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Maya Blurb Retake

I hereby declare that May the Queen of Blurbs! 

Last night she patiently helped me tear and paste and scribble until we came up with a revised blurb for the Maya fantasy.  My beloved Sis also made a few important tweaks that I think help a lot — which Soleil also agreed with.  So it *does* take a village!

What do you think of this one?

Called “Ruin” because he destroyed his entire civilization, the Gatekeeper is sworn to kill anyone who tampers with the Bloodgates — portals to the mystical realms of the Maya gods.  When Dr. Jaid Merritt’s partial translation of a codex accidentally sends her father to Xibalba through one of these Gates and releases demons from the Maya hell, the “Un-Indiana Jones” is forced to face her fears and travel to Guatemala on her first dig in twenty years.  Together, Jaid and Ruin must reclaim – and relock – the Bloodgates before the bowels of Xibalba empty into our world.

A huge thank you to everyone who’s already commented.  Keep up the feedback – I greatly appreciate it!

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Preparation

I’m still working on the blurb for the Maya fantasy.  It’s kicking my ass.  I’ve shredded each sentence, tossed it out, started over a dozen times.  How can three sentences be this hard?  Bah. 

Since the coffee stash was low, we ran up to Target tonight and I restocked my Caribou Coffee Mahogany.  I looooove that stuff.  Bought all the bags on the shelf (only 4 left — I’m ashamed to say how long that might last me).  Middle Monster needed some new crayons for school, so I decided to browse the notebooks.

It’s sort of a fetish of mine.  I adore notebooks, paper, pens, pencils.  Nothing makes me see red faster than when the monsters get into my stash of supplies.  (I am seriously tempted to put them under lock and key.  Errr, the supplies, not the monsters.  Honest.)  Target had some gorgeous notebooks and matching folders.  Staring at them, I felt…

A twinge.  An itch in the back of my brain.  A tingle in my fingers. 

I needed those notebooks for a story.  Not sure which one yet, but the color and patterns really spoke to me.  One is mostly blue with some brown, and the other has brown, blue, and orange patterns all over it.  Not my normal color selection (hint, look around at all the black and red here on the blog) but when the Muse speaks, I listen.

*Gregar’s now laughing his arse off* 

*the smug bastard had better get over here and help me with my @#&%$* blurb!!*

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Maya Fantasy Blurb

Close your eyes.  Take a deep breath.  Smell the coffee brewing, fresh, crisp books, and stories just waiting to be read?  Great.  Open your eyes and pretend this blurb is on the back of one of those books.  Would you want to read the story?  Opinions and feedback welcomed.

The working title was NIGHT SUN RISING but now that I’m in the query stage, I’ve been calling it THE BLOODGATE CODEX.  Which do you like better?

Epigrapher Dr. Jaid Merritt is known as the “Un-Indiana Jones” on campus, but when her father disappears, she follows him to Guatemala with the ancient codex he discovered.  In the ruins of the city once called the Mouth of Creation, she learns that the fables she’s been translating are frighteningly real:  there really are “Bloodgates” to the mystical realms of the Maya gods, her father disappeared through one of these portals, and in the process, he accidentally released demons bent on human sacrifice.  Now she must find a way to save him, force the demons back to Xibalba, and survive the wrath of the werejaguar priest who guards the magic as the Gatekeeper.

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Connections

Follow me, for a moment.  I swear this will all make sense.  The following are all somehow related:

 

In the back of my mind, I’ve been mulling over May’s crit, in particular her comments about two secondary characters for which I hadn’t done the greatest job.  In fact, I’d gotten lazy.  Remember the week of Valentine’s Day when we ran the Character Clinic, and I said that if you could kill a character, without impacting the story, then the character wasn’t needed?

Dr. Geoffrey Malcolm was a useless character.  I don’t think it’s too huge a spoiler (since this happens in chapter 2) to say that he’s the guy who dies in the first 10 minutes of the movie.  He’s supposed to help the reader feel sympathetic toward Jaid, to show how she’s damaged, but otherwise, he really didn’t have a purpose.

Huge mistake.  Huge!

Dr. Reyes, a secondary character that Jaid meets in Guatemala, was perhaps even worse.  He was the “plot needs him” character.  I needed him to be there for certain big events, but he had no depth.  I’d gotten lazy again and forgot my own saying:  every character is the star of his own story.

Dr. Reyes had no story to tell other than helping–or causing difficulty–at the right plot point.

So what does this all have to do with the other points above?  I’ve been a fan of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way for at least a year or two now, and this year, I’ve been writing more regularly in my daily journal.  I’m trying really hard to remain OPEN all the time, and just watch and wait for the right inspiration to come.  Now, more than ever, I really needed some inspiration.  How was I going to put some sparkle into these two characters after so many revisions already?

