It’ll be ruined.  Mom worked so hard on it!

A powerful arm snaked around her waist and whirled her around.  A hard shoulder slammed into her stomach.  She hung down his back, dizzy and upside down, but that didn’t stop her from fighting.  She drummed her fists against his back and kicked and squirmed against his grip, until he clamped his hand on her buttocks—beneath the chemise.  Those powerful fingers squeezed hard and then pushed between her thighs in a rough caress.  And damn her traitorous body, but her thighs fell open and a ragged moan escaped her lips.

He laughed, a low, wicked chuckle that sent fury whipping through her.  She reached lower, grabbed his leather-clad ass for leverage, and sank her teeth into his flank.

Hissing beneath his breath, he jerked her off his shoulder and tossed her backward.  She tried to shriek, but the corset made it sound more like a squawk as she landed in a pile of hay. 

Lying tumbled on her back, looking up at the grim-faced warrior who stood with feet braced wide apart and eyes dark with lust, Rae swallowed hard and tried not to whimper.

Hurry, please hurry.

He yanked his shirt over his head.  His hands settled on the enclosure of his pants, and she broke.  Rolling, she scrambled to her knees, skidding and wading through hay.

He slammed into her, carrying her back down into the straw with his full body weight.  Hay dug into her cheek and stabbed through the linen.  For long agonizing moments, he simply lay on top of her, his breath hot and heavy against her face, the raw scent of sweaty, aroused warrior filling her nose.

In a low voice more like the professor’s and not the barbarian’s, he whispered, “’In mind a slave to every vicious joy;/ From every sense of shame and virtue wean’d.’”

He was testing her, waiting to see if she would give her safe word and call the whole thing off.  If she were so terrified she couldn’t manage to quote something back to him, he’d take that instead of Ozymandias.  This was her last chance to wave the white flag—or snap the red one directly on the bull’s nose. 

He despised his first name, so…

“I always knew you were a fiend, Verrill Connagher.  ‘Fickle as wind, of inclinations wild.’”

He sighed out her name against her cheek, his lips tender, and then his fingers tightened incrementally on her hair until her eyes burned.  Leisurely, he shifted to his knees, straddling her thighs.  He worked the chemise out from beneath his knees so he could flip the skirt up.  Air chilled the backs of her thighs and buttocks, but the heat of his gaze made her flesh burn.

“Very good, darlin’,” he purred, kneading both cheeks in his big hands.  “I commend you on your historical accuracy.  But first–”  He tossed his shirt down by her head.  “–Put this under your face.”  

She couldn’t help but laugh then, albeit raggedly, for even while playing the role of the bezerker who would ravish the helpless maiden, he still remained in control—and cared—enough to make sure she didn’t end up looking like a pincushion with hay sticking out of her face.  Deep down, he feared he was a very, very bad man who might hurt her beyond her tolerance for pain, but his tenderness even in the midst of his “forbidden” fantasy confirmed the truth she already knew in her heart.

Conn was a wickedly passionate, fiercely dominant man who loved her too much to ever really hurt her.

Burying her face in the damp linen, she moaned deep in her throat, grateful the sound was muffled by the cloth.  The shirt smelled like him and was almost as good as having her face tucked against his throat.

Fisting a hand in her hair to ensure she stayed put, he kneed her thighs apart.  Leather rubbed against the tender inner skin of her thighs.  He rammed his knee up higher, grinding against her, while he trailed the sheath along her hip, the small of her back, her ribcage.  He let her think about it long and hard, how that sheath had cut across her skin, sharp and intense.  The harmless implement could be oh so vicious on her tender skin if he chose to be brutal. 

Her muscles coiled and flinched, trying to anticipate where he’d land the first blow.  Leather stroked higher, teasing a path of trembling fire along the curve of her breast, her shoulder, her cheek, even across her lips.  Then it whistled backward and cracked across her ass.

Crying out, she jerked away from the blow, from him, ignoring the pull on her scalp.  It burned, too much, surely too much—but he rubbed his thigh against her and the pain blurred to something else.  Molten heat curled within her.  He fed that fire, expertly landing scattered blows to her backside and outer thighs, keeping the pressure against her groin until she sobbed out his name and shuddered beneath him. 

He wrapped his left hand around her nape and it was like he’d cut the puppet strings commanding her body.  Something about his hand on her neck always turned her body into mush.  She burned, inside and out, a throbbing, stinging mess of tears and sweat and longing, but she couldn’t move a muscle.

“Next time, wear my collar.  It matches your costume perfectly.”

She shifted her head in as much of a nod as he allowed, but that wasn’t enough for him, not in this mood.  He gripped her right hip and jerked her back to her knees, keeping her head pinned low.  “I gave you an order, Rae.”

“Yes, sir,” she gasped out, digging her fingers into his shirt beneath her cheek.

He lowered his chest against her back and his heat seared her through the thin linen.  “Why do you wear my collar?”

“Yours,” she panted, pushing her hips back as hard as she could.  He rubbed against her folds, letting her feel his thickness, but he didn’t slide inside.  Her heart pounded, her ears roared, and she ached so badly it hurt more than any blow he’d ever thought to deliver.  “I need you, Conn, please!”

“For centuries, women were chattel,” he growled out against her ear.  “A man saw what he wanted, and he took it.  He ran her down, slung her to the ground, threw up her skirts, and took his pleasure.  Just like I’m going to take you now.”

He slammed deep, so deep, without any hesitation.  He knew she was ready.  He knew what she wanted.  And she wanted him out of control, reckless, taking his pleasure.

Taking her pinned, helpless, willing body as hard as he wanted.

Why on earth would he think she might be afraid of this?  Of him?  A strange sense of power welled within her, fueled by his deep, pounding thrusts and the low, guttural sounds from his chest. 

Only I could ever give him this fantasy. 

This time it was his turn to groan out her name on a shuddering cry of pleasure.  “Rae, my Rae, my love.”

#

Conn cradled her in his arms, and she nuzzled deep into his throat, her arms around his neck.  She made a delicious hum of contentment against his skin.

“Where are we, anyway?”

