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Bad Blogger

Sorry for my absence.  I guess the funeral really took it out of me.

On the drive up, we passed through our old home town and took the “usual” route to Sedalia that I drove the summer between my junior and senior year in high school when I attended summer college.  It was weird to see how much was still the same, even after 20 years.  We even timed the trip so we could have dinner at our old family favorite, El Sambre.  That was *the* place to eat when we were kids, and I swear, it tasted and looked exactly the same as I remember.  Food was wonderful.

I made three passes through the copy edits for Dear Sir, I’m Yours on the drive.  Did you know I used “damn” on average once every four pages?  *dies* 

I even found the place where Mom’s car blew up on me and left me stranded alongside the road for three hours.  A farmer drove by and took me up to his house so I could call for help (this was the dark ages before cell phones).

In Marshall, we met up with all of That Man’s family for family night.  We haven’t seen most of his cousins since the last funeral (his uncle who passed away from cancer about 3-4 years ago).  Middle Monster made a new friend — That Man’s aunt who has horses.  She’s already begging us to take her to the family farm so she can meet the horses. 

We had a late night and a very early, stressful morning, but it was a lovely sunny spring day.  The service was nice, Grandma looked really good.  She was 90 years old with many great and great-great grandchildren present.  Afterwards, we went to a little country church (that Grandma and Grandpa had attended before their health prevented it) for an old-time potluck spread. 

Then the long drive home.  I slept most of the way and got a terrible crick in my neck.  I tried to read, but I just couldn’t stay awake.  I’ve been sort of out of it since, in “survive until Friday” mode.  However, this weekend isn’t going to be all sunshine and bunnies.  In fact, we plan to do some serious cleaning.  The monsters have agreed to clean and organize the basement, as well as give away a bunch of toys (to make room for new ones, obviously).  Not their idea of cleaning, which means pick up everything — dirty clothes, books, shoes, toys — and shove it into a container; Mom will be supervising.  As their reward, we plan to take them to the Hannah Montana movie.

It’s going to be a really, really long day.

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Drollerie Press Blog Tour

Our theme this month is “poetry” in honor of poetry month.  The master list of participants can be found at Drollerie Press.  Please welcome Cindy Lynn Speer, the author of the lovely The Chocolatier’s Wife!  My post can be found on her blog here.

I have a strong connection to poetry…I was drawn to it early, partly because it was something that felt accomplishable.  I could finish a poem in one sitting if I felt the words, and it was an outlet for all those jumbled, impossible emotions we feel in our teens, a place to say things about the things I’d seen, to remind me of what I’d felt, of what I’d experienced.   Sometimes you can’t use an image in a story, but it still means something…the abandoned warehouses, the fallen in barns, the boy on the bus with the smile that means a thousand things.
 
For years, I’d be walking around, or doing work, or whatever, and I’d hear a line in my head, over and over again, like a song.  I’d write it down, and sometimes, the lines would follow, spinning like a web.
 
I used to read my poems out loud, to audiences.  Sometimes people would ask for copies.   One of the most popular was this, inspired by a line from Dante.
 
Nor in memory held

It is dark and cold.
I sit on the heating vent in my kitchen floor,
thinking only of
the smoothness of the glass I hold,
the hum of the refrigerator…
mundane, I know,
cut to the chase.
You see, nothing major happened today,
I didn’t have a friend die of AIDS,
or wreck my car.
But the feeling I have
is incomprehensible…
It’s the feeling you get when your husband’s
no longer your best friend,
or you realized that the girl you thought
was your sister in college wasn’t ever going to call,
or write, or even remember you.
Nor in memory held,
you sit in the darkness and feel sorry for yourself,
happy for the warm air across belly and breasts,
for the dusky bitter taste of orange juice,
and the frost defracting into jewels on the window.
That is why I cry,
for beauty not…
Nor in memory held.

 
 
This was me, just before graduating from college…before I was married, before I found out that there may come a time when your “Husband is your husband’s no longer your best friend, or you realized that the girl you thought was your sister in college wasn’t ever going to call…”  It turned out to be prophetic.  I divorced my college sweetheart…and I found that I no longer heard the words in my head.  No lines came to me like a refrain, and any images that came seemed to fit better in a short story or novel…they had their own music to them, but not that kind.  It was as if the part of my mind that wrote poetry had died.  You’d think not, since poetry had been such a huge emotional outlet for me, but maybe it’d gotten overwhelmed, blown a circuit, or just decided to go on strike.
 
Sometimes, I try again.  I found a snippet of a poem I started, long time ago, sitting in the back of a soiree, waiting my turn to read.  It was about the time I started getting interested in fairy tales again, and so I decided, later, to finish it.   I don’t know if I will ever be able to call myself a poetess again, but maybe, sometime, to paraphrase a line from Anne Sexton, the music will swim back to me.
 