Bright and early this morning, the twitterverse and blogosphere was thrilled with Susan Boyle’s performance of I Dreamed A Dream.  I watched it and bawled.  I watched it again, and bawled some more.  While working this morning, I kept thinking about why it had touched me — and so many other people.  Here’s a 47 year old lady who’s never even been kissed!  Going out on stage in front of millions of people, putting her dream on the line.  People laughed at her.  They braced for a William Hung quality performance, and instead, she rocked the house, just as she promised. 

A fantastic story, right?  But there’s more to it, if you look at the song she chose to sing. 

I dreamed a dream.  I dreamed that love would never die.  No song unsung.  But the tigers come at night.  As they tear your dreams apart.  And still I dream he’ll come to me.  But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather.

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

*sobs*  That song, coming from her mouth, dreaming since she was 12 years old that she could be a singer, and now, finally, that dream has sparked to life once more.  That’s powerful stuff.

And I’m sitting here, listening, thinking, and I know that I can use this.  This emotion, the common human element of having a dream, watching it die, struggling to live anyway, trying not to hope because it’s so painful…

Dr. Reyes had a dream too, it turns out.  A dream he watched go up in smoke, literally.

As for the other television shows I listed, all of them have impacted the Maya fantasy in some fashion.  I love the FBI as portrayed on Numb3rs and tried to build a similar team under Special Agent Quinn Salazar.  I love the ambiguity in Prison Break:  one moment a bad guy is trying to kill them; the next he’s the only one who can help them.  Back and forth, up and down, there is no “white” or “black” character in that show, merely shades of gray.  Even Michael has been “tainted” by his actions.  People have died thanks to him, even though all he set out to do was save his brother.  Everybody has a line to cross, and that show makes them cross that line over and over and over.

But the biggest impact is probably Charlie’s big map of connections.  I love that idea and I swear I’m going to do this for the next major project.  Every person he comes into contact with goes up on his board and he starts figuring out how they know each other, why they did certain things, whether he can trust  them or not. 

Everything’s connected.  That’s how I found Geoffrey’s purpose.  He’s connected in a way I never expected, and that connection ends up helping Jaid from beyond the grave.  Or as I should say, even though Geoffrey has entered the White Road, he still manages to give her the clue she needs at the right time.

Now to fix–or rather complicate–Dr. Sam Gerard’s life with a little Oedipus complex, and liven up One Death a little more, har har, and then I’ll get back to the synopsis.

This has certainly been the project from Xibalba, but the story is tightening so much I think it’ll squeak when you read it.

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The Maya Fantasy Opening

Revision #113 or something like that. 

It’s just that pesky first line and the next few paragraphs.  So small, yet so important.  They must set the mood, the language, the character…they must be compelling, moving, tempting you to continue turning the page.  I sat over lunch today with a notebook and pen while I scribbled, doodled, crossed out, ripped, wadded up, and started over again until I finally settled on this.  What do you think, compared to the old opening here?

He never hated his magic until it compelled him to kill.
 
From the broken shadows of his temple, the once all-powerful priest watched the encroacher attempt to work the same doomed magic.  Brilliant ruby pooled in the pocked basin of the altar and overflowed, streaming the hand-carved stone in vibrant filigree.  The blood glowed like molten rock hot from the earth’s heart, releasing magic into the night.
 
The priest shuddered, his skin crawling in the caress of power.  His nostrils flared to catch the faint tantalizing scent of sweet copper.  Such temptation.  He tightened his grip on the starved jaguar pacing within him.  Such power. 
 
The city once known as the Mouth of Creation had kept his secrets for a thousand years.  Now he must kill this man to protect that forbidden knowledge.
 
Keeping to the shadows, the priest called out, “As Gatekeeper of Chi’Ch’ul, I command you to leave my city or die.”

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Revision Xibalba

The project that never dies, even when I chop off its head!

Thanks to some incredibly insightful comments from May, I have a few more things I want to tweak in the Maya fantasy.  The opening still isn’t strong enough.  I need to make it more personal from the first line.  I think I have an idea for that.  She also thought Geoffrey was a useless character, and yeah, he is, sort of.  So I need to make him matter in a way that’s currently missing.  I have an idea, there, too — I just need to put the pieces together.  She made similar notes about One Death and Dr. Reyes.  They’re a little too shallow compared to the other more intricate characters.

This story is all about crossing lines.  Everyone is forced to cross a line they swore they never would.  I failed to do so for these three characters in particular.  They weren’t POV or major characters, so I got lazy.  *slaps self*

And the synopsis is still on my list, as well as a hook/blurb.  I really want these done this week — I can’t stand all these details hanging over my head.  I want to be DONE and moving with the next project.  I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of Xibalba!! 

In other news, I finished reading Clockwork Heart.  I don’t think I’ll write up a full review, but I’ll be happy to chat in comments or e-mail if anyone wants to.  It was a good story, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as New Blood by Gail Dayton.  I really liked some of the elements of the worldbuilding, but the characters….meh.  Just didn’t blaze on the page if you know what I mean.  I thought the archaic programming of the Great Engine with punch cards was very interesting (remember, I’m a computer programmer for the Evil Day Job), and I was intrigued by the social structure. A good read, especially if you like clockwork and engine elements of Steampunk.