“The old barn.”  He scanned the hay to make sure they’d gotten everything.  She was still missing at least a shoe and her kirtle, while he needed to go back and fetch his sword.  All before his noisy grandma noticed half of Rae’s clothing scattered all over the property.

He frowned, noting the condition of the hay.  It was fresh and golden yellow, not dried out and musty.  Nobody had used this barn for years; all the livestock had been sold ages ago because the Healys had been overseas for most of his adult life.  So why would there be fresh hay in this old ramshackle building?

He carried Rae home and all he could think about was the day he would carry her across the threshold as Mrs. Connagher.  He hadn’t formally asked her yet, although she knew very well what he wanted.  Once she’d come into his bed he had absolutely every intention of getting his ring on her finger and his name on hers.

But the timing had to be right.  He’d only ask when he was assured of her answer.  He knew she loved him, but was she ready to marry him?  Could she put up with his bossy, demanding ways for the rest of her life?  Had she enjoyed letting him ravish her senseless as much as he thought—or days from now, would she lie awake, alone and scared, and wish that she’d escaped him before it was too late?

She squirmed in his arms so he set her on her feet.  “Look!  Who did that?”

He’d been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice the strange stack of items on his doorstep.  His sword was propped in the doorframe, her shoe hooked over the hilt, her kerchief tied around the pommel, and her red gown carefully folded into a neat package.

“Your sword weighs a ton,” Rae said.  “Surely Miss Belle didn’t carry it all the way down here.”

“I wouldn’t put it past her.”  He stroked her cheek, searching her gaze for any regrets or hesitation.  “You all right?”

“Mmmm,” she stretched up and brushed her mouth against his.  “There’s just one thing troubling me.”

He narrowed his eyes, braced to hear the worst.  Dear God above, don’t leave me, not now.  It’ll kill me to lose you.

“If I’m going to occasionally wear your collar in public, then don’t you think it only fair that I wear your ring too?”

“Rae, darlin’, are you…”  He swallowed and cupped her face in both shaking hands.  “Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Yes, I believe I am.  On one condition,” she said firmly, pulling her head back and glaring up into his eyes.  “If you tell Miss Belle—or God forbid, your mother—before I’m ready, then I will chase you with your sword this time.”

“They’re going to know when they see my ring on your hand.”  Conn hooked his arms beneath her ass and lifted her up high in his arms.  It was all he could do not to whoop like an idiot at the top of his lungs.  “’Damaetas ran through all the maze of sin,/ And found the goal when others just begin.’  You’re my goal, darlin’.  You always have been.  Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

Laughing, she stroked her fingers over his face.  “I think you just showed me out in that old barn.”

Her laughter cut off and she stiffened in his arms.  “Rae?  What is it?”

“I thought…”  She searched the shadows, so he turned and scanned the trees, too, but he didn’t see anything.  “They were just there.  Two people, walking hand-in-hand up the path.  I could have sworn it was Miss Belle, but whose hand would she be holding?”

Only Colonel Healy’s, and he’d been dead for a decade.  Chills rippled down Conn’s spine but he threw open the door and carried Rae inside.  “Happy Halloween, darlin’.”

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Free Read Take Me: Part Four

Okay, we’re coming down to the end, now.  I finished the entire first draft late yesterday, but I need another day or so to make sure the ending is tight and HOT HOT HOT!  So here’s a little bit more to tie you over until then…

Breathing as hard as the corset would allow, Rae ducked behind a giant oak in the backyard.  She hadn’t been able to see him in the crowd, but she could feel him, as though a powerful tank rumbled straight toward her.  She should have known a man like him would refuse to wait thirty minutes with her challenge dangling before him.  She shivered and rubbed her arms.  Night had fallen, turning the normally tranquil yard into a murky, chilled forest, complete with eerie fog settling in the low ground.

It might be her imagination, but the fog seemed to be pouring from a huge iron pot simmering away on a bonfire.  What the hell did Miss Belle have in there?  I probably don’t want to know.

Apparently nobody else wanted to know, neither.  If any of the guests had been back here, they’d moved on, leaving her alone.

A loud crack made her jolt like a frightened deer.  She pressed her back tighter against the tree until she felt the bark digging into her skin through the many layers of clothing.  She strained her ears, holding her breath.  Maybe it was Miss Belle coming to check on her concoction.  Or a lost guest.  It didn’t have to be—

Conn clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged her away from the tree, keeping her turned away from him.  She couldn’t see him, but she knew it was him.  Her body would know him anywhere, although his usual scent of leather books and musk was more raw than usual.  This man wore leather.

“Did you think you could hide from me?”  Even his voice was lower, rougher than the smooth Texas drawl so familiar and dear to her. “Or maybe you thought you could run.”

She tried to kick backwards, but her leg tangled in the heavy skirts.  She threw back her elbow as hard as she could into his ribs, but he didn’t even grunt.

Roughly, he jerked her around.  She swung her fist at his face.  He didn’t duck or move aside, so she caught him on the jaw so hard that her entire hand ached, but he barely even turned his head with the blow. 

His eyes roiled like steely thunderclouds on the horizon.  The distinctive angles of his face were fierce, lined with canyons and dark with shadows.  “Go ahead, Rae.”  Despite the vibrating tension in his body, he spoke calmly as he wrapped his leather belt around her left wrist.  “Hit me again.  You know I’ll repay you in kind.”

She shuddered.  She knew he would indeed, and her backside already braced for the stinging hot pain of his palm.

“No?”  He said mockingly, arching a brow.  She fisted her sore right hand but resisted the urge to slug him again.  Giving her a knowing little wink, he looped the leather around her right wrist and bound her hands much tighter than he’d ever done before. 

Her knees trembled and her brain felt as muddled as the thick wet air of the night.  She’d always loved bondage, but this felt…real.  The leather bit into her flesh.  Arrogant and more than man enough to make her bend to his will—exactly the way she liked it—this Conn was harder than ever, wavering on the edge of violence.   

