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NaNo Day 39

Oh Vulkar help me, this is the big one.  It’s the one last hurrah before all hell breaks loose.  It’s the emotional payoff two characters have been working toward for 80K words, and all the associated heaven and agony.  I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get through this scene.  Iyeh, nagging is involved.  Again.  Sigh.  Violent nagging, even.  (Thanks to Soleil for coining that one.)  I have to make sure I don’t take the easy way out.  This relationship is messy, complicated, and a really bad idea for lots of reasons.

Good stuff.  *fans self*

Today: 2,655

NaNo Total:  85,323

Snippet:  this comes shortly after yesterday’s, so I’m actually quite a ways from this scene already, but it’s a good piece and it’s fairly clean.  Okay, mostly, at least compared to today’s pages.

“That oil is a weapon,” she accused.

“Indeed?”  Mykal arched his brow.  “I intended it to be a gift, nothing more.”

“A gift that burned my skin, that made me tear at my mate and wrestle, roll, fight…”  Her face burned and she averted her gaze.  Lady above, she’d been inflamed with lust, completely out of control, and Rhaekhar had not fared much better.

Iyeh,” Mykal drawled.  “My oil makes you burn like a dragon in rut.”

“Then I want nothing of it.”

“You don’t wish to taste my blood and wallow upon my dragon as you promised when I agreed to come with you?  I assure you, he’s more than eager to Dance the Blades with your claws and teeth.  You won’t need your Reds to pin me with their knives in order to do as you wish.”

Lady help her, she could envision it only too clearly.  Dragons hissing and clawing at one another, necks twining, teeth raking, wings and tails thrashing each other into submission.  Swallowing hard, she forced that image away.  “That is your idea of a bath?  How do any of your people survive, then?”

He laughed softly.  “Not all are affected by the oil so strongly, brightheart.  You are White.  I am Black.  We’re naturally drawn to each other.  We fight, and if we don’t kill each other, we mate each other into a stupor.  Even then, if one isn’t wrestled into submission, they might both end up dead.  In the wilds of Keldar, it’s not unusual to follow signs of dragons in rut only to find their carcasses roasting in the sun.  Dragons mate with violence and blood and Fire, and we Black and White pairs feel it all the more.”

“You said you have no Fire.”

“Oh, I burn, brightheart, but not with flame to destroy my enemies.  I burn for you.”  He let his lids hang heavy and sultry over his eyes and flickered his gaze at her Blood.  He dropped his hands to his trousers and loosened them so the black material slid down his thighs to puddle on the tile.  “Red is much safer for you than Black.” 

A vicious rumble rolled out of Dharman’s chest and he stood, eyes blazing, muscles bunched.  She touched his arm lightly and he quivered but didn’t break eye contact with the other man. 

Mykal stood silent, his gaze daring her to examine him and find him lacking.  Lean and deceptively slender, he wasn’t as tall as Dharman.  The least of her Blood likely outweighed him by half a stone or more.  Yet there was an aura of coiled power in his stance and the still controlled way he stood.  In a flash, he would strike, as deadly as his tribe’s namesake.  His skin was darker than Gregar’s creamy caffe skin, like rich, oiled mahogany.  Sweeping down his back to his calves, his ink black hair was longer than Sal’s.

Her Caffe Blood huffed beneath his breath and thought very hard about shaving the Keldari’s head with an extremely dull rahke.

“May I have my oil?”  Mykal lowered his head.  Not to be submissive, oh, no.  To ensure his hair slipped forward over his shoulder, drawing her eye down his body again.  Not an ounce of fat softened him.  He might as well have been carved from dusky marble.  “It will cauterize my wounds and cleanse me.  I would not lie with you as a sweaty, dirty savage, Your Majesty.”

“You won’t lie with her at all,” Dharman retorted.

Mykal inclined his head even further, bending slightly at the waist.  “I believe she has already made her choice, my friend.”

Lady help her, she had.  From the first moment the Black Dragon invited her to join him on the ridge above the salty lake beneath a full moon, she’d been intrigued.