The Piper’s Children
 
“…and they were never seen again.” – from The Pied Piper
 
The woods are dark and deep,
but the blackness,
and bleakness,
bother me no longer.
It did when I first entered them.
I was seven and the music,
that lovely sound,
gentle and coaxing like a warm river,
lead us all.
We were leaves,
spinning and turning on that magic current…
But without warning
the music was gone,
leaving us empty,
abandoned and hopeless.
I found a wide stream
and I waited
for the music to come again.
If I wait long enough,
maybe he’ll relent,
lift his pipe to his lips
and that beautiful tide will return.
It will rise and flow
and take us home.

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In Memory

Grandma K — That Man’s grandmother — has always been “Grandma in the Hospital” to Littlest Monster because as long as she can remember, Grandma K has been in the nursing home.  Well, she’s not in the hospital any longer; she’s dancing in heaven with Grandpa K and her son who passed away a few years ago from cancer.  We’ll be traveling Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday to attend the funeral.

“May the thunder of the Great Wind Stallion’s hooves carry you home to His Clouds.”  Kae’Shaman touched the brand to the wood, and the flames leapt eagerly.  “There your hooves never tire; your body never falters.  You will gallop across the sky at Vulkar’s side, and we who remain shall hear your thunder, and remember.”        ~ The Road to Shanhasson

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Connections

Follow me, for a moment.  I swear this will all make sense.  The following are all somehow related:

 

In the back of my mind, I’ve been mulling over May’s crit, in particular her comments about two secondary characters for which I hadn’t done the greatest job.  In fact, I’d gotten lazy.  Remember the week of Valentine’s Day when we ran the Character Clinic, and I said that if you could kill a character, without impacting the story, then the character wasn’t needed?

Dr. Geoffrey Malcolm was a useless character.  I don’t think it’s too huge a spoiler (since this happens in chapter 2) to say that he’s the guy who dies in the first 10 minutes of the movie.  He’s supposed to help the reader feel sympathetic toward Jaid, to show how she’s damaged, but otherwise, he really didn’t have a purpose.

Huge mistake.  Huge!

Dr. Reyes, a secondary character that Jaid meets in Guatemala, was perhaps even worse.  He was the “plot needs him” character.  I needed him to be there for certain big events, but he had no depth.  I’d gotten lazy again and forgot my own saying:  every character is the star of his own story.

Dr. Reyes had no story to tell other than helping–or causing difficulty–at the right plot point.

So what does this all have to do with the other points above?  I’ve been a fan of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way for at least a year or two now, and this year, I’ve been writing more regularly in my daily journal.  I’m trying really hard to remain OPEN all the time, and just watch and wait for the right inspiration to come.  Now, more than ever, I really needed some inspiration.  How was I going to put some sparkle into these two characters after so many revisions already?

Bright and early this morning, the twitterverse and blogosphere was thrilled with Susan Boyle’s performance of I Dreamed A Dream.  I watched it and bawled.  I watched it again, and bawled some more.  While working this morning, I kept thinking about why it had touched me — and so many other people.  Here’s a 47 year old lady who’s never even been kissed!  Going out on stage in front of millions of people, putting her dream on the line.  People laughed at her.  They braced for a William Hung quality performance, and instead, she rocked the house, just as she promised. 

A fantastic story, right?  But there’s more to it, if you look at the song she chose to sing. 

I dreamed a dream.  I dreamed that love would never die.  No song unsung.  But the tigers come at night.  As they tear your dreams apart.  And still I dream he’ll come to me.  But there are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather.

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

*sobs*  That song, coming from her mouth, dreaming since she was 12 years old that she could be a singer, and now, finally, that dream has sparked to life once more.  That’s powerful stuff.

And I’m sitting here, listening, thinking, and I know that I can use this.  This emotion, the common human element of having a dream, watching it die, struggling to live anyway, trying not to hope because it’s so painful…

Dr. Reyes had a dream too, it turns out.  A dream he watched go up in smoke, literally.

As for the other television shows I listed, all of them have impacted the Maya fantasy in some fashion.  I love the FBI as portrayed on Numb3rs and tried to build a similar team under Special Agent Quinn Salazar.  I love the ambiguity in Prison Break:  one moment a bad guy is trying to kill them; the next he’s the only one who can help them.  Back and forth, up and down, there is no “white” or “black” character in that show, merely shades of gray.  Even Michael has been “tainted” by his actions.  People have died thanks to him, even though all he set out to do was save his brother.  Everybody has a line to cross, and that show makes them cross that line over and over and over.