He loosened the laces of her gown’s bodice and stripped it over her head, leaving her clad only in the thin, nearly sheer chemise and corset.  The silk brocade had been ridiculously expensive, so she was glad it would be spared whatever he had planned. She felt exposed, though, worse than naked in these foreign clothes designed to give her no protection against a man intent on claiming her body. 

Reverently, he draped the kirtle on a branch to keep it off the ground.  “I thought I’d throw you over my shoulder so I could grope you all the way to the cottage, but I’ve changed my mind.” 

He bent down, retrieved his sword, and unsheathed it.  Her eyes flared wide and she stiffened with alarm.  She’d never envisioned him using his sword in their play.  The damned thing was way too real, very sharp, and so heavy she could barely pick it up.

Lunging, he planted the blade deep into the loose soil at the base of the tree. 

She sucked in her breath as far as the stays would allow and raised her gaze to his.  He smacked the leather sheath against his palm, and she felt all the blood drain of out her face and race south at full speed ahead.  He’d never spanked her with anything else but his hand.

“Run.”

Wary, she took a step, hesitating like a rabbit frozen in approaching headlights.  The last thing she wanted to do was give him her back.  What chance did she have to escape with her wrists bound and lungs cramped by this stupid corset? 

Absolutely none whatsoever.

“Come on, Rae.  You ran from me for five long years so you’re good at this.”  He flicked the sheath and leather bit her outer thigh hard enough that she yelped.  “I said run!”

Fisting her bound hands in the billowing linen skirt, she whirled and ran for her life.

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Free Read Take Me: Part 3

I might have to cut some of this down once I finish the whole story.  It’s already 3K and I haven’t reached the big finale yet, if you know what I mean.  :lol: But I’m having entirely too much fun to worry about length right now.  First draft only, subject to revision.

Conn caught his friend’s sword on his blade and shoved Mason stumbling back.  Despite the approach of Halloween, the days were still warm and golden.  His shirt stuck to him, and with the setting sun, began to chill on his back.

Just as sweaty, Mason gave him a disgusted look.  “You were supposed to take it easy on me.  I have a date tonight!”

Giving him a sweeping bow to end their demonstration, Conn laughed.  “What are you complaining about?  Every night is date night for me.”

“Yeah, but you can take a shower,” Mason grumbled.  He sheathed his sword and glumly swiped a hand through his dark curly hair that was just as plastered as Conn’s shirt.  “Do you mind if I hit the shower at your place before driving down to Joplin?”

They both bowed to the cheering onlookers.  “Make yourself at home.”

“I won’t be long,” Mason promised.  “I told Tess I’d pick her up by eight o’clock.”

Conn glanced at his watch and winced.  “You know it’s at least an hour and a half drive, right?”

Mason tossed a grin back over his shoulder.  “Only if I follow the speed limit.”

Shaking his head, Conn sheathed the sword on his hip and started to unbuckle the heavy leather belt.

“Don’t,” Rae whispered, wrapping her arms around him from behind.  “I think the sword is sexy.”

Simple white linen sleeves covered her arms, tapering to delicate points over her wrists.  His heartbeat quickened and he started to turn around to get a good look at her costume, but she tightened her grip on him.  “I’m sweaty, darlin’.”

“I don’t care,” she mumbled, rubbing her face against his shirt.  “In fact, I like it.  I like it a lot.”

“Well, I certainly don’t want to stink up your lovely costume, so let me get a good look at you.”

Reluctantly, she loosened her arms so he could turn around.

She was dressed in a kirtle that would do any Ren Faire maiden proud. A heavy red brocade overskirt split down the front to show the fine snowy linen beneath, accented with tiny pearls and golden embroidery.  A matching cloth covered her hair, giving him just a glimpse of a braid curled around her head and dotted with pearls.

“You look like you stepped out of a fairy tale.”

“Is it right?”  Rae smoothed the skirt and tugged absently on the left sleeve.  “Mom’s been sewing this for weeks.  I wanted it to be as historically accurate as possible, so there’s no buttons or grommets and she sewed everything by hand.  The only thing we did compromise on was the corset; we used synthetic whalebone.”

“It’s gorgeous, darlin’.  I know several period fanatics who’ll want your mom’s phone number.  They’d pay handsomely for this kind of hand stitching.”

Smiling with relief, she wrapped her arms around his waist.  “Well, you know history was never my favorite subject, not when I had you for my English professor.”

His chest felt tight and it was all he could do not to throw her over his shoulder and race Mason to the cottage.  He knew she’d never had any interest in Elizabethan clothing before they’d started dating.  “Does this mean you’ll dress up the next time we hit the Ren Faire circuit?”

“As long as you wear a codpiece and tights.”

Wincing, Conn leaned down and brushed his mouth against hers.  “My maiden’s wish is my command, but I heartily hope you change your mind.”

“I’m kidding,” Rae whispered.  “You know I love your warrior garb too much to make you wear something else.”

The soft little catch in her voice sent his blood pressure rocketing up another notch.

She pressed something into his hand and leaned up to whisper directly into his ear.  “Do you think we can escape Miss Belle’s party in the next thirty minutes or so?”

He wrapped his hands around her upper arms and pulled her closer.  Her gown rustled against him and he suddenly wondered exactly how historically correct she might be dressed.  For instance, if she’d chosen to wear drawers…or nothing beneath the heavy skirt.  “We can escape now.”

“Isn’t Mason going to take a shower?”

He growled out a curse and released her.  Laughing softly, she turned away.  Her skirt swirled about her ankles, giving him a glimpse of the delicate linen stockings she wore.  Damn it all to hell, she knew what white did to him.  The thought of her lying in his bed with chemise flung back to show her incredible legs encased in those stockings–

“My, my, Dr. Connagher, such language!  Perhaps I should have brought Miss Belle’s pink parasol, even though it clashed horribly with my skirt.  It sounds like you might need me to whack you a couple of times.”

“Thirty minutes,” he growled out.  “Mason should be gone.  Then bring out that parasol, darlin’.”

“No.”