:Entrapped, more likely.:  Dharman glared at the man but grudgingly sat back on the bench beside her.  :Have a care, na’lanna.  This dragon’s bite is as poisonous as his fire.:

She sighed.  “Give him his bag.”

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NaNo Day 38

I was hoping to finish in 40 days.  Such a biblical deadline.  🙂  Yet I’m not going to make it.  I’ll be lucky to finish by Christmas.

I started making a list of projects for 2009, and I had to resuscitate myself.  It’s pretty scary.  I really needed to have the Mayan story done this year, but I’m not going to make that either.  SIIIIIIIIGH.  I did my best, but it’s just not going to happen.

That’s okay.  I’ve written well over 200K this year, finished 2 full length novels (counting Return which isn’t exactly “finished” but will be), revised another from 49K to 70K and polished it for submission, and made serious inroads on a third single title revision.  Not to mention editor revisions and promo on everything else.  It’s been a good year.

Maybe, maybe not.  *winks*

Today, I continued messing around with Mykal.  He wants to Dance the Blades very, very badly with Shannari, but she’s not quite sure about him yet.  The more she learns, the more she realizes she should run as far and fast as possible, but of course, Shannari dal’Dainari never ran from anything, least of all a Black Dragon.  Right?  *snickers*

Today: 2,128

NaNo: 82,668

Snippet:  Some hints about who…or what…Mykal really is.

“You knew me as blackheart long before you knew my Keldari name.”

The emphasis he put on Keldari sent a chill shivering down her spine.  “What other names might I know you as?”

His head cocked, intensifying her alarm.  A hungry dragon would look at its fleeing dinner in such a way, relishing the coming chase.  “You likely won’t believe me, but I don’t know.”  He shrugged and spread his arms open, palms up.  “Names, places, people, so many are merely mists that disappear with the dawn.” 

Frowning, she watched him carefully, seeking any sign of duplicity.  His bond radiated waves of heat and longing, but the dragon snarled at her touch, red eyes baleful in the darkness.  “Are you saying you personally remember living in other lands, as other people?”

He loosened the ties holding the loose trousers on his lean hips.  “Sands blow in me, storms that blend one memory into another, one life into another.  I know myself as Mykal tal’Mamba, but I also as clearly know I wasn’t this man until recently.  His life is now mine.  His memories are mine and mine are his, but I have memories of many such lives.” 

Confusion and doubt must surely be written on her face.  She’d never heard such a thing.  People died and went to Our Blessed Lady’s embrace, or to Vulkar’s Clouds as the Sha’Kae al’Dan called it, or they fell into endless damnation.  They weren’t spit back out with memories of other lives to try again.  Once swallowed by Shadow, that soul was lost forever, or so she’d been taught.  Was Mykal claiming he sought redemption of some sort?

He scooped a handful of water and let it trickle through his fingers. “If my life were sand, then it would be composed of a multitude of pebbles, some large, some small, bright crystal and red mixed with others as dark as night, but together, it is sand and nothing but dust before the winds of time and the merciless heat of an unforgiving sun.  So am I together Mykal.”

Dread clutched her heart in dragon talons despite the man disrobing for her.  She couldn’t even concentrate on his bronzed upper body, the numerous wounds that had left dried rivers and streams of blood.  “What happened to him before you…?” 

Killed him?  Stole his life?

What are you?

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Deep in the Well

In The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron talks about creating art as sinking into the Well to touch the flow of inspiration that lies just beneath the surface.  When you’re deliberately dipping into the Well and remaining open to Creation, then the exact inspiration you need will be provided.

Take a small step in the direction of a dream and watch the synchronous doors flying open.

This happens all the time, if I am open and listening.  Usually, it’s music recommendations.  I always have a very specific playlist for each book, sometimes for each character.  As the story arc develops, I sometimes need a new message, a new tone or inspiration.

Sitting at 80K and dying to reach “the end” of Return to Shanhasson, I’ve been searching for THE song to get me through the big big climax.  It’s just around the corner.  I feel its beady little eyes boring into me, hear its evil cackle on the wind, and sniff the faint stench of death.  It makes me sick with dread but I creep closer every day. 

Why this dread?  Because I don’t know how I’m going to save them.

