Category: The Writing

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Creeping Ever Closer

I was hoping to finish Lord Regret’s Price by the end of January, but I’m not going to make it.  I am still moving along day by day, though.  I’ve been hitting Dark and Early 4 days a week and getting 1K almost every day.  Getting those first 700+ words first thing in the morning has made it so much easier to come back later in the evening and get another couple of hundred words.

This morning for the first time in MONTHS the words actually came easily.  *knocks on wood*  No pulling teeth, no sweating bullets, no working and then checking to see how much I have only to see I’ve managed 100 words.  Not the 2K+ days I used to have, but it’s such a relief not to have to fight and wrestle to get a sentence!

Plus I figured out some neat little things about Gil’s past that I never had before.

The end is in sight.  I’m on the verge of Act 3.  I just have to keep going, keep working, and fight through the valley.  I’m taking next Friday off to get my hair done, and the rest of the day will be a huge push to finish the book, if I haven’t already done it.  I need a few days off before coming back to work on revisions, and I want to submit by the end of the month.

Go, Sig, go!

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Faking It…Dark and Early

I still feel like I’m faking it but I am hitting Dark & Early for the first time in months.  Alarm goes off at 5 AM and I write until I have to get the kids up at 6.  It takes me a few minutes to brush my teeth, make coffee, and get downstairs, but most mornings I can get 700-800 words before I have to get everyone up.

Getting that chunk out of the way first thing in the morning makes it easier to break 1K by working a little at a time at night.  I’m still feeling my way through Sig’s backstory and the core of his issues.  What is his price?  What’s he afraid of?  Who’s his House and what does that mean politically?  So many things.  It’s uncomfortable to write but I keep pushing every single day.

His theme song for this book is Even Deeper by Nine Inch Nails.  Help me hold on.

I’m guessing this book is going to break the 50K mark.  We’ll see.  I have a lot of plot to cover yet!

Lady Blackmyre’s edits are done and I have the official blurb.  I’ll make updates shortly (ETA:  Done!) to the series page and share the cover as soon as I can.  She’s going to look extremely good beside Lady Wyre!

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I Can’t Look You in the Voice

I saw this on Twitter:  A telegram Dorothy Parker sent to her editor.

THIS IS INSTEAD OF TELEPHONING BECAUSE I CANT LOOK YOU IN THE VOICE. I SIMPLY CANNOT GET THAT THING DONE YET NEVER HAVE DONE SUCH HARD NIGHT AND DAY WORK NEVER HAVE SO WANTED ANYTHING TO BE GOOD AND ALL I HAVE IS A PILE OF PAPER COVERED WITH WRONG WORDS. CAN ONLY KEEP AT IT AND HOPE TO HEAVEN TO GET IT DONE. DONT KNOW WHY IT IS SO TERRIBLY DIFFICULT OR I SO TERRIBLY INCOMPETANT=

Oh yes, I understand exactly.  It’s how I’ve felt with Sig as I battled through Lord Regret’s Price.  I’ve done such hard work and have so little to show for it.  Every day is a struggle.  If I break 1K for the day, I celebrate.  It’s a huge day, because other days I might only get 100 words and feel like I’ve run a marathon.

I’ve felt like a failure.  Definitely incompetent.  I can only keep at it and hope to heaven I can get it done.

I can’t look you in the voice until I’m done.  But I am closer every single day.

In other news, I’m working on first round edits for Her Grace’s Stable and I’ve seen a mock-up of the cover.  HOLY SMOLIES it’s incredible!!  I can’t wait to show it to you!!

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When The Going Gets Tough…

The tough get going.

So I hit the alarm at o’dark and early this morning.  Enough is enough.  Sig will be done.  I will beat him within an inch of his life until I finally hit “the end.”  Ironically, that’s not what he’s afraid of.  Not at all.

I’ve made a commitment to get this book finished, polished, and submitted by the end of Feb.  Earlier if I can finish it.

I have too many projects stacking up.  Sleep will have to wait for another year.