Her refusal shot through him as though she’d dumped a bucket of icy water over his head.  Straightening, he knew he must be glaring at her, but she merely shook her head, peeking at him over her shoulder, and kept right on walking.  “I’ve got something else planned, Dr. Connagher.  In thirty minutes, read my note.  Then find me.  I’ll be waiting for you.”

Thirty minutes my ass, he thought, unfolding her note.

Damaetas:  Take me.  Love, Ozymandias

He had to brace himself against the porch while he concentrated on breathing.  In five little words, she’d managed to convey her wish to play out his forbidden fantasy and also assured him of her love and her ability to stop him.  Dear Lord, she wasn’t terrified of this fantasy; in fact, she’d set the whole thing up.  She’d even waited until he was dressed appropriately, sweaty and jacked up after fighting with Mason.

Conn whipped his head up, searching for her, but Rae had disappeared into the gaily-dressed partygoers.  Taking a firm grip on his control, he strode into the crowd.

This warrior is going on the rampage.

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Free Read Take Me: Part Two

Continuing after Conn’s letter:  (first draft only, subject to revision)

“If we already have a real ghost,” Rae grumbled as she stapled another swag of fake spider web beneath the porch eave, “then why does Miss Belle want so many fake decorations?  Maybe she’s only worked up because this is the Bed and Breakfast’s first Halloween.”

“Afraid not, darlin’,” Conn replied from the front yard now turned cemetery.  “Miss Belle has always loved Halloween.  In fact, I think if forced to pick between Halloween and Christmas, she’d choose dressing up like a witch any day.  Speaking of which: don’t be freaked out when she refers to her ‘Book of the Dead.’”  He raised his voice so that his grandmother would hear through the open window.  “That’s merely her cookbook.”

Sure enough, Miss Belle stomped over to the front door and glared at them both.  Rae never thought she’d wish the old lady would wear more pink, her trademark color, but even retina-searing Pepto Bismol would be an improvement over Miss Belle’s costume.  She wore an orange-and-purple-striped broomstick skirt down to her ankles, a goblin-green satin poet’s shirt, and bright red sparkling shoes straight out of The Wizard of Oz.  At least her Spandex tights matched her horrendous green shirt.  Even her old-fashioned straw hat had been replaced by a traditional black witch’s hat–with a huge orange bow in the front.

“Don’t spoil Rae’s first Halloween with us,” Miss Belle demanded.  “If you give away all my secrets, she won’t enjoy the party nearly as much.  Now you two hurry up–you don’t even have your costumes on yet!”

Rae concentrated on hanging a huge hairy tarantula on her fake web.  She knew that Conn was going to wear his warrior garb he typically wore for Renaissance Faire demonstrations.  He’d planned a mock fight with his best friend and math professor extraordinaire for tonight’s festivities.  So far, he didn’t have any idea what her costume was–and she planned to keep it that way as long as possible.

She scrubbed her damp palms on her jeans and jumped down off the ladder.  Her stomach already felt tight and trembly with nerves.  Am I going to have the courage to pull this off?

Conn gave the incredibly realistic tombstone another shove so it leaned as if it’d been a part of the yard for decades.  “I’ll be back in about an hour with Mason–he’s meeting me at the cottage.”  He looked up at Rae and she gave him a hopefully excited—instead of nervous—smile.  “You still won’t tell me what your costume is?”

“Nope,” she replied tartly, imitating his grandmother’s no-nonsense manner.  “You’ll see soon enough.”

He reached through the porch railing and gripped her calves.  “Why the secrets, darlin’?”

He had incredible hands.  His powerful fingers dug into her muscles, firm and strong, just shy of actually hurting.  He might be an English professor by day, but in his bed he was all domination.  The slight squeeze of his fingers made her swallow and sent a warm wave of desire sweeping through her.  The butterflies disappeared and she made the low, ragged sound in her throat that he loved to hear.  “I want to surprise you.”

His eyes blazed like sapphires, but he released her.  “How will I recognize you?”

Miss Belle smacked him on the top of the head with her witch hat.  “If you can’t recognize your one true love despite a simple costume, then you don’t deserve her.  Now get–I’ve got to get my cauldron started!”

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Civil War Anthology: Defiance

Remember that little Civil War short story I was working on a few months ago?  I’m thrilled to announce that it’ll be included in a US Civil War anthology from Drollerie Press, including stories by Laura Anne Gilman and Angela Korra’ti!  Watch for it to be released end of October.  Isn’t the cover lovely?

Defiance

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Conn Writes a Letter

Sorry, I know I’ve been a horrible slacker, not just here on the blog, but with writing too.  I really need to get better at plotting a project while drafting a second one, because I’m much more efficient that way.  The plotting for Victor’s story has been painfully slow, enough that I started drafting the opening sections.  Openings are *hard* for me, so I’ll probably revise it half a dozen times, but it’s a start, and it’s okay for this part to go slowly.  I’m hoping to hit high gear, full speed ahead next month and build on the coming NaNoWriMo fever!

However, Samhain is going to be giving away lots of short stories next month, and I really want to participate.  It just so happened that Conn stopped by for a little visit today.  Evidently, Rae asked him to write HER a letter!  After researching the right poem for two days, this is the opening for a new short freebie tentatively titled “Take Me.”  If you’ve read Dear Sir, I’m Yours, it should remind you of “Make Me” – which was one of the titles we played around with at one point.

So without further ado, Dr. Connagher writes:  (first draft only, subject to revision!)

Dearest Rae:

Since you’ve written to me for years about your secret longings and desires, I suppose it’s only fair that I share my darkest fantasies with you, too.  However, I must admit that I’m reluctant.  Not because I don’t want you to know, not at all; I’m simply ashamed.  I don’t want to scare you away, this time for good.

You asked me to share my most forbidden fantasies with you, and you know that I’ll never fail to give you exactly what you want.  Just remember above all, darlin’, that I love you more than life itself.  If I lost you…I’d be forced to take up residence as another ghost at Beulah Land.

The truth is I’m a hypocrite.  Byron said it best in Damaetas:

Ev’n still conflicting passions shake his soul,
And bid him drain the dregs of Pleasure’s bowl;
But, pall’d with vice, he breaks his former chain,
And what was once his bliss appears his bane.

