Category: The Blog

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Crazy Busy

I’ve been so busy this past week, and we’ve had a lot of drama and stress.  I also had galleys to get back on Yours to Take – which I’m ashamed to admit I ended up turning in late.  I’ve never been late before, but with everything going on, I just got behind.  So that was my main push last week.

That Man has a job and he starts tomorrow.  I started school shopping this weekend.  I got several business casual outfits for myself to prepare for my upcoming trip to MN.  I found some great vegetarian recipes (watch out family, I might be pulling them out on everyone, not just Princess!).  The fridge is well stocked for a week of healthy meals, including lots of smoked chicken That Man cooked today.

Now let me buckle down and finish the additions to Lady Blackmyre…  And the expansion to Bloodgate… then I’ll be in good shape for this month.  Nose to the grindstone!

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Weight Watcher Update

I had a HUGE weigh in today:  -4.6!  On paper that looks great.  In reality, I’m only down .4 from my last low.  I’m hugely thankful though — those two weeks of gains are off much quicker than I expected.

The key has been Power 90.  I made it 4 times the first week, 5 times last week, and I’m on track to make it 6 times this week (assuming I make it every weekday).  Power 90 saved my sanity on Friday.  I was stressed out to the max and I had a KILLER workout.  I think it was the hardest, most exhilerating workout to date.

I’m also trying a new protein mix (Syntha 6) that I’m finding very satisfying, recommended to me on Twitter by Isabelle.  I’m not 100% happy with the ingredients (it contains Splenda) but it tastes great and I don’t feel ravenous an hour after drinking it like with BioChem + Weight Watcher Smoothie (my concoction before).  It’s pointy – 6 if I make it with 1 c. of unsweetened almond milk – but it really does a nice job of making me feel like my gas tank is pleasantly replenished after a hard workout.

What I learned this time around is to keep trying things until I find what works for me.  That Man ordered a drink mix a few months ago.  I tried it one time and felt shaky afterward, like I was having a sugar crash.  BioChem didn’t make me feel bad, but it tasted so terrible that I had to mix it with WW smoothie mixes to gag it down.  Then I still needed to eat a small meal within an hour.

No gagging at all with Syntha.  Mixed with 1 c. fresh spinach and 1 c. frozen fruit, it makes an incredibly rich and tasty drink that sticks with me for 2-3 hours.

Princess has decided she wants to be a vegetarian, so we’ve been trying a few new dishes.  I’m happy to eat the same dishes with her, and then add a chicken breast, etc. if I need a little more protein.  If you have a favorite vegetarian recipe, we’d love to have it!  She’s going to get real tired of Boca burgers pretty fast.

She did Power 90 Sweat with me today and it was so much fun.  She kept saying there was something wrong with Tony for making us work so hard, and then swore there was no way he could be 42 (at the time Power 90 was taped).  He definitely worked us both out hard today!  I had to take some pauses and catch my breath.  I think I was working out harder with company.  Or maybe that was just from laughing as she tried to pick up all the moves with her hilarious commentary.  Anyway, I was pretty darned proud that I was able to hang with my 13 year old daughter and even out-do her at times (I ought to, I’ve been doing Power 90 a lot longer!).  A year ago, I would have keeled over dead at the thought of working out that hard!

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Sounds

I’ve always written to music.  From the very beginning, it was Everything I Do by Bryan Adams.  Lady Blackmyre loved NIN’s Closer.  I swear that when the *right* song comes up for the story, I can write faster and deeper.  The whole mood wraps around and inside my head with every musical word.

But I’ve never really used nature sounds or other “peaceful” tracks without words.  Someone mentioned beaches and rain on Twitter the other day, and I was like, oh wow, there’s an app for that?  Ha.  Of course there is.

I’ve been needing some significant stress busters.  While I sweat my backside off doing Power 90, I thought I might try something new too.  There’s nothing quite like the sound of a thunderstorm, for example.  I’m not so big on happily tweeting birds.  Too much river and trickling water sounds make me have to pee.  But the beach, yeah, that’s pretty nice.  The nighttime sounds at the lake and forest are pretty cool too.