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Happy New Year

I’m happy to see the end of 2012, even though 2013 is already bringing me lots of change at the Evil Day Job.  I have a new boss and team starting Jan. 2nd after ten years or so on the same team.  Since I also telecommute — and haven’t actively been in the home office since 2000 — it’s going to be harder to connect with the new team.  We’ll see how it goes.

On the diet front, I’m rededicating myself for 2013.  I didn’t hit the scale number I was hoping to see and I’ve not been doing well lately.  The holidays are rough, and I’ve been sick since Christmas, so I haven’t been able to work out.  I plan to restart Power 90 again once I break this cold.  I’m still quite a ways from my ideal goal, but even if takes me a dozen years, I’ll keep trying.  I’m up right now, but I know what to do.  It’s just a matter of getting back in the habit of tracking and exercising.

In 2013, all I really want are MOAR WORDS.  I’m disappointed in how few books I finished this past year.  I’m working on building my daily habits again.  I’ve got so many books to write…  I can’t keep spinning my wheels.  So many ideas and projects….!  So I plan to work more with a timer and trying to manage my time better.

I also want to read more.  I go through months where I just don’t take the time to read, and I miss it.  My problem is that once I start a good book, I want to finish it.  I have a hard time reading only a little each day — and I’m too busy to dedicate an entire weekend to reading.  I’m going to try the timer idea here, too, and make sure I always have my kindle app loaded.  I’m also going to be reading technical books for the Evil Day Job — just a little at a time.

What do you hope to accomplish in 2013?

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Fakin’ It Day 3

So Monday was my first day of “Faking It.”  I read everything I have for Sig.  I actually opened a file.  (Yes, it’d been at least two full weeks since I’d done that if not more, so it was a big step.)

Yesterday, I set a goal of 250 words in Sig.  I got 417.  I also completed Power 90 Sweat at level 3/4 and was able to get all the way through it, even though I’ve been hit or miss for months now.

Today, I did Power 90 Strength at level 3/4.  I cut my reps back to 10 (I was up to 15-20 on all sets) but kept the weight where I was before.  I was able to do everything, although I couldn’t get anywhere near as many reps on my max pushups.  Squats I did fine, but my knees were definitely tired going up and down the stairs the rest of the day.

Then I had some people just randomly start talking in my head.  The last time this happened, I ended up with Lady Blackmyre’s Her Grace’s Stable (coming soon from Samhain), so of course I had to listen.  I had no idea who she was (no name) but I knew immediately which story she belonged to.  It was just a few rough lines I’d jotted down for an anthology call months ago.

2,131 words later…

Isn’t that crazy?  I have to beat Sig within an inch of his life to get 250 words and I sit down in an hour or two tonight and have 2K on a different story.  But that’s the way it is sometimes.  I didn’t let my muse off easy either.  I *had* to get my 250 words for Sig before bed.

I wrote a bit and checked my word count… 98 words.  *headdesk*  I’m in the politics of Zijin and I’m feeling my way through several new characters and I don’t know that I’m playing them correctly yet.  Oh well, I can always revise it later.  It’s just slow going until I figure out who wants who killed.  (Although short story:  everyone wants Sig to kill someone.)  I refused to give up until I hit my words.  Finally, 334 words.

Movement.  Progress.

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Fake It Until You Make It

I’ve read this saying before on the Weight Watcher forums but it didn’t really click with me.  Until I needed it.

Say you have a goal, whether it’s losing weight or finishing a book.  Sometimes you can tackle that goal with gusto.  It’s so easy!  You don’t really have a lot of patience for other people who might be struggling with a similar goal.  Birthday cake or some new shiny plotbunny won’t deter you from your goal because SELF DISCIPLINE is yours, baby.  You’ve got balls of steel and ice runs in your veins, whether you’re facing down a juicy hamburger or a mean set of edits.

That’s great and all… but sometimes life interferes.  Okay, maybe more than “sometimes.”  Maybe it’s been a loooooong time since you had that killer self control and single-minded determination.  You feel stuck and in a rut.  It’s dark and depressing down there, but you can’t seem to find the energy or will to pull yourself out.

So what do you do then?  Fake it until you make it out of that rut.