Every day, I put on this nice civilized English professor mask.  I lecture at Drury and grade bad essays and my colleagues think the most scandalous thing I do is demonstrate swordplay at the local Renaissance Faire.

While underneath, I’m just a bloody, savage barbarian who dreams of razing you to the ground.

Nobody knows the constant battle I wage to control the darkness eating away at me.  Nobody but you.  You’ve seen hints of this darkness, Rae, and I thank the good Lord above that you haven’t fled in horror.

“Make me,” you said, and you know that I love making you do exactly what we both want.  I love for you to challenge me into force.  I like you to be just a little bit afraid of me.  I like to hear those soft little whimpers escape your lush mouth.  I like to feel you struggle against my grip. I especially love the incredible sounds of your pleasure rolling out of your throat in cry after cry.

I treasure the knowledge that you trust me enough to glimpse that dark side and not only find pleasure in it but also still love me on the morrow.

Trust, Rae.  It’s so fragile, like a delicate little bird held in the palm of my hand.  Sometimes I can’t help but close my eyes and imagine tightening my fist on that frantic fluttering little creature, harder, meaner, more than you could possibly want.

I’m a dirty, selfish sonofabitch. On a good day, I’m going to take every single thing you’ll give me.  On a bad day?  I can’t help but fantasize about taking more than you’ll give me.

You know I’d rather torment you with pleasure until you give me your safe word, than ever scare you into giving it.  But madness whispers in my head:

She’s helpless.  Take her.  Take it all.

Don’t ever unchain that beast, darlin’.  I love you too much to risk it.  And please, by all that’s good and holy in this world, remember your safe word.  Always.  When all other chains break, Ozymandias will still render the bloodthirsty barbarian into a penitent man on his knees, begging for your love.

~ Conn

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Story Building 7: The Block

Are you sick of plotting yet?  I certainly am.  I’ve almost come to the place where I’m going to start writing, even if I don’t have all the details figured out.  I feel stuck, mired in the mud, and I need progress.  Again, we come back to “do what works for you.”  If the process becomes painful, boring, or tedious, why are you still doing it?  However, I know from past experience that if I rush too much, I’ll have more revisions to make in order to tighten the story up.  The more thinking and planning I do now, the better the first draft will be.  I don’t want to spend a year revising this story — in fact, I’d really be happy if I could submit it by the end of the year.  (That’s my unofficial goal.)

Loosely, this stage ties to the spreadsheets I showed in the last post — but they’re not quite exactly the way I was taught by the Witch.  Originally, I learned to take a story and break it into 10 chunks, called blocks since they’re the building blocks of the story.  Act 1 contains 3 blocks, Act 2 contains 5, and Act 3 contains 2.  The hero’s journey lies very nicely on top of the blocks:

  • Block 1 = Ordinary World
  • Block 3 = Accepting the Call – ending with Crossing the First Threshold into Act 2.
  • Block 4 (first block of Act II) – Confrontation, Tests, Allies
  • Block 6 = Approach Innermost Cave
  • Block 7 = Dark Moment
  • Block 8-9 = Climax, turning point into Act 3.
  • Block 9 = Climax 2
  • Block 10 = Resolution

This helps you define the structure and pacing of the story and for the most part, this really resonates with me.  Where I ran into problems (creating those spreadsheets) was with the Maya thriller, where I had three major story lines all converging in the last half/third of the book.  I needed a bit more space to keep track of what was happening — so I technically added more “blocks” to the Acts.  It was more of a spacing/usability decision than a structure decision — I couldn’t fit all the details I needed into 2 tiny columns (blocks) for Act 3!

The point I’m trying to make is that structure is well and good — but it should be fluid and flexible too.  If the story you’re writing feels like it needs 3 blocks for Act 3 instead of 2, who cares.  The important part is that you recognize Act 3 should be roughly the last 1/4 of the story and should move very, very quickly.  Act 2 should be the meatiest and encompasses roughly 50% of your story.  Exactly how many blocks that means is up to you.  So feel free to modify this process for yourself, and for each book.

With Victor’s story, I don’t need nearly as much space to write out the rough details of the Block.  I only have 2 POVs.  I have the main story line of Victor and Shiloh’s romance, wound into the premise of the story, that it takes place on a reality show.  I have a subplot about an industry spy.  And that’s it!  The real meat of the story is the relationship and the conflicts that arise because of the show — which feeds directly into the romance, because Shiloh crafted this show down to the littlest detail, for him.

One fun thing that can help you think about structure and story at the same time is to NAME the blocks something meaningful to you and the story.  I had the idea this morning that I should base the blocks on the idea of episode titles for the show.  Not all of them are show titles, but this will definitely give you an idea of what kind of story this is going to be.

Block One – The Pitch

Block Two – Try Outs

Block Three – Premiere

Block Four – Serving Your Master

Block Five – Loving Your Master

Block Six – Do You Know Your Master’s Hand?

Block Seven – At Your Master’s Pleasure…or Displeasure

Block Eight – Miss Belle’s Thanksgiving

Block Nine – Coming Out Ball

Block Ten – V’s Gift

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Storybuilding 6: The Hero’s Journey

After all our brainstorming and character building fun, now it’s time to begin adding structure to your story.  This is where you weld into place  the foundation and girders that will hold up your storyscraper.

When I first began writing, I didn’t think about structure at all.  I had a story to tell, and I told it.  As I learned more about Story and the writing craft, I realized there were some things I’d done involuntarily.  These things are inherently part of storytelling — keeping the reader involved in a story, speeding up the pacing or slowing it down, throwing more rocks at your character stuck up in that tree.  But for awhile, I remember being terribly confused.  I suddenly knew why I’d done certain things, but then the how began to waiver.  If I’d done something naturally, how could I force it to happen now?

Trust the magic. It’s there.  You’ve been mixing a potion from the very start of storybuilding.  Adding a framework for the story to hang onto will not damage the magic.  On the contrary, it will give it a place to shine.