Then there was this one shamanic one I picked up and whoa, it’s so cool.  It’s drums and crows, some eerie whispers in the background.  I can’t wait to find the book that works for that music.

And yeah, I’m more peaceful.  I listened to it so much today that my phone is almost dead.  (Unless the monsters get a hold of it, my phone will usually last all day/night without needing a charge.)

Do you use white noise, nature sounds, etc.?  Curious minds want to know!

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Happy (Late) 4th of July

I hope all my American friends have enjoyed their day of Independence.

I slept in — really needed it! — while That Man smoked a massive brisket and a huge family pack of chicken breasts.  I wasn’t sure how the chicken would come out (skinless, boneless), and it was a bit dry, but very tasty.  I marinated it in fresh orange juice, garlic, soy sauce, and sesame oil prior to smoking.

I wasn’t a big fan of the brisket.  Just too fatty and tough for me.  I like my brisket to fall apart, or to be so tender I can easily cut it with my fork.  Not so much today.

Our sides were all healthy.  I made spinach salad with a nonfat Greek yogurt/light Mayo dressing.  I skipped the hardboiled eggs and used just a fraction of the cheese I normally would — still tasted phenominal because it was extra sharp! — shredding it instead of dicing it so it’d go further.  I made mashed potatoes (their request) for the monsters, but grabbed some boiled potatoes for salad made with a similar light dressing.

I even got my Power 90 workout in today!   I’m in really good shape on points today.

I also worked on my website pages, getting ready for Tecun next month.  Ack, I just realized that I’ll be in MN at the home office the same week The Bloodgate Warrior releases, which will be craaazy.  I’m usually worthless on release days.  At least I’ll be stuck in training — where I’ll hopefully be forced into concentration!

You know what a trip to the home office means….

More shopping!  I have jeans and dresses (from RT in April), but absolutely no business casual other than a few skirts.  I really don’t want to wear panty hose unless I can’t help it.  I’m going to wait until the end of July, though, in hopes I might lose a bit more.

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Weight Watchers: When Points Don’t Matter

I knew this all along, but it really came home to me this past weekend.  Sometimes, you can eat within your points and smugly think you’re doing so well….and gain.

It’s not just the weird and frustrating way the scale can lie sometimes when my body retains fluid for whatever reason.  The FOOD I choose to eat does MATTER.  Points — or calories — are not created equal.  Those choices affect my weigh in.

I chose to go back to Weight Watchers because I was tired of having a near-panic attack because I ate something that wasn’t on the “allowed” list.  Struggling all the time.  Making two separate meals everytime I had to cook.  I’ve been on diets that involved no salt.  No carbs.  No meat.  No sugar.  No fat.  You name it.  I didn’t want to be that exclusive.  I wanted to eat with my family on a normal basis and not have to worry that I’d just blown it.

In that regard, Weight Watchers is perfect.  Most of the time, we all eat the same thing.  I just choose parts of the main meal to replace with something slightly healthier.  More and more, the family is also joining me.  Tonight, Middle ate sauteed cabbage and loved it.  That’s 4 out of 5!  Just one more monster to convert…

But I blew it this weekend.  The stress of That Man’s job situation got to me, combined with travel to the in laws and frustration because I didn’t have time to get my workout in before heading out.  I ate my healthy brunch at home while the family ate fast food in the car on the way over.  I made the mistake of not taking some healthy snacks to tie me over… and dinner couldn’t come quickly enough.  I was starving.

And out came the chips and dip.  Sigh.  My old nemesis.

I resisted for at least an hour, but I just got hungrier and hungrier.  One taste of that evil salty goodness and the old addiction kicked in.  I wanted more salt.  More fat.  It was soooo good.  I made myself leave the area and managed to avoid it the rest of the night, but the damage was done.

I indulged in chips again on Sunday while watching movies with the family.  Then we ordered in pizza.  Sigh.

I counted EVERYTHING.  I had to guessimate on a few things, but I did the best I could.  I had the activity points to cover everything, limited myself to only two pieces of pizza, and thought I was okay.  I didn’t even touch my weeklies.  People eat all their APs and weeklies all the time, right?