Oh, if this were Romancelandia, they’d all go off and live happily ever after.  But this is Blood and Shadows, and my characters don’t always get to ride off on white chargers to live in the Cinderella Palace.  Don’t get me wrong, the ending overall is VERY uplifting and wonderful, but bad things happen along the way.  There’s a very dark moment ahead and I can’t see my way through it. 

I can’t see who reaches the brief patch of light on the other side before the next horrifying hairpin turn, and that makes me very, very nervous.

I needed a song, and I found it thanks to Mrs. Giggles.  It’s far from a new song, but seeing it again, and reading the lyrics, I felt the hypnotic pull of the Well trying to suck me under to the bottom of the ocean. 

Who wants to live forever 
Who dares to love forever 
When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is ours today

The Breaking Benjamin tribute isn’t bad, but no one will beat the original Queen.

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NaNo Day 37

Whew, the logistics of this relationship are going to KILL me.  :shock: :mrgreen:

I finally finished this scene, but it literally took off and on all day.  I went searching through my playlist to come up with some new music.  I still love Nickelback, but I needed something more.  I ended up using Music of the Night and Nessun Dorma by Paul Potts.  Man, his voice gives me chills, and that’s exactly what I needed for this scene. 

I’ve got two alphas circling each other, trying to decide if they can work together.  Or maybe they should just kill each other and save themselves the trouble.  The only problem, of course, is dealing with her broken heart later, and so the uneasy pacing continues.  This is the true “Dancing the Blades” that must happen, not the challenge with rahke and scimitar.

Today:  1,937

NaNo:  80,540!!  Yeehaw.  But where is THE END?  Nowhere in sight, I say.  Sigh.

Snippet:  Oooh, hard one.  There’s not much at all that I can share, but this is exactly what I mean about loving to watch the afterglow fade only to realize that everything is much, much worse than before. 

Mykal hadn’t broken her skin, not even when they’d all been vulnerable, and he’d endured pain to give her pleasure.  The mighty dragon had taken a position of weakness, on his back, throat and belly exposed.  Even with her delicate throat in his jaws, he hadn’t hurt her.

The Keldari honestly and truly loved her.

So why, then, did Dharman’s stomach feel like he’d swallowed a belly full of cold, vicious rahkes?

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Maybe, Maybe Not

I loved this article by Julie Anne Long and her agent, Steven Axelrod.  The studies about randomness and “herd” tendencies of humans were interesting, but the best part for me personally was the story about the man and his one prized horse.

I always set extremely high expectations on myself and events.

  • If I don’t final and get this project in front of Editor, then I’ll never draw this Editor’s attention.
  • If I do final and Editor doesn’t request material, then I’ll never have another chance with this Editor.
  • If I can’t get an Agent on this project, and I know it’s my best work yet, then I’ll never get an Agent.
  • If Publisher doesn’t accept this project that I love sooooo much, then I’ll never sell it.
  • I’ll never sell anything again.

For years, I studied the markets.  I bought all the debuts published by my target lines.  I haunted industry blogs.  I stalked editors and entered every contest they even thought about judging.  I feverishly researched agents and queried left and right. 

And my one prized horse kept running away. 

I studied why I thought my fence kept busting.  I listened to my sympathetic neighbors who insisted I needed to write something different and safer.  And I found myself in the darkest hour of night and the Valley of Doubt.

I did finally come to the conclusion that nothing matters.  Everything is random.  I might as well be HAPPY with what I write and write what I please, instead of wandering around in the doom and gloom of the industry, because I know the stress and worries will only get worse after that first big NY contract.  If I can’t live my dream and be happy, then it’s not much of a dream, is it?

And so Dream Agent rejects my latest project.  Maybe I’ll get a different agent who’s an even better match for me.  Maybe not.  Maybe the next project will be right for her.  Maybe not.  Maybe my next big project will be a hit.  Maybe not.  Maybe I’ll sell this project.  Maybe not.

But I’ll always write what I love and I’ll never feel badly about it again.