Knowing the structure of the story helps you guess the length too.  Say you have a really big “candybar scene” already in mind, but you have no idea how far into the story that scene will play out.  Is it in the first third?  The last third?  Somewhere in the middle?  Thinking about structure — and specifically the hero’s journey — will help you figure out in which “Act” the scene lies.

The level of detail you define at this point of Storybuilding is entirely up to you and the story you’re writing.  Don’t be surprised if one story wants more work than others — my process changes a little with each story I write.  I’ve known people who plotted out to great detail with pages and pages of outline and scene details.  I’ve also known people who only have a vague idea of the ending and that’s what they’re writing toward.

The whole point of this exercise is to get a story to the place where you can successfully begin writing.  By “successfully” I mean that you’re setting yourself up to FINISH THE BOOK.  In the end, that’s the only victory.  Do whatever you need to do to finish the book.  Plot a lot — plot only a little.  Write up detailed character sketches — or just a few emotional letters.  Whatever you need to.  Finish. The. Book.  You can plaster over holes, demo entire rooms or floors of the storyscraper if you need to, LATER.  You can’t see enough of the Story structure and how it fits into the skyline you envisioned until you finish the first draft. Renovation Nightmares will begin later.  :mrgreen:

If you at least know the ending of the book, then you have  a target to shoot for.  If you know the major inciting incident that sets the story in motion, then you know how to write the first 100-120 pages of the book.  If you can get a few additional key scenes or surprises laid out in your mind, then you’ve got something to write to in the middle.  How much more detail you add at this point is entirely up to you.

Personally, how much work I do depends on the length of the story.  Ironically, very short and very long pieces take about the same amount of work.  In a short story, you need to choose the scenes very, very carefully.  A good short story is still going to have a character changing in some memorable way, and the few precious words must reflect those changes quickly.  A long (e.g. 100K or more) story has a lot of Deadly Middle Ground to conquer.  If I don’t have a few key turning points already identified, I’m going to get stuck halfway over the mountain, and that’s not a good place to be.

There are a ton of great Hero’s Journey links available on the internet.  Also check out our character clinic and Left Behind & Loving It categories; my friend Jenna wrote up a great post about how she uses the hero’s journey.  I refer back to Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey constantly.

Minimally, I like to know the following journey points of a story before I begin writing (and why).  I do a lot of this brainstorming on paper, and then when I know the rough idea of the “scene,” I write out a card for it.  One card may spawn another idea, so I jot that down.  Think about reactions – you can get another card or so for each main POV character after a turning point scene.  How did Victor feel when THIS happened?  What’s he going to do now?

  • Ordinary World:  this helps me figure out how to start the book in the right place.  Note that you still have to have ACTION happening here.  Characters in the shower, waking up from a dream, etc. are boring
  • Inciting Incident:  this is the Big Bang that sets your story universe into motion.  It’s the event that sets your hero’s feet onto the yellow brick road of your journey.
  • Crossing the Threshold:  this scene helps me know that Act I is finished and I’m moving into the middle.  The first Act should be roughly 100-120 pages (in a 400 page book).  If my character takes the first step on the main journey — and I only have 50 pages — then this is going to be a very short novel.  Maybe that’s okay – or maybe I need more details.
  • Midpoint Shakeup:  Okay, I lied, this isn’t part of the hero’s journey, not exactly.  But I love to have a big major event in the midpoint of the story.  It’s the candybar I’m writing toward that helps me get the next 100-150 pages.
  • Approaching the Innermost Cave, the Dark Moment:  there comes a time when the hero believes all is lost, the journey is hopeless, the battle will never be won.  This is signaling the end of Act II.  Even though I’m on the downhill slide at this point, I always get bogged down around 275-320 pages of a book.  It’s like the bleak emotions begin to take their toll on me — and I find myself in my own dark moment.  This is where I begin to wonder if I’m going to be able to pull the story off.  This would be a really really bad time for me to read a negative review or allow any harsh words to inflict any damage on my writer’s psyche.  This is a whole other post — but protect the writing.  Protect yourself.  “Having a thick skin” does not mean that you need to shovel other people’s caca with a smile!
  • The Climax(es):  Ah, the showdown begins.  The last 100 pages–once they get rolling–should just fly.  Now your hero goes to battle.  You throw every surprise and horror at him/her that you can think of.  If you’re really doing good, you’ll write them so far into a dark dead-end alley that even YOU won’t have any idea how to get them out.  Yes, this still happens, even if you “plot” the story.  Let the magic happen.
  • Resolution and Return:  in the last 20 pages or so, tie up all loose ends, decide how your character is going to live out the rest of his life, grieve for the fallen, and soak in the victory.  I don’t always do a ton of plotting for this stage — unless there’s a book that follows.  Then I need to make sure that the elements I need to bridge into the next book are present and make sense.

Now you may feel as exhausted as your characters, but I promise, nothing, absolutely NOTHING, compares to the rush you’ll feel when you type:

The End.

P.S. If spreadsheets don’t scare the crap out of you, you may find these helpful.  These are filled out for the Maya thriller.  The character rows are the major players that I needed to track through the story, even if they didn’t have a POV.  Note that I didn’t do this much plotting before the first draft — this level of detail came during Revision Xibalba.

The Bloodgate Codex spreadsheets

If you’re interested in the blank templates, I’ll post them later — I don’t have them handy on this computer.

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Storybuilding 5: Victor’s Letter

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Can’t win for losing.”  Sometimes, I think the saying should be “Can’t lose for winning.”

My name is Victor, and I always win.  I’m the victor in everything I do.  I’ll risk anything, defeat any opponent, pay any cost…to win.  Now that I’m well into my thirties, I can admit that winning has cost me more losses than I ever imagined possible.

The first time I won—and lost—I was twenty two years old and the starting quarterback at Texas A&M.  We were headed to the Cotton Bowl and the world was mine to conquer.  I had my whole life planned out: we would win the game; I would enter the draft; some big-time NFL team would pick me up—preferably the Dallas Cowboys—and my future would be assured.  Every minute of my free time I was training, lifting weights, drawing up new plays, and dreaming about the Hall of Fame and Superbowl rings.  I lived, breathed, ate, and slept football.

