I’m hearing voices again.  Of course they’re not the voices I’m *supposed* to be hearing right now.  *glares at Sig*  I was having a ton of fun at the Evil Day Job with Java (and I don’t mean my favorite kind that comes in a cup) and I heard him.  He was leaning against the railing of a porch staring up at a gorgeous sunset with whooperwills calling in the distance.

Sam Elliot.  I mean, Ty Connagher.

Virginia was there too.  He was actually talking to her, not to me, but I was able to hear them both laughing and talking plain as day.  Damn, she’s missed him something awful.  And that’s when the dreamy, peaceful scene started to go dark.

I have an idea that her story’s two stories in one.  It’s the past with Ty, before they had children, and the current story with the possibility of a new man.  How they weave together, and who this other man is, I have no idea.   I don’t hear his voice.  I can’t see his face.  He’s not younger than her.  He’s someone even Victor would respect.  But WHO, I don’t know.

As long as Sig isn’t cooperating, I guess I’ll listen to Ty and see what he has to tell me about his great love and her future.  Because of course HE knows.  The dead see things we can’t even begin to understand.  He’s there to help her in some way.

But I’m afraid he might need Miss Belle’s help.

I haven’t been timing myself – but rather working as I can a little bit at a time, while doing other things when I get bored or frustrated.

• I started by reading my notes.  I was surprised how little I actually had.  I had two separate projects in Scrivener, but neither had much substance.  Is the problem Scrivener itself?  I haven’t yet successfully written an entire project there yet.  Hmmm.  Worth noting.  (I wrote Lady Blackmyre entirely in Word.  Same with the Zombie Category Romance, the last project I finished.)
• I made a few notes about things I needed to research for the world.  Lady Wyre and her men are heading to a new planet, and I needed to do some worldbuilding and thinking about the characters and situation.  I had to research the First Opium War and Empress Cixi.  She’s a little late for “Regency” but I can’t resist her situation.  She’s a woman in power in Imperial China, a feat indeed, and she totally fits into my “When ladies ruled the universe” story world.
• I was a little messed up by how few children the Emperor had at the time.  I was envisioning more of a succession fight between brothers, but in reality, there was only one son and one daughter.  I was thinking Curse of the Golden Flower succession fight, but I think this acually makes it *more* interesting and unique.  Still, a wrench, that requires a little more brainstorming for Cixi’s motivations.
• I added a new character, Prince Gong, one of the Emperor’s brothers.  I think he has a tie to Seven Crows, a story I worked on awhile back in this universe but never finished.  (Originally I thought he was the Crown Prince, but again, back to the only one son situation.)
• I started a Pinterest board for this story to gather ideas and add inspiration.

I’m going to try plotting a bit more tomorrow.  I have a big scene in mind at the end, but not much in the middle.  I need a few more candybar scenes!

Progress!

As I mentioned yesterday, I’m having a hard time moving on some books I really really want and need to finish.  I don’t know *why* I’m having a problem with them, but I have to get moving.  I *need* Lord Regret’s book done.  He’s messing up all my plans!  I also need to get Phantom done – same problem.  But I’m tackling Lord Regret first.

Instead of sulking in the corner like him, I came up with a plan of action.  I’m going to schedule 30 mins every day for just him.  I’ll start by re-reading all my notes and attempts at plot and free writing.  It might be like pulling teeth, but if I touch him (har har) every day, I’m hoping eventually I’ll at least figure out what the hell’s wrong with him.

I’m going to brainstorm, free write, jot notes, use tarot, etc. WHATEVER IT TAKES.  I’m not giving up on him.  It might be slow going, though, and I’ll go insane if I don’t feel like I’m making measurable progress.  That’s why I’m limiting my time to 30 mins only.

So the first thing I did was pick up some schedules and calendars from Clean Mama Printables.  Hopefully that will help me keep organized and not distracted.  Other than working on Lord Regret each day, I’m giving myself a few small, well-defined tasks to work on.

1. Expand the short story Well of Sky, renamed Bloodgate, for release (as a free read on Smashwords, etc.) in August to help promo The Bloodgate Warrior.  If you’ve read that story, I’m no longer going to “shut the door” if you know what I mean…  I don’t expect this to be a lot – just 2-3K maybe.  Plus a fresh edit.  The cover will be made by Book Graphics.

2.  Pull out the Zombie Category Romance and decide what I’m going to do with it.  I have a few revision ideas in mind.

3. Write a synopsis for Her Grace’s Stable and incorporate reader feedback.  I’d like to submit by the end of the month.

As time permits…

4. I’ll pull out The Fire Within for a light re-edit and format for re-release.

Don’t worry – this isn’t a post about the “right” way to write or why you’re doing it wrong.  (Trust me, I’m doing a lot wrong myself but hey, it works.  Mostly.  Sometimes.)  This is more of a philosophical dilemma I’ve had, especially in reflecting about Lady Blackmyre.

As I told my friend Raelyn in my regular update today, I wish I could write faster.

Now you might be snorting with disbelief, because it may seem that Lady B came in a flash.  I wrote 40K+ since May 1st to finish her story and it’s in fairly polished shape already.  Not too shabby.

But what I mean by “fast” is all the prework and thinking that writing normally takes.  I can’t sit around and wait for every story to come to me in a flash like Lady B.  That was rare, sadly, but fun.  Most stories require planning (for me).  Or at least some mulling in my head about what I want to say, who the characters are, how they struggle on their journey, etc.  I’ve shared all kinds of tools over the years on different ways to plot and brainstorm.