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NaNo Day 36

A couple of hundred yesterday, a couple of hundred today.  I finally finished that scene I hinted about with the wounded Blood.  I’m not sure if it’ll stay or not, but I’m moving on.  During the drive home tonight, I tried to visualize how this next scene should play out, and I don’t have it yet.  If I can’t see it in my head, I can’t write it.  I may have to skip it for now.  The logistics are…challenging.  :lol:

Today and Yesterday:  1,248

NaNo Total:  78,603

Snippet:  Mykal pushes.  Shannari pushes back.  Scene starts in Shannari’s POV and then quickly shifts to Dharman’s.

As soon as her gaze touched him, Mykal surged forward.  He disregarded the blades at his throat and the rumbled warning from Dharman.  She scooped up the rahke and braced for full-scale war.

Crouched on all fours, Mykal lowered his head to the floor but kept his gaze locked on her.  He swirled his tongue against the white marble in long, open-mouthed licks and made a sound that sent shards of ice shrieking down her spine.  He licked every drop of her blood off the tile and it was not a man who stared at her, but the silver eyes of the Black Dragon.

#

Two rahkes in the bastard’s [word choice may not be correct for Sha’Kae al’Dan] neck hadn’t stop him.  Dharman glared at Lew and Jahne both, but what could they do?  It might take force enough to kill the savage to control him, and they cared not to wound na’lanna Qwen’s heart.

Mykal sat back on his heels and licked his chops.  “Two more wounds for you to taste, brightheart.”

Her eyes flared, her breathing deepening automatically, seeking his accursed scent that she found so compelling.  He’d deliberately waited until she was aroused to remind her of his presence.

Tense, Dharman waited for a signal from her on how she wanted to proceed.  Would she disregard his years of service and the Blood hierachy simply to take this man to her bed?  

Casually, she walked toward the kneeling savage, her hips swaying seductively, her eyes glowing with desire.  Sick at heart, Dharman barely breathed.  He would still serve as First Blood, at least.  She wouldn’t take that from him.  No one else stood between her and whatever dark deed the Endless Night had commissioned this man to commit. 

She smiled, and the hair on Dharman’s neck prickled.  He’d bet his rahke that the savage was sweating.  She touched the ivory rahke to Mykal’s cheek, trailed it down his neck, and without a single muscle in her face or body betraying her, she jammed it to the hilt in his shoulder.

A painful wound, but not life threatening. 

“Now you have a third.”  She jerked the blade out and lifted it to her mouth.  Mykal hadn’t made a sound when she’d stabbed him, but when she began to lick the blade, he groaned deep in his throat.  “When my Blood tell you to stay put, you had best do so.  They may spare your life out of consideration for me, but I assure you, I won’t hesitate to kill you if I must.”

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Sundries

Re: book chat with Cindy — I noticed she hasn’t posted her portion yet.  When she does, I’ll provide the link.

The writing is slow going.  Couple of hundred words here and there.  Why, yes, I am in another nagging scene.  How did you know?  (Because they always slow me down.  I might have to skip this one and get my momentum going again.)

We drove down to Joplin today to visit My Beloved Sis and take her some frozen meat our dad, Papa from Mexico, had brought her on Thanksgiving, which she forgot.  Papa was supposed to come babysit the monsters while we celebrated our wedding anniversary early by eating at my favorite restaurant, Mythos, but Papa has pneumonia!  Not so bad that he needed to be hospitalized, but we definitely didn’t want him driving down here and exhausting himself trying to keep Middle Monster from setting something on fire.

So we changed things around a little and decided to drive down later and see the light display in Carthage.  Aunt BB and Uncle J happened to call while we were on the way, and they decided to follow us.  We visited with Molly awhile and then we all met up at Grand Fortuna, a delicious Chinese buffet.  We also drove around town, showed the monsters our first apartment That Man and I had together, as well as the Missouri Southern campus where I graduated.

A trip to Joplin would not be complete without a stop by Books A Million (we don’t have one here).  Remind me never to take the monsters in there again.  Every book they wanted was ridiculously pricy.  As much as it pained me, I had to deny them a book there, and promised their choice at a more reasonably priced store.  I was able to find book 2 and 3 of Brent Weeks’ fantasy assassin series.  I made the mistake of beginning book 1 the other day and it’s really good.  (I’m not supposed to read anything until I finish Return.)