My team had never lost a game once I’d taken the helm as quarterback.  I certainly wasn’t going to let my team lose the championship game.

The world was at my feet and I could do no wrong.  Everyone loved me and cheered for me, especially my high-school sweetheart, Mandi.  We’d been together since our junior year in high school.  She was a beautiful girl, cheerleader captain, everything a guy like me could have wanted.  Everyone agreed we were the perfect couple.  She wanted to be a model, and once I joined an NFL team, I knew she’d have every break she could ever dream of. With my millions and arm, and her classic looks, we’d be the perfect couple of football TV too.

What few people knew was that Mandi had a problem.  She’d hid it from me pretty well, too, but I’d started to suspect once she went to college in Dallas and I headed to College Station.  Her bright cheerful ways had always had a few dark valleys, but those periods of darkness became more frequent and more shadowed.  This beautiful girl didn’t have any friends, shy and unsure and miserably depressed.  She called me often, and more frequently she was sobbing and desperate, not happy or excited about her classes.  I loved her, but her constant need for me to anchor and support her began to wear on me.

One night she called me at 3 AM, crying and hysterical.  Evidently she’d jumped in her car and began driving to College Station in the middle of the night, only to have an accident.  I rushed to her aid, naturally, only to learn she’d been drunk driving.  At least no one had been hurt, but neither of us could deny her problems any longer.

She admitted she hadn’t been to class in months and barely left her apartment.  When she begged to come live with me, I didn’t know what to say. I lived in an apartment with three other guys off campus.  We didn’t have room for her, and my Daddy would have hunted me down with a shotgun and dragged us both to the church before he’d let us live together unmarried.

Besides, I wasn’t ready for that much commitment, not yet.  I had the big game, my career, our careers, to think about.  I had to win the game to assure our future.  I drove her home to her apartment and called her parents while she slept like the dead.  They came and took her to a clinic in Houston.  I know she was terribly hurt.  She must have felt like I’d abandoned her.  But I simply didn’t know how else to help her.  She needed help, professional help, and the next time I talked to her on the phone, she sounded steadier, more alert and calmer than she’d been in months.

The game was only a week away.  I don’t remember Christmas that year.  With Mandi safe and getting treatment, I focused all my will on that game.  I would win.  She would be better.  Everything would be better.  I just had to win the game.

With my family in the stands cheering me on, I stepped out onto the field and we played one hell of a game.  Even though we were six points down at the two-minute warning, I wasn’t worried.  My coach handed me the ball and sent me out on the field with the final words, “Victor, the game’s on you.  Take us all the way, son.”

I’d done it countless times before; I knew I’d do it again.  Without any hurry at all, we steadily moved the ball down the field.  Quick toss to my receiver, and he zipped out of bounds to gain another first down.  We crossed midfield.  We entered the red zone with plenty of time left.  Even though my favorite target of the season dropped the ball and came back to the huddle with tears in his eyes, I wasn’t worried.  I told him to shake it off.

I’d simply run this one in myself.

I took the snap, did a little play action, and floated in the pocket like I was waiting for him to get open again.  He ran toward the corner of the endzone, dragging two defenders with him.  That left me a wide-open lane of green and I took it.  I sprinted forward with a hand on my lineman’s back as he plowed through like a charging bull.  Too slow, though, so I left him.  I saw the goal line gleaming, and felt a defender behind me, scrambling closer, so I launched off my feet, reaching with the ball——

And got helicoptered by surely the biggest Sooner on the bench.  I crossed the plane and held on to the ball, even though the world slipped out of focus.  I knew we’d scored.  I knew we’d won.  I didn’t care about the blackness sucking me down, until later, when I awoke in agony.  Even then, I wasn’t worried, until I saw my Daddy’s solemn face and the suspicious glitter of tears in his eyes.

My knee was a shattered, torn mess that a single surgery couldn’t fix.  They told me I’d be lucky to walk without a limp.

I’d never play the game again.

Lying there in that hospital bed, I struggled between rage and determination. Why had I been so stupid?  So what if we’d lost the game.  We’d played our hearts out.  There wouldn’t have been any shame in losing. I still would have gone high in the draft.  But I couldn’t stand to lose.  I had to win, and I paid the price.

It was my own drive, my own heart, my determination to win at any cost, that had led to the worst defeat of my entire life.

I returned home to the ranch with my family, facing endless rounds of physical therapy and surgery.  My determination renewed.  The Dallas doctors didn’t know me.  They didn’t know I was THE Victor.  I’d defeat this injury, just like I’d defeated everything else in my life.  They couldn’t know my heart and will to win. I focused that formidable will on physical therapy, determined to defeat even my blown knee.

Mandi called me from her parents’ home.  I didn’t even know she’d been released.  We talked about the game and our future.  I told her this was my last chance.  I would heal myself and by late summer, I’d be well enough to walk onto the team in Dallas and try out.

She was as supportive as ever.  “Don’t worry about me, Victor.  You can do this.  I’m fine.”

I had no idea how unfine she really was—until her parents called and told me that she’d accidentally taken too many of her prescription drugs and never woke up.  My sweet, beautiful girl was gone, and I hadn’t even gone to see her, not since that night I’d called her parents and abandoned her.

Guilt ate at me.  Everything began to unravel.  My knee hurt like a bitch.  The doctor warned me that I was pushing too hard, too fast.  I had done even more damage to my fragile knee and it had had swelled up as big as my head.  Dream after dream died, and I slunk home like a whipped dog, afraid to see the resignation on my Daddy’s face.  Instead of going into the house, I slipped into the old barn we didn’t use much any more.  Defeated, angry, and guilty, I hid from my family—and my failures.

If I’d spent more time with Mandi, if I’d been there for her, could I have helped her?  Would she have taken too many of those drugs if she hadn’t been so lonely?  Was my career worth her death?

And my career wasn’t going to happen. The harder I worked, the more I fucked up my knee.  With constant pain and a noticeable limp, I was a cripple, not a star quarterback.  I couldn’t win this game.  In fact, I’d never win another game.  I’d never play again.  I’d never see Mandi again.  Everything was over, gone, broken like my fucked up knee.