But the biggest impact is probably Charlie’s big map of connections.  I love that idea and I swear I’m going to do this for the next major project.  Every person he comes into contact with goes up on his board and he starts figuring out how they know each other, why they did certain things, whether he can trust  them or not. 

Everything’s connected.  That’s how I found Geoffrey’s purpose.  He’s connected in a way I never expected, and that connection ends up helping Jaid from beyond the grave.  Or as I should say, even though Geoffrey has entered the White Road, he still manages to give her the clue she needs at the right time.

Now to fix–or rather complicate–Dr. Sam Gerard’s life with a little Oedipus complex, and liven up One Death a little more, har har, and then I’ll get back to the synopsis.

This has certainly been the project from Xibalba, but the story is tightening so much I think it’ll squeak when you read it.

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Revision Xibalba

The project that never dies, even when I chop off its head!

Thanks to some incredibly insightful comments from May, I have a few more things I want to tweak in the Maya fantasy.  The opening still isn’t strong enough.  I need to make it more personal from the first line.  I think I have an idea for that.  She also thought Geoffrey was a useless character, and yeah, he is, sort of.  So I need to make him matter in a way that’s currently missing.  I have an idea, there, too — I just need to put the pieces together.  She made similar notes about One Death and Dr. Reyes.  They’re a little too shallow compared to the other more intricate characters.

This story is all about crossing lines.  Everyone is forced to cross a line they swore they never would.  I failed to do so for these three characters in particular.  They weren’t POV or major characters, so I got lazy.  *slaps self*

And the synopsis is still on my list, as well as a hook/blurb.  I really want these done this week — I can’t stand all these details hanging over my head.  I want to be DONE and moving with the next project.  I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of Xibalba!! 

In other news, I finished reading Clockwork Heart.  I don’t think I’ll write up a full review, but I’ll be happy to chat in comments or e-mail if anyone wants to.  It was a good story, but I didn’t enjoy it as much as New Blood by Gail Dayton.  I really liked some of the elements of the worldbuilding, but the characters….meh.  Just didn’t blaze on the page if you know what I mean.  I thought the archaic programming of the Great Engine with punch cards was very interesting (remember, I’m a computer programmer for the Evil Day Job), and I was intrigued by the social structure. A good read, especially if you like clockwork and engine elements of Steampunk.

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Easter Miscellany

It’s already been a crazy weekend. 

Papa from Mexico (my Dad) called to say he’d like to come down tomorrow, which is always a treat, so we decided to do some kind of Easter “dinner.”  I’m still sick of ham–overdosed from Christmas–so we decided to do prime rib.  Now That Man does a mighty mean prime rib, and once news got out, our guest list grew.  We always love to have company, but the house was a pit and those rib roasts aren’t exactly cheap.  We cleaned Friday night and headed out for loads of food shopping today.

Finally, after months of checking, I found a Wii-Fit at our local Wal-Mart.  I haven’t tried it yet, but Princess Monster is loving it.  (So if I never even step on it, I’ll still count it a victory.)  I stocked up on everything for Potato Salad and Spinach Salad, as well as some veggies I think I’ll roast.  I also bought a huge tub of strawberries so I’m not so tempted by whatever dessert Aunt BB brings.

We’d just got home from numerous stops all over town to hear that Grandma K in the Hospital (the monsters’ Great Grandmother, who’s been in the nursing home pretty much all of Littlest Monster’s life, so that’s what she calls her) is doing very poorly.  Hospice doesn’t think she’ll make it through the weekend.  So That Man decided to make a quick trip over “just in case” and Middle Monster wanted to go with him.  The other two monsters and I stayed home (we didn’t think all of us needed to cram in there if she’s truly not doing that well, and we did see her just a week or two ago).  They cleaned the pit of their room while I started some basic preparations for tomorrow.

We still have Easter eggs to dye, potatoes to peel, etc. but we’ll take care of all that tomorrow.

Meanwhile, the monsters are frantically looking for their Easter baskets.  When Princess Monster was born, we lived in MN and since I worked in the home office, I was exposed to all sorts of parties, everything from Pampered Chef to Tupperware to Longaberger baskets, and yes, I bought a special basket for her first Easter.  Of course, I had to do the same for the other two monsters.  So they have these fantastic, extremely expensive baskets that they get out once a year…..and they can’t find them.  We moved last summer and I have no idea where they are.