Do something, no matter how small, that inches you closer to that goal.  Maybe it’s just “going through the motions” but sometimes building that habit will lead you to another good habit.  Forward progress is crucial, even if it’s glacier speed.

Haven’t you watched The Dog Whisperer before where Cesar Milan’s trying to get a stubborn dog to walk on its leash?  In one episode, the dog just sat there like a lump.  No amount of treats or tugging on the leash would get him to move.  So Cesar picked up his hind legs like a wheelbarrow.  It got him to move.  One step.  Then another.  Forward progress, even if wacky or crazy, can help us get out of that rut when nothing else will work.

So since I’m struggling right now with both my diet and writing, I’m faking it.  I get up and begin each day tracking my food.  Even if I forget or willfully decide not to track later.  I eat the same healthy breakfast each morning.  Even if I screw up later… I’ve at least had my breakfast.  That’s something.  Even if I miss a day of working out, I can always work out tomorrow.  I don’t have to be perfect.  I just have to keep trying.

It’s the same with writing.  That’s why I’m back to 250 words.  That’s it.  I have to have progress.  I have to get STARTED.  Instead of sitting here whining that I haven’t finished yet… when I haven’t bothered to open the file.  *slapme*

My first step yesterday was to re-read what I’ve done on Sig since Oct (about 26K).  Now, forward.  Even if it’s a measely 250 words every day.

Someday, it won’t be slogging.  It won’t feel like ripping off my fingernails.  I won’t be so sore I can’t walk up the stairs (because I skipped working out for weeks).  I just have to keep trying because failure only comes when I give up.  When I quit trying every single day.

Eventually, I won’t have to fake it.

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Change in the Air

As with any sorrow or tragedy, I think it’s human nature to stop and count your blessings.  To be thankful for what you still have — and maybe change some of your priorities.

I’ve been taking a hard look at my writing this year and asking some questions I still don’t have the answer for.  Why am I struggling to finish Sig’s story?  Why has my word count gone down so much?  What’s next on the horizon?  Why do I feel so bruised and beat up?

I’m weary.  Maybe it’s real life hits we’ve taken this year, from losing Pepper our dog in March, to my grandpa, to my father-in-law of 24 years.  Maybe it’s the hard revisions I had to do on Tecun and Vicki this year to get them ready for release.  I know part of my weariness is definitely due to the blog promotions I did during that time.

I’m blogged out.  Hence the scarcity of posts here.  Some days I think I’ve already said it all.  And the things I need to say I can’t really say publicly.

It hit me today as I was mulling over this past year that I hit my nine-year writer birthday in September.  Nine years.  I’ve changed a lot in that time… and I have a feeling that I’m changing again.  Growth and change are never easy.

I think that’s why Sig is so difficult.

Lady Blackmyre — even though I wrote her story quickly — challenged me on many fronts.

I find myself looking for deeper meaning and messages in strange places.  And then wondering if I’m reading too much into everyday occurrences and regular writing business.  I used to hear the Call — and in answer, I could gallop full speed ahead.  Now I plod and strain to hear a whisper of where I should go.

I hate to plod.

But plod I must until I can figure out what I need.  This sounds cheesy but my writer soul is crying out for something.  I just can’t hear it.  Or I hear it, and I don’t understand what it’s saying.

It doesn’t help that an idea I had last year — and even had plotted on the wall in my office — never came to fruition.  Every day I had to look at that plot and be reminded of my failure to actually write it.  I just didn’t have the desire to work on it.  As if plotting it out was all my brain cared to do — it was done.  One by one the sticky notes started falling off the wall, yet I clung to that hope that maybe… someday…

Just today I’ve read about someone’s recent deal to a NY publisher for the same general premise.  If only I’d been able to find the time (more importantly, the desire) to write it.  If only I’d been able to shuffle things around.  If only…

It wasn’t meant to be.  Cross it off the list.  I have other things that demand my time anyway, and at the rate Sig’s going, I’ll be working on his project until I die.