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Easter Miscellany

It’s already been a crazy weekend. 

Papa from Mexico (my Dad) called to say he’d like to come down tomorrow, which is always a treat, so we decided to do some kind of Easter “dinner.”  I’m still sick of ham–overdosed from Christmas–so we decided to do prime rib.  Now That Man does a mighty mean prime rib, and once news got out, our guest list grew.  We always love to have company, but the house was a pit and those rib roasts aren’t exactly cheap.  We cleaned Friday night and headed out for loads of food shopping today.

Finally, after months of checking, I found a Wii-Fit at our local Wal-Mart.  I haven’t tried it yet, but Princess Monster is loving it.  (So if I never even step on it, I’ll still count it a victory.)  I stocked up on everything for Potato Salad and Spinach Salad, as well as some veggies I think I’ll roast.  I also bought a huge tub of strawberries so I’m not so tempted by whatever dessert Aunt BB brings.

We’d just got home from numerous stops all over town to hear that Grandma K in the Hospital (the monsters’ Great Grandmother, who’s been in the nursing home pretty much all of Littlest Monster’s life, so that’s what she calls her) is doing very poorly.  Hospice doesn’t think she’ll make it through the weekend.  So That Man decided to make a quick trip over “just in case” and Middle Monster wanted to go with him.  The other two monsters and I stayed home (we didn’t think all of us needed to cram in there if she’s truly not doing that well, and we did see her just a week or two ago).  They cleaned the pit of their room while I started some basic preparations for tomorrow.

We still have Easter eggs to dye, potatoes to peel, etc. but we’ll take care of all that tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the monsters are frantically looking for their Easter baskets.  When Princess Monster was born, we lived in MN and since I worked in the home office, I was exposed to all sorts of parties, everything from Pampered Chef to Tupperware to Longaberger baskets, and yes, I bought a special basket for her first Easter.  Of course, I had to do the same for the other two monsters.  So they have these fantastic, extremely expensive baskets that they get out once a year…..and they can’t find them.  We moved last summer and I have no idea where they are.

[Updated:  the baskets have been found!  Whew]

As for writing, I’ve been wracking (haha, inside story joke) my brain, trying to come up with a really peppy hook for the Maya fantasy.  I have the general concept of the world/series down to two words — but the actual story, heroine, etc. is causing me a huge headache.  I also started reading Clockwork Heart, no verdict yet, and I played a bunch of computer games, everything from Farm Craft to Curse of the Pharaoh.  My biggest complaint lately has been not enough worlds/levels — they’re over too fast!

Oh, and remember when Deena challenged me ages ago to write a zombie romance?  I’ve got a near-finished copy of the freakishly awesome anthology in my hot little hands–BUMP IN THE NIGHT from Drollerie Press.  My short story, “Broken Angel:  A Zombie Love Story” is included.  Watch for it to release next week!

So what are your plans for Easter?

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Steamboy

Thanks to my growing interest in steampunk, I added this animated movie, Steamboy, to my Netflix queue and watched it a few days ago.  I have to admit that I wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was with Howl’s Moving Castle.

The Steams are a family of inventors:  James, his father Dr. Eddie, and his grandfather, Dr. Lloyd.  They’ve been working on a brand new “sphere” that can withstand an unbelievable amount of pressure, powering larger and more fantastic engines.  When not well received in Britain, the two older scientists move to American funding, and that’s where things start to fall apart for me.

The anti-American, anti-war themes were just a little too heavy handed.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, Howl’s Moving Castle had an anti-war theme too.  I loved it.  In Steamboy, there were no layers or nuances.  Everyone except James, the boy, was a money-hungry, war-loving fool, or so it seemed.  Except maybe his grandfather, who was more crazy than anything else.

And oh, don’t get me started about the only major female character in this movie, young Scarlett O’Hara.  What a total parody.  She was a despicable character, hitting her dog, nasty from the very beginning, and certainly too rich and powerful to have any sort of “morals.”  They tried to pull off a hint of a romance between her and James, and it failed miserably, because she was so unlikeable.  She never changed, either.  Although she did try to help James at the end, it was more like a spoiled tantrum than anything else.

A real disappointment for me.  If you’re looking for a steampunk animation, I highly recommend Howl’s Moving Castle instead.

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Demonica Winner

A huge thank you to everyone who commented and e-mailed me to enter.  What a great crowd!  I hope you all will pick up one of Larissa’s books and give this series a chance!

The winner of Pleasure Unbound, Desire Unchained, and Passion Unleashed is:

 

azteclady!

I’ll e-mail you for your snail mail address!

Thanks again, everyone.  Now go read a really good book!