Once Return is done, stand back, I’ll fall on that entire series like a starving pack of wolves.

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Book Chat with Cindy Lynn Speer

This summer, I was priviledged to chat in depth with Cindy after reading The Chocolatier’s Wife released by Drollerie Press around the same time as Beautiful Death.  Events conspired against us so we’re just not getting this “chat” published on our blogs, but we had a great time discussing the story behind the books and general writing.  We plan on posting part of our “back and forth” chat every Friday until we finally stopped talking shop.  This is very informal, so there may be some overlap…or some juicy tidbit extras!

First off, let me say how much I enjoyed The Chocolatier’s Wife (TCW).  This sweet romance really tugs on the heart-strings.  I absolutely adored the little touches between Tasmin and William.  For most of their lives, their courtship happens through letters.  It’s sort of a fluke, really, that they were even “matched” by the magic that determines who should marry.

Little things speak so loudly, though.  It’s the care and consideration between the two of them that really makes this story so sweet, long before they ever meet face to face.  The small considerations between these characters really shows how they fall in love bit by bit.  Love comes softly for these characters, and it’s beautiful to watch.

We thought it would be interesting to delve deeper into our stories, because they are on opposite ends of the spectrum, really, for what our niche micropress Drollerie Press is really all about.  Beautiful Death is violent and quite sexy, where TCW is softer and subtler, but BOTH stories combine magic and romance into what we think is a rather rich and unique tapestry.  Both stories are transformative, because I assure you, William is never the same after Tasmin blows into his life, and Isabella can only learn what it truly means to be a “monster” after she becomes a monster herself.

So the first thing we started talking about was the “story behind the story.”  Here was Cindy’s response:

What started my book was a sort of goofy confluence.  It was nearing Christmas and my then department chair had given me a tower of chocolate…different boxes with all these lovely things inside.  And I had just watched a movie with an actor in it who I was wishing was in more roles…and as i was opening the box, I was wondering what I would like to see him in.  And I took a bite of this square of chocolate…it was, sincerely, one of the best pieces of chocolate I’d ever eaten…and the idea flooded into my head, even the title.

Sounds yummy, yes?  So head over to Cindy’s blog and read my response about Beautiful Death and its original inspiration.

Next week, we’ll continue with the next question, where I said:

Oooh, so you know I’ve got to ask:  who was the actor and what was the movie?

Then we got to talking about “casting” our characters.

And since it’s been quite a while since I posted anything about Beautiful Death, I’ll post an excerpt.  This piece provides some of the backstory about how Isabella became “Beautiful Death.”  Although she doesn’t know it at the time, this “alien” is Hades.  Not exactly your everyday run-of-the-mill “first meet” in a romance.  :roll:  :wink:

Without opening her eyes, she knew someone watched, very close, the stirring of air warning her that a hand stretched toward her.  She exploded into action, rolling to the side and scooping up the knife that she always kept nearby.  Huddled with her back to the wall, she felt her heart stutter with dread.

This monster was the real thing. 

The alien spun silvered rainbows through the alley, leaving her nowhere to hide.  He squatted down to her level, as though that would fool her into trusting him.  “Isabella.  I’ve come to help you.  Your father–”

A cold sweat coated her skin, but she couldn’t hold back the laughter.  Ragged, shrill with grief and rage, her voice grated like broken glass.  “Even if you weren’t a monster, I’d know you were lying.  My father’s the last person I ever want to see again.”

A sound jerked her attention behind him.  More aliens had her sister.

“I’m tired.”  Amelia lay in one of the alien’s arms like a helpless baby, and the look of resignation on her face made bile burn up Isabella’s throat.  “I’m dirty and cold and starving.  I just want to go home.  He said we’d be safe, Bella.  If not…”  she shrugged, “at least it’ll be over.”

Fight!  Why don’t you fight?  Don’t lie there and let them kill you!  “There is no home.  Mom’s dead, and Daddy’s never coming back.  Don’t you understand?  There is no safety!  If they don’t kill you, their virus will!”