[Updated:  the baskets have been found!  Whew]

As for writing, I’ve been wracking (haha, inside story joke) my brain, trying to come up with a really peppy hook for the Maya fantasy.  I have the general concept of the world/series down to two words — but the actual story, heroine, etc. is causing me a huge headache.  I also started reading Clockwork Heart, no verdict yet, and I played a bunch of computer games, everything from Farm Craft to Curse of the Pharaoh.  My biggest complaint lately has been not enough worlds/levels — they’re over too fast!

Oh, and remember when Deena challenged me ages ago to write a zombie romance?  I’ve got a near-finished copy of the freakishly awesome anthology in my hot little hands–BUMP IN THE NIGHT from Drollerie Press.  My short story, “Broken Angel:  A Zombie Love Story” is included.  Watch for it to release next week!

So what are your plans for Easter?

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Steamboy

Thanks to my growing interest in steampunk, I added this animated movie, Steamboy, to my Netflix queue and watched it a few days ago.  I have to admit that I wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was with Howl’s Moving Castle.

The Steams are a family of inventors:  James, his father Dr. Eddie, and his grandfather, Dr. Lloyd.  They’ve been working on a brand new “sphere” that can withstand an unbelievable amount of pressure, powering larger and more fantastic engines.  When not well received in Britain, the two older scientists move to American funding, and that’s where things start to fall apart for me.

The anti-American, anti-war themes were just a little too heavy handed.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, Howl’s Moving Castle had an anti-war theme too.  I loved it.  In Steamboy, there were no layers or nuances.  Everyone except James, the boy, was a money-hungry, war-loving fool, or so it seemed.  Except maybe his grandfather, who was more crazy than anything else.

And oh, don’t get me started about the only major female character in this movie, young Scarlett O’Hara.  What a total parody.  She was a despicable character, hitting her dog, nasty from the very beginning, and certainly too rich and powerful to have any sort of “morals.”  They tried to pull off a hint of a romance between her and James, and it failed miserably, because she was so unlikeable.  She never changed, either.  Although she did try to help James at the end, it was more like a spoiled tantrum than anything else.

A real disappointment for me.  If you’re looking for a steampunk animation, I highly recommend Howl’s Moving Castle instead.

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Demonica Winner

A huge thank you to everyone who commented and e-mailed me to enter.  What a great crowd!  I hope you all will pick up one of Larissa’s books and give this series a chance!

The winner of Pleasure Unbound, Desire Unchained, and Passion Unleashed is:

 

azteclady!

I’ll e-mail you for your snail mail address!

Thanks again, everyone.  Now go read a really good book!

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On Movies and Reading

That Man surprised us with Race to Witch Mountain last night, staring The Rock, Dwayne Johnson.  He’s one of my favorite actors, no secret there (since he’s who I would cast as Ruin in the Maya fantasy).  I never saw the original Witch Mountain Disney movies, but I really enjoyed this one.  Oh, there were a few things that bugged me, but overall it was a blast.  The only really annoying thing was trying to sit through the movie with the monsters.  Princess Monster–the oldest!!–had to go potty three times; the two youngest went twice. 

[Note to self:  when we go in the next few weeks to see the Hannah Montana movie, no pop!  For anybody!!]

Then we came home and watched Hitman thanks to Netflix.  I love assassins (no secret there with Gregar and all), and I definitely came away with a few story ideas itching in the back of my brain, but gah, the body count was horrendous!  I wish more of 47’s backstory had been covered.  What organization raised him?  How did they get him as a kid?  I was also confused about why the rest of his organization were trying to kill him.  We did enjoy it, but it’s not one I’d watch again.

I also finished New Blood by Gail Dayton this weekend.  I absolutely loved the blood magic throughout.  Totally up my alley.  Blood sorcery and the resulting relationship between Amanusa and Jax is very similar to my blood bond stuff I use, with a whole magic rule built around it.  Very cool.  I did have a little nagging feeling as I read the book that’s hard to explain.  It was a little episodic, if that makes sense?  Just moving from one place to another.  Yeah, there were issues and attacks, but they weren’t tightly woven together.  It was still an engrossing read, it just lacked a little bit of something that would have made it all the better.

Meanwhile, I’m still working through the Maya polish.  I have about 130 more pages to go and a synopsis to write.

What’s the next project in the hopper?  I haven’t decided yet.  It’ll either be 7Crows, the science fiction Regency, or the original SFR spoof that spawned into 7Crows, or possibly, RHP, the Regency fantasy.  At least those are the projects that are bubbling the most on the stove.  I still need to write Given in Fire, the third Keldari novella, before I turn in the third and final Shanhasson book (so all threads are woven tightly between Keldar and Shanhasson).

No, sorry, I don’t know when Road will be coming out yet.  We obviously missed the 20th.  A few anthology projects are sitting in front of Road but as soon as I have a new date, I’ll update the website.  It should be soon!!!