If you’re worrying about which project got the axe, let me assure you that Sig is my #1 priority.  Mama Connagher and Mal (Mine to Break) are still very high on my to-do list.  I need some closure on these projects so I’m going to keep pushing.

But I think change is in the air.  What or how or when, I don’t know.  I just feel the need to blaze a new trail.  To go somewhere I’ve never gone before. My inner horse wants to kick down the stall doors and charge off into the wilderness again, wild and free.

So each day is a battle to rein that side of my muse in enough to even think about plodding on Sig.  I’m going back to my mini goal of just 250 words a day.  I have to get back into the story so I can finish.  It was nearly 30K already and only just getting into the main plot.

Maybe the last half of the story will fly.  Vulkar let it be so.

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NaNo Day 0

NaNoWriMo has defeated me this year.  It’s just not going to happen.  Between another Evil Day Job project that must be complete by the end of the month, hosting Thanksgiving and all the cleaning and preparation, and Sig’s obstinance, I haven’t even opened my file in several days.

I lost momentum last weekend.  We drove to Granny’s for an early Thanksgiving, and my brain decided to take a vacation.  Literally.  I’ve been on a mental holiday since.  I’ve played a lot of games and had my nose to the grindstone at work all week.

On the home front, I’ve cleaned the complete pit of a basement, thrown away tons of trash and broken toys, stacked a huge pile of toys to donate, cleaned the fridge, re-organized my two pantries, and gathered a stack of small appliances to either sell on craigslist or donate.

This weekend, I still need to go through the kids’ clothes, donate what they’ve outgrown, put away all the summer stuff, and drag out the winter clothes.

The carpet cleaners are coming Monday.

The turkey’s thawing in the downstairs fridge.

I have a huge Thanksgiving prep spreadsheet going.

Hopefully the week’s break from Sig has let my subconscious churn a little on where I want to go with Sig’s story.  If I can finish the first draft this year, I’ll count it a huge victory, even if I’m nowhere close to hitting 50K by the end of the month.

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NaNoWriMo Day 008

In which I fall behind…

I only got 800+ words election night.  Last night was even worse.  I still have hope for tonight, but man, it’s slow going.  The words just don’t have any life.  I know the plot, the characters, everything, but there’s just no energy and vibrancy to the words.

I just have to keep going.  Keep pushing.  The magic is there.  I just have to find it.

On the bright side, I’m off tomorrow and Monday.  Hopefully I can make up some lost ground.  Total (before tonight’s work):  10,996 words

Snippet (still not NaNoWriMo material):

Bloody hell.  She’s brought us to a sex shop.

Sig gritted his teeth, sure his face had exploded in fire.  He shot a subtle look at the other man to see his reaction.

Studying the chains and clamps, Masters whispered, “I guess my handcuffs aren’t enough for her any longer.”

A surge of fury and shame swept through Sig so viciously he trembled.  “Enough for me, you mean.  Is that what this is about?”

Masters arched a brow at him.  “I have no idea what the lady’s about.  You know her better than I.”

Do I?  Shaken, Sig slipped closer to her so he could overhear her quiet words to the young woman running the back counter.  He tried to be invisible, making himself small and thin and dark, barely even breathing.  But the young woman’s eyes flickered his way and she gave him a small, knowing smile.

“Very good,” Charlie said.  “May I try a few to make sure I select the correct grip?”

“Of course.”  The shopkeeper pulled down several short-handled crops and flails.  “These look to be the best length for your arm and height.  This one,” she pointed to a flail with thin tails of cloth, “delivers the softest blow.  This one uses beads and leather to deliver more pain without the same cutting strike.  Which do you think will suit your needs best?”

Charlie chuckled softly.  “I don’t honestly know.  I’m afraid I’m a novice at all this.  However…”  She trailed her fingers over the braided detail of the leather flail.  White cording made an intricate webbing about the black leather.  “I find this design the most interesting.  What do you think, Sig?”

“I despise it.”  His lips felt so tight that he could barely speak.  “Why would you even think I’d like such a thing?”

She tilted her head, her eyes wide with mock surprise that made him quiver with rage.  “Why on earth would you assume it’s for you?”