Great.  But what do you do when the problem isn’t the brainstorming — but the writing?

See, more and more the last few months, I’ve been struggling to just write.  My output seems to have dropped.  Exhibit A:  I have nothing on submission right now, and counting Lady B, I only have two completed stories that I could consider submitting.  (I have other partials and shorts that would need too much work to consider hauling out and working on right now.)

Exhibit B:  After August, I have nothing scheduled for release.  That scares me.  A lot.

But the more I think about what I ought to write and plan to write those things, the slower my brain seems to work.  What is that about?

I’m glad I wrote Lady B, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the “right” story I should have been working on.  That’s Lord Regret’s sequel.  But he’s not cooperating.  Why?  I have no idea, don’t ask me!  I’ve brainstormed.  I’ve plotted.  I’ve played with tarot.  I’ve tried setting up a project in Scrivener.  Not once but twice!  I’ve free wrote some stuff.

It’s just not there.  It’s like floundering around in the Grand Canyon with a firefly to light my way.

I love the story world.  I love the characters.  I love the new world I was taking them to.  I know the villain (and she’s almost as wickedly delicious in her own way as Majel).  Yet I can’t get the words on the page.

Sometimes that’s the way it is.

So do I write on the “wrong” thing that my muse thinks is pretty darned cool – so that I’m writing something….

Or do I continue to struggle on the “right” thing that’s not going anywhere?

If I stick with Lord Regret and grind through a few rough, ugly chapters (I’ve re-read passages where the muse is not engaged, and trust me, it’s ugly — it’ll all have to be rewritten completely), will he finally open up and cooperate?  Or will the whole book be that brutal?

(Note it’s not contracted, or I would have no options.  So far, I’ve only contracted finished works, so I have complete flexibility in what I do, at least as far as my contractual obligations are concerned.  Note however that flexibility is not always a good thing for a Gemini!  It can make me feel schizophrenic.)

Why can’t writing the right thing be as easy as writing the wrong thing?

Keep in mind I have a day job, so it’s not like I can dedicate four or more hours a day to writing.  I can’t keep grinding and spinning my wheels indefinitely or I’ll never get another work contracted.  On a normal day, I have an hour in the morning (if I get up Dark & Early, hahaha, that hasn’t happened in awhile) and maybe an hour at night in between dinner and family stuff.  A 30-45 min lunch but only if I skip my exercise routines (winces, I’ve been bad about that.)

I have to write in between work, monster squabbles, cooking, dishes, laundry, and That Man’s quality TV time.  Lately he’s been taking the monsters two nights a week to the pool after he gets home, so I have an incredibly precious hour of blissful silence after dinner to try and get some work done.

That’s all I have.  I can’t sit for hours — which is days or weeks for me — at a time beating Lord Regret up because he won’t cooperate.

How do you get a sullen assassin to bare his soul?  If you know, please share that information.  I’ve asked Gregar but he just laughs.  *mutters something unpleasant about the Shadowed Blood*

To write right — or wrong — that is the question.

I have good news, and even better news. 

This weekend, I finished the first draft of Her Grace’s Stable.  Woot, Snoopy dance!  I love finishing new material!

Immediately the next morning, I woke up with an idea for a scene I’d left out.  Oops.  So I worked on that in between laundry.  That scene led to another new scene that I’d hinted at in the beginning but skipped.  Yeah, I’m a coward sometimes.  I made myself go back and write that scene in excruciating detail.

Then I made a revision pass to smooth everything and figure out where these new scenes went.  I answered all my [notes to myself] and [go back and do xyz].  I put in chapter breaks.

I had to research British Army regiments, officer positions, various battles and place names in the Penisular War, and looked up countless details about the Duke of Wellington’s life to see how far I could break the rules and how much actually made sense.  Thanks to Lady Blackmyre, I also now know what a puissance wall is.

She’s sitting at 40,700+ and I can’t think of a single new scene that I need to add.  Yet.  That’s the down side of writing in the zone.  I tend to get blinders in my mad rush to hit the end, and I don’t always realize that things are missing until later.  If she holds up another day or two without needing any new words, then I think she’ll be ready for the first readers to take a look.

This book has me nervous on so many counts.  It broke so many of my personal taboos that it’s not even funny.  But how else am I to grow as a writer–and a person–if I don’t try new things and explore where no lady has gone before?  In the end, I adore how it came out.  I love this world.  Lady Blackmyre whipped my back bloody and I still love her too.  Part of me wishes I could have written this book in this world without the pony play — which is going to be a hard pill for many to swallow.  But she would have none of that.

This is the way Lady Blackmyre required her book to be written.

My favorite passage from Her Grace’s Stable, her personal message to me.

“You need to stop worrying so much about what’s right or wrong and simply concentrate on what you feel in your heart.  I don’t care what Britannian Society will think about me running my men around the ring like the ponies they are.  I don’t care if Queen Majel would faint dead away at the thought of my big brute of a stallion taking me when he’s wearing a tail.  I couldn’t care less about what anyone says or thinks about the Black Duchess, as long as you and Cole are happy and satisfied.  My question to you, Arthur, is do you trust me?  Honestly, pet.  You have to be willing to put yourself completely into my care.”