Choking on tears of rage, her throat hurt, her eyes burning.  Otherwise, she’d have seen the alien coming at her.

The bastard was good, she’d give him that.  He seized her right arm, his thumb pressing on her tendon until her nerveless fingers dropped the knife, while he pinned her against his body with his other arm.  For all his size and power, he made one monumental error.  He treated her carefully, as though she were just a fifteen-year-old kid, half starved and scared shitless, as though she hadn’t seen people tearing each other apart for food or killed to keep herself alive.

She lunged up and buried her pitiful human teeth in his neck, tearing at that vulnerable pale skin.

The alien’s body jolted against hers, silver burning higher.  Glass shattered in the windows of the abandoned highrise.  Street lamps that had long ago quit working exploded like fireworks.  The ground trembled, glass and metal tinkling, debris falling all around them.

“Bella.”  The alien’s voice sounded shaken, hushed, not filled with fury or pain like she’d expected.  The fool released her hands and cupped her head tighter to his throat, curling his body around hers protectively.  “Your father sent me to you.  I mustn’t…”

Then you’re dead, she thought, fisting her hands in the ridiculously long, pretty hair about his shoulders.  She yanked his head back further and tore deeper at his throat, determined to rip her way to his spine, but he still didn’t release her.  His power burned higher, sinking into her, melting her bones, and swirling rainbows sucked her down into an endless pit of darkness.

Her heart pounded harder, her mind screaming with terror, but her body slipped into neutral while he siphoned off her energy.  Her strength, hatred, and rage that powered her ferocious will to live disappeared in an instant.

He’s feeding on me.  He’s eating me alive.

She’d seen the horrors, watched as the aliens drained their victims and left them mindless shells to die twitching and screaming when the virus struck.  She’d hated those weaklings and despised their stupidity, never understanding the horrific compelling need to give up the fight. 

There was nothing she could do to stop him; worse, the longer he fed, the less she wanted him to stop.

Rest, peace, safety, all lies he silently promised while he crushed her against him and drained her lifeforce.  Surrender, his body purred against hers.  Death won’t be so bad.  I’ll be gentle, sweet, good, I promise.

His blood coated her face, filled her mouth, and slid down her throat in a hot, liquid flood, but she was the one dying.  Little by little, Isabella flickered lower, a candle guttering in the silent, cold night.  Her defenses crumbled.  He was all around, inside her, soaking her up, drinking her most horrible dreams and memories, seducing her to death.

Lost, all she could think about was how incredibly good his blood tasted.

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NaNo Day 34

I’m almost ashamed to post my word count for the day.  That Man is on a business trip to Chicago, so needless to say, dealing with the monsters has been exciting to say the least.  I didn’t make it up dark & early this morning, which put me behind immediately.  Tonight all three girls had basketball practice, with barely enough time to eat and get to the gym.  Then I had to entertain the two youngest for the final hour while Princess Monster had her practice.  Sigh.  We didn’t even get home until 8:00 p.m. and then it was baths, phone calls to Daddy, etc.

I need a couple of valium, a bottle of wine, and some Calgon, because my head is ROARING.

I took the laptop with me but it was so loud and hectic that I got very little done.  Plus, I’m in a difficult scene.  One Blood was hurt rather badly and this horrible realization came over me thanks to Molly’s comment the other day about manly bits.  *dies*  I suddenly froze up and questioned what the heck I was actually *saying* with this particular injury.  I finally decided to play it out and see where it goes.  I can always cut this scene later.

Today:  884

NaNo Total:  77.355

Snippet:  This is actually from the end of yesterday’s scene.  Nothing I wrote tonight is appropriate or acceptable.

Slowly, she unsheathed the white knife.

The Black Dragon reared its head expectantly.  Knives implied blood.  Her blood?  Hunger unfurled within him like sweeping black wings.  He couldn’t help but lick his lips with anticipation.  He’d do anything, anything at all, to taste her blood again.

Two blades bit into his neck, one on either side, and each Blood dropped a hard, unyielding hand on his shoulder.

“You don’t trust me if she bleeds.”  Mykal smiled and didn’t try to hide the dragon rising in him.  “Good.  You shouldn’t.”