Yeah, but not with a SALT fest.

(Top that off with a trip to see Brave last night.  That Man couldn’t pass on the popcorn.  I had to listen to that endless munching and resist.  I did it, but man, it was hell after all that salty evil deliciousness I’d allowed back onto my tastebuds.)

So this was week #2 that I saw a 2 lb gain.  That’s right, I’m up 4 pounds in two weeks.  Do you know how long it’ll take me to lose 4 pounds again?  Probably 4-6 weeks.  I’m so mad at myself I could cry.  I know it’s just fluid retention.  I know it’s not really 4 pounds of fat.  But it’ll still take me weeks to get it off again.

On the bright side, I am still managing to do Power 90.  I only made 4 days in a row (instead of 6 as the program specifies) but as sore as I was, I needed the weekend to recover.  I’ve made it 2 days this week.  Even if I can only manage 5 days a week and skip the weekends, that’ll still be a really good goal until life settles down.

I know what the stressor was.  Looking back, I can see the signs.  I don’t know what I could have done to prevent it, but I know working out would have helped.  Next time, if we have to be late for an event, then we’ll just have to be late.  If nothing else, I have to get my workout in!

There are still chips in the house, but hopefully I’ve got the lid clamped back down and my willpower is fully in place.  It’s so funny–the family can indulge in ice cream all the time and it doesn’t tempt me.  Birthday cake.  Even donuts.  Very little temptation.  But oh man the chips.  It doesn’t matter what kind.  Plain.  Cheetos.  Fritos.  I can sometimes handle them in small measured amounts, but when the stress is too high, I can’t.  I can’t even see the open bag on the counter (a huge no no but the monsters continue to forget), I have to really physically rein myself in and get that evil bag shut and put in the cupboard.

Out of sight.  Out of mind.  The points may fit in my plan, but the salt is crack for me.  I just can’t risk it.

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Brave

We finally went to see Brave with two of the monsters last night.  (Princess is at Grandma’s house, and booooy did we hear about her displeasure that we went to see a movie without her!  Especially Brave.)

We all enjoyed it, but it seemed to be lacking that little something to take it from good to fabulous.  For me, it was all about Merida.

On one hand, I loved her.  I loved her hair.  I could understand her frustration with her mother and all the plans for her betrothal.  I mean, the three idiots fighting for her hand were truly laughable.  Even her father thought so.  If they were such a loving family, how could I honestly believe that they’d just hand her over one of these worthless suitors?  Seriously?

The only remotely interesting male character was Mor’Du, the cursed prince/bear.  Why couldn’t she have found a way to save him?  Love could have redeemed him.  Sure he ate her father’s leg and he’d killed countless warriors…

But THAT is my kind of story!

It was cute and funny and tearful.  I laughed when the men all used their kilts to climb down from the tower.  I cried at the end when Merida thought she’d lost her mother.  But it could have been so much more.  Merida didn’t make a big enough change for me.  She wasn’t instrumental in changing her fate, not really.  Her archery skills weren’t the answer to saving anyone in the end.  In fact, it was her mother that stopped Mor’Du.

The movie itself was beautifully done.  But I wanted more.

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Three Days Down

I’ve made it three days in a row for Power 90.  Man I’m soooooore.  I even took it easy on the weight lifting day (yesterday) and skipped round 4 with all the max sets.  And I can hardly make it up and down the stairs tonight.  My left quad and achilles and my right butt cheek are killing me.  I guess I’m uneven.

I’m still having a hard time sticking to my daily points, but I’m only going over 3-6 or so, and I have the activity points to cover it now.  I’m still up 2 pounds, but I know it’ll come off in a few days when the soreness is better.

Plus we had really good news on the homefront today.  That Man has a shiny new CDL license!  Now he’s going through his options, but he should have a job in the next week or two.  That will take some of my stress off and I can hopefully settle into some kind of routine for the rest of the summer.

Sig still isn’t cooperating yet, but I’ve been so tired and stressed with That Man’s test (this morning) that I haven’t really been in the right frame of mind to write at night (and too tired to get up early).  I also have a few scenes I want to add to Lady Blackmyre so I can kick her to the curb and get her submitted.