The barn smelled of decades of hay and horses.  Slants of light cut through the ramshackle roof.  Motes of dust danced around my head, making me dizzy as I paced—limped—in a tight circle.  I noticed an old leather riding crop looped on a rusty nail, so I grabbed it and slapped it absently against my thigh.  Limp, pain from my knee—slap, pain on my good thigh.  Limp, slap, back and forth.  The bad pain from my knee began to fade away beneath the burning cut of the crop.

Alone in that old barn, I punished myself.  I punished myself for my failures, for my injury I couldn’t heal with sheer determination, for my selfishness that might have cost Mandi her life.  I sliced that crop through the air with a sharp whistle that snapped against the denim and burned deep into the muscle.  It was a good pain.  It made me forget about the bad, hurting pain of my knee.  This was a cleansing pain.  Pain that helped me wash away my guilt.

All the tension and regret, doubts and rage, even my broken heart—all that emotion poured out of me. The harder I hit myself, the better I felt.  I found myself unbuttoning my jeans and stroking myself to release awkwardly with my left hand while I cut my thigh with that crop.

Afterward, I felt calm, relaxed, centered, and at peace.  I had grieved—and finally accepted—my losses.  Mandi, my first love, was gone forever.  There would be no NFL career, no Superbowl rings, no Hall of Fame. But I was still alive, my family still loved me, and I still had my Victor’s heart.

I just had to find a new game to play.

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Storybuilding 4: Brainstorming – With Character

Continuing our brainstorming fun, pull out your notes from the character post.  Character IS Plot, so one of the best ways to get some plotting ideas is to take your characters in hand and put them through their paces.  For each of the three main techniques I use to develop character, I ought to be able to get some scene ideas.  If not, then I haven’t spent enough time making this character deep and compelling.  I’m going to do this for each main character, and each technique.  For blog purposes–and to keep the story fresh for the readers who might be tagging along–I won’t post every single thing here.

So pull out your index cards, paper, etc. whatever you’re using, and get crazy with those ideas!

1. Greatest Strength/Greatest Weakness. There are several ways you can use this to generate plot ideas.

  • Showcase the character’s strength.  Obviously we’re writing about HEROES (female or male) and they’re heroic in some way.  That means we want to show them in a positive light.  Crossing over to some of the other techniques (Emotional Toolbox and specifically, the hero’s journey), a good place to begin is the Ordinary World with the character’s mask in place.  We know Victor is competitive and driven to win.  As a result, he’s the CEO of his company.  He’s powerful, wealthy, and respected by his employees.  I should have an opening scene to introduce him as a powerful, competitive, successful man.
  • Let the character use his strength to get into trouble.  This crosses over to the Emotional Toolbox–Trouble Traits.  This is where the character’s greatest strength begins to run amok and it’s his own damned fault.  Victor’s competitive nature is going to get him into all sorts of problems when he approves–and agrees to participate in–a reality show.  The entire external plot is driven by his own need to win, and is supported by the subplot, his need to find out who the spy is.  He thinks he’ll just play along…but he can’t sit back and let the game unfold without winning.
  • Allow other characters to use his greatest weakness against him to get him even deeper into trouble.  Shiloh knows exactly what sort of man Victor is.  In fact, she built the entire premise of the reality show around his competitive nature.  She knows he won’t be able to stand by and “watch” the game without getting dirty.  He plays to win.  Always.  She intends to be the prize.

2. The Character Letter: The whole purpose of the character letter is to explore backstory — in particular, defining moments.  What still haunts this character?  What are his regrets?  Deep down, what’s he really afraid of?  The character letter provides a wealth of angst.  Remember that you’re the God of your Story.  If you include something, a hint of the character’s past, for instance, then it should be important to the Story.  It must have some IMPACT on the plot or the character arc.  The character should have to face and overcome that old shadow before the story is over, or else why mention it at all?

These defining moments help you define the character’s arc, providing the major stumbling block(s) from his past that made him who he is today (when the story opens) — and must now overcome before he can make the Leap of Faith (Emotional Toolbox).

  • In the character letter, we’ll see how Victor won the championship game but lost because his injury ended his career.  I need him to face another equally significant win-lose scenario.  Because of the emotional trauma involved, I’m guessing this may be in the dark moment or one of the major climaxes of the story.  I’ve jotted several cards about how he’ll win — but ultimately lose.  Although I can’t share them here without spoilers, there’s a ton of emotion — and he truly realizes that this loss will kill him, unless he can fix what he’s done.  He decides the only thing he must win is Shiloh, but it may be too late.

3. The Emotional Toolbox, or the Hero’s Journey: The emotional toolbox highlights the character’s journey.  Back and forth, the character battles need vs. want until finally, I force him to make a Leap of Faith.  Hopefully you’ve noticed that the techniques above have already crossed over into this one.  They all begin to blur and meet.  That’s a good thing — everything should tie together and make sense.  The greatest strength is tied to the mask, and the trouble traits, which lead to the greatest weakness.

  • Show the character’s want.  Early in the story, I need to establish the story goal.  What does this character think he wants more than anything?  Show him going after it.  In particular, Victor wants to find out who the spy is inside VConn.
  • Show the character’s need and his fear.  What’s the secret need driving the character’s arc?  What deep fear is keeping him from becoming the complete, happy man he could be?  Victor needs to face his darkest secret, and Shiloh’s the only person who can help him.  But that’s exactly why he keeps her at arm’s length.  Each time she prods him into letting his mask slip — he must push her away and hold her at arm’s length to protect himself.
  • Show the want and the need at war.  At some point, Victor is going to realize that finding out who the spy is at his company isn’t nearly as important as how much he needs Shiloh.  But what if….she’s the spy?
  • Ultimately, he must make a choice: a Leap of Faith where he gives up the want to gain the need, or a stumble into the Dark Side because he’s unable to face his fear.

Next up, we’ll take a closer look at the hero’s journey.  The story needs STRUCTURE — a framework that defines the story layout and gives the rest of the details something to hang onto.