July should be a busy month!

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Taking Care of ME

I came to an important realization this week.

I wrote earlier that I was going to forgive myself for not making the second round of Power 90 happen with our summer schedule.  I was all proud of myself that I wasn’t beating myself up about that “failure” and just moving on.  Which is good and progress -in a way.

I also said I was going to do an old Billy Blanks Tae Bo workout with Princess.  I finally did, yesterday.  I know a lot of people love Billy Blanks, and I do personally connect with him while he’s instructing.  But he confuses the HELL out of me.  He doesn’t mirror, and I’m so mixed up between doing what he’s doing (which is backwards) and listening to what he says (argh, right not left) and getting my weight shifted to the other leg, etc. etc. that I’m totally lost and confused.  Princess was worse off because at least I had Power 90’s modest tae bo to build on.  We were only trying the foundation – beginning – too, so it wasn’t like a workout or anything.  I didn’t even break a sweat.

Now pause there.  I didn’t break a sweat.  I said that like a bad thing, didn’t I?

I kept thinking and thinking and today when it got close to my lunch, I said to myself, “Self, you really need to try and do Power 90 again.  You feel better.  Remember?”

I do remember.  I love how I feel when I’m working out consistently.  I loooove muscles in my arms.  I love seeing the shape of my abs in my tummy instead of just flubber.  I’ve still got sooo much to lose, and while I haven’t been exercising, it’s the same old story.  Up 2 pounds, down 2.4, up 3, down 1.6, etc.  Today I was up 2.  Not bad after a lazy weekend that led to pizza.  The real deal – pepperoni, my favorite.

I got to thinking about other things too.  How when I workout, I take better care of myself.  It’s the small things.  Like taking a shower.  This might be TMI, but I don’t always take a shower every single day.  Why bother?  I work from home for the Evil Day Job.  No one’s going to know if I washed my hair today or if I threw it in a pony tail.  No one’s going to care if I’m in sweats or jeans or a suit for that matter.

But I know.  I know how I feel when my hair is grungy and I’m wearing my “fat” pants.  I sure don’t feel good about myself.

Not getting in a daily shower is the first sign I’m not taking care of myself.  I don’t wear my cute (tight) clothes as much.  Maybe I don’t wear my favorite Clarks, settling for tennis shoes instead.  Not even my workout tennis shoes…  I don’t lotion up my feet that tend to get dry and rough.  Maybe one day I’m just so tired and stressed out that I don’t feel like cooking.  The kids want pizza anyway…

And that lack of care continues to spread like a cancer in my life, making me feel more depressed and tired.  The more depressed I am, the less care I take.  The less care I take, the less likely it is that I’ll eat healthy and exercise, continuing the vicious circle.  When someone needs to lose well over 100 pounds to get to a healthy weight, then it should be pretty obvious that I haven’t taken very good care of myself for years.

The countless arguments I might throw at myself don’t matter in the end.  It doesn’t matter if we’re busy, if I have to do xyz for the EDJ before this date, or if Lady Blackmyre is beating me up, or Sig won’t cooperate, or I got a bad review, or I have a release out, or…  The list will always be a mile long about why I don’t have time to exercise.

Do I really not have time to take care of myself?

No one else is going to do it for me.  I have too many other people depending on me to take care of them.  I can’t push my own care to the wayside, because someday, it will catch up to me.

I feel better when I exercise.  I eat better.  I sleep better.  I’m more productive in general.  I can solve half the (story)world’s problems in the shower, so why wouldn’t I make sure I get a shower each day?  It seems pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?

So I am going to try Power 90 again.  Starting today.  And if I miss a day here and there, that’s okay.  I have to keep trying.  I have to keep finding little ways to take care of myself.  Getting in my exercise is the first step.

And who knows, maybe I’ll finally figure out Sig’s problems in the shower.

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Secret Project is Live

A few weeks ago I might have mentioned something about a big secret project that wasn’t a *specific* writing project.  Well it’s live!  I’ll be adding more as the details come in but I hope you’ll stop by and say hello!